Almost-total newbie here ...

[ECOCKS]

Thank you Doctor AJ.......

   

[Sculpto]

I had an amazing day today.. too many things to elaborate on.. but.. after reading AJs post there was one thing that happened, well two actually, that are relevant for Kevin.

The first.. after my client meeting downtown I decided to go sit in Union Square for a while and people watch.. after a while a couple of younger guys wandered within earshot and I overheard their conversation..

One guy was describing to the other an encounter he had with a girl.. and at one point he explained how the encounter fizzled because he ran out of things to say and afterwards he felt like a loser for letting the situation spiral out of control..

The second guy.. who was a bit better looking and clearly the alpha of the two then explained how it was a good thing this happened because such experiences desensitize a guy to rejections and lost opportunities and the best thing guy 1 could do was go out there and flop again and again and again until sooner or later he will get it right and get to the next level.

So.. Kevin..

Part two was a little thing I have been doing for a while now.. to kind of keep my edge up.. I try to do this at least once a day and if the opportunity presents even more.. so.. today it took place in the subway.. often a good spot.. when I got on the train I quickly scanned the crowded car for pretty girls with an empty seat next to them.. I spotted one and sat down.. got settled in and then looked right at her.. smiled.. and asked her if she had a good day.. she replied "soso, how about you" to which I replied.. "my day was awesome" (it really was so it was easy)  Anyway.. we talked the rest of the way to our stop which happened to be the same.. walked out together and then I know she was waiting for me to ask her number.. but I didn't and wished her a nice evening and off I went in the other direction.  Now, she will think about me.. "why didn't he ask for my number?" and she will remember me because of that.. but SF is small and I know that in our neighborhood the chances of running into her are pretty good... but, that isn't even the point.. it is the practice of chatting up an unknown woman, who happens to be quite beautiful.. that is the point.. Kevin.. you need to practice.. get out of your shell.. take some risks...

btw.. I figured out where all the pretty girls in SF are.. and met a gorgeous Russian Israeli.. not the girl on the subway.. "shalom.. ochen krasiva"  hahahah!

[Jumper]

Thank you Doctor AJ.......

   

hey *doctor love* seemed occupied ,

 i stepped in for a moment..

lol



Kevin-

I empathize , especially about your sister -my older brother was insitutionlized from something similar until his death at 22...
I was raised by my father.. (in my case- he was an awesome dad , that i am extreemly thankful for!)

you say you can't , but i believe that you CAN.

like i said, if not in public,(i've always just had a knack for that ,can't expalin it)
 then try an interactive real time scenario on the 'net where you are more comfortable,,
ICQ or mambu.ru?

if not there ,
try some other baby step that you can do and work from there?

afterall you ARE already doing that by sending receiving EOI at EM's or emails ,,
 its just an extension of the same to go to live chat,  like mamba ru , ,or then in person..


(by the way mamba is like $15.. and there are LOTS of local RW women on there,normally very open to chat , call,or meet  you.)

[Sculpto]

mamba is like $15..

huh?  Only if you want to spend for advanced search... but it is really a free site.. just understand that when it is late at night in Russia most of the female profiles that are signed on are professionals.

But AJ is right.. I just searched Orlando for ladies between 25-45 and found 60 profiles.. one of them might be just the girl you are looking for Kevin.

[veritas]

Thanks muchly, Sculpto and AJ ... I know you guys mean well ...

I was in the process of posting this yellow stuff below before I saw your latest replies ...

Yeah, thanks, AJ ... But what I fear the MOST is that no matter WHAT I (try to) do,
it's never gonna get any better for me ... No pity party here, but I'll always be alone,
without even "sex" to comfort me (sorta ... I'm told that it's not really much source of
"comfort" -- in and of itself -- but STILL ... Sorry if I'm starting to sound like "djgothman") ...

And THAT is a bleak prospect indeed ... I have my "moments" of optimism, BUT ..................
In moments like THESE, they're utterly driven into the ground, and everything seems so hopeless ...
Love, sex, relationships -- you name it -- all completely unattainable ... (And I AM in therapy for this) ...

I think I'll stop reading "djgothman" right now, because I don't really wanna know what happened with him ...
Too depressing ...

