Misreading Signals

[Ade]

I think you are a little slow... Read my post again. 

As I said, if someone uses the fact that a woman contacts them as the only reason to disqualify them, then that is just silliness. From your original post, that's exactly what you did;

"I didn't respond to any incoming enquiries"

"I did get initial contacts, I didn't respond. "

"The process worked for me and I avoided the scammers..."

Perhaps you should go and read your own post again.   Then read mine.

[Anotherkiwi]

...Self assessment is always a continual process of success in any endeavor.  But, here's where we diverge a little.. I don't think NOT being married after several trips, or years, is necessarily indicative of any type of failure or doing something "wrong", or even being unable to capture the heart of just one.  Sometimes managing the risks involves choosing to "just say no" to a current relationship as a direct result of your adage above "less fantasy - more reality" which only *truly* occurs as relations develop and grow over time as you share a variety of experiences together.

I would probably be considered an "ultimate" example of taking it slowly in this process.  That mentality cost me some early relationships (not to mention the time and money involved) because I refused to get on the marriage fast track. So be it.  I was true to myself so I can live with that. I'm extremely picky and focused on the type of partner I need to live with in a rough estimate of harmonious environment and refuse to settle for less... regardless of how long it takes to find exactly that type of woman.

Overall though, I agree with your points, and even the last one about self assessment.

I couldn't agree more.  Although I haven't had the same amount of "on the ground" experience in the FSU, my first marriage is the reason that I'm not rushing into matrimony again.  This time round I want to be really sure (or as sure as I can be, given the distances involved) that the future Mrs AK matches my wish list as closely as possible.  She will obviously be hoping that I match hers as well.  I made mistakes in my first marriage (probably simply because I was only 21, and NOT involving fidelity), and hopefully I've learned enough from them and my subsequent life experience to be a much better husband second time around.

Many of you read (and commented on) my thread about wanting a wife who doesn't drink alcohol because I don't.  Of those who I'm writing and talking to at the moment, and who seem to be reasonably serious, only one drinks alcohol regularly - and that is one drink at a friend's place once a month!  Maybe this year will be the one where I finally hit the jackpot.  ???

[mies]

I think she's trying to say that she has no opinion upon the matter)))

you are a mind reader, JR 

[XMan]

The shear numbers of married men, keyboard romeo's , and downright weird men ,
really should give you an edge, if you'd care to reply.

A boatload of men take themselves right out of the situation, at the stage that its only an email!! Sorry, that just blows my mind, and I've seen it often.
 Granted i take risks in stride, so an email or two seems very very far below my radar,
but i can't imagine anyone with a sheltered enough life , that an email or two is actually *risky*
   The only thing i can see is that it being viewed as a waste of time.

 I truly believe for every scammer , there's 150 men that blow themselves up over insecurity and  paranoia. (of course one scamer can take 150 naive men to the bank, so it evens the playing field?)
 

Interesting excerpts, AJ.

(By the way, to say I "hit a few snags" was quite a polite way to put it.    Thanks.)

For me, I am not worried so much about parting with my wallet.  I have successfully avoided that as far as scammers are concerned.  But I have chased one too many dead ends.  I just don't like a wild goose chase, especially after seeing several seemingly very positive scenarios (and investing a lot of time, emotion, energy, etc.) go awry.  So it makes me wary of a woman who contacts me first and wants to take the communication direct to e-mail.  (By the way, I failed to mention that I tried that once, and it turned about to be in Nigeria, which I discovered after just an e-mail.  But that was a free-site situation, and not EM or something.)

I like your rationale about 150 + 150.  Don't know how accurate those numbers are, but your point makes sense.  

Would love to think I had an edge, but hopefully not merely due to the high weirdness factor of other guys!  

I'd like to successfully weed through the garbage and find the potential gems.  
After this much time and experience, one would think it would be easy.  Not so much.  

I've been through several scenarios of months invested only to have each fall apart for a different reason.  Thus my desire not to go on a proverbial wild goose chase, and somehow filter the BS at the outset.

I admire the gentlemen who by their 2nd or 3rd trip not only become engaged, but see it through to a positive conclusion.  They are apparently much smarter, luckier, or both.  

[2tallbill]

There are times I think I've been doing this so long that I analyze things too much.

Yep I would say you over analyzed it.

Just my dva kopecks

Bill

[JohnDearGreen]

There are times I think I've been doing this so long that I analyze things too much.

As C.E. says, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?
Well, do you?  If yes, go for it.

[Jumper]

I'd like to successfully weed through the garbage and find the potential gems. 
After this much time and experience, one would think it would be easy.  Not so much.

No not easy,
and likely more than a bit of random chance certainly plays its role,
just like domestically?

It's easy to find a good sincere person,
not easy to find true compatibilty .

