Marriage is about convenience?

[Ade]

SJ, figure out who you're giving advice to and the fact that person is in a relationship. Is what you said above going to be your excuse if Aloe came back here crying that your advice didn't work?

Dude, I get that you didn't like my advice or even understand it apparently. That's okay. I don't understand your incessant need to tell the world that you're bonking an apparently endlesss stream of "quality", "intelligent", "strong" and "independent" FSUW of all ages that are so overcome by your "manliness" and DIY skills that they are willing to give up their free will to you.

As far as I understand it Billy you're not in a relationship now, right? You just have a bunch of women "friends" that you sleep with that apparently don't mind if you sleep around with others, right? Not my idea of "quality" and "strong" but I guess our definitions probably differ on lots of things. You also had a failed marriage to an FSUW, right? And a failed engagement to a RW if I remember correctly? So tell me again, what makes you such an expert here?

Oh, and Billy, Aloe is way smarter than you think you are, so I'm sure she got the gist of my message, which is okay, as it was meant for her in the first place. But next time I give you advice, I'll dumb it down a little for you, okay?

[BillyB]

He didn't mean it literally, Billy.  

Can SJ speak for himself? He already replied to me "If was meant figuratively but sometimes, with some people, things need to be said literally and quite explicitly for it to sink in." You once posted something your husband said implying us men shop for women in a meat market when he didn't actually say it. You were reading his mind too?.

Aloe is a young woman with a young husband in a young marriage. Everyone here is giving her advice as if she has a lot to learn in life yet the advice she's not supposed to take literally is for her to figure out? "tell him he's an arsehole" should at a minimum have a smiley face next to it.

Calling or even thinking your loved one is a arsehole, biatch or something along those lines isn't a joke. If Aloe feels her husband is a full time jerk or he thinks she's a full time biatch, then they have much more problems than her not having a vacation.

[Boethius]

I was responding to your reply to me, not SJ.  SJ never stated Aloe should call her husband a name, nor was he joking.  

You once posted something your husband said implying us men shop for women in a meat market when he didn't actually say it. You were reading his mind too?. Roll Eyes

Uh, no, that is what you understood.  I have been married long enough that I pretty much know what my husband thinks on most subjects, and vice versa.  No surprises.  In that particular instance, what he said was, in that particular TR, the poster was looking for the "cheapest product".  He wasn't viewing the woman he was with as a woman, but rather, as a commodity.  You interpreted it as a meat market, because that's what you wanted to see.

BC, Aloe is studying, so she isn't cooped up in the house all day.

[Vaughn]

"tell him he's an arsehole" should at a minimum have a smiley face next to it.

Billy took the words right of my mouth....   figuratively, literally - it wasn't too clear to me as written. That aside,
it's bad form in my book to blanket discount a man's advice based on his failed marriage or engagement - it was
an obvious personal attack when, in fact, Billy's advice, as SJ's - was quite good.

These pissing matches really destroy the continuity of what could be excellent threads.  My 2 kopecks.

[Miri22]

Sounds like Aloe just needs some TLC from her husband, there's nothing wrong with that. A day trip to another town or city with her spouse seems a reasonable request.
Have to agree with SJ, after reading many (and there are a lot) of BillyB's posts - it would seem he leads somewhat of an "alternative lifestyle." They often BillyB seem as if you're trading or paying for women to be around you and your ego.Just stating how your messages read, IMHO.

[Vaughn]

Sounds like Aloe just needs some TLC from her husband, there's nothing wrong with that. A day trip to another town or city with her spouse seems a reasonable request.

I'm in 100% agreement. Even a day trip shakes the cobwebs, and if enjoyed together usually leads to more adventures
planned together...

it would seem he [BliilyB] leads somewhat of an "alternative lifestyle."

The man is SINGLE for crying out loud. I wasn't exactly a choirboy between 1994 and 2001 either.
Burn us at the stake?

[I/O]

If I were a single man, I'd be more than ready willing and able to show her around a bit.

