Advice needed please

[Saltheart]

Hi -

Brief Recap:  Started corresponding with RW 5 months ago on an ridiculously intense level.  Lots of emotional connection/bonding during those 3 months.  She came to the states - spent a wonderful time together - we were both exactly how we imagined the other to be.  Very sucessful trip that got extended from 2 weeks to 5 weeks.  She went home for a couple of weeks for us to process it, think about it and to get more belongings for a longer trip (6 months).  Not much of a cultural problem, (I think...) as she is very "westernized" already having spent a couple years out of the country.  English is very good, no communication problems.  Already discussing marriage/future.  We both feel like we've found the right partner.  She is on a tourist visa and we have a couple of challenges namely...

What to do during those 6 months to stay active/busy and feel like she has a meaningful existence.  She is a very bright girl, very bright, and has done well for herself in Russia in her chosen profession. She would like to work while she is here, one, she doesn't want to be dependent on me, two she wants to contribute financially although it's not necessary, three and more importantly, she needs to feel like she has a purpose and is contributing something to the world and having some purpose...but of course, she really can't work...not legally anyway....so I was wondering if anyone has had that issue and how you worked it out?  She could come work for me as I am self employed and I could team her up in sales with a couple of my sales girls (I think she would be fantastic) - but I struggle with this as I like to keep those things separate and I think it's rare indeed where that is good for the relationship.

Some other ideas were, get involved with some charities - get involved with some "meetup groups" to make some friends, etc..

It must be very scary to move to another country not knowing anyone, not having a job lined up, no friends, etc.... jesus I feel for her...takes a lot of courage.

Just wondering if you guys had any suggestions as to what maybe she could do during this period while we continue to get to know each other and decide if we are going to move forward into a marriage some day.

Thanks a bunch.

-SH

[ML]

This is not an answer to your question; instead meandering to a different slant.

I have been reading the Visa websites quite a bit and picked up one tidbit of info.

Seems the USA visa people do not look kindly on situations  where the multi entry tourist visa holders want to return to USA very quickly after a previous visit.  They view this as a situation where the visa holder is actually acting as an immigrant.

Also, it is not widely known, but the guys and gals at passport control have full authority to deny entry to anyone, no matter what the validity of the visa.

You might want to do a little reading on this and see what you think.

[Saltheart]

Ugh - did not think about this.  She is literally "mid-air" at the moment...  her visa actually expires in about 8 days... we are hoping she will get the normal 6 month stamp.  I guess I will know soon enough (within 21 hours) if our plans are completely fubared...

Ok, might need to add a xanax to the vicodin (had back surgery today) to deal with the anxiety.  )

[Faux Pas]

What was the situation of her visa that she came on the first time? 8 days to expiration could present  a problem.

[Saltheart]

She had a one year visa which expires in a couple of days. She's had a couple trips to the states in the last year...this would be her 4th.

[Saltheart]

Man - I can't believe this didn't occur to me.   Color me NOOB!

Me = 

[Gylden]

As a "sideliner" something seems a little "out of place" to me.
 
I would just like to say good luck and be very carefull.

[Ronnie]

Salt Heart,


I had a hard time following this...especially your last post with the cluebat.  Anyway, she and you both need to understand that using a tourist visa for anything that might indicate an intent to immigrate is playing with fire.  As a single woman, she was lucky to get one in the first place but she did so good for her.   Do not put her to work for your company..just a word of advice.  Also, if all is as you say, then why did you not simply propose?  What is the reason the matter is "up in the air"  is she the hesitant one or is it you?  Are you paying for her ticket and any part of her travel expense?  An ounce of caution is worth a pound of cure.

[Kuna]

I know NOTHING about the visa situation in the US other than what I read in here...  but... wouldn't it have made more sense for her to enroll in a course,  apply for a student visa and get prepared for life here if/when you do marry?

[Saltheart]

Good questions..

I haven't proposed because my divorce isn't finalized (will be in 5 weeks) and frankly, although we are discussing it with high hopes and enthusiasm, as we've both been through a failed marriage once before, we both think it's more than prudent to take the 6 months and see how it goes.  I really don't want to make a mistake again and nor does she.  Does that mean I will wait the 6 months, probably not...not sure, but I am much more cautious now on that end.  She is willing to sign a pre-nup btw, which I am thrilled about.  And as accelerated as this has been, I can't wrap my head around proposing this early into it despite how fantastic we seem to connect.  As for the clue bat, I was refering to the fact that it didn't occur to me that she might have trouble entering the country again on this visa as she's had several trips here in the last year.... so, and we will know soon enough, our plans might get smashed....I'll know in 16 hours I guess.

As for the student visa, she already had a tourist visa - no need for the student visa yet as we are still feeling the relationship out.

