Guys
thanks for all your contributions.
i Want to clarify a few points, someone hit the nail squarely on the head in that the 'devil is in the detail' and you would need 100% of the context information to understand the rationale of what was going on and its not possible to post everything in one shot without us having exactly this kind of to and fro dialogue of opinions to reveal the key points.
I think AJ knows me best and understands my 'game' most closely and knows exactly what i am prepared to accept or not accept and how i will go about doing it.
Firstly I do agree with Aloe's points. We cannot actually compartmentalise the way i would think, AJ would think, Rubicon would think or Aloe would think into the way this girl would think. she was presented a situation and only HER thinking and HER motivations could determine how she would play a situation.
I think the shopping trip was blown way out of proportion in the context of what it was for, i should step in a defend her based on what happened on the ground but i do not want this to come across as wishingful thinking on my part or to mislead other men that all are innocent until proven guilty. i can only detail the circumstances and the reaction - only one person knows the motivation and thats the girl herself, we can only put her actions in context of what limited knowledge I (and people who know her and communicate to me who have their own agenda's) know about her.
Aloe is 100% right, but then Rubicon and AJ are also right.
I painted EXACTLY the picture AJ described to her - a man of not insubstantial means who was prepared to spend on a whim 220 USD on a bottle of champagne to satisfy his sensory enjoyment, we had a discussion prior to the shopping trip, we were looking through her photos and she was asking me what sort of make-up i liked her to wear - very painted up or quite minimal. as it happens i am quite a sucker for tarty showgirls, i appreciate this is not to everyones taste but I accept her love of warpaint.
So Aloe has this fact 100% right - she bought 2 years worth of top notch cosmetics in one hit at my bidding, because she had asked me what i liked and i had given her the answer, she had also asked me 3 times to set a limit and i had deliberately obsfucated the answer to get some intel about her own sense of restraint. if i had put a notional cap on it i would not have learnt something about her.
Of course she is a 22 year old young girl and if you offer someone a loaded gun do not be surprised when they pull the trigger.
here is the jam: i was NOT looking to discover if my girl was a spendthrift, i have said from the outset i am a realist - you DO NOT go playing with this calibre of girl especially in Odessa unless as AJ stated you have the means to go 'all in' - but a sensible gambler knows when the table is hot and if they should go 'all in' or place an exploratory bet to see if the cards are in their favour.
At this point the deck was still lukewarm and i could still get nailed by a dealer royal flush, so i was prepared to have a punt to see if i could bluff out a 2 pair hand.
There was a lot more reasoning behind my scolding than the dollar amount Aloe. if i had not accepted her spending logic at all (as you seem to suggest) i would have walked out the store and bought nothing. the point i was making was a sincerity rule of 50% of what you want is better than 100% of nothing.
It works like this. Your logic Aloe works well in the context of a courtesan relationship. I have been something of a player in my youth and last year i was dating a 19 year old student/part time model (English) who in return for her fine companionship and travel partner was well rewarded with trips to Jimmy Choo and Versace, champagne, trips to NYC etc. i would not have batted an eyelid in these circumstances because this girl was a simple courtesan who was being well rewarded for her time with me in return for which i had a beautiful arm candy GF and consort. both sides CLEARLY understood the relationship since being of some means i did not want a 'serious' relationship and i am not the sort of guy who is immoral enough to mislead women who expect more just to get free sex. if i want the company of a beautiful young girl with no commitment one way of the other i was going to pay, some guys pay up front by the air, others choose different arrangements for exclusivity, i am inherently a one woman guy so having a 'kept' mistress is morally preferable to consorting with pay per view strippers and hookers. I appreciate ultimately it amounts to the same thing but we all know that this is the way of Russia AND Ukraine and businessmen always end up 'paying' for their beautiful companions one way or another because its preferable to them to have a beautiful young thing that brings them (however faked) pleasure than a much more serious encounter.