And yet for six years -- from 2001-2006 -- I was more-or-less a "happy camper" (more than less)
UNTIL I experienced what to ME was the ultimate "sexual rejection" by a hairdresser named Joanna ...
I was absolutely devastated, and it's been downhill ever since ... No dating, no sex, since May 2006 --
just one month after that happy, smiling photo of mine to the left ... In fact, that "fairly good-looking"
photo (as per Misha?) was what gave me the (minimal) "confidence" to "approach" Joanna on Match.com ...
But by the Fourth of July, it became a TOTAL "sexual train-wreck" -- and I've not been the same ever since ...

(This is STILL not the "TMI" that I don't plan to get into) ...

Kevin

Well, that yellow stuff above really IS too "pity party" ...

But you've gotta understand that SEXUAL rejection strikes me at the very CORE of my being -- for SOME
unknown reason ... I actually think I can handle OTHER forms of rejection (more or less) -- but not SEXUAL
rejection ... And I don't know WHY ... You'd have to be in my shoes to understand it -- and even THEN,
you wouldn't understand it ...

I just CAN'T do what you guys are saying -- I just CAN'T ... For whatever reason, that kind of rejection
simply DEVASTATES me and just confirms everything that I already FEEL about myself -- unattractive,
unworthy of sex or love, yada yada yada ... In fact, I just this moment wrote back to a girl in Belarus
(who seems to be cute, kind, nice, romantic, etc.) and told her that I'm a "VERY good man", but that
I'd make a LOUSY "husband" or even "boyfriend" ... My complete and utter lack of self-confidence --
except in my essential "good guy-ness" -- is what completely and utterly DOOMS me in matters of
"sex", "love", "approachment", etc ...

I can't just "snap out of it" because there's something very WRONG with me when it comes to SEX --
and I don't even know what it IS ... But WHATEVER it is, it makes "sexual approachment" TERRIFYING
and "sexual rejection" DEVASTATING ... And I'll be telling any girl who writes me back -- from the EOI's
that I've already sent -- a non-TMI version of my total inadequacy as a potential "lover" or "husband" ...
And I'll not be sending any more EOI's, because NO girl deserves to be subjected to the "sexuality/self-
confidence" TRAIN-WRECK that is my mind ... They really don't ...

Kevin

P.S.  I've actually been crying my way all through these posts -- yours AND mine ... That's how wretched I feel ...

[Taz]

Search in your area for someone from this website;

 http://www.aasect.org/

Find a good resource there to help you with your issue. I used to work with a lot of doctors, therapists, etc. in my previous job and the website I gave you will help you find some good help. Don't despair, but the sooner you start to work on resolving this issue with a good therapist the easier it will be to correct.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists is comprised of very dedicated people who understand the sensitivity of these kinds of issues and how it can affect self-esteem and all the associated issues. It was founded over 40 years ago. These issues affect both men and women. Dig around a bit under the for the public area and there is some useful info there as well.

I'd highly suggest speaking with a few professionals in your area to find the right fit for you.

[veritas]

Search in your area for someone from this website;

 http://www.aasect.org/

Find a good resource there to help you with your issue. I used to work with a lot of doctors, therapists, etc. in my previous job and the website I gave you will help you find some good help. Don't despair, but the sooner you start to work on resolving this issue with a good therapist the easier it will be to correct.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists is comprised of very dedicated people who understand the sensitivity of these kinds of issues and how it can affect self-esteem and all the associated issues. It was founded over 40 years ago. These issues affect both men and women. Dig around a bit under the for the public area and there is some useful info there as well.

I'd highly suggest speaking with a few professionals in your area to find the right fit for you.

Thanks, Taz, but I've already done that ... My current therapist IS a board-certified "sex therapist"
in the state of Florida (the only state that actually certifies such) ... And so was my therapist in
2006, when I experienced that "sexual-rejection" devastation with my involvement with Joanna ...

Kevin

[Taz]

Maybe find a different therapist. Just because they are certified doesn't mean they are the best one for you. That is why I suggested checking with several. Are they part of AASECT?

[veritas]

Maybe find a different therapist. Just because they are certified doesn't mean they are the best one for you. That is why I suggested checking with several. Are they part of AASECT?

Taz, at this point, I've really been "through the mill" with looking for good, local sex therapists ...
I went through this in 2001, 2005, 2006, and 2010 (at least) ...

The only AASECT-approved therapist within 75 miles of Orlando happens to be the one whom
I saw in 2001 and 2005 ... (Most of them seem to be in South Florida) ... This particular guy
was essentially useless -- for ME, anyway ...

