It looks like I'm joining the divorce club.

[tim 360]

As of today, no divorce papers have been filed. I guess we're just spending some time apart. The word on the street is she is not going to file for divorce. I havent spoken much with her. Her mother will be here until October. Who knows how all this will play out. I appreciate the kind words and calls from a few here. I guess if you've ever been married to a FSU woman then you're a member of a special club. My guess is the club resembles the cast of "One Flew over the Cookoos Nest". I seriously doubt I will spell out the details of this here because it's just not the place. It's easy to just assume and hit the post button.

Hey Greg,  I hope you two will be able to work everything out for the best for everyone.  Divorce like war should be the last best option.  It is important right now to keep communications open with her, which may help keep away communicating via lawyers.

[OlgaH]

Hi Greg, that I think is a good news that there is no any divorce papers involved. Wish you both the best and to come to a positive resolution of your situation.

[dogspot]

Greg, I wish you and your family the best at this time. Keep your chin up and try to stay positive.

[Gator]

I consider that great news, Greg.  You have a lot of patience, a solid sign that you love your family.

Maybe in a few years the two of you can have a good laugh at this and remark how it made you even closer.

[KenC]

Greg,
I'm going to share the most valuable advice I ever got regarding divorce:

Your marriage may indeed be over, BUT.....as long as there is a minute chance of saving it, do EVERYTHING in your power to do so.  You just may save a relationship of a life time.  But even should you not be able to save it, you will have a clear conscience that you did try your best.

At this point, less is probably best as far as posting any details here IMO.  Gives the vultures less to prey upon.

Best of luck to you.
KenC

[Manny]

I can say honestly say that I cant recommend this course of action to guys seeking the allure of marrying a beautiful woman with an erotic accent. There's just too much culture difference.

I don't agree with that. After seven years there should be no culture differences if each have spent the last seven years adapting to the other. We have been married only four years, yet if we divorced tomorrow, the differences would be simply because of the two of us and not anything to do with culture differences.

My wife doesnt think my 4 year old needs English. It's insane. 

Yes, that is worrying. I just read that line out to my wife who was completely speechless.

I am not familiar enough with Greg's posts to know the age difference between him and his wife, and I didn't notice anyone mention it. If anyone knows, I would be interested to know.

Greg: I wish you strength and all the very best wishes for what lies ahead of you. I have two pieces of advice for you that you can take or leave. However bad you feel, treat her with respect *especially* in front of the children. Divorced you may be, but you will have a relationship with her forever because of the children. A civil one will make life a whole lot easier and cheaper* over the coming years.

*Lawyers: Avoid at all costs (Which as a European, I know isn't the American way). Those guys will empty your bank account writing meaningless letters to each other. They will truly bleed you dry. If you can remain civil with her, you will be able to keep lawyers out of the situation as much as possible with simple conversation. That will benefit all of you guys for many years to come.

[Eduard]

MILs can be a huge problem. They are usually very set in their ways/views, they got an agenda - he is not good enough/rich enough for my daughter, she can/should find somebody "better" which often means "richer". I had a Russian friend who married a Russian girl here in the US. They lived happily for several years until she brought her MIL to the US to live with them. That's when the trouble started and they wound up getting divorced. Cultural difference? I think not. I was blessed with my in-laws. I feel sad when they leave after a 2 month visit with us once a year. But I think that they are more of an exception rather than the rule.

Greg, I know how tough this is on you, especially since you have 2 kids. If there is anything I can do, I'd like to help. I am not a professional mediator but I have helped couples to communicate with each other and find a compromise where they could start building their relationship back and they did stay together. PM me if you want to talk to me. If you want me to talk to your wife after that and try to find some sort of compromise, find out where her head is at, I'd be happy to do that for you. Sometimes when women tell us things we (men) just don't hear them, and it's not cultural, it's more of a man/woman thing. But she might feel comfortable talking to a Russian speaker and explaining her perspective to me. Then you and I can talk about it. If that's something you'd like, PM me your number and I'll call in the evening.

In any case, remember: "It's always darkest before dawn". Stay as positive as you can, always put kid's well being first and hope for the best.
Hope everything works out for you,
Ed

[DKMM]

I guess if I could add anything of value it would be to advise Greg to see if he can ride the storm out until October.  Its hard for me to fathom this.  My MIL is such good friends with my own parents that I think she might just go stay with them half the time if she can ever visit... so I guess I have no relevant experience to add.  Good luck man, your posts made me think you are adjusted enough to handle this.

[JR]

Greg, I am really sorry to hear about this. I wish you the best.

[Muzh]

Wow, this is so familiar.

I'm sorry for this guy Greg.

Greg, I don't know you but I would like to ralate a story or two.

I have two good friends married to Ukrainian ladies. Both have children with their wives and both wives initiated the divorce. Also, both wives were extremely young (18 and 20) from small villages outside cities. Not to mention that both husbands are 18 to 20 years older than their wives. Did I mentioned that both were married for almost 9 years?

Everyone's guess was:

- another man
- Mother-in-law
- both
- abuse

Well, it was none of the above. What it boils down to is these girls were young, inexperienced, and had no idea what it was to deal with the whole world at the palm of your hands. The husbands eventually came to grips with this assessment. Doesn't mean they are reconciling, even though they want to. It doesn't mean they were bad husbands. Both women have said so to their husbands. It is just that they came to grips with the "American Dream," the land of opportunity. And there is no turning back for them.

BTW, both MILs are on the husbands' side. One lady is flying to her town in UA with her son for him to see baba. The daughter is staying with friends because she is not welcome to her mother's house. (IMHO, that's a huge mistake.) The father of the child is flying later on in the spring to UA and bring his son back. He WILL be staying with MIL. So please, let's give MILs a break.

Is this the result of too big of an age difference? It seems to me that it is part of the equation, but not the reason.

What ever the result is with you, Greg, it is time to move on. You have my sincerest sympathies. I was there once. Just be smart about it and stop feeling pitiful.

[Eduard]

Muzh,
I don't think it's as much the result of age difference as it is of the girls being too young for such a serious commitment. Basically a 20 year old child became a grown up woman in 8 or 9 years and at this point realised who she was and what she wanted out of life (at this new stage). Although there are always exceptions I'd say that most FSU women only mature for marriage in their mid to late 20s . Marrying a teen or a 20 year old is asking for trouble IMO.

[mendeleyev]

Greg, I am truly sorry to hear the news. Even though we've never met, you are right that there is a bond between families who have undertaken this venture. Even thought I didn't know KenC that well, it has struck me that he went thru a trying time as well with great class and respect without a single bad word. I hope that you can find comfort and strength as events unfold.