break up from RW - difficult time

[Turboguy]

I have heard of guys having success through every method imaginable so it may work for you that way.  One of the possible pitfalls is that even though you may meet some nice women by just being there, finding one willing to marry a foreigner and leave her family, friends and country may be a bit harder.   One thing about using the dating sites is that most of the woman have already put some thought into making a major life change.

[SomeGuy]

Kuna made a particularly good post, and Turbo raised a valid point in his last post.
I don't believe women are the same, but I think IO and others covered that well - IMO, there is enough core similarities (allowing for personality/emotional differences) that you shouldn't be focusing on the differences, or making excuses for them..

There is, in my opinion, a difference, potentially a large one, between seeking a date, and seeking a committed, serious relationship that may lead to marriage.  One the one extreme, you have pay per letter sites/'agencies' which most of us would advise staying clear of - the women (if they are women in some cases, not Boris or translators only) may have spent a lot of time thinking about 'relocation,' not necessarily all in a positive fashion.  On the other, you have the OPs idea, go meet random people in the street, where it is likely to be able to get dates, but how many have likely thought about relocation as a serious possibility?  While I'm sure exceptions for each extreme can be found, I'm unsure that either presents a situation most likely to lead to success, although the second may lead to a series of fun dates.  A not entirely different approach would come in the form of free sites or subscription sites.  The free sites may not be full of those who have seriously though about the possibility of an international romance, but would definitely give them a little more time to think about the idea before your random meeting, while the numbers of women able to come into contact with would certainly exceed walking around an unknown location.

Just something to think about.  Even if free or subscription sites are used only to make a few contacts, they might certainly be nice to have in the event your 'walkabout' doesn't wind up going as expected.

[2tallbill]

There is, in my opinion, a difference, potentially a large one, between seeking a date, and seeking a committed, serious relationship that may lead to marriage.  

I disagree, I think that most (over 70%)of FSUW over the age of 25 are seeking
marriage and not just a date.

[dbneeley]

As far as simply "showing up" in the FSU and trying to meet random women as a means of finding a mate--there was one particularly notable man who was on several RW lists for years. He spent many months in the FSU during eight or ten separate trips, most of which were of a month or more duration. He claimed to have finally found a wife there--it only took him about ten years and tens of thousands of dollars expended in the effort.

So, sure--there are other methods than seeking among ladies who have already determined they are serious about marriage and open to the idea of marrying someone from another culture.

However, I have always found that when fishing it is most efficient to cast in water that has plenty of fish. There are darned few in a bathtub or swimming pool.

David

[Faux Pas]

As far as simply "showing up" in the FSU and trying to meet random women as a means of finding a mate--there was one particularly notable man who was on several RW lists for years. He spent many months in the FSU during eight or ten separate trips, most of which were of a month or more duration. He claimed to have finally found a wife there--it only took him about ten years and tens of thousands of dollars expended in the effort.

So, sure--there are other methods than seeking among ladies who have already determined they are serious about marriage and open to the idea of marrying someone from another culture.

However, I have always found that when fishing it is most efficient to cast in water that has plenty of fish. There are darned few in a bathtub or swimming pool.

David

You know David there is another way of looking at that. Someone who just shows up in the FSU and starts from scratch is tossing a small net into a big lake with few fish.

Contrary, one who does his due diligence prior to traveling has an opportunity to identify a number of fish and have them secluded into one smaller pond for his arrival thus making his smaller net much more effective.

I was lucky in meeting my wife. I make no bones about that. After lots of letters and emails with at least 50 well filtered ladies prior to my getting on a plane and 3 months of "extensive" communication with her subsequent travel and spending 2 weeks with her, I had no doubt she was a very special lady with I wanted to know more. I attribute much of my "luck" to the due diligence on my part before my first trip.

On that first trip I also had time to myself in which I went out and winged it. I found it very easy to meet women. Much harder to communicate but these meetings were on the fly so it was to be expected. It seemed that just being an American and alone in St Petersburg was enough for several woman to make the first move and I found the ladies to be very approachable as well. As refreshing and easy as that was, I still would not go to the FSU to meet ladies without prior due diligence.