But since i actually DID have some serious intentions (if things went right) to this girl then I was not going to simply throw money at her without questioning her because there was a bigger picture at stake, this is also why i did not make any suggestion that complying with my wishes would lead to an expectation of sex. this is not the relationship dynamic i was looking for.
If she wants to be a wife not a mistress then she needs to learn to play the long market not short stock for a quick buck. I appreciate everything you say about spending culture Aloe and i know it very well because in my life i already got wiped out 3 times by bad markets/business deals so this is why i am excessive when the good times flow.
That said, i am now a older wiser soul and i understand (which lots of FSU people still do not) that you HAVE to put aside for a rainy day and live well within your means. Unlike Ukraines cash economy we live in credit culture where its easy to sail right past being 'broke' and into serious legal and personal difficulty that wreck your life for many years. being a wife gives access to a AAA credit score with an ability to over-leverage on 5 figure plastic limits and with AMEX no limit at all. if i have a girl in charge of a AMEX black charge card with NO upper limit that i am responsible for then this is a serious issue if she cannot control herself, to put this in context unlike america if you wipe out on plastic, get it written off then start again a couple of years later - in the Emirates if you do not pay your debts you got straight to jail. do not pass go. do not collect 100. you stay in jail until your debt is honored. your ability to work, earn your way back out of the mess is completely taken away from you and you just rot in jail until someone takes pity on you and bails you out of the mess.
This is a SERIOUS, SERIOUS problem, there is NO credit referencing in Emirates, the bank will lend you a highly leveraged multiple of your net wealth and not consider at all if you can pay it back. they put the entire obligation on you that you know you should spend what you can afford or go to jail. any girl who cannot or will not take self control of her finances is risking her (and my) liberty.
So my 50% rule is very clear. for the position of wife my girl is a equal partner in our success. i expect her to understand the value of money even if she spends it like water, more than anything when i expect one of 2 things - if i give her free reign i expect her to take some self control and set her own limits (Aloe might think she did that, but as we shall she the context suggests she got the math wrong). she did indeed ask me for a cap and normally (and now knowing she does not have self control) i would cap her shopping bets until such time as she had learnt prudence.
The reality is if she thinks its acceptable on a 5th date to spend 2K, when we are married she will have no problem spending 20. Unfortunately my ability to exponentially fund this is not without limits and i expect her to spend her budget rationally, which is a problem for 22 year olds and something i am used to dealing with but this experiment was to discover her 'starting position' to work out what was needed for her to end up a financially responsible shopping queen.
In actual fact i did not scold her nearly as badly as you would imagine - if i had gone truly berserk she would not have met me the next day and apologised, she would have dismissed me as a mean man who was selfish and did not want to spend on her what he spent on himself.
What i actually told her was i gave her exactly 50% of what she wanted for one simple reason, I want her to value what she has - if i give her all she wants today what does she have look forward to tommorrow? what value will she have of her own work if she can get everything on demand from me? i told her STRAIGHT that while i could easily indulge her every whim, and a desire to spoil my princess would lead me to do so it would NOT BE GOOD FOR HER. its like letting an alcoholic have free reign at the bar, a good friend gives them a glass of water and puts them in a taxi.
she accepted the point gracefully, that she would work and earn the money to buy the 50% we left behind - AND THIS WAS EXACTLY 100% THE POINT I WANTED TO MAKE IN THIS EXERCISE.
I do not want some idle sofa queen who simply consumes because its REALLY REALLY bad for her psychology as a woman and leaves her in the same position as a prostitute completely living off others.
