Russian wife vs friends.

[Krolik]

A Russian (pen)friend of mine who lives in the same town is having marital problems with her American husband.
The main thing is that this guy(40) who had never been married before married her and told her that his main desire is to finally have a family and children. But after the wedding he started making her do stuff which she didn't wish to do and the main thing is that he INSISTS on her meeting his friends, the point is that he is not putting the question like this:
Would you like us to meet Dave...?
but  with family values and
I want you to meet Dave!

She tried to meet his friends just to make him feel comfortable but from what I know his friends are not people of very good manners and they drink a lot and smoke a lot and make "toilet" and vulgar jokes about her and her English and from her point of view acting in a disrespectful way and her husband is just sitting and laughing with them.
To make the story short she explained to him that she doesn't understand why he wants her to meet them, because her intention was to create a family, not to drink with his friends discussing womens boobs, but he says that his friends are of very big importance to him and that they are a part of him and that if she doesn't understand it it's better for them to get divorced and for her to go home-to Russia.

she is a nice quiet girl with family values, so the thing that made me write here is that this story shocked me and I am really upset about her situation with her husband sending her home because of her being hurt by his friends' behavior and this is one of the most ridiculous reasons of a divorce I have ever heard and I wanted to ask how important it is for you that your wife would meet your friends on a regular basis and how important your friends to you in comparison with your wife and a family?
Thanx

[Boethius]

Does she want to go home to Russia? 

[SMS60]

This should keep the forum hopping for the weekend

[Doll]

Tell her to get birth control pills, seriously.

[Dave13]

My wife, Anna is first in my life! It's something I would never consider, laughing at jokes about my wife, if these so-called friends acted in this manner, they would be missing a few teeth!

Dave

[Maxx2]

She married a moron.

[Mike78]

Wow, what a dick! Tell her to divorce him. If she seriously doesn't want to go back to Russia then divorce him after she gets her 10 yr GC...
Is their relationship OK other than the problem with his friends? What kind of background does this man have, white trash / redneck?

[GQBlues]

A Russian (pen)friend of mine who lives in the same town is having marital problems with her American husband.

LOL.

1. It's none of your business.
2.  I bet Duke losing in the second round that you have the hots for this woman.
3. If you're daring, confront the hubby, introduce yourself to him as his wife's penpal, then tell him exactly how you feel about him and his silly friends. Cute Russian women loves a Quixote - really.
4. The story you're sharing is likely made-up partly by what you were told but mostly by your imagination.
5. Why the heck are you be-friending someone's wife online and impose into their personal life then lay it out on a public forum?
6. Will having your own girlfriend help occupy your time to something more constructive?

[Mike78]

LOL.

1. It's none of your business.
2.  I bet Duke losing in the second round that you have the hots for this woman.
3. If you're daring, confront the hubby, introduce yourself to him as his wife's penpal, then tell him exactly how you feel about him and his silly friends. Cute Russian women loves a Quixote - really.
4. The story you're sharing is likely made-up partly by what you were told but mostly by your imagination.
5. Why the heck are you be-friending someone's wife online and impose into their personal life then lay it out on a public forum?
6. Will having your own girlfriend help occupy your time to something more constructive?

LOL. Krolik is a female (per her profile), so this fact makes all your points invalid. I assume she is a fellow RW or something like that, probably knows the lady in qustion from some RW forum...

[GQBlues]

Ahhh, then my bad, Mike.

In that case, Nos. 1, 3, 4 and 5 still apply.   That, and Duke still drops the second round.

[Chicagoguy]

Seems like a situation comedy on TV. But if this is the true story than the man is a scum bucket. Yes, we have people like this in America !!!   Time to go home.

[Boethius]

How is Krolik asking "Is this normal for an American man?" sticking her nose in her friend's business?  She is asking the same type of cultural question many men here ask about "Do FSU women . . . "

Krolik, I don't think there is one answer.  It depends on the man.  However, this story demonstrates this man has no respect for his wife, or women.   She should consider whether she has a better future in America.  If she stays, she likely will find a better  man, one who is family minded, if that is what she desires.  

[Ludmila]

Krolik,


You wrote :  "after marriage.... he started making her do stuff which she didn't wish to do......"

What namely?

[wiz]

A Russian (pen)friend of mine who lives in the same town is having marital problems with her American husband.

Has anybody taken a look at her profile........ date of registration etc?

Have the Mods checked her IP address and if she is real and a genuine poster? 

Have you noticed her perfect English style?

:ohbrother:

[Boethius]

There are other RW here who use perfect, or near perfect, English.  My husband's English is perfect. 

English is not the most difficult language to learn.

[innakrug]

Very familiar situation. AM want to show his young and beautiful wife to all his friends (he is so proud) an RW want to spend rime ONLY with him. (His behaviour outrageous . Poor girl )

[wiz]

There are other RW here who use perfect, or near perfect, English.  My husband's English is perfect. 

English is not the most difficult language to learn.

Have you checked the IP address?

[Gylden]

Actually Boethius, she is not asking "is this normal for an American man?". Her question is "I wanted to ask how important it is for you that your wife would meet your friends on a regular basis and how important your friends to you in comparison with your wife and a family?"