I really trust, respect, and have faith in, the local guy whom I found earlier this year ... Based
on my experiences with the others, I really believe that if THIS guy can't help me, then there
really IS no hope for me -- which may well be the case ...

But, as you know, you don't just unravel 46 years of EXTREME sexual dysfunction -- the first
6 years of which are not even "documented" at ALL in my (conscious) memory -- overnight,
or even in a matter of months ... We all know that there's no "quick fix" for such things ...
(We're gonna discuss MEMORY -- and lack thereof -- in our next session) ...

But ALSO, he charges $120/hour -- NONE of which is covered by my individual (not group)
health insurance with Blue Cross/Blue Shield (which ITSELF costs $800/month) -- and, as
has been abundantly noted on this thread, I *AM* currently unemployed ... So ............

Kevin

[Gtex]

I do apologize in advance... This is probably in bad taste, but I can not resist and there maybe a good point made (further in)...

TAZ: your advice is good but I need to help by correcting your typo, you said:

Dig around a bit under the for the public area and there is some useful info there as well.

Didn't you mean to say:

Dig around a bit under the fur of the pubic area and there is some useful info there as well.  

Now, that is good advice and there are many things to be learned there.  After access is granted to this highly restricted area, the meaningful exchange can begin.  Note, certain negotiations may be required before access is granted; this is not unusual and to be expected in most cases.  

Once you have crossed the Rubicon and entered the restricted forest, is when the danger/delight truly begins.  The first time visitor should not venture here unprotected.   Some will forget how they got in, become confused and not be able to safely withdraw.   Wear a coat, leave a trail...

This is an adventure for the few, the proud, the brave and sometimes the commercially foolish. 
Remember, as Shakespeare said, "Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished..."

[veritas]

Speaking of "bad taste" and pubic "fur" and "forests":

IS or is NOT the trend for FSU women -- OR American women --
to be rather "de-furred" and "de-forested"?

All I know about it is what I see in Playboy SE's and other sources --
no personal experience since January 2005, I'm afraid ("clear-cut") ...

Kevin

[Gtex]

I will look forward to your report on that subject after you have established the base sufficient for a statistical abstract.  You mention Playboy,  the "deforestration" of the subjects appears to be progressive and contiuous over time.   As for the FSU, I am reluctant to voice an opinion other than to note they often lead the way in issues of "styles" for women. 

[Gator]

Kevin,

FIRST A LITTLE SCOLDING THEN TWO SUGGESTIONS FOR HELPING YOU.

You set yourself up for failure.   

Before you even got started with this woman from Belarus, you tell her that you are no good.  Let her tell you that if that is what she feels.  She perhaps would have liked you. 

It is time to stop blaming your father.  Blame yourself.  It is your life and you need to fix it.  Understanding the effect of your father is important for defining what you must overcome.  Your father is not an excuse for your failure.

I have two suggestions for you to ponder:

1.  Befriend a AW who also needs some adjustment

Your sexual thinking and behavior prevents you from having a healthy relationship with any woman. Does this dysfunction affect relationships with friends?  If not, my suggestion is to find a woman who would want to be friends first.  There are many AW with psychological hangups who seemingly would make an ideal chit chat partner.  After my divorce, I dated a 48-yo AW who got divorced from her 20+ year marriage when her husband came out of the closet.  The two of you could talk for hours.

2.  Talk candidly to RW who may be interested if not sympathetic about your sexual issues.

I know of a couple free thinkers who love to talk, have no current attachments, and are not shy about sex talk before a meeting.

One would absolutely enjoy talking with you via Skype about the pschology and physiology of sex.   She had her first orgasm at age 8 (accidental, no adult or other person involved) and has been at the crest of the self-taught sexual learning curve since then.   Extremely intelligent and capable of writing a novel book on the subject.  She could make a fortune doing sex chats.

The other is friendly, loquacious with no hangups regarding sex.    It would take some time however to get her to open up. You would have to take the lead with her, while the other will lead you.

Both in their 40s and attractive. 

Warning:  You must be serious and not hide your deep thoughts with babble. 

[veritas]

Before you even got started with this woman from Belarus, you tell her that you are no good.

Au contraire, Gator ... I SAID that I told her that I was a "VERY good man" ...
But then I ALSO told her, in so many words, that I'd make a lousy HUSBAND ...

It is time to stop blaming your father.  Blame yourself.