Despite access to this ability to spend i want her to learn the satisfaction of HER OWN work and HER OWN success, because she is 22 and yet to learn it i want her to know not just what it feels like to get gifts but EARN her own things and VALUE them.
to this end i made it clear i was happy to support her career, invest in her business and use my own business skills and investment capital so she could build out her own successful independent business to me - i made it CLEAR that i was not looking to buy or own her but I would not just indulge her but also give her the ability to support herself so she is not dependent on me, and i was HAPPY to give her the backing and skills and support she needed to make whatever she did a success.
thats the 50% rule. she needs to give something back that BENEFITS her in the LONG term not just the SHORT term.
her reasoning for her indulgence was that she is a only child of a single parent family and her uncle indulged her as a young girl and she got used to being spoilt, but she also sees my counter view that she needs to value her own contribution to life to understand the rewards of success personally not just second hand.
I cannot criticise her position because i do not have children and i spoil my niece rotten, so one day she too will be with some guy on the end of a AMEX indulgence blaming me for everything
I pointed out i am not her uncle or some babnik trying to impress her and bed her, I am a sincere guy who wants her to develop properly as a woman, develop good character and code of conduct and behave as a responsible adult - yes i still want her to have nice things, yes i still want to spoil her but i need her not to become selfish and self-absorbed but a decent member of society too, even when that society revolves around wealth and success.
For sure she was a little upset with me because i had broken her little girls dream of a fantasy shopping trip to teach her a very fatherly lesson in restraint, and this is a really important point guys, especially for ones chasing young girls.
In many cases they are as they are because they had no strong father figure in their life to guide them, this is often why they choose to seek out much older partners because they are (and we all know its well read psychology) looking for a paternalistic relationship model. if you go into this just doing their bidding then you are basically at the mercy of a child - any good parent knows children will keep eating sweets until they are sick and a good parent makes them stop when it is a reasonable, but a good parent ALSO does not scold them without cause - instead of yelling at them and being abusive you have to teach them something that will help them understand and do better in future.
this is a case of carrot and stick.
What i have been doing is what i consider 'bootcamp 101' for reforming pro-dater behaviour.
At the moment what i have is a young, inexperienced girl who is only 9 months into the agency scene, she has yet to become the hardened mercenary of my ex of many years back, she has so far learnt that 100's of men write to her and send her flowers and tell her how beautiful she is and promised her the earth and almost ALL of them never show up, the ones that do just want to buy their way into her bed and then go home to their wives.
So we have a starting position of a young girl, who was used and hurt by her boyfriend and is out for revenge on men for whatever she can get. but she is yet to be so cynical about her further involvement with 'the bottom of the barrel' that she has become emotionally brittle and hardened to her way of behaviour, i can see it all over her face that this girl was morally troubled by her actions and what was going on after she realised i wasn't here just to get her knickers off, and had serious intentions. she was in the very middle of a personal emotional conflict of a desire to perpetrate revenge on men but an inability to trust that there is a better path to walk, as i will explain in my further posts unfortunately into this heady mix was thrown some 'torsus interferus' of agents working against both of us to pull her back from the path i was trying to help her walk.
Now i know full well from history this is not a path without turbulence - when i set my mind to capture my first agency star 15 odd years ago she was a hardened prodater of some 4 years and 3 agencies with countless wealthy courters at her disposal, i was a young buck with less than 10% of the disposable income to keep this high maintenance honey happy.
but i was the first guy who ever said no to her.
she was shocked, her entire feminine charms were not enough to overcome my moral sense of character that i would not simply indulge her at any cost to get what i wanted. it was explained to her as above that (although appearances may not suggest it) i was brought up in a house full of women and i indulge women through a respect for their desire to look beutiful and possess many shining things, but i understand a woman cannot truly be bought and that she does these things out of a insecurity to look her best and not through a desire to be a toy of a rich man. therefore i valued and respected her as a woman and her character and attitudes to me and respect for me as a equal (as i respected her as an equal) were also important. This is why with every girl i have been involved with i have used my business skills to help make their ideas a reality and give them their own indepedent business and income stream because i want them to choose to be with me and not do so out of financial dependency. for sure they can take what i give them and leave but i never wanted to have a beautiful caged bird. like a good emir i want a beautiful hawk that chooses to fly back to me and perch on my arm but is free to leave at will.