[dbneeley]

F.P.--

I completely agree that advance preparation is often the key to success in many endeavors, of which this is only one.

Surely you recall the old saying by Samuel Goldwyn: "The harder I work, the luckier I get!" (A very similar statement was made by Thomas Jefferson, by the way).

David

[Faux Pas]

F.P.--

I completely agree that advance preparation is often the key to success in many endeavors, of which this is only one.

Surely you recall the old saying by Samuel Goldwyn: "The harder I work, the luckier I get!" (A very similar statement was made by Thomas Jefferson, by the way).

David

Ayup! Agreed

[Partizan]

Hi guys, just an update on what is happening now. My days are what you can describe as having their ups and downs. I have been going through a stressful time right now with my work and my Mum who is ill at the moment. Anyway last Saturday night I went out and pulled, got her number but since I live and work in another town and have been busy I have not called this woman.

I have been thinking of sending an email to my ex telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me. I know you will scream and vent your vitriol at me but you could say it is part and parcel of going through the pangs of missing her. I still dream of her quite alot. Her father sent me an email telling me that she was angry and upset when he brought up the issue, however she replied to her parents that she did not want to discuss the issue with her parents. he told e to send her a email sine I told him that I would not call her. Her cousin sent me an sms saying that she met my ex and my ex said that she had nothing to say. My ex has also turned down my friend request on mail.ru after I removed her from my friend list back in December when the breakup happened. You can forgive my anger but its how I felt. I have not contacted her in any way since we broke up, no mesage nothing. Its tough I know. One day I'm grand, the next feeling bloody awful. My emotions are all over the place at the moment.

[erudite]

The absolute BEST cure for your situation is to get back in the game.  My my my........Kharkiv is fabulous even in winter.  If I had not been committed, I would have been in the best place I could possibly be, even in the winter.

[GQBlues]

Well, had SO been here, I’m sure either of this is what he would’ve prescribed for you. I just don’t know exactly which one it would’ve been. This…



Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending

(Chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without you

On my own I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you

(Chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without
Go on without
It's just no good without you

Without you, without you, without you
Oh baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without, you

***Or this***



I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong


I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Chorus

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Chorus(3x)

...either way, I hope you feel better soon.  

But seriously, you really need to Man-Up!

[Chicagoguy]

 

[mies]

ok, so if the girl is sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy or cries - she is called bipolar.
if she smiles all the time - she's normal.
and if she doesn't show emotions - i figure she should be called a cold sociopath.

Partizan - I thought you should make it clear to her that you were (and still are) ready to take it to the next level, and you want to marry her. Sometimes women, when tired of waiting for decision from a man - make an ultimatum. Some other women, who don't have very strong personality, retreat with a hope that this will stimulate the guy to take some actions. There is 50/50 chance it was the case with your ex-girlfriend. And you will never find out unless you tell her now that you want to marry her and live together with her.

Is it so hard to understand the female's maneuvers?  

[Maxx2]

 

Take it easy GQ. I seem to remember you had Air Supply play at your wedding 

[Partizan]

ok, so if the girl is sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy or cries - she is called bipolar.
if she smiles all the time - she's normal.
and if she doesn't show emotions - i figure she should be called a cold sociopath.

Partizan - I thought you should make it clear to her that you were (and still are) ready to take it to the next level, and you want to marry her. Sometimes women, when tired of waiting for decision from a man - make an ultimatum. Some other women, who don't have very strong personality, retreat with a hope that this will stimulate the guy to take some actions. There is 50/50 chance it was the case with your ex-girlfriend. And you will never find out unless you tell her now that you want to marry her and live together with her.

Is it so hard to understand the female's maneuvers?  

Thanks for that Mies. i will send an email to her this week. The ball will be firmly in her court and its up to her to reply. I'm not waiting around, I'm moving on. If she wants me back she knows how to get in contact with me.