[Aloe]

I am very curious, Aloe, what was the difference in age?   ???

i was 18, he was 40 that was 5 years ago. But he looked VERY good  

[I/O]

Mrs wrote me first, struck me at a weak moment, nothing to do with her being 1/2 my age and all......................

[Muzh]

i was 18, he was 40 that was 5 years ago. But he looked VERY good  

I would have done the same because I would have felt very uncomfortable.

As I was finalizing my divorce an intern, who was aware what was going on AND exactly 20 years my junior, made it known to me that I should pursue her in no uncertain terms. I just could not bring myself to do it because I FELT if I DID I would ruin her life. She was just starting her life and career and I was damaged goods. And this is exactly what I told her.

By chance I got in touch with her ten years later and we chatted. She was still single but very active with work. Her parting words to me? "I think you made a mistake."


Regarding this topic first of all; ladies: great answers!!!

I've noticed something of a pattern through the years with fora like these. This is MHO. There are quite a number of guys on these fora whose confidence has been rattled and in extreme cases shattered for X or Y reason. They bring questions to the forum looking for reassurance and the responses they get would scare the most confident and brave man ever.

Here is a classic example of paranoia, as aptly brought up by the ladies. The OP (and many here) already has in mind that the majority of these ladies are: a) not ladies but Yuris b) scammers and c) GCG.

In all honesty, how can you CONFIDENTLY approach the dating scene with these beliefs?

Remember, if you start looking for scammers that is what most probably you will find.

Instead, use your common sense. Key word here is YOUR.

And I don't want to start with the onslaught brought on to AmericaninRussia or whatever his avatar is.

[Chaquan]

In other words, if a similar site contact XYZ First, I would suspect, and soon will get "keyboard Romeo" scenario. Therefore it is highly unlikely that people will be interested, he actually is a real assumption that told him his real name and description of the reality of life, goals, occupation and marital status....

[chivo]

You should have written back and said "Do you think I look like Santa Clause.  What makes you think I will be so generous as to leave you with half or even a quarter? "

Actually if she would have spelled it that way I would have thought she was a divorce lawyer .

As far as misreading signals...

I think after all this time, with all that is known and has been written about on what it takes to be successful, what it takes to avoid the pitfalls, many having shared almost every in country situation and experience, etc., you would think that one would at least understand half the battle. Especially the "veterans" in this process.

If you are serious about finding a wife in the FSU then at the very least you should know exactly what you're looking for. And except no less. Risk is part of the equation, embrace it. One needs to be mentally, physically, emotionally and financially ready for this or he should just flat stay home.

It's only about you, the person. Not any keyboard Romeo, weird ass twit, or GCG. If you have half your shit together finding a good, attractive, honest, compatible women in the FSU is well within reach. Yes it may take awhile, yes it will cost more than dating locally, and yes there's bound to be frustration and misunderstands but, certainly doable. It's all part of the adventure.

What ever happened to common sense? Don't be your own worse enemy.

I was watching a movie over the weekend and there was an an interesting line by one of the leading ladies to a man pursuing her for marriage; "a man attracts the wife he deserves". Great line and apropos.

[ConnerVT]

Reading this thread reminded me of the game "Telephone".  A person whispers something into the ear of the person next to him.  That person, in turn, repeats it by whispering it to another person, and so on.  After it has been repeated a number of times, the original statement is repeated from the last person to hear it significantly different.

To give a "historical" perspective to the advice to be cautious (or suspect) if a woman contacts a man first was being discussed more than eight years ago, on another large RW forum.  It was a time where Internet dating was still in its infancy.  Yahoo Personals wasn't yet a place where young adults hooked up, Match.com was just beginning to become a dominant Internet dating site, and there were many other dating sites just trying to establish a foothold.

It was also around the peak of the RW spam email arriving in folks mailboxes.

There were many guys, looking for love (or perhaps, just a date) in their local area, when suddenly would arrive an interesting (and usually exciting) letter from a young woman, typically from a place they had never heard of, or at least, never had thought about before.  "Gee", the recipient would think, "This is certainly much better than the poor choices I'm finding around here in Podunk."

Very few of these guys would seek out advice on forums such as this.  Others either had their hearts (and sometimes wallets) broken when the request came for money, or would travel great distances only to find their dream was just that.  A dream.

So the advice was, if you were contacted by a woman from a far away place and you had not indicated that you were interested in meeting someone from so far away, it was most likely a scam.

To take it a step farther, if a guy signs up with an international dating agency, then he should expect that he may receive mail from women who are from that agency.  And vet those letters as he would any other correspondence he may receive.

To add my personal note, my first contact from Russia was from a (wo)man, who contacted me while I was looking at the Internet dating scene locally.  It turned out to be a scam, but it made me think about looking in the FSU.  My wife and I met over 8 years ago, and next month we will celebrate 7 years of marriage.

