Bad consequences of taking someone "home"?

[SomeGuy]

I'll be a little bit serious for one second, notoriously hard for me to do.
You can find wonderful women on pretty much every corner of the earth.

To pretend they are all basically the same to me is  both accurate, and complete  sillyness.
Fundamental human needs are the same.Cultural differences can be immense and greatly effect the
dynamics of how  relationships  function,but you'd have to venture beyond the simple west/FSU to get
real  extreme differences.
 

AJ, this was a good post, IMO.

If you find someone special in France instead of the Sweden,
would you worry that they might become sweden-nized? lol
maybe why they are special to you ,is the very nuances of cultural differences that effected their individuality?
might they lose those, if moving to Germany?   Italy? Canada? the USA?

I think you'd have to establish which cultural traits you feel are part of men looking in the FSU,
or the ones that might be tempting you personally to look..or cause you concern at their possible loss..
to determine what might or might not be lost in the transition...

I think this is where many come into issues - are some traits really cultural?  Is intelligence?  Is keeping fit, or loyalty, or a sense of humor?  Nope, although we can say some of them may be affected by environment, culture, upbringing as to their relative frequency or importance.  Meanwhile, it seems that some would attribute the positives as 'cultural' (only?) but write off the negatives due to 'cultural differences' without much thought that can later lead to 'problems' etc.

I think differentiating between cultural versus character can be a big deal, especially if/when some things tend to get overlooked, but at the end of the day, at least for myself, I think I'm pretty solidly in the 'women are women' viewpoint - yes, there are cultural differences, some nice, some frustrating, and some in between, but find the right woman, and they aren't/shouldn't be the 'core' of your relationship..

[Muzh]

Correct me if Iīm wrong but I get the impression that most of you here wish to find someone special. A FSU girl which is different from most western ones and then you want to take her home to good ol England or USA or France etc right?

But.. I would imagine she is who she is largely because of where she grew up, lives and those she has spent her time with. What do you think happends when you take her out of the environment that created her? Those who have experience, what did happen?

Iīm simply curious and a little afraid that it will change her and turn her into a western woman.

I don't know if my example would help you since I was not born in Continental USA. To top thatmy ancestors were common enemies of the basic US colonist so you can say that my wife and I were on the same boat. Make no mistake, my father served in the Pacific in WWII, his brother was a retired USAF Brigadier General, and their cousin was a B-17 pilot shot down in France and a POW for 3 years.

But if that is of any consequence, I can say the sky didn't fall.

My continental friends know who I am and I have one that calls it an "experience" every time he comes to my house. And ever since my wife came to NY the experience has gotten better.

After 30+ years in NY (upstate; very different from NYC) everybody knows I am from Puerto Rico. Also, everyone who knows my wife knows she is from Ukraine, even though sometimes she has to correct them when they say she is from Russia. If you ask her I'll bet you she'll give you a similar answer as mine. I mean, she still likes meat jello, stuffed cabbage, calls cutlets to cooked grounded beef and ground chicken, AND still believes that the US stole Alaska.

If you think she will become something else, I surely hope she doesn't.

[tim 360]

LOL. Well, all I can tell you is somehow men have a 6th sense knowing that the 'younger, prettier' ones have a higher propensity to adjust to new environments. That's why those women are the busiest in any of the dating sites and venues. Yeah, that's it!

True and the prettier they are the more easy the adjustment in the western world because men keep adjusting themselves to accomodate the prettier girls in any way they can.  

In life there are few constants just, taxes, death and change and IMHO women change more than most men and men go quicker to the grave.

[JohnDearGreen]

The evolving in a bad direction goes for no matter where she is from. Iīm just wondering if the chances are greater that sheīll change a lot more than she would if she were from the same western country as you are.

Her becoming westernized is not a thing to fear.
Her associating with other RW who became westernized and evolved in a bad direction is a thing to fear.

[GQBlues]

I don't know if my example would help you since I was not born in Continental USA. To top thatmy ancestors were common enemies of the basic US colonist so you can say that my wife and I were on the same boat. Make no mistake, my father served in the Pacific in WWII, his brother was a retired USAF Brigadier General, and their cousin was a B-17 pilot shot down in France and a POW for 3 years.

But if that is of any consequence, I can say the sky didn't fall.

My continental friends know who I am and I have one that calls it an "experience" every time he comes to my house. And ever since my wife came to NY the experience has gotten better.

After 30+ years in NY (upstate; very different from NYC) everybody knows I am from Puerto Rico. Also, everyone who knows my wife knows she is from Ukraine, even though sometimes she has to correct them when they say she is from Russia. If you ask her I'll bet you she'll give you a similar answer as mine. I mean, she still likes meat jello, stuffed cabbage, calls cutlets to cooked grounded beef and ground chicken, AND still believes that the US stole Alaska.