[Partizan]

ok, so if the girl is sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy or cries - she is called bipolar.
if she smiles all the time - she's normal.
and if she doesn't show emotions - i figure she should be called a cold sociopath.

Partizan - I thought you should make it clear to her that you were (and still are) ready to take it to the next level, and you want to marry her. Sometimes women, when tired of waiting for decision from a man - make an ultimatum. Some other women, who don't have very strong personality, retreat with a hope that this will stimulate the guy to take some actions. There is 50/50 chance it was the case with your ex-girlfriend. And you will never find out unless you tell her now that you want to marry her and live together with her.

Is it so hard to understand the female's maneuvers?  

email duly sent.  PM'd you mies.

[GQBlues]

Wow! 3 pages of BUMMER heartache  
 


Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Outro (2x)
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Dude, I think you can download the ringtone for this, too. In case you’re mobile and kind’a get the moment, you know what I mean? Of course, with an iPhone you just zoom right into the youtube page as long as you got the page sacred and saved.

[Partizan]

Wow! 3 pages of BUMMER heartache  
 


Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Outro (2x)
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Dude, I think you can download the ringtone for this, too. In case you’re mobile and kind’a get the moment, you know what I mean? Of course, with an iPhone you just zoom right into the youtube page as long as you got the page sacred and saved.

James Blunt...... aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh 

[GQBlues]

James Blunt...... aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh  

LOL...OK then, how'bout Ms. Sexy sultry Lisa Stansfield? I think Basia have better vocals but Lisa have bigger boobs so you're likely better off with Lisa. I caution however as Barry White already had dibs with her delectable preciousness...



Yeah, check me out...

Never, never gonna give you up, baby
Never, never gonna give you up
Wherever I am, babe, I do, yeah
Forever and ever, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'll be true, yeah

I've got to keep you pleased in every way I can
Gonna give you all of me
As much as you can stand
Make love to you right now, that's all I want to do

I know you need it, boy, and you know
I need it, too
'Cause I found what the world is searching for
Here, ooh, right here, my dear
I don't have to look no more
And, oh, my babe, I hope and I pray for someone
Just like you to make me feel the way you do

(Chorus)
Never, never gonna give you up
I'm never, ever gonna stop
Not the way I feel about you babe,
I just can't live without you
I'm never ever gonna quit, no
'Cause quittin' just ain't my shtick
I'm gonna stay right here with you
Do all the things you want me to

Whatever you want, boy, you got it, yeah
Whatever you need, baby, baby, baby, baby
I don't want to see you without it, no

You've given me much more than words could ever say
And oh, my dear, I'll be right here until my dying day
I don't know just how to say all the things I feel
I just know that I love you so and it gives me such a thrill

'Cause I found what the world has been looking for
Here, ooh, right here, my dear
I don't have to search no more
And all of my days I hoped and prayed
For someone just like you
To make me feel the way you do

(repeat Chorus 2x)

Again, ringtone is available.

[JR]

I have been thinking of sending an email to my ex telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me. I know you will scream and vent your vitriol at me but you could say it is part and parcel of going through the pangs of missing her. I still dream of her quite alot. Her father sent me an email telling me that she was angry and upset when he brought up the issue, however she replied to her parents that she did not want to discuss the issue with her parents. he told e to send her a email sine I told him that I would not call her. Her cousin sent me an sms saying that she met my ex and my ex said that she had nothing to say. My ex has also turned down my friend request on mail.ru after I removed her from my friend list back in December when the breakup happened. You can forgive my anger but its how I felt. I have not contacted her in any way since we broke up, no mesage nothing. Its tough I know. One day I'm grand, the next feeling bloody awful. My emotions are all over the place at the moment.

How quickly we forget....there are reasons you are not together, I'll bet none of which have changed. Don't be stupid. Seriously DON'T BE STUPID!!!!!!!!!!

[JR]

Thanks for that Mies. i will send an email to her this week. The ball will be firmly in her court and its up to her to reply. I'm not waiting around, I'm moving on. If she wants me back she knows how to get in contact with me.