She does pretty well by Russian standards....no she hasn't paid for her flight, they are too much, I got creamed on these flights, I didn't prepare very well...paying around 2.1 to 2.3k for each flight (this is the second) - which really sucks.  She has picked up the tab on some other things andI can tell it bothers her a bit that she is dependent upon me right now.

Hope this sheds some light.

Can anyone offer some suggestions on the original intent of the post?  Other questions are fine too of course, but was hoping for practical solutions/ideas.  If you had a wonderful RW coming to live with you for a 6 month trial run, how would you suggest she fills her time so she doesn't feel like she is mooching and getting lazy around the house all day.  That's not a healthy situation for anyone.

[Kuna]

Well...  I've gotta say working illegally in any way is a great idea until she gets caught!  I wouldn't risk it.

Most RW/UW I know don't really "get" the concept of working for a charity.  My wife has come around since arriving 3+ years ago but initially she couldn't work out why anyone would work for free.  Some of her friends still think we're "crazy" because of some of the "work" we do.

Without knowing your lady and what her interests are it's hard to imagine what her options might be.

I can tell you though...  don't let her get bored.  If that happens the gloss will come of the romance very quickly!

[Saltheart]

Well that's just it, she doesn't want to be bored.  She loves the idea of working for a charity, helping orphaned children or something to that effect.  As for the work thing, it could be done through me in my company and not on the books and really with little to no interaction between the two of us at all.  And again, it would be mostly a part time deal.  OK - bed time.  Thanks guys.

[Turboguy]

If she had one tourist visa and didn't overstay getting another should be nearly automatic.  If her first visa hasn't been expired for one year she doesn't even have to go back to the embassy for an interview.
 
This is not something I have any first hand experience with but I beliveve it is quite legal for her to go back for a few months apply for another tourist visa, come here and marry you and change her status.  You could spend a little time over on the Visa Journey website and check this out. 
 
The odds of them catching the fact that she was working in your business and you were paying her cash are quite small but it is still illegal and there are lots of places crying for volunteers so that is the way I would suggest going.

[pitbull]

I would not recommend working while on topurist visa - it's illegal and can backfire any time if she does decide to immigrate.
 
If she knows English well, is driven and successful, and has a potential to succeed in the US in her current profession (if the skills are transferrable) a good idea is to volunteer for the company she would like to work for in the future. I think this would be legal, she will get the experience and potentially references. I believe GOB's wife started her path to a successful accounting career through volunteering.

[GoodOlBoy]

.... her visa actually expires in about 8 days... we are hoping she will get the normal 6 month stamp.

I am sure that you already know this SH, but GOB needs to say it anyway.
 
Don't take your lady out of the GoodOl' USA (Mexico, Canada, cruise ship, etc.) after she gets here.
 
She won't be able to get back in on an expired visa.
 
This reminds me of a story on the old RWG forum about a guy who brought a RW here to the GoodOl' USA on a K-1, married her in Vegas (IIRC) and they then went down into Mexico on a holiday.
 
Problem was, she didn't have an AP (Advanced Parole).
 
From what little I remember of the story (8 years ago), they wound up in Federal court in front of an immigration judge and the poor bastard had to pay a ton of legal fees.
 
I don't know what eventually happened to her, but she was facing deportation.
 
GOB
 

I believe GOB's wife started her path to a successful accounting career through volunteering.

Absolutely correct! 
 

Thank you for opening this topic Aloe.
I have always wanted to post this story somewhere, but the opportunity never arose.......
 

 

[GoodOlBoy]

I haven't proposed because my divorce isn't finalized (will be in 5 weeks)...

I would not recommend working while on topurist visa - it's illegal and can backfire any time if she does decide to immigrate.

GOB couldn't agree anymore.
 
Another "old" story if I may SH.
 
GOB was pretty good friends with an old USN UDT MCPO (E-9).
After my friend retired, he purchased a bar up in Virginia Beach. GOB frequented this bar (best steamed jimmy blue crabs and cold beer around  ).
 
My friend wound up getting divorced from his wife and married a much younger American Filipino girl.
 
When my friend was in the process of retiring from the Navy and outfitting his bar, apparently he took a few items from the Naval Base and was using them in his bar. One of these items was a rather large hot water heater. He never removed the serial number plate from it. This would come back to haunt him later. 
 
His "ex" eventually decided that she didn't like his new living arrangement, so she ratted him out to NIS (Naval Investigative Services) and the FBI for stealing government property.
 
My friend was convicted of several felonies, lost his bar, lost his 28 year USN pension and went to federal prison for awhile.
 

I don't know what kind of terms you and your "ex" are on SH, but it is something to think about.

She could come work for me as I am self employed...