Krolik,
Of course I would like my wife to at least meet my friends. Any reasonable man IMO would, however I would respect her view/op pinions about my friends and if she disliked someone or something, would of course listen to her and respect her wishes. Both friends and wife are important people in my life, I would not like to sacrifice either, IMO reasonable people can find ways to deal with this situation, but it takes two.
It sounds like this is a case of her not having the time to get to know her husband good enough before they were married. It is a shame and now some very difficult situation presents itself.

[kievstar]

I know a woman who has a husband like this.  Actually one of my wife's friends. Thankfully lives more than 1,000 miles from us.

In this case her husband tells her that if she drives alone she will probably be killed by the police or people who hate immigrants.  She is told to dress sexy and wear makeup in the house but to not dress sexy and wear no makeup outside the house or when people come over.  She is only allowed to meet with his two Friends with him present.  She spends most of her day crying and talking on the phone.  The worst part everybody told her prior to coming to the USA that this guy was a loser.  But she likes staying with him.  Guy is old, out of shape, little money, and not handsome.  Add abusive and controlling.  Some women are just idiots. 

[Aloe]

My husband doesnt have any friends, cuz he likes staying at home and hates going out. Friends mean that you actually have to go out and do something, or stay in and drink, and he doesnt drink, so im my husbands only friend I must admit, i kinda like it. My ex used to have friends come over to drink and smoke pot all the time, it was awful. Eventually they all got drunk and hired a hooker for their common use    Good thing he was super honest, and told me about it right away. I honestly dont understand people who use hookers, imo its like sinking ur genitals into a clogged public toilet, same effect

[JohnDearGreen]

... his friends are not people of very good manners and they drink a lot and smoke a lot and make "toilet" and vulgar jokes about her and her English

Are there no men in Russia who drink a lot and make bad jokes about other women?  How would a lady deal with such a man in Russia?  Why not deal with these men in the same way as she would there?

It sounds like these men are possibly not the most intelligent men on the block. Even so, if they really didn't like her, they would probably greet her with cold, silent stares.  Possibly they are just trying to tease her and she is interpreting it as being too cruel.  Ask her husband exactly what role he is expecting her to play in the men's beer and poker room.

I think a bigger problem for her will be getting along with those mens wives and other ladies who might be older, heavier, and less attractive than her.  She should ask her husband to have the men bring their wives along to visit next time.  See if that causes more or less problems.   

[SMS60]

I think there is more too this tall tale than it appears.

First off, any relationship in which one of the parties tries to control the friends of the other is toxic. My guess is Krolick doesn't want to be in their company nor does she want her husband to have them in his life. I would say she throws her snoot in the air if he suggests to hang with them without her?

Divide and conquer.

[GQBlues]

How is Krolik asking "Is this normal for an American man?" sticking her nose in her friend's business?  She is asking the same type of cultural question many men here ask about "Do FSU women . . . "

1. It's someone else's husband, and someone else's wife, someone else's marriage, someone else's life - thus, 'someone else's business - definitely NOT hers. No?

2. Her opening salvo is bent on extremes..SHE: nice, quiet, family-oriented, tree hugging, animal loving, church going, bird-feeding, Santa Claus-wishing, etc....HE: partying animal, eats children, drunkard, loves boobs, salivating/rabid sex maniac, wife disrespecting, religion-hating, Obama-voting, etc... (OK, a bit extreme, no, but you get the point). The story allegedly goes that they don't seem to be harmoniously melting right now and because of it - 'HE' wants to send her back to Russia.
 
3. These relationships are tough enough as it is without having a lurking '3rd' person noodling into someone else's personal affair armed only with ONE SIDE of the story. AT BEST.

Great material for James Cameron's next 3-D action flick, wouldn't you agree?

So when all is said and done, 'she' asked, is this cultural? Dunno. Is it cultural that we have all heard the legendary tales of Russian men's fascination with Vodka, wife-beating, child abandoning, skirt-chasing behaviors, etc...Is it cultural? Silly question, isn't it?

a) Yes, it is cultural - b) No, it is not cultural:

Now what is she going to do with that information? Seriously.

Sure, men come here asking Q's. Themselves. Not someone they correspond/befriended with online and likely one who obviously would not have any way of knowing actual facts asking the question for them.

[Gylden]

GQBlues,
Were you part of the "Jacobs Ladder" project?

Honestly, where is the benefit of the doubt that we are supposed to give?

Furthermore, reread the OP no where does she ask if it is a cultural thing or ask if it is normal for an AM.

Albeit it is a case of a third party, but it isn't the first time it has happened here and it is easy to mob someone about it, if that is the course we choose.
 

OK I will step down from the soap box now, sorry!

[GQBlues]

GQBlues,
Were you part of the "Jacobs Ladder" project?

No. Why? Are you?

Honestly, where is the benefit of the doubt that we are supposed to give?

To whom exactly should we give that to? The story or the invisible meddling friend?

Furthermore, reread the OP no where does she ask if it is a cultural thing or ask if it is normal for an AM.

ref: Boethius.

Albeit it is a case of a third party, but it isn't the first time it has happened here and it is easy to mob someone about it, if that is the course we choose.

True. But it still doesn't make it 'her' business.

OK I will step down from the soap box now, sorry!

I bet the view was wonderful from up there?