As it happens in this prior experience it was CLEAR to me that could never win a shopping arms race against other men - there is always a bigger dick out there prepared to swing his AMEX that bit further, but in doing so what is he really giving a woman? do you win her heart by the gift or the thought love and attention that goes into the gift? i want her to understand the difference between being bought by a man who just uses her for his own ends and a man who indulges her out of a desire for HER happiness and not HIS - this is a golden rule, and why i stated these things have to be EARNED not GIVEN, if she treats me with courtesy and respect my generosity knows no bounds to this girl such is the great pleasure her company brings me.
I made a number of important points to her to help her understand this thinking.
1: we were talking about engagement rings and what she liked. i explained in my culture traditionally a man gave a girl a engagement ring that was 3 months of his wages, the belief was that in days of old a man should show his pennance to his betrothed by sacrifice and going hungry for 3 months to prove his devotion and worth of marriage. if he was a lothario and broke the engagement as compensation for the emotional damage his fiance would get the equivalant of 3 months 'severance pay' for his dismissal. This is a clear example that a expensive ring is not a mere trinket but something that should be given because a man is 'earning' his right to his girls hand in marriage through suffering, its an important commitment statement since she wants to know that he will also suffer to provide for her children and not leave her destitute.
2: the lamborghini thing. this was not a bribe, again it is to prove such things are NOT given to girls simply for being pretty. I made it clear the one thing in my life i did not have, and could not buy but would value more than the entire world put together is my children. in making HER sacrifice to bear my children and give me the most precious gift a man could be given then for her pain, sacrifice and commitment to being the mother of my children i would give her something that she also would dream of.
You can argue for a mother the love of her children should be enough, but we have to remember CONTEXT - this girl is from a single parent family whose father abandoned her and knew no such love and devotion of a good father, she is in a society that treats pretty girls as disposable sex objects where wealthy men upgrade on a yearly basis and discard the priors. she KNOWS this, this is why she DOES NOT TRUST MEN. making clear i would not simply throw an exotic at her for the delight of sex (a selfish thing) but this would be something special as my thank you to her for giving me something that i could not measure in money it is to give her the reassurance that I am committed to her, and to our children. she knows full well if i abandoned her after marriage the cost to me would be a 200K supercar that should sell and provide for herself but unlike sticking 200K in cash in the bank as her insurance policy she has something that makes her feel special as a proper gift, something she can continue to enjoy in her daily life in our marriage knowing full well she can realise its value if things did not go as she wanted them.
This was pretty important because she knows (and would not believe otherwise) like most young monied up men I have had my share of women and commitment has never been a strong point, but i have to show in more than words that I am changed and i value a wife and children more than the delight of sex and courtesans.
3: Regarding resteraunts and home cooking. For the last 3 meals i ate nothing, when asked why i said because i am tired of eating in such places and they were not special to me - our first date was a great and memorable experience as Rubi suggested but doing it every day does not make it special, i was looking forward to going home to some home cooked food and my biggest enjoyment was eating at home with my family. When i got my new place i would be much happier spending 25,000 on the best kitchen than having 500 USD of meals in ristorantes every day of the month, this is to reinforce for all this high life dating i am actually a home loving boy who will take much more delight in his wifes cooking than eating out with some young mistress and going to a hotel to bang her silly.
this message really got home because she asked me a lot about what sort of dishes i liked and what sort of dishes she liked to cook, unfortunately the circumstances (which i will explain) means we were not likely to progress to a situation where she could cook me a meal either at her place (lives with mum, not ready to declare her future man) or at my place (still worried i am a player and drag her to the bedroom).
all through our encounters my exubarance was constantly tempered by me banging home the message that yes i liked the good life but i also first and foremost wanted a home and family and committed future with one girl, that i had been a player, i admit, i had made my mistakes but now i was only looking for my one true princess.