Have I not done that ABUNDANTLY throughout this thread?  I suggest you read it again ...

Does this dysfunction affect relationships with friends?  If not, my suggestion is to find a woman who would want to be friends first.  There are many AW with psychological hangups who seemingly would make an ideal chit chat partner.

No, it doesn't, and I already HAVE female friends who (mutually) wanted to be "friends first" ...
(Please read this thread AGAIN) ... And most, if not ALL, of them have "psychological hangups"...

Talk candidly to RW who may be interested if not sympathetic about your sexual issues.

I know of a couple free thinkers who love to talk, have no current attachments, and are not shy about sex talk before a meeting.

One would absolutely enjoy talking with you via Skype about the pschology and physiology of sex. 

The other is friendly, loquacious with no hangups regarding sex.

Both in their 40s and attractive. 

ME, talk to RUSSIAN WOMEN, about SEX??  You've gotta be KIDDIN' me!!!

And your free-thinkers may not be shy about sex talk before a meeting, but *I* sure am ...
And DOUBLY so if they're "attractive" ... TRIPLY so ...

Joanna ALSO loved to talk about the "psychology and physiology of sex", and she was VERY "attractive" ...
And THAT, I could NOT handle ...

Warning:  You must be serious and not hide your deep thoughts with babble. 

WHAT??  Where ARE you COMING from, man??  Have I been anything BUT "serious" about SEX here??
Have I not EXPOSED (many of) my "deep thoughts" on here??  WHAT "babble" are you REFERRING to??
Have you even READ this entire thread??

Look, Gator ... Sorry for being "cranky" with ya ... I really DO appreciate your efforts to help here ...

But there's much more "TMI" here that you just aren't aware of ... Nor is anyone else reading this ...

Sculpto is the ONLY one on here who's privy to it ALL, through an ongoing PM we've been having ...

My dearest friend Linda is the ONLY local female friend that I can discuss ANY of this with ...
And yet, even SHE isn't privy to ALL of this ... Sculpto already knows more than Lin does ...

Gator, there's a REASON that I only sought out a MALE sex therapist ...
There are SOME things that I can't tell to ANY women, not even Lin ...
Trust me -- she (and your friends) would NOT understand this TMI ...

But thanks anyway ...

Kevin

[veritas]

I apologize, Gator ... 

I'll ask you -- and everyone else here -- the same thing I just asked Sculpto ...

In light of everything that I've written in this thread -- what do you think I should do?

Thanks ...

Kevin

[Taz]

While RW are intriguing women, I don't think they are the answer to your problem in general. I would say get your house in order so to speak before chasing after one. The barriers to communication are likely to exacerbate your problem rather than improve.

OTOH if you can't communicate it to her maybe it would be less of an issue. Many (not all) RW definitely want to make sure everything works as a lot of Russian men are impotent for a variety of reasons. Not all of course but enough so that many women are concerned about it.

Since your issue is worse around beautiful women, I don't think RW will make that part an easier other than maybe when you see the sheer numbers of them it might desensitize you. 

[Jumper]

I apologize, Gator ... 

I'll ask you -- and everyone else here -- the same thing I just asked Sculpto ...

In light of everything that I've written in this thread -- what do you think I should do?

Thanks ...

Kevin

Kevin as open as you have been,

To me, there are still a lot of  gaps in the situation for anyone to give you much guidance as far as pursuing RW.
and certainly your therapist is the only one qualified?


You WERE married before. She pursued you, (understandible)
 was it generally ( at least initially) a good healthy relationship?

did it end rather naturally(fro mamny causes)  like many relationships can and do ,,
or did your current fears play a large part in its demise?


the basic question is:
 where you, or are you , once you get past  the "fear of rejection stage" ,
able to have a normal relationship?

i'm not asking to actually get an answer..
These you don't need to answer, to anyone but yourself.


if its just getting past the initallly fear stage,, then why not pursue things?
women are women..and this same challenge you will face in any situation

I would think since you listed with EM, signed up with DM etc,
 that you must feel that you are capable of having  a relationship..

you even stated you've had some moderate success with match.com etc.
since the internets   initial anonymity  lets you breath a little easier  at least at first?
 I do think you should pursue local women, at first ,  
(and there are RW there certainly)

I'm not sure ,with your current fears, and how devasted you are after any rejection,
 that flying around the world to experince either initial rejection or initial acceptence is a great idea..
the fact is you could go there and meet many women,
and just like here ,some will be interested in you , others no.
the basic fundemnetals  do not change ,
and you can not remove the possiblity of rejection by traveling there.

in fact when headed there ,even with months of good communication ,
a man (and women) really needs to go in with realistic and tempered expectations..
of course  hope for the very best!!!
but have no real expectation at all..
even though confident .. i wouldnt go in with expecting anything past an afternoon coffee together.. and see where it goes..