Stupid STUPID STUPID

The ball is already in her court, she ain't playin.....

You ARE waiting around.....

I'm moving on, BLA BLA BLA, no you're not.
She doesn't want you, get it?

[erudite]

"The ball(s) are in her court".  Naw man she is all done with that.  The ball(s) is in your court and if you still got any, get out there and play.   

Really Partizan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hell man, move on............there are thousands of them out there waiting.  Probably dozens waiting for you to meet them.  At at least two or three who will put the last one to shame and make you forget all about loving and moping around for her and glad you are with them.  

[JohnDearGreen]

To cut to the chase...she came to Ireland in Xmas & New Year 2009-10. However we had a row in the New Year due to me being a bit inconsiderate and not paying attention to her...She had given up her job to come to Ireland so I financially supported her until she was sorted after 2 months.

Pzan:
a) The lady gives up her job so that she can go visit you.  
b) You are a bit inconsiderate while she is there.
Was it your decision or hers for her to quit her job?  I won't ask for details on the inconsiderate behavior, but the above might give any lady a few mood swings.

To cut to the chase...my guess (and only a guess) is it sounds like you were originally her plan A, but after her 1st NYE trip experience you became her plan B.
Her options were:
plan a) Drop you, or
plan b) String you along as her plan B.

She continued communication with you as her secondary option, while her primary thoughts were finding another plan A guy throughout 2010.   As you have found out, a ladies plan B path is not as smooth sailing as being on her plan A yellow brick road.

So your options are:
plan a) Drop her, or
plan b) Evaluate your chances of ever getting yourself back on her plan A path again.  

Maybe she has already found another guy, maybe not.  
Maybe propose a "starting over", but a marriage proposal would be way off base
until you are certain you are sailing smoothly as her Plan A guy again.

[Partizan]

Pzan:
a) The lady gives up her job so that she can go visit you. 
b) You are a bit inconsiderate while she is there.
Was it your decision or hers for her to quit her job?  I won't ask for details on the inconsiderate behavior, but the above might give any lady a few mood swings.

To cut to the chase...my guess (and only a guess) is it sounds like you were originally her plan A, but after her 1st NYE trip experience you became her plan B.
Her options were:
plan a) Drop you, or
plan b) String you along as her plan B.

She continued communication with you as her secondary option, while her primary thoughts were finding another plan A guy throughout 2010.   As you have found out, a ladies plan B path is not as smooth sailing as being on her plan A yellow brick road.

So your options are:
plan a) Drop her, or
plan b) Evaluate your chances of ever getting yourself back on her plan A path again. 

Maybe she has already found another guy, maybe not.   
Maybe propose a "starting over", but a marriage proposal would be way off base
until you are certain you are sailing smoothly as her Plan A guy again.

Thanks for the advice JDG. I know I messed up when she was here first time round but I made amends when I apologised to her and there she got in contact with me again via skype, mail.ru chat and mobile calls. Her job before she came here was not a good one. She worked in a juice bar. It was poorly paid and her boss was not paying any taxes, i.e. working illegally. She had asked her boss for time off, the boss said no so she resigned.

When she went back to Russia, she immediately began looking for work. I gave her some money before she went back to tie her over. In early March, she told me that she had got into debt problems as she had borrowed money some time back and the person who she borrowed the cash was putting pressure on her to pay it back. She still had not found a job at that stage and was feeling the heat from her lender, so I paid off her debt which wasn't a large sum but nonetheless she was very grateful. A month later, she found a job and everything was fine.

In June I booked a holiday for the both of us to go to Egypt and she was delighted saying she was looking forward to it. In July she went with a friend to Adler to work in a hotel, but the agency whom she had got the job, had let her down and after a week of searching she had found no job. She rang me to say that she had run out of money and had no place to stay so I gave some money and 2 weeks later I got the news that she found a job and was grateful to me for getting her out of a hole. While there in Adler I found out from her friends there who I am in regular communication with that when they asked her about me she replied that I was a really good man who helped her anytime no matter what and that he was taking me to Egypt of which she was really looking forward.

