K1/K3 stats, states of well being, etc...

[BC]

How about . . .

Make a plan to FIND a woman, then

FIND her, then

Make a plan what to DO with her now that she is found.

Dan,

I really believe any planning is detrimental when it comes to personal relationships.  Billions of relationships form without it.

In quantitative terms, this RW or even foreign bride/groom 'niche' barely scratches the surface.  Surely, if successful it would have evolved over the last few hundred years into something more.

[Rubicon]

HHhhmmm, sounds a lot like AWs to me, so now you're really starting to confuse me.

Well I do not have a garden yet, and if she does not like that I can do it myself.  I am willing to be flexible myself.  I want a woman who inspires me to be a better man!!  Please explain how you think RW are different from AW.

[SomeGuy]

I would like to thank everybody who has posted here.  Especially TurboGuy.  One of my belief's is that the more time spent with the lady prior to marriage the better.  TG spent a lot of time with his woman in various places and is now happily married.  I would still like to hear back from Boethius regarding #3.  I would also like to hear from anyone who would like to comment on the survey about "subjective well being" (happiness) and how they feel is the best way to determine that a women is going to be capable of being happy in life in the present, and not always looking for a BBD in the future.  I believe we live life in the present, and we need to be able to smell the roses.

The stats posted at the start of the thread were immediately questionable, but I'm glad it was pointed out as invalid, including simply visits or vacations, with no direct correlation to divorces, etc.  It's helpful also when people post stats, to post a link to the actual source being used..


There is no magic bullet.  Elsewhere on the board there's a thread with several people seemingly convinced that the majority of FSUW expect to be wined, dined, and given constant gifts, yet several to many of us have never seen this behavior with our longer term penpals, girlfriends, fiancees, wives..that doesn't mean those women don't exist, but it means people either get miraculously lucky, or either sub-consciously or consciously filter out those that don't match what we're looking for, whatever that may be.  Hopefully that includes more than just a nice body and face..   Be realistic in your search, take a step back and think before even first contact, as well as once dating - remove appearance from the equation, and ask yourself would you be interested in this person if she lived next door to you, and looked differently?  Some people seem to be capable of 'knowing' someone for a long period of time, and still don't know much about the other person - do what you can to move beyond that before jumping into a K1 or marriage.  Know yourself, know your prospective partner the best you can.


Subjective well-being.  Sure, it may have an impact, but I doubt a generalization will exist like you might expect or want with respect to locale.  Some people worry about what others have far more than most, and some might be completely happy with far less than most.  You may well come across a higher percentage of different types in different areas, but it's still an individual trait.  Most FSU folks I've met and know today range from somewhat to mostly content, but there's a wider range of misinformation or knowledge about living outside of the FSU, ranging almost from believing that hollywood is a real representation of normal life, to those that have traveled and/or have more realistic information, but may still be surprised by some things.  Ideally, you really should be discussing this with any potential partner before a K1 is in hand, and consider it an ongoing task to educate her as much as is possible and discuss any misconceptions, etc.  I would say that I believe it preferable to find in a partner someone who is higher on her personal 'subjective well-being scale,' meaning able to see the positives in a situation and not instead focusing on what she doesn't have, but I'm not convinced that a sweeping statement can be applied to large groups of people.

[Daveman]

LOL!!  No eye candy is not my only criteria.  Those under 25 year old women are too young for me.  attractive yes, but equally attractive in manners and attitude and life experience.  Always willing to be flexible if need be.  If anything inner beauty is just as important as external beauty.  I also like down to earth women who can get their hands dirty planting vegetables in the garden or go hiking or water skiing in summer or skiing in the winter time.  Somebody who is comfortable in jeans and t shirt or more dressed up for a date.

Add weird sense of humor, loves roller coasters, bowling, shooting pool, riding motorcycles (she even loves fishing),  great character, FUN to be with, lives in the NOW, loves adventure, AND is great at managing money (I'm far more of a frivolous spender than she is)..  and you pretty much sum up the bluejean gal (who is equally comfortable dressed to the 9's) I'm with now.  She's not too bad on the eyes either.  AND, while I can't recall her ever actually saying "I was wrong", she has, on numerous occasions, stated "you were right about that", (which is about as good as it gets) and of course, I've said it to her as well -- so while still an FSUW and far from a submissive woman, does demonstrate flexibility and a willingness to compromise when warranted.  In a nutshell.. a normal cool woman with normal behavior, normal dreams, normal family goals, and normal career aspirations. 


