If You See This Picture on a Marriage Site, Click NEXT Immediately!

[Ade]

I really doubt she bailed on AL because a couple years earlier he was late at the airport for her, though it may have contributed to her thinking.  If that was the case she would have canned him 2 years ago.  She probably had other reasons (?) we don't know about and I'm not saying the woman had great deductive powers either.  There is just way too much we know little about and we don't know much about the woman.  She could have bailed on AL a bit more nicely intead of ...POOF...but then I am imposing Western ideals on to her and in her culture, POOF might be considered good manners.  I dunno how she thinks.

Best thing for AL to do is to get over it and I hope he does for his own sake.

"Western ideals"? You are making the typical silly mistake of a attributing bad behaviour to "cultural differences"; inconsiderate and insensitive acts towards someone that seems to have had a considerable investment in the relationship is bad behaviour in anyone's culture. After a couple of years, no matter what the reasons, a woman that is worth knowing would, at the very least, terminate the relationship with good grace and not just disappear without a reason. It could be that this wasn't deliberate and planned, perhaps she just had sudden cold feet with the whole prospect of emigrating but that doesn't excuse how she ended it.

[tim 360]

SJ, Not condoning her method of bailing or excusing it, at least wasn't my intent.  To me, in any culture she was rude and could have at least called him or emailed him or something.  I have to think this relationship had, "..a failure to communicate."  And if there was NO communication with this--there was probably scant communication with other aspects.  Or maybe she was a flake.

[Gator]

I am glad to see that men are not placing Al's RW on a pedestal. 

A couple of RW I dated have decided not to spend any more time with me (one soon after filing a K-1).  Neither vaporized.  Both explained their reasons.  That helped with closure, and I quickly moved on.  If they vaporized as did Al's RW, closure would not have come so quickly.   Yet, I would have moved on even while wondering what were their reasons.  Al needs to move on, and seeking revenge at RWD is not part of moving on.  Getting back into the saddle is a great way of recovering.
 

[BillyB]

Getting back into the saddle is a great way of recovering.
 

Yep, the best way to forget a woman is being with another woman. I still have local RW friends that are still interested in me. If there is a breakup with my fiancee, I can get a date in less than 24 hours.

I think Al would be healthier if he started looking for another woman now instead of being depressed over his current situation. I was in a similiar situation. All my ex fiancee had to do was go to the embassy to pick up her visa and I buy the tickets. We were that close but she had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized. I immediately started to talk to other women but of course I hoped she snapped out of it. I like family oriented women but it's harder to get them to move abroad. We talked many times about it and my ex fiancee thought she could do it but didn't. She wanted me to marry her and live in Uzbekistan but I couldn't because I have children from a previous marriage I want to see grow up. Months later she changed her mind and told me she will come to America to be with me but I was already too far involved with other potential ladies. If she had caught me a week earlier, I probably would have went back to her.

[LAman]

How does that saying go...

Fooled me once...shame on you, fooled me twice....shame on me.

I am new around here so I am not aware you had a 1st K-1 filing but for the exact same thing to happen maybe you should be looking into the mirror....just a thought!!

[GregfromGa]

How does that saying go...

Fooled me once...shame on you, fooled me twice....shame on me.

I am new around here so I am not aware you had a 1st K-1 filing but for the exact same thing to happen maybe you should be looking into the mirror....just a thought!!

I don't know Al, never met him but don't you think you might be painting him with a rather broad brush here? Looking at your profile it says you've been to the FSU somewhere in between 4-10 times and you've been at this gig now for a few years now. I think your adage could ring true if it were with the same woman. Maybe he jumped the gun with the first girl but 2 years of dating is probably more than most that get the K-1. I dont have the hard numbers but I would venture to say that it's probably longer than most. I don't know how many trips he made, if he met the family, if they approved, if his lifestyle was suffice for her,if he dresses up like a pirate or any of that. I do know she couldve probably handled the break up a little differently or maybe she did what she thought was right. Again the "There's no exact science to any of this" comes into play.

[BillyB]

I just got a PM from a guy who said my ex fiancee, the one I just talked about in my previous post, has by far the most attractive face of any RW he's ever seen. That got me thinking because her character is better than her looks. Good manners, sweet and polite, docile, caring, loyal, family oriented, etc....

After looking back at the years of knowing my ex fiancee, there's nothing I could say bad about her. All my time with her was good and she is sincere.

Al_C, if you're still around, can you say anything good about your ex fiancee? Did you have any real and sincere happy times with her? Sure the way she disappeared wasn't right but if she's this way now, she probably always was an insincere woman and you failed to see it.

