Should the Topic Entitled "Adultery & Divorce - Do Russian...." - Become a 'Best of RW

[Admin]

Please take a look at the topic here - http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/forum11/886.html

And vote Yes or No whether this topic should become a 'Best of RWD' Important topic.

Poll will run for 7 days.

[Bruno]

Not yet voted ... only give some more time for see the evolution of the topic... until now, it is a starting story... need to see what will happen in the next few month...

[Maxx]

This is not a popular subject with Russian women.

This is not a popular subject with American men who have Russian wives. It is viewed by them as casting a bad light on their wives. I am sure most of their wives will agree with this.

I have talked with many men who held out the false hope that their government will come to their aid. Investigate and give a fair trial. This is almost a universal belief with them. But it never happens. Finally last night I got a call from a man who read C5driver's thread. He got it. He won't be wasting his time or money chasing after justice that he won't get. C5driver and Dan can be thanked for that.

I left RWG did you know that? It was my New Years resolution to leave them as well as this one (or any others). I got off this board not for reasons that this board is negative in any way. I commend Dan and posters here for their serious and intelligent responses to this topic. There is more meat in C5's thread and the GCG thread above than my mournful tale over at RWG. I got off the boards primarily because I was tired of living in the problem. The other reason was I did not want to associate with people who only think of themselves. There is no higher ideal that they strive for. There are a number of good men and good RW in this like M&M and Elena Garrett, but sadly they are out numbered by the selfish and dishonorable.

Maxx

 

 

[KenC]

 I got off the boards primarily because I was tired of living in the problem. 

Maxx,

That is primarily your own fault.  If you limited your posts to the positive approach to finding a good woman in Russia, then few people will drag you back into your past history.  I know you relish being called upon for your great advice regarding divorce and DV charges with a RW, but that crap does you no good.  At least it does not help you in your current pursuit.  I will tell you the same thing I said a long long time ago: Dwelling on your divorce is not doing you any good.  Stop it and move forward with a positive mind set.  best of luck to you.

KenC

[Bruno]

Please take a look at the topic here - http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/forum11/886.html

And vote Yes or No whether this topic should become a 'Best of RWD' Important topic.

Why have you close the topic ? It can be interesting to see the evolution of situation in the next few month... now, the book is closed before have the chance to read the end of the story !!!

[Maxx]

 I got off the boards primarily because I was tired of living in the problem. 

Maxx,

That is primarily your own fault.  If you limited your posts to the positive approach to finding a good woman in Russia, then few people will drag you back into your past history.  KenC
[/quote]
If I was to name one person who had the greatest impact on my NOT posting advice on how to find the right person it would be KenC.

When I tried to post positive advice on RWG Ken would tell me what right do I have to post such advice as I have failed. He would remind me that he had a beautiful young wife that he was "spending the weekend with at Palm Springs" or "Vegas" (exact locations?) "Paka!" and so on. This happened enough times that a moderator (Bucky or JayPatches ?) actually told Ken to stop harrassing me that I had a right to post. But I seen Ken's point and decided he was right and decided my experience was only for the Dark side of this venture.

   Maxx

 

 

[KenC]

Maxx,

You can post on the subject of pursuing a RW without "giving advice."  That is not my point.  You have become the ultimate expert on the nasty side of RW/AM marriages.  Even though it is an important subject, you seem to have allowed it to consume too much of your time and mental energy.  Just because you are an expert on the subject of divorce from a RW, doesn't mean it does you any good.  It would be better for "Maxx" to focus on the positives and not the negatives.  Maybe even asking for advice would be a good thing.

KenC

[Admin]

Why have you close the topic ? It can be interesting to see the evolution of situation in the next few month... now, the book is closed before have the chance to read the end of the story !!!

Bruno,

I thought about it quite a bit. I hope I did the right thing. Candidly, I worry for c5. I truly believe he needs to get some professional support, rather then spend his time on this board. I closed the topic because I want him to seek that support from another resource. We simply are not equipped to help him from RWD.