Similar to Misha, I had a very specific woman in my head and wouldn't settle for anything less or rush the process (which led to executing the plan more than once). 


I had a plan that I stuck with.  Pretty simple - find a woman whom I thought matched my criteria.. date her and let whatever happen happen (or not).  I executed the plan five times.   Four times didn't pan out, maybe the fifth one will..  but even so, there are no guarantees for what the future holds long term and there's really no way to plan away the risk. At some point you just have to jump in with your whole being, enjoy the ride, enjoy the moments and see what happens.

[Rubicon]

Add weird sense of humor, loves roller coasters, bowling, shooting pool, riding motorcycles (she even loves fishing),  great character, FUN to be with, lives in the NOW, loves adventure, AND is great at managing money (I'm far more of a frivolous spender than she is)..  and you pretty much sum up the bluejean gal (who is equally comfortable dressed to the 9's) I'm with now.  She's not too bad on the eyes either.  AND, while I can't recall her ever actually saying "I was wrong", she has, on numerous occasions, stated "you were right about that", (which is about as good as it gets) and of course, I've said it to her as well -- so while still an FSUW and far from a submissive woman, does demonstrate flexibility and a willingness to compromise when warranted.  In a nutshell.. a normal cool woman with normal behavior, normal dreams, normal family goals, and normal career aspirations. 


Similar to Misha, I had a very specific woman in my head and wouldn't settle for anything less or rush the process (which led to executing the plan more than once). 


I had a plan that I stuck with.  Pretty simple - find a woman whom I thought matched my criteria.. date her and let whatever happen happen (or not).  I executed the plan five times.   Four times didn't pan out, maybe the fifth one will..  but even so, there are no guarantees for what the future holds long term and there's really no way to plan away the risk. At some point you just have to jump in with your whole being, enjoy the ride, enjoy the moments and see what happens.

excellent post Daveman, thank you!

[GQBlues]

Well I do not have a garden yet, and if she does not like that I can do it myself.  I am willing to be flexible myself.  I want a woman who inspires me to be a better man!!  Please explain how you think RW are different from AW.

Rubicon-
 
I am very likely alone, or at best in a very small minority with this belief. RW can no more walk on water as any other women regardless of nationality. So many men trek this silly path screaming somehow RWs tout these differences as though they are the perfect anitdote to a man's deficiencies. Exposed to the same level of choices and opportunities, AWs, RWs, UWs, JWs, etc...are really one and the same.
 
IMO, the effect men get when they hit the FSU (and other places like it) is akin to the same effect a pimpled teenager gets the morning after he got laid. Nothing more.
 
**Disclaimer: the following doesn't mean you personally, Rubicon. It's pointed at the many faceless, nameless Joes out there
 
I hope men never take another step searching for a woman whom they believe they need in their lives as an inspiration to be a "better man". If you can't be the best you can be for yourself alone, BEFORE looking for a partner to share your (sorry) life with, better run home to Mama and get some more milk.
 
Dude, if you believe you aren't the very best man for anyone (yet), why the heck will you even bother anyone, let alone women from another country and culture, with your deficiencies. Leave her alone to someone more confident and self assured. No woman deserve to have to be *anything* just to be a filler to someone's void.

[Rubicon]

Rubicon-
 
I am very likely alone, or at best in a very small minority with this belief. RW can no more walk on water as any other women regardless of nationality. So many men trek this silly path screaming somehow RWs tout these differences as though they are the perfect anitdote to a man's deficiencies. Exposed to the same level of choices and opportunities, AWs, RWs, UWs, JWs, etc...are really one and the same.
 
IMO, the effect men get when they hit the FSU (and other places like it) is akin to the same effect a pimpled teenager gets the morning after he first got laid. Nothing more.
 
**Disclaimer: the following doesn't mean you personally, Rubicon. It's pointed at the many faceless, nameless Joes out there
 
I hope men never take another step searching for a woman whom they believe they need in their lives as an inspiration to be a "better man". If you can't be the best you can be for yourself alone, BEFORE looking for a partner to share your (sorry) life with, better run home to Mama and get some more milk.
 
