No success...Whats your criteria?

[Zhena]

For the guys who looking but after one or more trips still didnt find anyone. What is your criteria for the girls you choosing? An appearance? A character? Lets analyse why no success. Maybe you just choosing the wrong girls? I ask the serious guys whos intention is marriage.

[Turboguy]

Gosh, I would die of old age before I was finished if I put all my experiences in.  I have about 3 million trips and no bride.  One fiancee so far.  Maybe I am just to particular. 

I look for chemistry

Someone not out for the money which I seem to run into regularly 

Someone I enjoy being with

Someone who likes about the same tempo of life I like. 

Yes, I am attracted to nice looking women and I am attracted to younger women but it is not a requirement.   I have met older ones and ugly ones.  Came pretty close to getting engaged to an ugly one.  That didn't bother me.

[Oosik]

Basic appearance and compatability issues start things off (does she like nature, does she seem high maintenence)

Letter writing to get more info on overall compatability.

Then the meeting is mostly about chemistry and "do we get along", also if she is kind or mean, pushy or demur, selfish or giving, thoughtful or stupid.

When you have enough goals and such in common, and you get along really good (liking each other), and you have chemistry (largely lust), love can follow easily and quickly.

[al-c]

Two trips so far and no success.

Three women.

One I was engaged to and it blew up in my face three days before her interview in Moscow.  She was incredibly stubborn and did not listen at all to anything I asked her to do.  She did what she wanted and pretended to not understand when I asked her for even the smallest thing.  There was no langauge barrier because I used a prifessional interpreter to send important letters.

One was really good to me on the phone and in letters but was cold and impersonal when I was there.  She had no respect for my time or my feelings.

The last one connected with me quickly, so quick that we were in bed 6 hours after we met.  Then after I got home, she sent me a goodbye letter made of a shopping list of excuses, none of which looked sincere.

I do not look for looks, even though all three were beautiful.  I look for personality and compatibility.

I hope for better luck this May when I am in St. Petersburg to meet Olga.

If anybody has advice or needs more informaton to give me advice, I would be happy to hear from you.  I really want this one to work.  Olga is 37, I am 48, her son is 13, and I have NO problem raising someone else's child.  Already raised two of them and would gladly do it again.

 

[Zhena]

I noticed many guys who returning home disappointed. Or not disappointed,they had alot of fun-but nothing serious. I noticed that many guys,especially who using the agencies and invited to see many girls and make a choice from many,getting lost. Maybe cos they dont know what they want EXACTLY. And some are lost cos alot of beauty around,so they want to try all of them and dont want to miss anything:) Here you have to be cautious and picky and make a selection. Not a secret,that many girls just want you to spend some money for them. Its a red flag if you looking seriously. What I would look for first,are the similar interests. And similar point of life viewing. Also is important how you feel while talking with that girl-easy like you know her for a long time or tough.

Some guys dont expect the difficulties of menthality difference. It exists for sure,but have to be patient. You have to learn more about a russian or ukrainian culture before to go there . You have to learn many things what can cause the misunderstanding.

For example,whats your observations? Did you notice something that you cant understand?

[Patton]

I look for an attractive woman who is compatible, smart, caring, has  good character and  personality. Many young attractive women who I  have met in the FSU are not always easy to get along with. Honestly,  they can often be too demanding. I have met many not so attractive  young women who are much easier to get along with. It's somewhat of a  dilemma.

[groovlstk]

I think it's almost impossible to find someone on your first trip, the  guys who have are either extremely lucky or they allowed themselves to  fall for the first girl they met.

But I think there's also the danger of being confronted with so many  choices that a guy ends up paralyzed and commitment-shy, always looking  to trade up.

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"] I have advised many men about the kid in the candy story syndrome, you will be  able to taste so many different candies but at then end of the day you will only  be allowed to take one piece of candy home.[/size][/color]

[Oosik]

I think it's almost impossible to find someone on your first trip, the  guys who have are either extremely lucky or they allowed themselves to  fall for the first girl they met.