GOB

[Muzh]

 
I don't know what eventually happened to her, but she was facing deportation.  
 

Did it ever occured to you this is a very cheap way to send your outlaws back home? Just buy a oneway ticket to the US and when it is time for them to leave visit either Canada or Mexico and presto, back home courtesy of another country. 

[tfcrew]

Salt Heart,


  What is the reason the matter is "up in the air"  is she the hesitant one or is it you?  Are you paying for her ticket and any part of her travel expense?  An ounce of caution is worth a pound of cure.

I think it means that she is in-flight?
?   correct?

She is literally "mid-air" at the moment.

So what happened?

Best of Luck on this

Karl

[GQBlues]

Yah know...if hormones had brains, half the guys chasing women wouldn't have 90% of the problem they get themselves into. It's gawd's dirty little secret for gender parity.
 
Hhhmmmm.
 
She's had the same multi-entry visa for likely one or even two years now. She's been 'using' it since issuance. You just spent time talking prior to her last visit - then spent 5 weeks during her last visit - then time spent talking between her last visit to present...yet the fact her via expires in 8 days - considering the two of you planned spending the next 6 months here together - didn't even entered your collective minds? She could've easily filed for renewal in Russia and very likely got a new one issued in less than 2 weeks. Something is oh-so wrong here...
 
As for what she can do while here for the next 6 months...LOL, well first off, I thought you didn't even know if she'll be here more than 8 days, right? Isn't that right?
 
This is why I believe you two KNEW all along her visa is expiring and YOU both already planned on her OVER-STAYING. Feed that little drama to the peanut gallery (I'll leave that little gem for the two of you).
 
However, If you want to avoid that for the sake of yourself, this is what you CAN TRY to do. (You are) She is now left nothing but to ask for an extension while she's here. Make sure she's well-equip with faculties she can show to justify the extension, that's $$$$, $$$$, and more $$$$. (You) she’ll need proof of proper accommodations as well. You may not have to, but I would suggest getting her registered as staying in one of those suites that do monthly rentals. IF DHS have no cause to ‘doubt’ her reason, then chances are great they’ll give her an extension at the least, or an entirely new visa.
 
*An aside, it isn't a big deal for anyone with a multi-entry visa to exit and re-enter the country in a 24-hour time span as long as this isn't habitual. I don't believe this guy's gal had done this before so no worries about this. Russians no longer need visas to Mexico, so had she had more days, weeks, even months left on her visas, they could've overnight in Mexico just before her current visitation expired and re-entered the US with no problem.*
　

It must be very scary to move to another country not knowing anyone, not having a job lined up, no friends, etc....* jesus I feel for her...takes a lot of courage.*

Don't get caught up on that silly hype, myth and silliness. It's fun, exciting, and exhilarating! There's no drama. Sure folks get homesick, but they get over that real soon. There's absolutely NO TRAGEDIES in moving to another country you always hoped to move to. Don't be a wuss about this just because men chasing FSUW are. DO NOT even begin to think, if she in fact married you and move to the US, that she's doing this specifically for you. LOL, NO. She always planned on doing it and you simply became the wanton person that enabled that plan. Period. Women in marriage agencies aren't 'doing it for anyone' (moving to another country) except themselves when they decided to make themselves available on the international marriage scene.
 
Of course, you can also be a wuss like the many and say what I'm saying ain't so just to make yourself feel 'significant' and continue to live the drama. Just remember, you must also blame yourself for the rest of your life if someday the relationship falls apart for whatever reason. Because with the little pearl of owning up that misplaced responsibility, she'll damn well make sure she reminds you that it was IN FACT YOUR fault because she did it all for you. LOL.
 
One's sense of immediateness should never have to be someone else's cause of urgency.
 

Yeah, everyone has a plan till they get hit...

Good luck from here on in dude!

[Gator]

What to do during those 6 months to stay active/busy and feel like she has a meaningful existence. 
 

I offer a few suggestions:
 
1.  Work in your company.  Because it is illegal, you can not pay her.   She would learn something about how you earn income and she would become indoctrinated in the American business culture.  If her eventual goal is to work, this is ideal. 
 
2.  Attend RW functions in your area and make friends with local RW who will have plenty of ideas (just in Tampa there are 200  RW who are always planning parties, etc.).  These already established RW will help her adjustment ( where she can buy Russian foods, where to find the best stud muffins for extracurricular sex  , etc.).
 
3.  Continue her education.  Turbo's wife VWRW is attending a local university and making stellar marks.  Six months is not long enough; however, it would give her a taste.
 
4.  Explore new hobbies (guitar, yoga, antiques, horseriding, hang gliding, Latin dancing, wine, etc.).  She will probably never have so much free time.
 
