Taking a "break" for a few days

[ML]

I WOULD NEVER MARRY a RW that I wasn't 100% sure is totally into me as in head over heals in love with me.

And yet again we see these foolish words written.

[scafidi454]

Here are my options:


Call her again tomorrow, or wait until she's ready to talk to me. Either way, I think it's probably over. I am just looking for hope.

[Maxx2]

And yet again we see these foolish words written.

Your a moron.

[chivo]

Don't call, yet. Wait a few days (a week or 2 even) and let her try to adjust to her new surroundings. If she needs a place to stay I can suggest a good website here in Moscow that might help her find a decent flat at a reasonable price or possible room share.
 
She does have a lot of things going on but, she shouldn't be acting this way towards you. And try not to be the "calling all the time guy", even if it drives you crazy. You have to be strong in this situation regardless of the outcome otherwise you will lose all her respect.
 
Offer help in finding her a place to stay, make sure her stress level doesn't overload and let things fall will they may. It's all you can do. 

Work on your future and if you are meant to be together it will happen. Cancel your visa. Don't waste time or money on a 1-week trip to Moscow that will in the long run not change a thing and might even be the final nail.

[scafidi454]

I think I have figured out what it is. She has a place to stay in Moscow - i think that her last boyfriend was too controlling, and always wanted to know about her life and what's going on ( I don't know the specifics, but this is what I'm told) - She thinks that sometimes I can show signs like this. And I'm not the "calling all the time guy."


Anyway, I think she is trying to test my patience and to respect what she is asking me to do, which is give her the break. I'm not cancelling my visa, because even if I don't go for her I have other reasons to go anyway. I do have some friends in Moscow. For now, can we just hold off on any more negative remarks from anyone. I think it will not help me since I already know the NEGATIVE - Just show me some POSITIVE


She and I are still together, publicly, on Facebook and Vkontakte. Both of our friends and family know we're together. She didn't talk about breaking relationship with me, and I don't want to overstep the boundary and ask her friends or family.


She is strong enough to tell me whatever she wants, trust me....

[Maxx2]

For now, can we just hold off on any more negative remarks from anyone. I think it will not help me since I already know the NEGATIVE - Just show me some POSITIVE

My bag of cheer blossoms is empty but I can still blow some smoke.

[GQBlues]

.....Just show me some POSITIVE...

Well, the upcoming releases of Super 8, The Green Lantern and Transformer ought to give you lots to look forward to, eh?

She is to tell me whatever she wants, trust me....

That's good to know....but are you?

(someone please burn that CD, quick!)
 
::::::whistle:::::::
 
God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
 
are you man enough to be my man?...
 
::::dam,bah,roo,bam,whistle::::

[Muzh]

scafidi,hear me out.
 
First:
 

Maybe there is a personality conflict?  Repeat, maybe.  Independent women usually do not like clingy men.  Is it possible that you are clingy? You don't need to answer, yet I suggest you read about examples of clingy/obsessive behavior that annoys independent women.  There are plenty of women who are not so independent.  Personally, I do not like clingy women.

And we have this.
 

Ok guys - Thanks for all of the input - As of right now, I think that she feels smothered, because I call her every day. Many of the Russian women on this site could probably tell you for sure that it is like work trying to talk or write in English if you are not completely fluent.
 

Next;
 

Furthermore, she is in the process of uprooting her life from where she was very well known for most of her life and moving to Moscow (one of the largest cities in the world).

AND

I also told her how I felt about the break, and how I think she is trying to break our relationship. She told me that she is working to keep the relationship, and that this break is going to help that (I think she is just really stressed right now).

 

Here's some fatherly advice. I feel she was honest when she said she is working to keep the relationship. You should take a humongous leap of faith and accept her statement as true.
 
What I would suggest you to do is to email her when would be a good time to talk and then you tell her what is going on inside you. NOT clingy, just matter of fact. There is nothing wrong nor you will be a lesser man if you tell her that you miss her terribly because you are totaly in love with her. What you don't want to do is become infatuated. Ask her what are her suggestions to work things out while she is away and then STICK TO IT. Nothing wrong with sending a mushy SMS once in a while. But you will have to stick to the plan. Show her you are her man.
 

There are some issues that the two of us will have to work out. Mainly, what will it be like if we live together. We will be together almost every day, unless we're on alternating schedules, and I don't know if she expects to be able to just get up and leave when she thinks we talk too much.

Forget about these for a while. This may bring her over the brink and say Hasta la vista, baby. You'll have plenty of time later on. You need to work on the NOW of the relationship.

P.S. I think it's getting to be about that time of the month for her, but I don't think that's the main factor...

 

For now, if I just play it cool, live with the temporary break, and don't get too crazy about everything I think we're going to be ok.
 

Just told you that.

Even if she and I were to break up, I don't have someone to run into another relationship with. So, I think I should just wait, even though I over-analyze things too much when I have too much time on my hands.
 

You already started to over-analyze everything. Please stop.
 