Did you do anything wrong before the breakup? Did your phone calls to her get cold over time and you failed to see what is happening? Things can happen and people fall out of love. Do you talk about your family a lot since you work with them? My current fiancee asked me occasionally if my mom will like her and I tell her it doesn't matter what my mom thinks. It matters what I think and I make the decisions in my life. It's okay for a woman to value her mom's opinion but as a man, you have to be independent and run your own life and protect your lady from all the crap life and people throw at her, even if it's coming from your family. Hopefully your lady is a good woman worth protecting. I remember you saying your mom doesn't like RW this may be another case for her to say "I told you so". If you fail to recognize any good in your ex fiancee or girlfriends, then your mom is right.

[Ranetka]

This woman probably knows OP enough to understand what amount of negativity, insults and accusations would be poured onto her had she tried to explain him the reasons. We can see the glimpse of it in this thread. Therefore she made the decision to just disappear. I think she was right.

When I split up with my ex I used to receive up to 10 emails a day with threats, emotional blackmail and general insults. It was very stressful.

Just judging by this thread I would stop all the correspondence with a man like that if I were to break up with him.

[LAman]

Gregfrom Ga......I  know it is not the same women but the MO is exactly the same( from what I gather). I only thing both had in common was Al C. I agree 2 years of international dating is a long time, just wonder if any red flags should have been noticed during that time. 'Love' can be/make blind........
At same time, I do understand Al C's point, who knows what really goes through a women's mind!!

[GoodOlBoy]

When I split up with my ex I used to receive up to 10 emails a day with threats, emotional blackmail and general insults. It was very stressful.

Sorry to here this Ranetka.

Your "ex" sounds like another "dysfunctional" man, who probably couldn't "trap" a woman in his own hometown to marry, so....off to the internet he went?

GOB

[Gator]

Al_C,

Today I went to a professional golf tournament sponsored by Outback Steakhouse.  A member of the tournament's board invited me to Outback's hospitality suite.   Outstanding.  After the tournament the Special Forces did a sky dive to present the trophy, and then a concert started.   The first song was your song, an old one by Linda Ronstadt:



Yes, crazy that I thought of you.  However, I have never felt "cheated" so the song brought no old memories for me.  Maybe I have been cheated, and just got over it quickly, convincing myself that it was her loss, not mine.   

[Ranetka]

Sorry to here this Ranetka.

Your "ex" sounds like another "dysfunctional" man, who probably couldn't "trap" a woman in his own hometown to marry, so....off to the internet he went?

GOB

We were both disfunctional unhappy people and that's how we found each other. The differences in culture, language barrier and unrealistic expectations on both sides "helped" us to "progress" into the marriage. Then I realised that I was getting even less happy and bailed out :-)

[Blues Fairy]

This woman probably knows OP enough to understand what amount of negativity, insults and accusations would be poured onto her had she tried to explain him the reasons. We can see the glimpse of it in this thread. Therefore she made the decision to just disappear. I think she was right.

Agree with this. The guy never seemed to care much about her feelings, why would he suddenly care about her reasons for bailing out.  She "broke the contract" and that's the end of story; no explanations would alleviate the insult. 

[GregfromGa]

Just for the sake of argument, lets look at what we know. This isnt the first time that we know of that this girl has almost got married right? or rather got a fiancee visa?  Again I'm not defending AL because I dont know either of them but 2 years is a long time to date right? Was Al spending loads of money on this girl? I dont know that either. Was she listed on other agency websites while they were dating? Some are assuming that she thought he would freak out and stalk her. That's kind of hard to do on different continents. How involved were they? Obviously the sex took place or maybe I'm assuming. Only Al and Elina knows about what happened and I dont think Elina will be coming here telling her side of the story. So we'll have the ones that think Al was freak show grease fire and we'll have those that will say Elina was totally at fault for not letting the ole boy down earlier and easier and of course there will be the ones like me that think they have absolutely no clue as to what happened. There probably is some lesson here. Too bad it took a lot of time and effort on both parts to reach the breakup.

Al, are you telling us everything? What are you leaving out? We need the jist of the good the bad and the ugly to really form an opinion on this. Speculating minds cant wait.

[TheTraveler]

In the latest installment in Al's saga, who knows how much is actually fact?... or what he's not telling us?

One can't ignore last year's story of Al leaving his girl at the airport waiting for several hours because his parents made him work late.  When I had read that, I was floored by his lack of consideration -- and also his lack of spine regarding his parents.  With a foreign bride/girlfriend, she's in a strange land with no family and no friends -- so it's doubly important that the guy look out for and protect her.  And it wasn't like he had to fly in from Omaha to meet her flight at JFK... He just had to drive across town.  While some rationalized it away as 'just a mistake', I thought it revealed a serious character flaw.

