Where is the border??

[Kristoffer]

...the border between romantic and pathetic?

I have been talking to this very special girl in st.piter. I think she and I are very similar, and I think we could be the best couple in the world... Or a huge disaster..?? I dont know. She is shy and not very social, and so are I(+ similar in 100 other ways, different in 5 or six ways..). But because of (what i think is) misunderstandings, we have become unfriendly towards eachother. She says she dont like me coz I am too.... things I am not. And I told her not to write me anymore coz I thought she was playing with my feelings. (I think i was wrong) I think criterias to not like eachother doesn't exist.

She told me (after an quarrel, and I apologized veeery much after it) to not write her anymore, and it made me veeeery sad. I wrote her a last email asking if I can visit her and see her even for just a second, i would very much like to try to be friends. And she replied; "I dont think we can be friends cos it seems to me you like to talk too much (Im not talkative at all in real life..) but your words melted my hurt (heart, maybe??) so if you still want to come, you can come, and ill spend some time with you to see if it will be fun or disaster."

I asked if she will be home in july.
And she said; "in july?!?!!? Are you kiddin me??!?! maybe you better come in december?? I will leave in june and that is the deadline for you to come"
oh.. and she also said "Im soo tired of you..." lately. I understand her... She likes to talk briefly about simple things, and I want to solve problems before we continue. No answers from her--- and I nag and nag about it...

Well my question is this; Is there any chance I can win her heart? Is it "suicide" to travel to her and surprise her with a date? She said june is the deadline... What does she mean? Has she made up her mind? or??? I am blind!! they say people in my state of mind gets blind... hehe Should I move on? I have nooo idea what she thinks!!!

Thanks for opinions!
Any people in st.piter by the way? who could tell me where to find some nice places? I want to make a peeeerfect date for her.

[BC]

One should never have to fight for love.

If you feel like you are swimming upstream, better to reserve your energy and resources for what truly awaits you.

[GQBlues]

....She told me (after an quarrel, and I apologized veeery much after it) to not write her anymore...

Good. I don't see where the problem is, then...
 

....and it made me veeeery sad.

Oh I see. Ooopppsss, there it is...
 

...the border between romantic and pathetic?

About ten paces behind you...

[Boethius]

Why do you want to win the heart of someone who is rude and abusive toward you?

[Rubicon]

It sounds like you and her on not on the same page.  Time to move on.

[Muzh]

July?
 
Kristoffer, you can get there earlier if you walk.
 
Jump on a plane tomorrow (which is now) and call ver from the airport. Tell her to get her lips ready because she is is for a big, fat, juicy kiss. Then do it. She will tell you if you are romantic or pathetic right there.
 
Problem solved.
 
P.S. How long a flight from where you are? 2 hours?

[Muzh]

Why do you want to win the heart of someone who is rude and abusive toward you?

Some guys are gluttons for punishment.

[Gator]

Kris,
 
Find a woman without so much melodrama.  If you stay with this woman, you are PATHETIC, not romantic.
 
Although you and your "special girl" are similar in 100 ways, something is not meshing.    If you and a woman are good for each other, life is enjoyable, relaxed and fulfilling.  Where is the joy?   Where is the easiness?   Where is the fulfillment?

[acctBill]

Two people communicating in a language both are not fluent in can lead to misunderstandings.  So if you can afford to go now why not go?  Your profile says you live in Norway so St. Pete is close.  The confusion could be settled in a few days with a short trip.

[GoodOlBoy]

   to RWD Kristoffer.
 

Why do you want to win the heart of someone who is rude and abusive toward you?

Yeah....What Boethius said.
 
GOB wouldn't waste his time or money on someone like the person you describe.
 
GOB

[Gator]

Two people communicating in a language both are not fluent in can lead to misunderstandings. 

Yes, but good people will give you the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification.  And Kris sounds like a gentle soul.

[Faux Pas]

Kris


How long have you been writing this lady? I see you have visited the FSU, did you visit her on one of those trips?

[mendeleyev]

And she said; "in july?!?!!? Are you kiddin me??!?! maybe you better come in december?? I will leave in june and that is the deadline for you to come"

Well my question is this; Is there any chance I can win her heart? Is it "suicide" to travel to her and surprise her with a date? She said june is the deadline... What does she mean? Has she made up her mind? or??? I am blind!! they say people in my state of mind gets blind... hehe Should I move on? I have nooo idea what she thinks!!!

I wouldn't surprise her. Too many misunderstandings could happen as a result. But like the others, if you want to meet, July is too late.

We are now upon what Russians call the dacha season, Дачный сезон. It is when folks are away at the lake, in the forest, in the mountains or wherever the family dacha is located. In most cases she won't return until late August or early September. Upon return she'll be busy, putting up all those vegetables and fruits from the dacha gardens, dacha orchards and mushrooms from the forest. The "first bell" for school will be upon children and also she must return to her work.

Likely there are at least 2 reasons why now is acceptable and later is not. First, she's fed up with something to do with the two of you and she is unwilling to continue. I'm not defending her, just stating what appears to be reality. Second, as explained, July will be too late for practical reasons also. Russian women (and men) aren't afraid to make deadlines. It's great decision making by the way, have a goal, make a deadline, and determine the outcome depending on how the performance plays out up to the deadline.