I guarantee you everyone here has had a failed relationship..or failed initial meeting.

 
despite success ,, rejection happens there also.
it is a natural part of the whole process.
while meeting online may help establish that you like each other and have a better chance of hitting it off in person..
..i'm sorry but  there are no guarantees at all.
  
I do not want to  add to any fears you have in seeking a relationship, you seem a good guy and there IS someone for you!!!
 You certainly should look!! but be realistic and able to accept that rejection can and does sometimes occur. Whatever it takes to get you to that point,amd you are workling on that.
 
in ant case  you do need to understand that anything, can ,and does ,happen there in the FSU,
that could happen"here"!
(including the possibilty of inital rejection ,or longer term the relationship just not working out)

initial meeting might perhaps be easier,(which might be a big boost for you)
 but overall it has all the same bumps and curves of any relationship building scenario

You have had relationships, so you are capable.
There is someone out there that would be a good fit for you. who knows where she lives right?
i'd work from that.


You should ask your therapist thoughts and recommendations...

[veritas]

Thanks, AJ ... All of your posts on this thread have been really thoughtful, and I really appreciate that ...

Sculpto has assured me -- based on both what I've written here and the "TMI" that I shared with him --
that I really have no business at all being in the "FSUW game" at this time ...

So that's that ... But I'll continue to check on RWD for advice and support, both giving and receiving ...

Thanks to all of you ...

Kevin

[GQBlues]

Beautiful day and I shot lower than my handi today and now I read this about you.....actually I tried to go back a few posts to see if I missed something but man, I'm now as confused as Dustin Johnson.

(Kevin you don't need to answer) I don't mean to be insensitive man, but can anyone explain to me what happens during these 'Sexual Rejection' moments? Mind elaborating on what actually happens (assuming it's more than just a woman explaining 'yes' means 'no')? It seems as though everyone else is keyed with this so I'm just being curious...

[Gator]

As AJ says, we don't know the basis of your issue and we don't need to know.  Even if you told us the exact symptoms, we still don't know the causes and what to do about them.

It could be anything, so don't explain.  As one example of the possibilities, I have a business friend your age who has been on anti-anxiety meds for a long time.  It has dimished his libido, yet did not cause ED. 

If the issue is ED, there are many ways other than natural sex for mutual satisfaction.  And if the causes are psychological, "practicing" some "unordinary" methods  perhaps would eventually relax everyone, allowing "Mother Nature" to function. 

My major recommendation is don't be contacting 20-somthings - they have a big fire that I don't think you can put out.  Some 40-somethings may be more understanding and perhaps a few have similar experiences.  Not a small number of upper 40-somethings have their own issues.  Who knows what you will discover?  You will not know unless you keep trying.  And you will strike out a lot, so accept it and go to bat again.  And I definitely believe a AW is more likely than a RW to be understanding and compatible.

A true story.  One of my ex-wife's friends in Russia is married to a kind gentle soul, yet a diabetic.  He has physiological ED, not psychological.  Yet, they have a loving, enduring relationship.  Cats instead of kids.

I asked my ex-wife if her friend ever cheated.  She said no, but once her friend had a "meeting" with a man and was giving serious thought to his advances.  They stopped at a cafe for coffee, and there is where it fell apart.  The man did not offer to buy her cake!!!  Such a greedy man did not deserve her.  She said "paka" and left.   

[Faux Pas]

Beautiful day and I shot lower than my handi today and now I read this about you.....actually I tried to go back a few posts to see if I missed something but man, I'm now as confused as Dustin Johnson.

(Kevin you don't need to answer) I don't mean to be insensitive man, but can anyone explain to me what happens during these 'Sexual Rejection' moments? Mind elaborating on what actually happens (assuming it's more than just a woman explaining 'yes' means 'no')? It seems as though everyone else is keyed with this so I'm just being curious...

 

Just for the sake of clarity and me being nosy. Besides not having a pony and a drunken abusive alcoholic father while growing up, what is your handicap? 