[Rubicon]

Be careful of the signals you are receiving...and be careful when driving from Italy to Switzerland when there is a mob contract out on you!!

[Muzh]

Ferrari, Lambo or Maserati?
 
Looks like a Lambo.

[SANDRO43]

Ferrari, Lambo or Maserati? Looks like a Lambo.

No, it's a Ferrari, notice the rounded form of the wheel wells, a typical Pininfarina design style. Must be some GTO model, similar to this:

Lambos have straighter body lines.

[Muzh]

No, it's a Ferrari, notice the rounded form of the wheel wells, a typical Pininfarina design style. Must be some GTO model, similar to this:
 

Lambos have straighter body lines.

Similar but not the same. I'll have to dig to see if I can find more on this car. I'll ask my mechanic if I cannot find anything on google.

[nicknick]

No, it's a Ferrari, notice the rounded form of the wheel wells, a typical Pininfarina design style. Must be some GTO model, similar to this:

Lambos have straighter body lines.

I'm really sorry to say this, but the Italian gentleman has made a mistake between Ferrari and Lamborghini.

That youtube clip was actually the opening sequence from a very well known English film - ''The Italian Job'' - with a different soundtrack added on top of it.

The original opening sequence can be seen here:-



The car isn't a Ferrari, it is actually a Lamborghini Miura :-



I hope that it's shown above but I don't know much about attaching images.


The film is much much better than the rather dire American remake of the same name and I would recommend it to people.

Perhaps the most quoted line from the film is Michael Caine saying ''You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off'':-



Just a bit of trivia, they didn't really just throw a brand new Miura over the cliff, they used a genuine Miura that had recently been written off by some Arab Sheihk and threw that off the cliff.

EDIT

It's showing the image below, how do I get it to show the image in the middle of the post where I wanted it?

[Muzh]

Thx, I thought it was a Lambo.

[Daveman]

Similar but not the same. I'll have to dig to see if I can find more on this car. I'll ask my mechanic if I cannot find anything on google.

Ahhhhhhh the Ferrari 250 GTO (orgasm mode deactivated for typing purposes) - my all time favorite dream car - bar none... I have all sorts of evil fantasies about that ride.  As far as the car in Rubicon's clip, yep, that's a Lamborghini Miura.. The profile of the '69 "Vette is eerily similar ain't it?   

[SANDRO43]

I'm really sorry to say this, but the Italian gentleman has made a mistake between Ferrari and Lamborghini.

The Brit gentleman is right, and I must admit being at fault with my car-spotting abilities .

They are rather alike, though .

[Daveman]

EDIT

It's showing the image below, how do I get it to show the image in the middle of the post where I wanted it?

Attachments always show at the bottom. To insert it in the message you need to host it somewhere and then use the IMG tags to link to the host....  now, if you knew just where the server saved the original image, you could probably link to it right where it's saved, but that information is highly classified 

[SANDRO43]

EDIT
It's showing the image below, how do I get it to show the image in the middle of the post where I wanted it?

If it's a local image (from your PC), no way.

An image from somewhere on the 'Net will appear in your post where you put it. Using  the icon will centre it .

[Muzh]

Ahhhhhhh the Ferrari 250 GTO (orgasm mode deactivated for typing purposes) - my all time favorite dream car - bar none... I have all sorts of evil fantasies about that ride.  As far as the car in Rubicon's clip, yep, that's a Lamborghini Miura.. The profile of the '69 "Vette is eerily similar ain't it?

I think you would appreciate this since I can see you are a car guy.


For my senior prom, back in medieval times, my mother's cousin handed me the keys to a brand new 1972 DeTomaso Pantera just for the night. I guess he heard that I was blind dated for the prom since I was not really looking for a date (it was a really small school) but our advisor insisted I take her daughter. You  can guess how blind dates go. On top of that she was a soph in college so I can imagine her mother forced her to go with me, a mere highschool kid. Well, I got to her house and the reaction was identical for both of us. Jaw dropped to the floor. My, she was stunning. And so was my car. Boy, what a night!!!

[Rubicon]

I think you would appreciate this since I can see you are a car guy.


For my senior prom, back in medieval times, my mother's cousin handed me the keys to a brand new 1972 DeTomaso Pantera just for the night. I guess he heard that I was blind dated for the prom since I was not really looking for a date (it was a really small school) but our advisor insisted I take her daughter. You  can guess how blind dates go. On top of that she was a soph in college so I can imagine her mother forced her to go with me, a mere highschool kid. Well, I got to her house and the reaction was identical for both of us. Jaw dropped to the floor. My, she was stunning. And so was my car. Boy, what a night!!!

Was she Hawaian??  did you get Lei'd??