New guy in need of direction

[JohnDearGreen]

I am fully determined to accomplish my goal of bringing home my foreign wife and I am prepared to spend some money and do some traveling etc. I just need to find out how to do it. Thanks guys. 
...
This isn't even my thread anymore.

You will see many generalizations made in this forum.  But generalizations are only applicable to average decent guys with average qualities looking for a decent average lady.   In other words,
those in the 80% center of the bell curve.

Those who fall at one end or the other of the bell curve are a special situation, where generalizations are frequently not applicable.   In order to help you, we would need to see your profile and some profiles of typical ladies you would be chasing.   Then maybe some good advice could be given.

[Gator]

A lot of you think you have me all figured out. That's fine. I'm going to keep my cool and take all the useful information I can from this forum whilst ignoring the more negative stuff, helpful as it may supposedly be.

Indeed there is a generation gap here.  My older son is your age.  Your responses in this thread suggest to me that you are similar to my older son and most of his peers with regard to one fact - you have to make your own mistakes before learning.  Yes, live and learn. 

I admire self reliance, because in many endeavors it sometimes rewards handsomely to ignore the proven ways and pioneer new methods.  However, meeting, dating and marrying RW is not an area where one should ignore "the more negative stuff."

I will not comment about you other than to say  I  find it weak that at 30 you seem so lonely.  You need to think about this because it could lead to some not so smart decisions.

At your age, you should have too little free time to feel lonely.   Every moment should be filled with energetic initiatives.  In my life the loneliest I have felt was when with the wrong woman.  When alone, in contrast, I enjoyed the opportunity represented by the unhindered power of solitude.   

 



 

[Faux Pas]

I always applied directly to the Consulate in D.C. Secured the invitation myself, filled out the forms, etc...  To be honest, I found it
to be quite a chore. Still, in itself, it was hardly a valid reason to dismiss Russia as a destination. This time, though, I used gotorussia,
and it was very painless - and cost roughly the same as if I'd put the pieces together without assistance.

My visa just arrived - from San Francisco. I live in NC - go figure...

That time the D.C. consulate returned my application and passport, I inadvertently forgot to include the invitation letter. I expected it would be returned and indeed it was. There was a note to the effect that a invitation letter must be included and nothing else was noted. I had ample time to re-submit and wasn't really worried. So I promptly resent it back, this time with the invitation letter and it was returned again, telling me to apply at Houston consulate. They are not very efficient or explanatory so one must do their homework. I never did figure out why after three times to D.C. I suddenly had to apply in Houston. At the time in direct conflict with what was posted on the Consulate website.

I have used Gotorussia for invitation letters but, not the visa. As you know by now the visa application has to be walked into the consulate as they no longer accept them by mail. My last trip I used Travisa for that particular service, an extra 50 bucks

[fabiodriven]

I will not comment about you other than to say  I  find it weak that at 30 you seem so lonely.  You need to think about this because it could lead to some not so smart decisions.

At your age, you should have too little free time to feel lonely.   Every moment should be filled with energetic initiatives.  In my life the loneliest I have felt was when with the wrong woman.  When alone, in contrast, I enjoyed the opportunity represented by the unhindered power of solitude.   

 



 

Sorry I took so long to reply. I just got back from riding my three wheeler all day.

[Gator]

Sorry I took so long to reply. I just got back from riding my three wheeler all day.

 

I have a band aid with colored stars in case you got a boo boo.
Lollipop too.

[SANDRO43]

I have a band aid with colored stars in case you got a boo boo. Lollipop too.

Yes, they're becoming fashionable again :

[fabiodriven]

I have a band aid with colored stars in case you got a boo boo.
Lollipop too.

Ha ha.

Not a tricycle, a three wheeler.

[I/O]

side of the bed (the side relegated to them by their Russian Wives, probably).

Dave, you still think you'll get any side of "the" bed once married to a RW? BTW, wasn't me suggesting new guys are retards, maybe reread?