[n_lalala]

Maybe i am too young to understand this situation, but...
Do you really still want to see her? I mean, after all those demands like "that is a deadline for you to come"... ok, she will leave in june, but you can come to another country or city, right? Absolutely no desire to understand your position (maybe you are too busy to come before she leaves?).

"and she also said "Im soo tired of you..." lately. I understand her... She likes to talk briefly about simple things, and I want to solve problems before we continue. No answers from her--- and I nag and nag about it..." - you are who you are, and there will be a girl who will like this feature of your personality. It is HER problem that SHE is tired of you.

If i were a boy, i wouldn't give her a chance to have a "peeeerfect date".  My verdict.

[Kristoffer]

Thanks ALOT to all of you!!! I was "afraid" half of you would say; "get over her" and the rest would say; "get over there". But I got very clear answers from you, thanks)) Its good to hear others opinion when you dont see clearly yourself (myself, of course)

Do you really still want to see her?

its a disease called love... but REALLY?? hmmmm... I guess not really.. I would really want to see her and find out she is kind and caring... I guess that will never happen. But I will never KNOW if I dont go there...

How long have you been writing this lady? I see you have visited the FSU, did you visit her on one of those trips?

for more or less six months. I visited one other girl.

Yes, but good people will give you the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification.  And Kris sounds like a gentle soul.

You sound like a wise person, Gator)) hehe

oh about july... untill august, some days in july is the only time i can have some free.

One should never have to fight for love.

If you feel like you are swimming upstream, better to reserve your energy and resources for what truly awaits you.

I will do so (the second sentence, not the first ) I feel free now. Its time to be sad (one day) and to move on (the entire future) )) Did I remember to say thanks to ALL OF YOU? Take care))

[Muzh]

Hey Kristoffer, don't disappear, eh?

[Kristoffer]

 

[GoodOlBoy]

Maybe i am too young to understand this situation, ...

Don't worry, for 19 you are doing just fine.
 
GOB

[n_lalala]

Kristoffer, since i see your "love story" not in details, i think she is not even worth this trying. But i guess  there is something more that makes you feel that something may change when you meet.
Everybody had such a situation when a relationship was not perfect, but a person had a hope, and was ready give up everything just to "try". As the experience shows, nothing good happens...but who knows, maybe your situation will be an example of the opposite result
By the way...how old are you? 

Thanks, GOB:) maybe this forum with all these discussions will make me even wiser

[Muzh]

Kristoffer, since i see your "love story" not in details, i think she is not even worth this trying. But i guess  there is something more that makes you feel that something may change when you meet.
Everybody had such a situation when a relationship was not perfect, but a person had a hope, and was ready give up everything just to "try". As the experience shows, nothing good happens...but who knows, maybe your situation will be an example of the opposite result

Yeah. What she said. <seriously>

[Faux Pas]

for more or less six months. I visited one other girl. 

Well inmy view you've dicked around much too long. Other's will disagree and they can but hey guy, you are in Norway, communicated for 6 months and didn't hop that cheap plane ride to check her out? You needed an ultimatum and if you hope to have a shred of a chance with this lady I would suggest you go now before the end of June. She is well justified in her request

[I/O]

FP: In my view, nobody is justified with any requests in this caper. Everyone enters of their own free will and if they aren't prepared to accept that most people out there won't be of the same mind as they, then they have no place in the game, boys AND girls.

Notwithstanding, given the young age of the case study, for once I agree, sooner rather than later. Kids just don't have the patience or endurance to wait it out. I think the picture changes very much as age is added.

All the BS floating around these boards about needing to visit NOW is born out of guys waiting years not months and I concede that for the most part but I'm hearing constant rubbish about needing to visit quickly? For what? You might miss out? FFS, the very reason guys go to the FSU is more choice, many choices............isn't it? On that basis, who gives a rats arse if you miss "this one". More importantly, I ALWAYS found that women worth meeting would wait (within reason) and those who put deadlines or ultimatums weren't worth bothing over.

Back to the particular case study, if July is the only free time he has, perhaps that's his lifestyle long term and given that, Mrs Him will need to fit in with that anyway so if "potential" Mrs Him can't or won't then it's flick pass time and call "next".

Crap, it's slippery on top of this soap box. 

[Gator]

Its time to be sad (one day) and to move on (the entire future) ))

Kristoffer,
 
I like your attitude.  You recovered quickly.
 
I met many RW who seemed perfect over the phone, only to discover soon after meeting that they were far from perfect.  Sometimes I felt really stupid.  I never bothered to meet anyone who was so controlling and demanding as your dream girl.
 
There have been examples of a long correspondence leading to marriage (Blues Fairy corresponded with her future husband for more than a year).  I very much doubt that Blues Fairy ever felt like saying to him what your dream woman told you.
 
This is a guess.  I imagine your dream woman is beautiful.  I say that because 1) she really impressed you and 2) her behavior is typical for women who receive  much attention from men.  One of the 10 RWD Commandments is DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH A PHOTO.

[BC]

FP,

Penpals are penpals.. Nothing more.

[n_lalala]

Muzh, does your comment mean you agree with my words?