Dude, if you believe you aren't the very best man for anyone (yet), why the heck will you even bother anyone, let alone women from another country and culture, with your deficiencies. Leave her alone to someone more confident and self assured. No woman deserve to have to be *anything* just to be a filler to someone's void.

Well it is certainly correct that we need to take initiative and improve ourselves so that we are worthy.  That said I still hope to find somebody who I inspire, and she also inspires me.  Kind of a mutual admiration type of thing.

[Rubicon]

GQ,

Earlier you said you were confused and that I had described an AW and not an FSUW.  Please elaborate if you can.

[GQBlues]

Well it is certainly correct that we need to take initiative and improve ourselves so that we are worthy.  That said I still hope to find somebody who I inspire, and she also inspires me.  Kind of a mutual admiration type of thing.

I *think* maybe you mean 'compliment one another'?
 
I could be wrong...
 

GQ,

Earlier you said you were confused and that I had described an AW and not an FSUW.  Please elaborate if you can.

   There really isn't much to elaborate. The things you mentioned upthread exist in most, if not all, AWs already in your realm. What confused me was, if that being the case, why even seek for anyone else elsewhere.   

[Daveman]

Although it has been mentioned in several threads and even has a dedicated thread or two to it somewhere, not enough mention is made of the culture shock that most of these women go through when they get to their new country. Some, or perhaps most, of the "she changed when she got here" blame-game and bitching mentality will be as much to do with culture shock as it is anything else.

I thank my lucky stars that my wife hardly batted an eye after she moved here; stroking my own ego, I can perhaps  take some credit for it because I was very much aware of the issues she was facing and did my utmost to support her and help her feel like she was in control. Or perhaps it's just that she's such an awesome women to begin with.

But it's understandable that men who have hardly left their own county let alone moved to a foreign country with a different language won't automatically understand what is going on when their new wives start behaving erratically and out of character.

Those guys reading this that haven't already really should look up some articles on culture shock symptoms and ways to help your significant other to deal with them. A quick google will turn up a ton but I thought this was a good description of the process; http://www.lossesintranslation.com/stages-of-immigration.php and this http://www.lossesintranslation.com/culture-shock.php - the advice in the latter link is aimed at the immigrant but will give men an idea of what goes through their mind.

Excellent points, and yeah, take some credit for making the transition easier.      


the culture shock factor is not something to take lightly and THAT's an area for which if a man did not learn, plan, etc., well, that's his own negligence or stupidity. 
 

[Misha]

the culture shock factor is not something to take lightly and THAT's an area for which if a man did not learn, plan, etc., well, that's his own negligence or stupidity.

Even when you plan, it is still a hellish experience for many of us 

[Rubicon]

I *think* maybe you mean 'compliment one another'?
 
I could be wrong...
    There really isn't much to elaborate. The things you mentioned upthread exist in most, if not all, AWs already in your realm. What confused me was, if that being the case, why even seek for anyone else elsewhere.   

mutual respect and compliment each other, yes.  I find that it is true that many FSU women are slender and exercise more than AW, and dress up better when going out.  They take much better care of their appearance.  They like a man to open doors and other chivalry which some American women complain about instead of appreciate.  And yes I like younger women.  It is much easier to date a younger attractive smart RW than a younger smart AW.  An attractive younger FSUW is more likely to be willing to put career on hold and have a child.  AW do not put family as their top priority.  They always put themselves and their career above anything else.

[GQBlues]

...I find that it is true that many FSU women are slender and *exercise more than AW, and dress up better when going out.  They take much better care of their appearance.  They like a man to open doors and other chivalry which some American women complain about instead of appreciate.  And yes I like younger women.  It is much easier to date a younger attractive smart RW than a younger smart AW.  An attractive younger FSUW is more likely to be willing to put career on hold and have a child.  AW do not put family as their top priority.  They always put themselves and their career above anything else.

As you well know, I don't mind agreeing to disagree so I'll refrain to be a contrarian on this segment..

[Gator]

Complimenting.....complementing.... both are important.

[Rubicon]

Complimenting.....complementing.... both are important.

And Inspiring!! 

[GQBlues]

Complimenting.....complementing.... both are important.  

LOL!
 
   hate it when that happens...retake on the latter.