In this instance, the 'need' of one member (c5) overwhelmed the interests of the board. What c5 is facing is a real-life issue - and one that can cause incredible damage. Right or wrong, I made the decision that he needs support which he cannot find here - and even after he had more information, he chose to spend his time here.

I would love to hear back from him in the coming months - and I will gladly re-open the topic for an update in the future - but not now.

I hope you, and the rest of the board, and most of all - c5, understands.

- Dan

[KenC]

Excellant decision, Dan.

KenC

[Admin]

If I was to name one person who had the greatest impact on my NOT posting advice on how to find the right person it would be KenC.

When I tried to post positive advice on RWG Ken would tell me what right do I have to post such advice as I have failed.ÂHe would remind me that he had a beautiful young wife that he was "spending the weekendÂwith at Palm Springs" or "Vegas" (exact locations?) "Paka!" and so on. This happened enough times that a moderator (Bucky or JayPatches ?) actually told Ken to stop harrassing me that I had a right to post. But I seen Ken's point and decided he was right and decided my experienceÂwas only for the Dark side of this venture.

ÂÂÂMaxx

Maxx,

When I saw your announcement about leaving the boards, I came very close to sending a PM/email asking you to reconsider. Then, I myself, reconsidered. Not because I do not want you to post - quite the opposite really. I reconsidered and asked myself what MY motivation was to encourage you to remain - and I realized I would be doing that from my own perspective of WANTING your VALUABLE experiences to be a part of the board - and I absolutely DO want them. However, I do NOT want them at the expense of you finding happiness.

I have known people who have experienced devastating life events - and for a time, they were unable to move past them. Their entire world revolved around those events - and like you, they became 'experts' in that topic. Because of their expertise, others began to utilize their knowledge, and they became consumed by it all - and it was a net negative for that individual over time.

You have been through a horrible experience and have gained valuable insights because of it.

You also have earned the right to NOT live those experiences - through others - every day for the rest of your life.

To the extent you have recovered to the point you are able to reach out and help others, we at RWD would benefit immensely by your participation here.

To the extent you NEED recovery so that you reach the point of feeling 'normal' again and being optimistic about the future, if there is anything I can do to help, please ask.

One thing I might recommend as VERY good reading material, is a book by Martin Seligman called 'Learned Optimism.' If you are interested, I may be able to find an audio tape from a speech he gave some years back that is just captivating - and he expands on those precepts in the book. It is more than a good read - it can honestly change your life.

KenC is a natural-born optimist - and I admire him for that. He practices much of what Seligman promotes - and I doubt he even thinks about it consciously - it just *is* who he is. Knowing Ken, I also know he NEVER intends malice towards anyone on the boards - though he does also practice from the Albert Ellis school of Gestalt and REBT (the in-your-face style of recovery).

Bottom line is - do what is important for YOU at the moment. DO not be persuaded by members of the board(s). If there is anything I can help with, please drop me a PM or email.

Best of luck to you,

- Dan

[catzenmouse]

Excellant decision, Dan.

KenC

I fully concur.

Ken (not C)

[Leslie]

Maxx 

I posted this on another DV thread here 9 months ago -

It has been a long time since your divorce from Elvira.  I know what happened to you was horrible but don't you think it is time to move on with your life??  Your continued involvement in the false DV charges scene is looking unhealthy now.  I don't think you should repost your story here after all this time.  After all it has been widely published on the internet.  I would like to see you post a trip report though.  Tell us about the new FSU women you are dating….

I think you are making the right decision. 

I want to wish you the very best of luck in finding a good woman.  Maybe after you have found her, you can share some more postive experiences with us?

 



 

[Son of Clyde]

Maxx is a good friend of mine and please understand that because he has stopped posting it does not indicate he has given up and is not pursuing a nice woman.

These boards are not everything in life even if we seem to think so at times.

It is sometimes a curiosity for people to post and return later to see the reactions. Maxx gave valuable insight for guys who might be in difficult situations. I know he is moving past Elvira. After being burned it is not natural to touch the flame right away. It is good to wait and be careful next time.

[Bruno]

I hope you, and the rest of the board, and most of all - c5, understands.