Now i could have done this different. i could have tempered my direct display of wealth but then whats the point? if i had tried to make out i was a bus driver bringing such dishonesty into relationship from day 1 would only have been seen as a lack of trust on my part that i thought she would only see the money not the man (since we did not get the result we expected its clear she wants more than money now)
she would be resentful that i had treated her by default as a golddigger and not allowed her to decide for herself if the deal i had on offer was what she wanted. recrimination would ensue.
secondarily, i maintain if you go out to bat for a princess you better be a King.
these girls drip off the arms of billionaires from Dubai to Monte Carlo. we all know this. very rarely a pretty girl will fall for a charming young buck with no means (it happened for me in my youth) because she falls in love with him against her better judgement, but mostly these girls know their own worth in society, and in a society like ukraine that is driven by such patently caveman man/woman relationships very pretty girls know their beauty and youth is a highly tradable commodity and that wealthy men are prepared to pay big to secure such a deal, that is how they secure their futures - if she is not a educated woman or businesswoman and just a pretty girl the only way she will have access to such a better life is choosing a mate that can give it to her, if she knows her worth she will decide how much her desire for this outweighs her need for love and will make some balanced call as to the type of guy she will eventually settle for.
Of course these girl have UA boyfriends - they serve a very different purpose to WM. they know full well these guys behave badly, cheat and abuse them but they are young girls and young girls just HAVE to have a boyfriend in their social scene so they do not seem they are not wanted or desirable, but they know also that a WM is the long term gain because they are more likely to secure the better deal for their long term future and have more protection in the divorce courts and settlements if it goes wrong.
i am luck since I know my girl is fresh out of a bad relationship and has a very low opinion of UA boys at the moment, which unfortunately has overspilled into having a low trust and respect for men in general. she would treat a UA guy just as badly because she is angry and hurt and wants payback. i can see in her face she is emotionally disconnected and completely shut down in this respect and currently not willing to open up or trust, her default position is all men are out to use her and hurt her so she might as well do the same to them and get what she can get, at some point this anger will subside and she will become the rational, emotionally connected young woman she was - i completely sympathise with her position because broken hearted and angry i got married on the rebound and treated my wife terribly for the mistakes my ex had made. only once i had exorcised these demons was i capable of treating a woman on her own merits. this girl needs to go through that process, she needs to have a agency guy (or UA guy) to abuse for a few months and turn the tables on him before her sense of balance will return.
So, going back to my ex PD - when i left the first time i did so telling her straight that she had not treated me with respect, i was not there simply to buy her, and i would not share her with the agency job or other guys. if she wanted me i was sincere to her, i would take care of her but i expected her loyalty, love and honesty in return.
she went berserk and told me to go to hell.
fair enough i thought, got on a plane and went home.
3 weeks later i got a mail from her telling me she had thought about what i had said, some negotiations ensued about what she wanted and what i wanted then she acceded to my demands and quit the agency.
i treated her for 5 years exactly the way a UA guy would. my close friends with no dog in the fight in the city kept a watchful eye on her to make sure she did not get up to antics, and over a process of time she gradually undid her PD behaviour and i reduced the gifts, money and so on to the point we got to a normal relationship status, she worked a number of years as a fashion model and settled into a good job as a lawyer.
Unfortunately I was a very young guy and too emotionally immature to forgive and forget, i did not at the time understand that i had brought this to my door and it was my responsibility to accept her often very hurtful behaviour to me as being part of reforming her character and learning to be a proper young woman with a respect for our relationship, when she finally made it clear she put me in a position that she wanted marriage i could not accept enough to forgive and we parted company.
But credit to this girl she NEVER went back to the agency system, she carried on working and keeping herself and remains single. her looks and charm were still enough to bag her a rich husband but she had learnt some valuable lessons - for the vast majority of our 5 years i had no money and was building my career and so she had accepted a poor but charming (i was more good looking then being a young 20 something buck) boy who did love her and was not just filling her ears with honey.