Greg, you are implying it would be appropriate, if you were single, to entertain another mans wife. Somehow you seem to also imply that because you are married it is not. Your marriage is sacred but another marriage is not, double standards at best wouldn't you say? You've consistently, both in threads and in chats, tried to plaster it on too much in Aloe's favour at the expense of rational advice for your comments to be morally consistent.

At the end of the day, we've gotten one side of the story and admire Aloe though we've come to do, even she, by her own comments, admits some liability in the situation. My take on Aloe coming here with these threads from time to time is she is using RWD as a "venting" platform which IMO, if she doesn't have an alternative, is not a bad thing but I do think the gallery needs to be cautious with advice and or suggestions.

[GregfromGa]

Greg, you are implying it would be appropriate if you were single, to entertain another mans wife. Somehow you seem to also imply that because you are married it is not. Your marriage is sacred but another marriage is not, double standards at best wouldn't you say? You've consistently, both in threads and in chats, tried to plaster it on too much in Aloe's favour at the expense of rational advice for your comments to be morally consistent.

At the end of the day, we've gotten one side of the story and admire Aloe though we've come to do, even she, by her own comments, admits some liability in the situation. My take on Aloe coming here with these threads from time to time is she is using RWD as a "venting" platform which IMO, if she doesn't have an alternative, is not a bad thing but I do think the gallery needs to be cautious with advice and or suggestions.

Well I/O, I am most certainly on Aloe's side in this because of what she has written in chat and here. I dont think the girl is lying. As far as me showing her around if I were single, well it was kind of a joke. I'm certainly not a marriage consular and I don't think I act like one but it does seem that we have some people here who does it for a living and are obviously very good at it because they have all the answers to all any situational question that might occur.

[I/O]

I dont think the girl is lying.

Nobody is suggesting that.

As far as me showing her around if I were single, well it was kind of a joke.

Too oft repeated one to be in good taste.

[GregfromGa]

Nobody is suggesting that.
Too oft repeated one to be in good taste.

LOL, I love it. Getting grilled by I/O about a post in bad taste. It was a joke. I think she'll get and will have no problem getting over it if she don't.

[I/O]

LOL, I love it. Getting grilled by I/O about a post in bad taste. It was a joke. I think she'll get and will have no problem getting over it if she don't.

Greg, now you're making yourself look incoherent as well as morally suspect. BTW, previously it was "kind of a joke", now it was "a joke". Shifting sands. Point is, quit drooling over the young women who visit here and concentrate on your wife.

[GregfromGa]

Greg, now you're making yourself look incoherent as well as morally suspect. BTW, previously it was "kind of a joke", now it was "a joke". Shifting sands. Point is, quit drooling over the young women who visit here and concentrate on your wife.

No one and I do mean no one has made more sexual innuendo posts over the years than you here my friend. No one is drooling over the young lady but I can tell you that her husband needs to get her out of that village for a vacation. As far as me being viewed as morally suspect, well ask her if I've ever said one thing out of the way to her in a manner that could be construed as sexual. I did tell her I liked that dress she was wearing but so did most.

[I/O]

As far as me being viewed as morally suspect, well ask her

No need to ask anyone.

Greg, consider that sexual and moral are not necessarily one and the same.

[GregfromGa]

No need to ask anyone.

Greg, consider that sexual and moral are not necessarily one and the same.

Ok, well ask the young lady if I've ever offended her by saying something immoral to her or around her in chat or here or wherever.

[Miri22]

Wow, just wow.

[jb]

Unfortunately, there is not a detailed set of instructions issued with a marriage license.  Each marriage is guided by a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" set of rules.  What works for me will not work for the next guy.  

(But there should be some sign that tells you when you've screwed up so badly to bypass the flowers and go directly to the jewelry store)...  Lemme see,,, should that be one carat or two?

[Seeker]

Wow, just wow.

Sigh... yes.  It happens here.  You sort of get numb to it in time.  Except in the most extreme cases of course.