If you think she will become something else, I surely hope she doesn't.

Like Muzh, my wife and I are 'naturalized' Americans. However, unlike Muzh, I identify more as an American (sans oxymoron) and are largely more Americanized than not. Thank goodness too, because I can't fathom the thought of sporting those hideous huge wooden spoon and fork as our main room wall decoration.

My wife OTOH is rapidly going through that transition. Thankfully, maybe due largely to her 'age', she (wasn't) isn't too deep into her cultural upbringing/custom either as our living room wall is spared from those nauseating dust mites infested/attracting rugs either.

In the end, you may take the woman out of Russia, but expecting to take the Russia out of the woman largely depends on her age.

So what I'm saying here is, if you want a woman who will be far less 'acclimating' and less of the possibility to change her ways...marry a 'baba', store serious supply of sunflower seeds and enjoy that fact some things in life need not be changed.

But we both know that ain't happening, marrying a baba that is, right?

[Walerian]

You can always move to live to Russia, right?

also, just to make sure I understand what your question is, could you please give few examples of "bad consequences"?

Thank you.

Yes I could. Iīm just curious what would happen with her if I didnīt.

An examples of bad consequences would be that she assimilates to western society so well that her "russian mentality" disappears after a few years in a western country. She stops caring about her appearance as much because the bar is set so low. She starts thinking having children before 30 is some kind of tragedy. She starts wearing a fake smile around I donīt know, but you know what I mean donīt you?

It couldnīt happen as much if you had a french girl or a german girl or a spanish girl because to an extent, those cultures are a lot more similar to mine (and the rest of the west) than the russian one is. The russian one is a mystery even to the russians themselves

[Walerian]

I really enjoyed a lot of your posts and youīve made some strikingly good points

[GoodOlBoy]

....just to make sure I understand what your question is, could you please give few examples of "bad consequences"?

1. +50 pounds.
2. Wearing hair curlers in public.
3. Closet full of XL sweat suits from Walmart.
4. Favorite nightwear becomes a "snuggie". :evil:

GOB

[groovlstk]

"She changed when she arrived" is a common mantra when one of these relationships implodes. I'm of the opinion that in the vast majority of cases she didn't change, simply her suitor/bf/spouse never bothered to get to know her before popping the big Q.

There's always a reason for this -- lack of money, lack of vacation time, lack of common sense, and a house of cards built on a week or two of face time together. And when it comes time to report the blowup to the peanut gallery here, we rarely if ever get the other side.

IMHO guys new to this venture have a lot less to fear in terms of women changing when they arrive as opposed to not doing due diligence during courtship and marrying someone with an agenda.

[vwrw]

It couldnīt happen as much if you had a french girl or a german girl or a spanish girl because to an extent, those cultures are a lot more similar to mine (and the rest of the west) than the russian one is. The russian one is a mystery even to the russians themselves

No, it is not mystery to Russians. We have understood a long time ago that Russia, without its fools, would transform into doleful/boring Europe. So we ourselves know what makes us so different, it is the rest of the world that cannot understand that.   

[Faux Pas]

"She changed when she arrived" is a common mantra when one of these relationships implodes. I'm of the opinion that in the vast majority of cases she didn't change, simply her suitor/bf/spouse never bothered to get to know her before popping the big Q.

Very true. It is a common theme on the failures. The truth be known (IMHO) She will change and it is inevitable. The other side to that is HE will change too. Whether it is for the good, the bad or indifferent is all academic. Change is inevitable, I say embrace it.

How much she changes and whether it is negative will largely depend on the woman one married. I don't buy into the "it's determined or predetermined on her age". It's all determined on the lady you married.
I've only been married a year and a half. I see some both obvious and subtle changes in my wife as she assimilates. None have been negative. IMO, it's all part and parcel of the package.

Maybe the next change is a negative one? I have no idea and don't really think in those terms. I don't see any point in it. I loved her when I married her and I love her even more now with the changes. For me, my advice is to fall in love and marry the person, let the rest of it work itself out.

[Vinnvinny]

Correct me if Iīm wrong but I get the impression that most of you here wish to find someone special. A FSU girl which is different from most western ones and then you want to take her home to good ol England or USA or France etc right?

But.. I would imagine she is who she is largely because of where she grew up, lives and those she has spent her time with. What do you think happends when you take her out of the environment that created her? Those who have experience, what did happen?

Take a tip from importers of animals. Feed her, exercise her but keep her in a cage. That should do it.

[Blues Fairy]

An examples of bad consequences would be that she assimilates to western society so well that her "russian mentality" disappears after a few years in a western country. She stops caring about her appearance as much because the bar is set so low. She starts thinking having children before 30 is some kind of tragedy. She starts wearing a fake smile around I donīt know, but you know what I mean donīt you?