And this thread has only reinforced my original opinion.  She "broke a contract"??  In my view, it's either party's right (and duty) to break it off before the wedding if it's not right.  From my perspective, I remember buying my fiance a round-trip ticket for her K1 trip, just so she wouldn't feel trapped or pressured if she changed her mind.  Better to find out sooner rather than later.

If I recall Al's old JFK thread correctly, I recommended that -- if his RW was reading the forum -- to run as fast and far as possible from this immature guy.  Looks like she took the advice.

[The Natural]

They should make a TV soap based on all these real life stories. Sure beats any fiction of someones imagination.....

[Muzh]

I don't know Al, never met him but don't you think you might be painting him with a rather broad brush here? Looking at your profile it says you've been to the FSU somewhere in between 4-10 times and you've been at this gig now for a few years now. I think your adage could ring true if it were with the same woman. Maybe he jumped the gun with the first girl but 2 years of dating is probably more than most that get the K-1. I dont have the hard numbers but I would venture to say that it's probably longer than most. I don't know how many trips he made, if he met the family, if they approved, if his lifestyle was suffice for her,if he dresses up like a pirate or any of that. I do know she couldve probably handled the break up a little differently or maybe she did what she thought was right. Again the "There's no exact science to any of this" comes into play.

If more years married to a RW and time spent there is what you need, then let it be then. (Just check my profile) I agree 100% with LAman's assessment.

You don't need to be living with Al_C to see what happened. The woman bailed. She did not take any money with her. He claims to have "spent" over $12,000 on her for over 2 years. What else do you need? Contestant #3?

[GregfromGa]

If more years married to a RW and time spent there is what you need, then let it be then. (Just check my profile) I agree 100% with LAman's assessment.

You don't need to be living with Al_C to see what happened. The woman bailed. She did not take any money with her. He claims to have "spent" over $12,000 on her for over 2 years. What else do you need? Contestant #3?

Of course the woman bailed. As far as what she took or didn't take, well I wasn't there. 12K in 2 years is something. What it was spent on is something I have no inside knowledge of. Maybe there is a pattern for Al_C, maybe there is a pattern for the young lady in question. If his quest is to marry a FSU lady then he'll have to eventually put this behind him and move on. I think he was just trying to warn the next guy to you know keep his guard up. There used to be an old blacklist for this.

[Faux Pas]

Well, for the sake of clarity let's break it down.

Just for the sake of argument, lets look at what we know. This isnt the first time that we know of that this girl has almost got married right? or rather got a fiancee visa?

No, we don't know that. We know Al told us that. I could be wrong but I believe the Brits have a longer process than does America when it comes to immigrating a wife. We have no idea what happened to the relationship to the Brit nor does Al apparently. We don't even have a starting point for conjecture on her relationship with the Brit which renders it completely irrelevant.  Al - 0, Elena - 1

 

Again I'm not defending AL because I dont know either of them but 2 years is a long time to date right? Was Al spending loads of money on this girl? I dont know that either. Was she listed on other agency websites while they were dating?

Greg, 2 years isn't "that long" in this pursuit IMHO. Loads of money on her? $12K in 2 years would barely cover 3 trips and according to Al, she made two trips to see him. If they were romantically involved, he should have paid for her two trips. If he didn't, what has he to b!tch about? When he says $12K on her, I sense it was $12K at the very least, on the relationship and thus, on them both with no one twisting his arm. Al - 0, Elena - 2

 

Some are assuming that she thought he would freak out and stalk her. That's kind of hard to do on different continents. How involved were they? Obviously the sex took place or maybe I'm assuming. Only Al and Elina knows about what happened and I dont think Elina will be coming here telling her side of the story

.

Listen, the ole gal isn't unattractive but she is well past her better days in age and appearance. Nonetheless, Al found her attractive enough to pursue a relationship and interesting enough to consider marrying her. For a two year relationship it is safe to assume she found Al as adequate as he found her. She came and visited Al on a tourist visa. Obviously, she didn't need Al for said visa and came of her own volition. Even

 

So we'll have the ones that think Al was freak show grease fire and we'll have those that will say Elina was totally at fault for not letting the ole boy down earlier and easier and of course there will be the ones like me that think they have absolutely no clue as to what happened. There probably is some lesson here. Too bad it took a lot of time and effort on both parts to reach the breakup.