Funny thing is, they are all great people.

It is the dynamics of a forum.  It could be better, and it could be worse.  A lot worse.  And maybe just a little bit better.  But sometimes we vent, we unwind, and we discuss things (read: argue) that can never be resolved because we each see things our own way.  But still, we all want to contribute based on our own experiences.  And that is a good thing.

I think the best thing would be if we could all meet and sit around, have a drink or two, and a good dinner.  I think the discourse would be a lot different after that.  Imagine meeting the OP and her husband... imagine how that conversation might go!  And no disrespect to Aloe, or her husband.  But this a limited media for communicating.  Face to face is so much better.  I think it would be so much easier.  But this is what we have, so we make the best we can of it.  

[I/O]

Greg, no need for asking the "young lady", her character isn't the subject of my questioning and I actually have enough original thought capacity to form my own opinion.

[Miri22]

Breaking bread with people can certainly change everyones attitude for the better and hopefully leads to some friendships along the way.
At least it appears GregGa edited out that last part of his post.

[Seeker]

Breaking bread with people can certainly change everyones attitude for the better and hopefully leads to some friendships along the way.
At least it appears GregGa edited out that last part of his post.

Good people... bad spur of the moment decisions.  We all make them.  And hopefully learn from our experience(s).

Edit to add the (s) to experience. 

[Misha]

This is certainly an interesting thread For what it is worth, my wife usually joins me on my business trips. She is happy, which makes me happy... Aloe, do you have a job? If you did, and saved money for plane fare, it might make it easier for both of you to budget for occasional trips.

[Daveman]

I agree with I/O... Aloe has this as her little venting area... as jb stated - marriage doesn't come with a manual...
  
Aloe, my only advice here would be to take a short cut.. the two of you, both, need to learn how to communicate in the way the other understands. It isn't about what languages you speak, but rather learning how to be actually heard and understood by the other.  Counseling would be great for you two.  Not that your marriage has major problems  -- but most couples wind up in counseling as some kind of last resort AFTER it's in a very critical state.  By learning how to express what you need/feel/etc in a way HE can actually hear, without tuning you out, and also understand (and you him), you'll grow by leaps and bounds.

You can talk all day long, but if you're not communicating, you are not making progress. It takes some people years to actually learn to do this with each other -- don't waste so much time...  

[Vaughn]

Excellent advice, Daveman. Had I only known this in my youth....

Aloe, hang in there. Keep working at it.

[Ade]

Billy took the words right of my mouth....   figuratively, literally - it wasn't too clear to me as written. That aside,
it's bad form in my book to blanket discount a man's advice based on his failed marriage or engagement - it was
an obvious personal attack when, in fact, Billy's advice, as SJ's - was quite good.

These pissing matches really destroy the continuity of what could be excellent threads.  My 2 kopecks.

I disagree. I think everyone's advice here should be taken into context with their experience and their views on other subjects as they have a definite bearing on how that advice is formulated. And Billy's fairly promiscuous, "friends with benefits" kind of lifestyle, where he promotes himself as an Alpha-male, man in charge, final decision maker kind of guy that a woman should listen to regardless of his current sleeping partners views has a definite bearing on how his advice should be viewed in this thread where Aloe is asking how to deal with her husband.

[chivo]

Before all of you fall too deeply in love with your own advice, you might want to reread this bit of info.

My take on Aloe coming here with these threads from time to time is she is using RWD as a "venting" platform which IMO, if she doesn't have an alternative, is not a bad thing but I do think the gallery needs to be cautious with advice and or suggestions.

I'm not an expert like the rest here, but since when did women start really looking for advice, or taking it for that matter, from men especially.

Of course she'll listen with the utmost concern. And she'll probably think about some of it for a short while, but will still do what's she's going to do in her relationship. After it's all said and done, she, like most women I know, just needs/wants to be heard - to vent.

Seems like that's the biggest "outlet" not being fullfilled.