The holiday was great but the mood swings were there too. As I mentioned earlier, on the last night she broke down in tears and when I asked her why, she said that she was sad at going back home as she really had a great time. The following morning as she departed we hugged and I told her I would see her again soon.

Fast forward now, well I am getting so much conflicting advice like drop her which I am inclined to take (i.e. my gut instinct) or stay in communication with her and tell her how I feel as her friends and family have been saying. if she was seeing someone else, I would have found out from her friends and family and if that was the case well I would cut my losses and get out of Dodge faily quickly.

To sum it up, JDG, I do recognise my shortcomings but I have learned from them and have sent an email letting her know of my intentions to her. But when all is said and done I know option A is the likely outcome.

Guys you can fire at will and tell me that I'm stupid etc but sorry for boring the crap out of you. I have been in relationships before that have ended either by me or by the other party, relationships that just ran out of steam but none has hit me as hard as this one.

[Daveman]

Just as one opinion, worth the value of precisely what you paid for it, this woman doesn't have feelings for you in a way which would lead to a fulfilling relationship.  Perhaps she wants to, or deeply wishes she could, and maybe even tries to, but it just isn't there.  "Mood swings" are a very common womanly symptom of this scenario. Yeah, she could be completely insane, or damaged, but more than likely she just doesn't "feel" it so her dreams, thoughts, rational desires are conflicted with the emotions... and that internal conflict can cause serious mood swings.

If you continue with the same behavior the situation is unlikely to change.  Perhaps you could be much more aggressive, assertive, angry, jealous, whatever, to trigger a more raw emotional response from her... and that can sometimes work miracles, at least short term. Continuing with the same will lead exactly to more of the same. If you are being yourself, then this woman is not emotionally responding to your natural self.  Liven it up or let it go. Throwing your heart at a woman's feet rarely has the desired effect. 

[Partizan]

Just as one opinion, worth the value of precisely what you paid for it, this woman doesn't have feelings for you in a way which would lead to a fulfilling relationship.  Perhaps she wants to, or deeply wishes she could, and maybe even tries to, but it just isn't there.  "Mood swings" are a very common womanly symptom of this scenario. Yeah, she could be completely insane, or damaged, but more than likely she just doesn't "feel" it so her dreams, thoughts, rational desires are conflicted with the emotions... and that internal conflict can cause serious mood swings.

If you continue with the same behavior the situation is unlikely to change.  Perhaps you could be much more aggressive, assertive, angry, jealous, whatever, to trigger a more raw emotional response from her... and that can sometimes work miracles, at least short term. Continuing with the same will lead exactly to more of the same. If you are being yourself, then this woman is not emotionally responding to your natural self.  Liven it up or let it go. Throwing your heart at a woman's feet rarely has the desired effect. 

Cheers for the Freudian analysis there Dave. The mood swings were there at the start. The second night she was there we went for a walk around the nicer parts of Dublin, St. Stephens Green and all that including feeding the swans which she got chased by one of the cygnets which was quite funny but she didnt find amusing. It was cold and when we got back home she got a bit stroppy and ran into the bedroom. When I walked in to speak to her, she pulled the blanket over her head and started sulking but when I asked her if she was hungry she said yes so she got up  and I cooked a big slap up meal. She was happy again.

She is a painfully shy, reserved and quiet person with not a very strong personality. Me on the otherhand is the exact opposite, outgoing and strong personality. There is a communication difference there between us. Her English is not so good while my Russian is improving immensly as having a good knowledge of Bulgarian and a smattering of Serbo-Croat for me set me up nicely to absorb Russian much better than your average Anglophone. This can contribute to her shy and reserved nature and I believe it is what gave rise to the misunderstandings that caused the initial problems

However when all is said and done I agree with the guys here. Her friends have invited me over to Sochi in July to stay with them so I plan on doing so. I will be in Russia for 3-4 weeks so I intend brushing up and enjoying myself.