I understand but i not fully agree... the simple fact of explain problem help to resolve them partially... some people are to shy for speak directly to psy or friend... the anonima of internet help in some case... some people are not here for seek advice but only for explain a bad story... only the fact to explain it help them...

Of course, it is only my meaning... but i have know similar situation two year ago... and my best help was my actual girlfriend, know via a forum...

 

[BC]

Bruno,

Many here (and I believe you too) tend to think that face to face time is what counts.

You can tell me all day long online what is wrong with my tulips but I bet having you here would be much better or?

Dan is right.. better safe than sorry especially when dealing with someone's health.

[Bruno]

Bruno,

Many here (and I believe you too) tend to think that face to face time is what counts.

You can tell me all day long online what is wrong with my tulips but I bet having you here would be much better or?

Dan is right.. better safe than sorry especially when dealing with someone's health.

Of course, i agree with you... the advice of professional is a plus... but seriously, i have some doubt over American psy...

You life in Italia from enough time... a good italian men resolve a lot of his problem himself... but it seem that for several American, consult a psy is the normal way... i was surprised that in America, you can find psy for beast ( cat and dog )... that american use a lot of prozac of other chimical for help to be happy...

What is the help of psy if you are not able to resolve your own problem yourself... Of course, i can better help you with tulips when i see them... but the real challenge is learn you to take care of your tulip yourself... too much people count on the help of other to resolve problem... a proverb say : " help yourself and God will help you "...

Psy are only some catalysator who help the reaction... but if yourself, you are not ready, a psy can make nothing... an from what i read, C5 is not ready to turn the page... he live in his past... he is always in love... he feel guilty from what happen... at these stage, a psy cannot help him... later, the help wil be welcome for repair the damage... but now, it is him who need to make the first move...

 

[KenC]

Bruno,

You are not qualified to offer a valid opinion on American psychology never mind, C5's dilemma.  I think it is classless of you to even venture guesses on an open forum as to what his problems may be.  That is the real reason why Dan closed the thread.

KenC

[BC]

What is the help of psy if you are not able to resolve your own problem yourself... Of course, i can better help you with tulips when i see them... but the real challenge is learn you to take care of your tulip yourself... too much people count on the help of other to resolve problem... a proverb say : " help yourself and God will help you "...

Psy are only some catalysator who help the reaction... but if yourself, you are not ready, a psy can make nothing... an from what i read, C5 is not ready to turn the page... he live in his past... he is always in love... he feel guilty from what happen... at these stage, a psy cannot help him... later, the help wil be welcome for repair the damage... but now, it is him who need to make the first move...
 

Bruno,

You have hit the nail on the head but haven't realized it..  a psycologist is there to do excactly what you say.. "help yourself".  I have in the past learned a lot about myself from good professional help..  C5 and I are not nutcases.. but we can learn how to best deal with crisis situations when they do arise. 

I know Europeans attach some kind of stigma when it comes to mental health issues.. but most here (in EU) haven't realized yet that it's more about being normal than about being 'nuts'.

The "catalysator who help the reaction" you mention is the same as the fertilizer you feed your plants, a method of growing bigger and better... nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

 

[Bruno]

Bruno,

You are not qualified to offer a valid opinion on American psychology never mind, C5's dilemma.  I think it is classless of you to even venture guesses on an open forum as to what his problems may be.  That is the real reason why Dan closed the thread.

KenC

I cannot give juridic advice since the american one don't match the european one...

But on the other side, C5 and myself are human... humanity don't know border... what i have feel two year ago is not very different from what C5 know now...

Do you think that American have not the same feeling that european ? tradition and culture can be different but about feeling, we all share the same...

Of course, i am the "black sheep" here... i am the foreigner, these who don't share the same politic view... but i am a human like any other... do you thing that a american brain is not similar to a european one ?

[KenC]

not yours.

KenC

[Bruno]

not yours.

KenC

Ok, i agree... in some very few case, i feel that my brain is not similar to these of American... I feel it superior ( not the right term... maybe "more open to other thinking" is more right... of course, this superiority appear only a very few time, when i meet closed mind like you...