[OlgaH]

They stopped at a cafe for coffee, and there is where it fell apart.  The man did not offer to buy her cake!!!  Such a greedy man did not deserve her.  She said "paka" and left.   

"a woman, a man, cafe and cake" reminds me Mikhail Zoshchenko's THE ARISTOCRAT 

http://www.archive.org/stream/scenesfromthebat031063mbp/scenesfromthebat031063mbp_djvu.txt

[veritas]

(Kevin you don't need to answer) I don't mean to be insensitive man, but can anyone explain to me what happens during these 'Sexual Rejection' moments? Mind elaborating on what actually happens (assuming it's more than just a woman explaining 'yes' means 'no')? It seems as though everyone else is keyed with this so I'm just being curious...

GQBlues, you've been pretty good to me on here, so I'll try to elaborate ...

The whole "sexual rejection" thing has -- MOSTLY -- been more of a "perception" than a "reality", in case of fact ...
But I'm thoroughly convinced that the reason it has NOT -- MOSTLY -- been a "reality" is because I've (almost)
never allowed it to BECOME one, by (almost) never "setting myself UP" for rejection (e.g., by not "approaching"
a girl in "real life") ...

There were a few minor exceptions to this, where I went out on a limb just a LITTLE bit -- though not actually
"asking for sex" (which is total anathema to me) -- and I was "rejected" (which I count as "sexual rejections"),
and I was hurt badly, but managed to recoup, more or less ... (Although these "rejections" served to confirm
my basic belief that I was unattractive, unworthy of sex/love, etc) ...

To be a bit less oblique, I can't recall ever: (a) "approaching" a girl in "real life", in ANY venue; (b) asking for,
suggesting, mentioning, hinting at sex, making any sexual "advances" or "passes" whatsoever -- those have
always come from the OTHER side ... No "seduction", "pursuit", "cop-a-feel's", "wandering hands", etc. --
on MY part ... Again, ALL the sexual initiative came from the OTHER side, and I heartily welcomed it ALL ...
NO sexual initiative whatsoever on MY part ... In fact, it's a miracle I ever got "laid" at all ... (Obviously,
NO pick-ups or anything remotely like that) ... Almost completely passive on my end, so little or no risk
of "sexual rejection" for me, because I MADE it that way to avoid possible devastation and being crushed ...
Virtually NEVER the "aggressor", "hunter", "predator", "chaser", or "pursuer" -- OPEN to "sexual advances",
but almost never INITATING them ...

In short, the "consummate (passive) gentleman" -- polite, well-mannered, keeping hands and mouth to oneself ...
Not giving a CLUE of actually desiring physical contact at all, much less SEX, but ALWAYS open to HER initiative ...
So I (almost) never set myself up for "sexual rejection", because I knew from a FEW past experiences how painful
it was for me, and so I would have NONE of it ... And if that meant "no affection" or "no sex", then so be it ...
PRIDE is very key here ... PRIDE in not actually succumbing to the lures of women ... PRIDE in "self-control" ...

But then I happened upon JOANNA -- on Match.com -- and I was SO obsessed with her that I threw (some of)
that PRIDE right out the window, and thus "set myself up for failure" and "sexual rejection" ... Joanna was ALL
ABOUT sex, right from the very START ... She would talk, talk, TALK about sex, which I found to be rather
"stimulating" -- ala phone sex -- and VERY "heady" (and flattering) for me, so I was mere putty in her hands --
a REAL "babe in the woods" with my near-total "sexual naivety" ... But GOD, was her sex talk STIMULATING!!!

Very soon, she graduated to an UNSOLICITED display of all her "sex toys" in her bedroom -- and they were LEGION ...
Dildos, vibrators, Ben-Wa balls, etc. ... And she described for me the EXACT purpose and function of each, in detail ...
She even "buzzed" my crotch, "playfully", with her vibrating "rabbit" ... VERY heady and "stimulating" STUFF for me --
that sexual "babe in the woods" ... She regaled me with explicit stories of her MANY sexual "exploits", including how
her INCREDIBLE hip action during sex actually "broke" one guys "ECOCKS" ... (Sorry man!)