[cranehand]

Don't let these guys and or girls stir you up to much Fabio.
   Some of them are well versed in this undertaking and some just want to goade you into a verbal battle to see what you are made of.  Some successful and some not so successful at what you say you want to do.  Some married for years and some looking for years.  In the two years I have been looking for and found a loving woman abroad this is the only forum I continually come back to.  These folks are knowledgeable in anything from accomidations abroad to places to see and visit for your first trip over to meet one or meet many women, that choice is up to you.
   If you are serious about what you are doing then you will most likely let the banter roll right off your back but if you are not serious then you will listen to only what you wish to hear and retaliate with the same negative that some will throw at you and you will live and learn as someone said up thread.
You are a grown man and personally I do not see a problem with you wanting to get married at 30 I was the very same age.  I miss being married myself,  after 14 years with someone to come home to,  Was I starved for a relationship when I started tis adventure?  YES,  a quality relationship.  And after listening to the sage advise of people who have YEARS more experience than I. I made my own decisions as will you.
 Consider the scope of this entire process it is not for everyone.  It is costly and time consuming and you will make mistakes in judgement and actions.  Just be prepaired to pay the piper and don't whine when someone here says I told you so.  Take your medicine put in some time and you will come out ahead of most.  
I wish you luck man it would be good to hear more success stories because with time you will see that most of what you will find is doom and gloom.

[Daveman]

Dave, you still think you'll get any side of "the" bed once married to a RW? BTW, wasn't me suggesting new guys are retards, maybe reread?

Yeah, I know.. it was Brad who made that connection.  I was being sarcastic with the "we have learned..." stuff.  At any rate let's all head to Outback and chow down on some killer (faux) Aussie quisine... first round's on me (retards and jerks all invited)  

[Vaughn]

... first round's on me (retards and jerks all invited) 

Thanks, bro.  Just let me know where and when.   

[Seeker]

Are people who are both retards and jerks invited?  If so, I am there!

[Boethius]

fabio, Gator gave you some good advice, and you came back with a defensive one liner.  

I don't think most here are trying to be "negative", just pointing out realities.  I think what Gator was saying is you have to know yourself.  Without that, a relationship will have a more difficult time succeeding, and will do so only if you marry someone truly extraordinary.

Based just on your first posts, including your view that it is impossible to find a "normal" woman in a state of approximately six million souls, and your negative responses, I would question whether you really know yourself.  Are you lying to us, or to yourself as well?  What is the real motivation in going abroad to look for a foreign spouse?  (These are rhetorical questions, BTW.)

You are correct, no one here really knows you.  You are only judged by what you post.

[russianfront]

Fabiodriven, don't take the sniping you get from the old jaded dudes too seriously. There is no one way to the finish line,we all take different paths...I was married 10 years to a ukrainian woman, since divorced and onto round #2. I have been in the land of smoking hot women 5 times. Good luck to you and PM me if you want some friendly advice.

[I/O]

PM me if you want some friendly advice.

Wouldn't it be of wider benefit if posted on the open board?

[Kuna]

Wouldn't it be of wider benefit if posted on the open board?

Of course not,  there are a few posters here who couldn't possibly defend the rubbish they believe so they hide it in PM's.

I'm not actually referring to russianfront in that statement but your'e right i/o,  the value of a Discussion Board is the legacy of good information future visitors can find. russianfront should hide his expert knowledge where future visitors can't benefit from it.

I find it amusing that (again) the rah rah crowd tend to be men "searching" or "Committed for 0 - 2 Yrs", and a rah rah yobbo is rarely married for any reasonable period of time.

Fact is (as you know), this is a bloody difficult journey - not just finding a good woman,  but marrying,  helping her adjust and then just sharing a bathroom with more soaps, scrubs, cosmetics and personal beauty devices than Iget ot see on a day out at Woolworths! 

[Dave13]

Maybe some of us, use PM's to avoid all the drama.

Dave

[Boethius]

Why do you think there would be drama? 

[ECOCKS]

The purpose of the board is communications between those sharing a common endeavor. Discussion may or may not be beneficial to that purpose.

In the last few months I have done about 50% of my advice/opinions/commentary privately through PM's, chat or email. As the standards of behavior dropped on this board and personal attacks became more frequent my personal reaction was to watch for those who appeared sincere and honest in their search rather than engage in open discussion with "the riff-raff". As per my signature line I almost always advise people to consider carefully the source of the  comments and make their own determination as to the value of the advice and commentary offered.

As the board has improved it's atmosphere a bit over the last month I have posted more often but see nothing wrong with offering private advice where it can be discussed between the person offering it and the one receiving. The receiver can always float out the topic for additional discussion of they wish.

[groovlstk]

Fabiodriven, don't take the sniping you get from the old jaded dudes too seriously. There is no one way to the finish line,we all take different paths...I was married 10 years to a ukrainian woman, since divorced and onto round #2. I have been in the land of smoking hot women 5 times. Good luck to you and PM me if you want some friendly advice.