5.  Take advanced English lessons.
 
6.  Improve her driving skills and learn your city.
 
7.  Weed your garden.
 
All of this should be oriented to support her long term plans.  What are her long term plans?  Children, work, life of leisure, ....?
 

 

[Saltheart]

Thanks Gator, good stuff.  Long term plans are to complete an LLM degree to practice law in the states.

Tfcrew - yes, I meant she was in the air - she lands in 4 hours, I will know soon enough.

GQB - Man, where do I begin.  I may be the noob here but you clearly aren't up on Visa issues.  Her visa EXPIRES in 7 days, that is very different from the I94 exit date when she needs to leave the country.  In theory, she can arrive on the DAY her visa expires, she doesn't need to leave the country until the expiration date of the stamp, not the expiration date of the Visa...  with that said, when someone starts off with a mistaken assumption you can basically throw out the logic of the rest of their post.  The rest of it I won't deign to answer, but thanks for the effort.  Jeez, if I had listened to some of this stuff here I shouldn't have shown up at the airport because I'm pretty sure I was told she wasn't even going to come by some.  Get a grip.  As for her being scared to come, she is, despite having spent time out of country before, despite knowing what it's already like to have to communicate with family/friends by Skype, it IS scary....she doesn't know anyone, other than me, she's left her family, her career, etc... in the pursuit of finding the right partner to spend her life with.  If it doesn't work out, that's a huge let down and disappointment....how is that not a mostly normal feeling for a sentient being that is even remotely in touch with their feelings?  Hug yourself once in awhile GQB - it's ok, we like you anyway )) 

Anyway, I'm more worried at the moment about whether or not they may not stamp it for the usual 6 months... THAT is what did not occur to me due to the multiple entries.  I don't think it will be an issue, as the visa allows for this, but as it's up to the discretion of the immigration official, he could ruin my day, that's for sure... I will know soon enough.  As for filing an extension, that is an issue we will address several months from now - if we plan on getting married, we won't file it - we will just file the K1 3-4 months in advance and try to kill some time off that clock.

Will keep you posted, again, thanks for the answers to the original question.

-SH

[Gator]

Of course, you can also be a wuss like the many and say what I'm saying ain't so just to make yourself feel 'significant' and continue to live the drama. 

Call me a wuss because I believe this move is very difficult.  Nevertheless,  my ex-wife felt no moving pains and was well adjusted within a period of a few weeks.  Providing her a car with a GPS was all she needed. 
 
Other women could become distraught.  It affects each woman differently.   
 
My opinion is that a man needs to set her up for success (e. g., a car with a GPS) and be available for her questions, but stop short of doing "stuff" for her.   The best way for some RW to become adjusted  is to jump in (my ex-wife),  and for others getting them to tiptoe and wade in could be difficult.  Whatever, your job is to get her into the pool without throwing her in. 
 
I do not believe a man is responsible for his wife's happiness.  She is responsible for her own happiness.  Maybe this is what GQ means.  A man should want to facilitate what it takes to make her happy, yet his job stops there.   If a man must forgo some activities and vices that gave him pleasure in his recent life, the woman may not be compatible. 

[Saltheart]

Totally agree.  I can't make her happy, she needs to do that.  All I can do is support and be encouraging.  At one point she talked about doing some charity work, so I went and found a list and sent it to her and she replied, thank you darling, that was very sweet of you but I am more than capable of doing that myself.  She hasn't asked me to do or provide her with anything, and with the things she can pay for, she does... I am more just looking for some ideas I might be able to throw out at her, what she does with them is up to her.  She doesn't look to me at all to occupy or entertain her, I think she would view that as pretty unhealthy. 

[Gator]

As for filing an extension, that is an issue we will address several months from now - if we plan on getting married, we won't file it - we will just file the K1 3-4 months in advance and try to kill some time off that clock.

The typical K-1 now takes 7-8 months from filing to interview.  If you file a K-1, she will need to return to Russia for 2-3 months to prepare for interview (medical examination, police record, etc. plus the interview itself).  You could marry and file a K-3, and she would not need to return to Russia.  However, the I94 comes into play.  I suggest you review the application forms soon because she will need certain documents that she will not have with her. 

[SFandEE]

I hesitated to post when I first saw this new thread.  There are some very technical issues here that I believe require the expertise of an attorney.


It is great and surprising to find someone who has a visa who can stay for so long.


I did not see it in your original post but I think there is value in seeking out your local Russian community.  If she is Russian Orthodox practicing or just a little it might be wise to find the closest church.  Also cultural activities both familiar and new.  So without knowing more I think you have a great opportunity and I hope you are able to make the most of the opportunity.


If you are in California there are a lot of things she will find familiar.


Good luck.  I guess she is already here by now, so I will look forward to your analysis and details.