THEN it was time for her to break out the "naughty books" ... She opened a "Penthouse Forum" magazine to a XXX-
rated page (aren't they all?) that was PARTICULARLY raunchy and "stimulating", and she held it in front of my FACE
and told me to READ it -- my reaction was, like, "Wow!!!  That's really SOMETHING!!!" .... And then she INSISTED
on loaning me five "sex books", including one for the female "Extended Sexual Orgasm" (ESO) which she wanted ME
to READ and EXPLAIN to her, because it was too "clinical" and "confusing" for her to understand ... So I was supposed
to give her step-by-step instructions to achieving an ESO ...

THEN she told me EXACTLY how and why her pubic hair was trimmed -- ALL of this was completely UNSOLICITED --
and she recommended that *I* do the SAME ... So we went to Wal-Mart, where she got me a "personal trimmer"
(and asked me the next day if I'd USED it yet), as well as several "sexy" sleepwear boxers and shirts for me (her idea) ...

THEN there was the "sleeping together" ... We stayed overnight at my friend's house near the beach, and when
I naturally assumed that I'd be taking the futon bed, she INSISTED that I join her in the spare BEDROOM'S bed ...
And when I naturally kept to my own side of the bed, she INSISTED that I shouldn't "be a stranger" and should
JOIN her in "spooning" together throughout the night -- and so we did ... But that was ALL we did ...

And there was more like that ... Her trying to get me DRUNK on extra margaritas and beer on our first date;
her telling me to do a "body shot" off of her AMPLE (44DD) chest, moments later; her keeping me in her car
talking into the wee hours, although she had to work the next morning; her never-ending stream of sex talk
on the phone; her delighted comments on the "delayed ejaculation" effect of my Paxil; yada, yada, yada ...

Folks, I ask you -- WHAT was I to THINK??

And yet she NEVER so much as KISSED me, even though we "slept together" ... She would say, "I really WANTED
to kiss you last night, BUT --" ... You're a WIENIE, you make EXCUSES, you're not STRONG ENOUGH for me", etc. --
all of which I reckon were -- and still ARE -- TRUE ...

But then why the HELL was she so BLATANTLY SEXUAL towards me??  Sex toys, sex books, sex talk, pubic hair,
ESO's (that I should explain to her), "sleeping together", trying to get me drunk, body shot off her chest, etc. ...
WHAT was I to THINK??  At one point, she even said, "I'm INTERESTED in you, so come ON!!!"  (With my life) ...

She had my HEAD(s) spinning every which way, so I never knew if she was "COMING" (maybe!) or GOING!!
A real "TEASE extraordinaire"!!!  And I didn't know whether to LOVE it or HATE it ...

But not ONCE did I ever "trust" it, and not ONCE did I ever "make a move" on her ... I just REVELED (sorta)
in her BLATANT sexuality towards me, and I "took whatever she offered" (which did NOT include KISSING,
GROPING, STROKING, SQUEEZING, SUCKING, or INTERCOURSE) ...

We were clearly headed for a MAJOR train-wreck, with the EXTREME difference in our sexual experience,
proclivities, and "sensibilities" ... But meanwhile I was just "sucking all this up" and desperately wishing
for MORE, because I was so OBSESSED, TITILLATED, STIMULATED, and AMAZED at her "open sexuality" ...
But I didn't let HER know any of that, of course ...

So anyway, our "trains" did indeed "wreck" a few months later -- largely our of my IMPATIENCE and
FRUSTRATION with her, and to ME, this was the "ultimate sexual rejection" of me, and I was totally
DEVASTATED and started on a slow, 3-year slide into the abyss ...

And I haven't dated since then (May 2006) ...

Does this SOMEWHAT answer your question(s) about "sexual rejection" as perceived by ME?

Kevin

[veritas]

(Kevin you don't need to answer)

Sorry, man, but I DID need to answer ... I needed to get all that off my chest ...

As you can see, I STILL harbor "some" bitterness there ... And I'm STILL not "over" Joanna ...

Kevin

P.S.  Perhaps your question really wasn't about me ...

P.P.S.  In all fairness, I think Joanna was just SCREWED-UP, TOO, and didn't understand what she was doing ...

P.P.P.S.  She bragged about having sex with "someone famous" (wouldn't say who) and regaled me with THAT story, TOO ...

[pitbull]

Sorry, man, but I DID need to answer ... I needed to get all that off my chest ...

As you can see, I STILL harbor "some" bitterness there ... And I'm STILL not "over" Joanna ...

Kevin

Kevin,

Joanna put aside, tell us your your marriage.

Were you able to be an adequate "husband" for your wife? How long were you married and why did you divorce?

This will be necessary in order to try to answer your question.