Al has been around these boards for quite sometime. I remember reading a TR of his back when he first started to visit his first K-1 applicant. He seems like an affable enough guy, a little quick hair trigger on the temper perhaps but knowledgeable and earnest in his pursuit, if not too tied down at home. What seems to be overlooked by Al in his brokenhearted haste is, Elena has every right to end the relationship if it is not working for her. No matter what her reason may be and no matter what she professed to Al in the past. Al has/had the same options.  She's done Al a REALLY big favor by doing it now. It's very hard to view from this vantage point when one is kicked to the curb. Al - 0, Elena - 3

Al, are you telling us everything? What are you leaving out? We need the jist of the good the bad and the ugly to really form an opinion on this. Speculating minds cant wait.

I suspect he is not and likely doesn't even know everything. She just cut everything off as we have read many times here before. He's likely as in the dark as we are. It hurts to be dropped like a bad case of the clap especially with no explanation but, that's a risk we take in any relationship. All one can do is work on the relationship the best they possibly can. Work on the things you can do something about and let the other things take care of themselves. Al - 1, Elena - 3

[Muzh]

There used to be an old blacklist for this.

Are you hinting at blacklisting a woman who came to the US, saw her future husband and decided they were not a match?

Is that what you are implying?

Because if that's the case, there should be a blacklist for men too. Actually, the men's list would be 95% bigger if we are to believe the 5% nonsense of how many men travel to the former Soyuz. Think about that for a second.

[GregfromGa]

We need the Brit to post his side of the story. LOL. A far as the 2 years is concerned, well I'm going to have to still say that that's a pretty long time I think. I mean how many of the people here who are married dated at least 2 years exclusively before they pulled the trigger? I'm certainly not saying they shouldnt date longer. I personally think needs to be about a 5 year window. Even at 5 years you are just barely scratching the surface on the way some of this is going to be. LOL

[GregfromGa]

Are you hinting at blacklisting a woman who came to the US, saw her future husband and decided they were not a match?

Is that what you are implying?

Because if that's the case, there should be a blacklist for men too. Actually, the men's list would be 95% bigger if we are to believe the 5% nonsense of how many men travel to the former Soyuz. Think about that for a second.

I'm not implying anything. I'm saying there was a blacklist for scammers some 7 or 8 years ago. Of course there could be a blacklist for the men as well and there probably is somewhere.

[Faux Pas]

We need the Brit to post his side of the story. LOL. A far as the 2 years is concerned, well I'm going to have to still say that that's a pretty long time I think. I mean how many of the people here who are married dated at least 2 years exclusively before they pulled the trigger? I'm certainly not saying they shouldnt date longer. I personally think needs to be about a 5 year window. Even at 5 years you are just barely scratching the surface on the way some of this is going to be. LOL

Wouldn't that largely depend on when the two years started? Was that 2 years from the first contact? First face to face? Two was from declaring exclusivity? Let the hair splitting begin 

[Muzh]

I'm not implying anything. I'm saying there was a blacklist for scammers some 7 or 8 years ago. Of course there could be a blacklist for the men as well and there probably is somewhere.

Okay Greg. So you are not implying anything. We are writing about what happened to Al with his former fiancee and offering our two cents. Some are taking his side and others are taking hers. No one has said that she asked for money. All Al said was that shhe didn't keep her promise to marry him.

Where does the word scammer and blacklist comes in?

[GQBlues]

.......Of course there could be a blacklist for the men as well and there probably is somewhere.

Kvinna's Antidate site have a blacklist for men. You'd be surprised on who you'll see in that site, LOL.

On the face of this, Al do in fact come across as short-tempered at best, controlling at worst. But...

The flip side to this, which is always the case in these types of threads, is the absence of her side of the story, thus we're always left to arrive to a convenient conclusion.

It's just silly how we easily overlook the fact this is her second swing in a promise to get married. Both cases were apparently involving travels to the men's home countries, likely having fun, touring, good times, sex, lies, and video tapes, and very likely at the respectives men's time and dime...then when it comes time to tying the knot, the woman disappears.

If Al_C was Elena, and she was Al_C - flipping everything in reverse, wouldn't that brand him as a sex tourist? No/yes? Is it really that difficult to believe some women are capable to do the same things some men do in this endeavor?

Viking mentioned his wife knows her email address, then maybe for the sake of curiosity, sick one at that, maybe Viking can ask her wife to send Elena an email with a link to this thread and ask her to share her side of the story...she doesn't have to respond to her email, but, she may want to read what's being said here about her which may prompt her to add a valued account of what happened from her POV.

In the absence of all the above, this is just entertainment for the peanut gallery.