I believe honestly, despite all the BS, despite what we all think women the world over are just women (as AJ points out, my girl would behave the same in Monte Carlo, the costs would just be higher and i would be competing against billionaires not AW chancers).
And because of this i know that women are emotional, above all their rational thinking and brain power to get what they want they ultimately make their decisions with their heart not their head, this girls entire behaviour pattern is dictated by the hurt of betrayal of her ex, her change in attitude to me was actually the moral realisation that she was cutting off her nose to spite her face, i wasn't like all those BS guys who promised her the world and never showed up, i got on a plane with 1 weeks notice armed with all the trinkets i had promised her and treated her like a princess (with limitations for her own self worth).
During my darker years i knew several 'working girls' who became subsequent friends. because i was brought up entirely by women i prefer the freindship of women to men, the reason i approach dating how i do and don't sleep with women is because my understanding the women i have been surrounded by tempers by natural desire to be a alpha male. Now I appreciate for Aloe and others my behaviour is probably seen as atypically make - desire for pretty young girls and flamboyance, but that is a result of my personal character flaws and not a disrespect for a womans place in the world.
So from my experience of these working girls the hardest heart can be melted with patience and kindness, the fact that 1000 men have treated them like a sex object and meat to be bought and sold did not mean underneath it all they still had a heart with emotions and dreams. all 3 of the girls i befriended quit their work as a result of this friendship and i gave them a place to stay and a start in life to rebuild them into society in a way that was not damaging for them. I did this principally by being a good listener and helping them exorcise all the pain, hurt and anger that got them to the place it had and understand what men had done to them, more importantly i introduced them to a lot of guys who were decent and honorable and had suffered just as much, they realised for the 99 punters they had who were typical selfish men only interested in their own pleasure there was 1 lonely guy who just wanted to feel some company and warmth in his life. they put aside all the recrimination of what the bastards of the world did to them and settled for kindness.
because one thing i have learnt from pro-daters, to strippers to hookers at the deep down bottom of their heart a girl wants to be loved for herself and wants to love someone back, this is pure frodo/gollum belief that you HAVE to believe people can be brought back, because if you have occupied that same dark place and you do not believe they can be brought back from it then you lose faith that you can also be saved.
I consider myself to be a very non-judgemental person, if i criticise i do so out of a desire to help people become more than they think they can be. my friends know this power of positive thinking is my greatest gift to them because from their marriage to their work i am always the 'can do' guy who helps them steer their boat away from the rocks.
So i can undertake what i have done above without a single shred of ill feeling to this girl because i understand she is as everyone is a mere victim of circumstances. many things have led her to the place she is today, to do the things she does, and ultimately had they not done so our paths would not have crossed. this isnt knight in shining armour syndrome - she is far from a damsel in distress since she has a comfortable home life, job and money. i am not even trying to save her from AW and prodating, my aims were equally selfish in wanting to know if she could become the woman she was capable of and if i could be part of making that happen to enjoy the end results.
but to do this I have to be ultimately pragmatic and see what is achievable and what is impossible, what can be saved, what can be lost. as it happens the girl was not the principal villain in this tale - neither was AW but this was another person entirely determined to derail the train at all costs for their own benefit.
AJ has me right, and is right to believe in what i was doing, he is also a big enough wise enough dog to think the same way i do and not make judgement calls on the motivations of this girl without knowing all the facts.
What is important here is not being angry or critical of the mistakes the girl made (like the shopping trip) or her being part of the whole AW ponzi scheme, what is important to understand is what my motivation was, could i change her mindset?
through fair means (kindness and sincerity) or foul (lamborghini bribes) could i help her see the bigger picture? could i change her path sufficiently to overcome the desire for retribution against men for her ex's behaviour? could more than anything I get her to overcome the distrust barrier built in her mind from other AW fantasy punters minds and show her i was the real deal?
Thrown into this mix was a double agent which will be the topic of my next instalment and which under-minded my efforts, but what i understood clearly is that the girl who was sat opposite me was not yet the fully formed prodater.