One of my first cluebat moments came 4-5 years ago when I was a newb here, and a new poster was planning a trip to Kiev to meet some 20ish babe, who was evidently introduced to him via email through his "good Ukrainian friends" who lived in Kiev. Just before his trip, he made a few panicked posts asking for opinions on why this young woman was writing him less frequently in the weeks before he was traveling. None of the old hands would touch an ambiguous time bomb like that, but a few days later the OP publicly thanked the RWD member who PM'd him to reassure him that the woman hadn't written to him because she was likely getting more nervous as their meeting approached.

At the time it sounded like BS to me - if the girl was nervous, wouldn't she be writing more often to him to get as good a feel for him as possible before the meeting?

So sure enough, after his trip the OP reported back that he met his intended shortly after arriving and within an hour she had a firm grip on his wallet. I believe he bought her some leather boots and clothing before seeing the writing on the wall and running back to his flat.

What bothered me in the aftermath was that the member who PM'd the OP with reassuring drivel was clearly doing it privately because he knew such a ridiculous theory would've been shot down by the experienced guys here. In thinking about it, I realized that there are a lot of guys involved in this pursuit who refuse to acknowledge the dangers because it will ruin their own little fantasy, and if that's not bad enough they work behind the scenes to recruit more middle-aged fools who are willing to believe Ukraine and Russia are like Candyland, where all pretty women simply want a foreign husband and could care less about age, financial status, lack of hair, etc.

[Faux Pas]

What bothered me in the aftermath was that the member who PM'd the OP with reassuring drivel was clearly doing it privately because he knew such a ridiculous theory would've been shot down by the experienced guys here. In thinking about it, I realized that there are a lot of guys involved in this pursuit who refuse to acknowledge the dangers because it will ruin their own little fantasy, and if that's not bad enough they work behind the scenes to recruit more middle-aged fools who are willing to believe Ukraine and Russia are like Candyland, where all pretty women simply want a foreign husband and could care less about age, financial status, lack of hair, etc.

Very astute observation and happens much more frequently than admitted.

It relates very often to "two wrongs don't make a right". Very often there are members spreading advice in PM that is just plain wrong. I think like groov states, just to vilify to them their own fantasy and look for agreement from anywhere. The fact they pass bad information goes right over their head. They do not know good from bad and they bring another poor soul down with them. More often than not, even he doesn't know it until much later when his ass is handed to him.

A note to newbies; you don't have to like the advice from the old more experienced farts, you certainly don't have to follow it but, you are only doing yourself and no one else a disservice if you don't at least give pause and read it.

[Jooky]

Very often there are members spreading advice in PM that is just plain wrong.

I'm not saying you're wrong, but how do you know?

The only posters that have come forward indicating that they give advice in PMs are Dave13 and Ed. I have much respect for both of these guys and I'd listen to their advice over a lot that gets posted in public.

[GQBlues]

FWIW, prior and during my first trip to Russia, had I taken those super secret, PM'd advice I would've gone down in flames hard! Poooof spontaneous combustion, baby! The best advice I ever got?!? From 'jb' and in an open post.

That's life living and driven by good intentions.

People share thoughts and knowledge based on their respective individual experiences. It is up to the recipient of that advice to determine which of the these experiences closely apply and relate to his own.

The Devil is not in having varying, and at times conflicting advice and opinions. The Devil resides in living your life's creed based on an advice from someone in the interent you do not know, least of which knowing how they truly live and conduct their own personal affairs.

Discussion boards should be taken in the manner it was intended. Discuss applicable subjects at hand. Everything else, as they say, is simply uncivilized.

[Vaughn]

I'm not saying you're wrong, but how do you know? The only posters that have come forward indicating that they give advice in PMs are Dave13 and Ed. I have much respect for both of these guys and I'd listen to their advice over a lot that gets posted in public.

Well, the assumption of questionable advice via PM may have come from this decree...

I don't know what your problem is Faux Pas, but I will say this. I have received numerous PM's from members of this forum telling me to ignore the riff-raff. You, my friend, are the riff raff.

Soon, terms like "Grampa" and "old ass" began to take flight...  the older and more experienced among us fully realize we
are incapable of saving the world ~ but we can try to guide a new fellow ~ IF he's capable of saving himself...

It's tough, I know...  I was a young man once who subscribed to "Never Trust Anybody Over 30.."

[BC]

It's tough, I know...  I was a young man once who subscribed to "Never Trust Anybody Over 30.."

As any experienced parent will attest, you sorta have to let it go and let the school of hard knocks reinforce theory.

It's quite ok for Fabio to go and do whatever floats or sinks his boat.. said is said and done will be done.

No skin off my saggy old butt..