There's no such thing as "russian mentality".  People who start out as jerks in their home country will likely continue so abroad, and vice versa.  Simple relocation cannot bring about a drastic change in character, morals, and psychological makeup.  As for lifestyle and having kids, these are all negotiable things, and a reasonable person will negotiate them reasonably.

Fake smile?  I have a hard time imagining someone who is naturally sweet and inclined to smile, having to fake a smile.

[Gator]

Walerian,

She will change and so will you (at least you should change).  Hopefully the two of you as a functioning family will synthesize the best that each brings to the marriage.

[Misha]

IMHO guys new to this venture have a lot less to fear in terms of women changing when they arrive as opposed to not doing due diligence during courtship and marrying someone with an agenda.

And, justifying bad behavior as "cultural" as the convenient excuse to excuse/ignore all the signs that are evident to everybody else but them 

[SFandEE]

One of the things that I like about America/Americans is that it can absorb people from different cultures in a very positive way or people can find their own tribe here and stay pretty much insulated.  My experience in SF is that most people are very open to people from different cultures and don't expect people to assimilate.  Some even encourage bringing their new friend introducing their new culture.

So I agree with the thought that with respect to "taking someone" home to America.  It depends on the person since she will likely have options as to how she Americanizes.  When I think of my 1st generation American friends from other nations I love the combination of the cultures.  Many of them love America more than Americans and they almost always have the most interesting insights into American culture.

[mies]

Yes I could. Iīm just curious what would happen with her if I didnīt.

An examples of bad consequences would be that she assimilates to western society so well that her "russian mentality" disappears after a few years in a western country. She stops caring about her appearance as much because the bar is set so low. She starts thinking having children before 30 is some kind of tragedy. She starts wearing a fake smile around I donīt know, but you know what I mean donīt you?

Thank you for reply. Other than what you wrote, i do not know what else you mean. I appreciate when people are direct and explicit.
The fake smile: do you generally prefer a woman who does not smile?
What do you mean when you say that western women do not care about their appearance?

The russian one is a mystery even to the russians themselves

it's not true. I tend to agree with other posters in this thread who said that you will get an impression that RW is changing only if you do not try to learn who she is before you marry her.

[mies]

4. Favorite nightwear becomes a "snuggie". :evil:

GOB

:-))
nice photos..
I wonder what kind of nightwear is worn by husbands of those women   

[Nat]

It seems to me everything depends on your personal attitude and your perception of the woman you're going to marry. Who is she for you? Do you perceive her as a mature adult human being? Or like some kind of adventure which you don't want to end? AW and RW aren't THAT different. Women are women. In both countries there are women who care for their appearance and who don't. And the most important thing - after you live with her for a long time and get to know her, she stops being a mystery to you, and it doesn't matter if she's American or Russian. Btw, speaking of +50 pounds - I don't know, guys, I'm looking at your American female friends in Facebook and they mostly AREN'T FAT
I think, if you're looking for a real life partner, you won't be bothered by the fact that she'll adapt to American culture and will mostly stop behaving weirdly in American point of view (I mean, not smiling etc ). If you're looking for some surreal creature, which must surprise you all the time and be a never-ending mystery - then as Shadow pointed out you'll have to change wives all the time 

[I/O]

Women marry men they are hoping will change and men marry women whom they hope won't change. Mostly, both are disappointed. BTW, RW's are different.

[GoodOlBoy]

....Btw, speaking of +50 pounds - I don't know, guys, I'm looking at your American female friends in Facebook and they mostly AREN'T FAT

Don't believe all the pictures AW post on the internet are accurate.
I learned that lesson the hard way.

GOB

PS...Surprise, surprise, surprise!

[Faux Pas]

Don't believe all the pictures AW post on the internet are accurate.
I learned that lesson the hard way.

GOB

PS...Surprise, surprise, surprise!

You can't believe all the pics RW post either. Granted, there does appear to be a significant difference in even those though 

[GoodOlBoy]

You can't believe all the pics RW post either. Granted, there does appear to be a significant difference in even those though 

I don't know FP.
My wife looked far better in person than the picture she used on the internet.
Of course that was back in 2004 and she used her Russian passport photo.

GOB

[Walerian]

I don't know FP.
My wife looked far better in person than the picture she used on the internet.
Of course that was back in 2004 and she used her Russian passport photo.

GOB

Sounds like you found a gem in a trashcan so to speak

About the photos, Iīve met some women over the internet over the years and Iīm almost always pleasantly surprised actually.

But of course, one becomes quite good at discovering those who weigh a lot but try to hide it with pictures taken at weird angles and things like that after a while of profile-looking

[OlgaH]

:-))
nice photos..
I wonder what kind of nightwear is worn by husbands of those women   

The same snuggie but more practical 

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXqtMkBipIs[/youtube]