Its been said already she had full 100% opportunity to go for broke with me, i set myself up for the fall, she took her first crack and got 50% of what she wanted, she had courage enough to go in for another sortie right the next day, and had the sincerity and charm to pull of the apology and keep the show on the road, then she managed to get further down the tracks.
At this point, when i told her the jig was up she could have done what every PD would have done and argued, filled my head with romantic notions of our marriage and future happiness together and that she was crazy about me etc to ensure i would invest further time and treasure in her, it would have been lightning simple for her to pull off. we had established i was prepared to spend, but then not give her exactly what she wants - if she had concluded i was not going to fund her further exercises should could have walked away at that point and written me off as a bad return on investment. yet she chose not to do this, but then when the game was over she chose not to fight on either.
And what was important for me in this context was seeing her reaction to my exit with parachute. i handed her a parachute too and told her the plane is going down, we are at 30,000 feet, jump when you are ready and i will be on the ground waiting for you. then i jumped.
i believe from her reaction to me she knows the deception at work and does not feel comfortable with it. for all the personal involvement i made with her to help her understand beyond all things i am a decent family boy who will love and adore her she realised i was the completely wrong mark to perpetrate her revenge at - its really hard if you are in your heart a naturally good person to do evil to another good person, its easy for her to do bad things to the usual AW punter stock because she is intelligent enough to see them for what they are - selfish chancers who want to bed a young bird.
I am anything but this animal because i spoke to her the way is speak to my platonic friends and my sister, i made it clear friendship was what i valued and would be happier with a friendship first that would blossom into a sexual relationship as we felt the desire, this is usually in line with how most women want to view a relationship (Dirty sluts aside), they want a man to value them for themselves first so that sex is based on emotional love not physical desire (Which quickly can be diverted to another).
and unfortunately I think AJ is right.
my "shock and awe" tactics have left her reeling with shock as to what just happened. it was a whirlwind romance of JB proportions where i came in and threw everything at it then killed it as quickly as it started but with a get out of jail free insurance policy for her.
this was very deliberate due to the double agent at work who was determined to derail everything i was doing, in the circumstances i was in the more i did to try and impress and be a good guy to my girl the more my foe was going to derail us, therefore i knew i had to make a very quick exit under the right circumstances before the damage was done.
We did not leave on bad terms, and due to the circumstances that are going to become clear to you that you will realise why i have called the ball early despite my belief the penny was starting to drop with the girl, while her outward behaviour as Rubi and other spoints out smack on insincerity she is (and bless her) not the most intelligent of girls and she is being used by a 3rd party for their own ends (not AW in this case). the actions she was undertaken were the actions she was being schooled to undertake, but in every look into my eyes this girl knew they were wrong, it was not the face of a hardened fraudster but the confusion and emotional turmoil of not understanding what was happening or having the clarity to see the way out of it.
the best thing (as with my ex) i could do in this situation was withdraw, having 'shock and awed' her to some degree as AJ says she now needs time to reflect on what happened, on what her options are and what she will do next. she will no doubt carry on the agency dating charade but having seen what she has seen, having experienced it (and AJ there was a BOATLOAD of chemistry, which is why i got burned since I really did click with her, her kisses were warm not faked and i have tasted enough of both) and having seen what she could have, is she REALLY going to walk away from it? after she has done her revenge piece to her UA BF or Westerners is she REALLY going to throw away all this?
AJ is right, what right thinking Odessa girl no matter how agencied up would not see the bigger haul and jump in with both feet, even if she is the complete fiscal mercenary she would wager that 2-3 years of marriage, banging out a child and collecting a lamborghini, house and 6 figure divorce settlement and maintenance would have her set for life at 25 when she could choose any man she wished, if she was entirely motivated by money even quite a dumb girl would realise here is JB offering you the full deal, you can take it and abuse it and still come out ahead at 25.
the refusal to bite shows sincerity. now UA girl loves her boyfriend that much to turn down that sort of deal, and no UA boy would let her, she could carry on with the charade with me and he would (as rubi say) get all the benefits of it.