But I think there's also the danger of being confronted with so many  choices that a guy ends up paralyzed and commitment-shy, always looking  to trade up.

I think this is a very good post. I think guys who go over "just looking" or are otherwise not real serious will be very prone to the kid in the candy store syndrome. Go down this road very far and you will have morphed into something these women can easily get much closer to home.

[Looking53]

My success is figure out you first. Understand who you are then go from there. You want someone with the same values. Example is you religist well she better be too. Remember one thing marriage use to be arranged. They worked because 2 people we committed to making them work. There starting with someone that want to commit for life. But you better be ready to do the same.

[bongo]

I agree: Russian woman are demanding too much, they are not worth to deal with.
Trust me, I have tried many times, and know also many that have.
If you find one to marry, she wil in 99% of all cases rip you off later!

forget about it!!

[coco]

OK Bongo but where do you come from?American?European?

[Slings_and_Arrows]

I look for compatibility.  Also, knowing my language is key.  I really can not get to know someone deep inside if we don't understand each other.  Maturity is another thing.  Not looking for a party girl or a doll.

[catzenmouse]

I look for compatibility.  Also, knowing my language is key.  I really can not get to know someone deep inside if we don't understand each other.  Maturity is another thing.  Not looking for a party girl or a doll.

 Those are very good criteria to start with. Question: If she has all the others but is weak on the language would you rule her out? I know that Elena didn't remember much of her English when we met but she worked like crazy on it over the next 6 months (and still is) and we had a lot of very good conversations on the phone about all the things that were important to us. Yes, sometimes we had to rework the sentences to be understood but I hate to think that if I had discounted her for that reason I would not have the wonderful wife that I do now. Just a thought.

Ken

[Slings_and_Arrows]

Those are very good criteria to start with. Question: If she has all the others but is weak on the language would you rule her out? I know that Elena didn't remember much of her English when we met but she worked like crazy on it over the next 6 months (and still is) and we had a lot of very good conversations on the phone about all the things that were important to us. Yes, sometimes we had to rework the sentences to be understood but I hate to think that if I had discounted her for that reason I would not have the wonderful wife that I do now. Just a thought.

Ken

good question Ken...  very good question.


It certainly made me pause.  Hmmm...  I would like to think that if the language was not there, but the rest was a total package.. that I would rely on translaters and such until we could speak to each other normally.  One thing I have learned (the hard way) is to take time with any decision that will effect the rest of your life.  This of course includes selecting the right lady for a spouse.



My answer is, If all else was there, I would be patient and helpful with the language barrier.  I would advise all bride seekers to do the same.  After all, I supposed that once they're immersed in the new environment.. the language would come quickly.

[catzenmouse]

Slings,

 That is an excellent way to look at it!

 It does come pretty quickly being immersed in it here. It is also very difficult with all the different accents and how people mumble but she (and she won't agree with this so when you read this Elena just remember that IT IS TRUE!) has made amazing progress with her speaking and comprehension of English which is one of them most convoluted languages there is to learn as there really are no rules that you can follow and things are spelled in a haphazard way where comb, tomb, and bomb all have a different sound.

Ken

[Turboguy]

Personally I have always felt that even without good communication you can get a pretty good idea of what someone is about.  If I sense someone has really good qualities I have no problem with waitnig a while to be able to discuss it.  Yes, at sometime they have to learn the language.

[PeeWee]

I agree: Russian woman are demanding too much, they are not worth to deal with.
Trust me, I have tried many times, and know also many that have.
If you find one to marry, she wil in 99% of all cases rip you off later!

forget about it!!

I like the demanding ones. They keep me on my toes. Their demands, if reasonable, are great motivators for me to excel and try beyond my limits. If the demand is unreasonable then I tell her that she is out of whack and need think up something else to demand. That seems to work pretty good too.

Peewee