And it is not because i don't share your view that i am wrong... million of people in these world don't share your view... what make you think that my brain is not the same that you...

yes, we have some difference... you are more old that me and you have more damaged brain cell but i don't think that you are more crazy that me :P:P

[Maxx]

I like all you guys one and all. KenC? during my darkest time (July 03 to June 04) he called me and did his best to lift me up with encouragement. It is why I suggested to SOC in the NHB section a month ago to forget about his hurt feelings and look to guys like Ken and jb for good marital advice. These guys really do wish us well.   

I am in a strange situation. I get calls almost everyday from guys in RW marriage trouble. I got 2 guys contact today and 2 others this last week. It is not uncommon for me to spend 2 - 4 hours a day with this. The worst part is that in order to give good advice I have recall from my memory my "combat experience"   I once had. It's "Watch out for this" "Look out for that" "Make sure you don't say that" and so on. As example here is a letter I got today (edited). 

Hi Maxx,
               Just to keep you up to date on the hearing, I have only 2 days left before it happens and I can't say for certain what is going to happen. I do know that immigration will be there, my PI, my mother, John and my lawyer. I can only hope that the Judge will see through Marina's lies and there is no proper reason to barr me from my home. It's really putting pressure on my parents now as well. My Mother's blood pressure has rocketed and she doesn't know how I can keep all of this inside knowing that Marina has made a fool and a liar out of me. I've kept my cool because there is no point in losing it. It would be of no benefit and more than likely play into Marina's hands. The court can decide what to do on Thursday, if I get barred from the house then I will have to find a home for Ripley too. My parents love her but they don't want a dog, Ripley is far to lively for them . I'll let you know how things go on Thursday as soon as I can. I know that I am going to be very disapointed if she gets it.
 
James   

 
It's a non stop drama going on and I am wore out.
 
The other guy today was a PM. He thanked on past advice and then asked for more. I had to look up some old PM's to remember who he was. I get so many guys contacting me I have a hard time remembering who is who anymore.
 
Leslie is spot on about all this being unhealthy. I have been so focused on spoting liars and scammers that it affects my non-cyber real relationships. It is difficult to enjoy the company of a woman if I spend all my time looking for signs of deceit in her. Then at the same time giving her my best impression of Mr. Rogers or Barney the Purple Dinosaur so I don't appear to be abusive. 
 
I got to change.
 
Maxx
 
P.S.  Dan made a good call with C5.
 
P.S.S.  C5, you really need to find someone qualified to help you get over your wife. Getting over past loves is a common problem. There must be methods and councilors specific for this especially in California.

[Bruno]

Leslie is spot on about all this being unhealthy. I have been so focused on spoting liars and scammers that it affects my non-cyber real relationships.

Leslie is right ( yep, i can agree with him )... for myself, it was a difficult periode... i cannot imagine how difficult it is for you since you have become a cyber super-star of the GCG...

Time is needed for repair wound... time is needed to forget... and a lot of time is needed for have again some trust in foreign women... until you are not able to trust again, it is not recommended to build a new relation ( foreign or local )... trust is one of the base of relationship...

Your help is welcome for other in the same situation but i am not sure that it is healthy for yourself to remember this...

But don't need quit the forum for your actual reason... only need to choose a other way... what way will be right for you ? I don't know !!! It will be your choice...

In the case your spot here... never forget that for each foot past one shoes... try to find the right shoes and be happy...

 

[Maxx]

Thanks Bruno. I need to quit so I will be forgotten. But I feel guilt when I think my best advice is not presented very clearly and hidden under piles of posts. I need to make a really HUGE post that covers all aspects of this. I am dreading that.

Maxx   

[Bruno]

But I feel guilt when I think my best advice is not presented very clearly and hidden under piles of posts.

Maxx, you have make what you can for help other to not know the same situation or follow the right way in case they was trap in it...

Don't feel yourself guilty, if people are not able to dig a little in old post for find some advice, why help them... live is not a tender thing... so, close the book... give you some rest... and start a new story ( a good one this time  )