No i see different forces at work here, I see a pretty not so intelligent girl being used by much more clever people who has not yet realised they are using her the same way her ex did and denying her ultimate goal. shes clearly NOT for sale at any price otherwise she would have gone all in the way i did, the fact she continues to study my behaviour, sincerity and other aspects to decide if she wants to jump in my lifeboat or not is more a mark that i have hit home right where i wanted to.
she knows i am a good guy. she knows this because she knows my family situation. and despite her deepfelt desires to be materialistic she is actually a decent girl underneath who knows that what is going on is wrong, she told me several times she thought i was a good person, a kind person, she did so the way someone tells you 'don't take it personally' after they have been robbed.
the 3rd party forces at work have distorted this evolutionary path to mutual understanding and thats why i made such a substantial and shocking break.
there is a lot to this, firstly you rarely value something until you lose it. she needs time to reflect on the offer that is in front of her, because her sign is one that takes a mountain of effort to seduce it is a very slow burn build up of emotional feeling not a instant firework like my ex-wife. its going to take time for the 'inception' to take hold and for the sees I planted to grow inside her, for every guy she meets she has a chance to compare, and if they are lacking reinforce my values to her. because she is pretty, slightly vain and not entirely clever it may take a while for the penny to drop, because she has all my personal contact details she knows at any time she can get back in the game and because i showed post shopping debacle i am easy to forgive and forget she knows she has that chance.
if she takes it will be 100% up to her - as has been said, I am not the guy who will sit around and trust on waiting on dreams - this was a staked long term investment that either matures or expires, in the interim i just continue to short the market for profit.
so really the devil is in the detail on this one, its easy to get hung up on the meaning of the shopping trip affair but it was a very small move in a much bigger chess game.
As stated there was third force pulling this all off balance which i am going to explain to you and help AJ et al understand why the chemistry failed to build (Despite the deal of a century) into something that took hold and i needed to bail.
As for going 'all in' - feint heart never won fair lady. she is a 22 year old pretty girl, you have to use the armoury that suits the campaign, if you are chasing a 30 year old doctor you impress her with your good sensibilities, conversation and good manners. if you are chasing paris hilton you impress her with all the things 22 year old girls are impressed with - status, money, Chanel, fast cars, glamour, prestige, exotic holidays - they crave these things out of wanting the VOGUE lifestyle of movie stars they aspire to at this age because they are little girls and its all they know, and their desire is for status amongst their peers because as AJ rightly points out they are merely one pretty girl in a sea of pretty Odessa girls and nothing special in real terms. without their trinkets supermodels are just shopgirls - thats the reality.
What the hope is that done properly these things that impress her today, are delivered in such a way by the time she gets to 30 she has matured into a sensible woman who knows the difference between material happiness and psychological happiness.
As for my reasons for chasing a 22 year old - i still have a good 5 year career burn to establish my long term future and want a girl who is content to let me burn hours at the office in return for shopping trips, holidays etc, but i want that i choose a girl who will do this early enough that by the time we are BOTH ready to settle into being mama and papa we have done everything we need, enjoyed everything but both come out with good enough values we have a stable marriage and children of good values.
if i chose a girl of 30-35 who is in babyclock mode she is not going to tolerate this career burn or be so easily bribed with baubles and will be more prone to having an affair (from experience) since she craves companionship and intellectual stimulation over shopping and gossip and a absentee business husband is not good at delivering such things as a local lover can.
i admit its a helluva effort to go through for it, but as AJ knows i dont value girls that present no challenge to me, my ex survived 5 years because i went through hell to win her attention, if these girls just fall at my feet i don't feel i earned their attentions and just feel trivially about them.
going to hell and back is what makes it feel so fought for, and why i am inclined to want to keep the relationship because of what i invested to make it happen.