 
 

[scafidi454]

She sent an apology SMS to me today. She doesn't have internet where she is in Moscow, but I am not going to reply so quickly to her.

[Gylden]

Advice from a stranger......find another woman. You wouldn't be here looking for something positive if you didn't have doubts yourself.
 
If you want to look at it in a positive way, think about all of the future trouble you will be avoiding. That is positive.
 
In the end you will and must do only what you feel is right. Some will look back and say...why did I listen to those guys?? and some will say, why didn't I listen to those guys.
 
We are just different guys giving you advice from many different perspectives.
 
Wish you the best!
 

[Patagonie]

She sent an apology SMS to me today. She doesn't have internet where she is in Moscow, but I am not going to reply so quickly to her.

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. Sometimes i have a rule with women. I call her the 3rd, she answers the 7th, four days, i add one and call her back the 12th.

[Gylden]

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. Sometimes i have a rule with women. I call her the 3rd, she answers the 7th, four days, i add one and call her back the 12th.

Then what? She adds one day to your five and calls you back on the 18th you add one day to her six and call her back on the 25th???
 

[Maxx2]

Then what? She adds one day to your five and calls you back on the 18th you add one day to her six and call her back on the 25th???
 

Keep going like this and it soon it becomes an annual phone call event when you call again.   

[GQBlues]

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. Sometimes i have a rule with women. I call her the 3rd, she answers the 7th, four days, i add one and call her back the 12th.

 
 
Maybe it's just me....but I would think it's likely far easier to meet other women than to busy yourself with rules and strategies, no?
 
There's only a few billion of them out there. Hundreds of millions will likely be eager to call you or get a call from you...
 
...oh well.

[Gator]

Scafidi,
 
As I said before, independent women do not like clingy men.   Is she independent?  It appears she is independent considering that she moved to Moscow without having family there, without a job, etc. 
 
You  need to  change your behavior.  Forget about calling her.  Send her a short email every 5-7 days (not every day).  Ask her how she is doing.  Say a few things about your life.  Be supportive of her move to Moscow.  Don't mention your relationship.  Don't mention anything about calling.  Just say you are available if she needs anything.
 
What will happen?  If you are important to her, she will pick up the slack and start writing more.  If you are not important, she will be happy with once a week emails and she will not ask when you are coming to visit her.
 
Good luck!

[Patagonie]

 
 
Maybe it's just me....but I would think it's likely far easier to meet other women than to busy yourself with rules and strategies, no?
 
There's only a few billion of them out there. Hundreds of millions will likely be eager to call you or get a call from you...
 
...oh well.

But GQ of course. It lets me a lot of time to meet others woman, and more time she lets me and less i'm available. WE SPEAK HERE ABOUT THE WESTERN WOMEN, they really like and need this special treatment, not the FSU in my search. And believe me you are less busy with this demeanor rather than to be obsessed for a chick from who you are waiting a call. This is nammed : the control of yourself, a lot of women are really trained from their fourteen, boys not so much on this topic.

[Patagonie]

Then what? She adds one day to your five and calls you back on the 18th you add one day to her six and call her back on the 25th???
 

I like mathematicians. You are correct. If you want to loose her, be the little dog who want to lick her every hour.

[scafidi454]

She didn't move to Moscow without a job. She moved to Moscow after she found a job. She is staying with friends there for now.

[Patagonie]

Scafidi,
 
As I said before, independent women do not like clingy men.   Is she independent?  It appears she is independent considering that she moved to Moscow without having family there, without a job, etc. 
 
You  need to  change your behavior.  Forget about calling her.  Send her a short email every 5-7 days (not every day).  Ask her how she is doing.  Say a few things about your life.  Be supportive of her move to Moscow.  Don't mention your relationship.  Don't mention anything about calling.  Just say you are available if she needs anything.
 
What will happen?  If you are important to her, she will pick up the slack and start writing more.  If you are not important, she will be happy with once a week emails and she will not ask when you are coming to visit her.
 
Good luck!

Here is, here, a mathematician, a good one. 

[ECOCKS]

Great threads on this relationship. At this rate they can eventually be strung together to make a book on budding WM/FSUW relationships and the fantasy world that provides the baseline for the vast majority of them. Soon we will get some TR's which will just about finish up the storyline for Book 1.

This has played out so many times and it truly amazes me when these sentences and phrases (with slight variations in phrasing) continue to pop up no matter how many times it has been repeated by others....

"This one/woman/girl is different."

"Trust me, I know....."

"I am sure......"

"We have found true love."

"I'm sure she will get her visa because she....."

"She told me...."

It's clear you're tuning out advice which you deem as "negative" so I won't offer any. The closest I'll come to it is to chuckle and ask whether you really read through any of the threads here where so many others went down this same primrose path. If you had, you'd have noticed the majority end the same way. You'll reach your own epiphany when you arrive at the spot where the only thing in front of you is a starkly, B&W, post-apocalyptic (i.e. post-relationship) landscape and then turn and see the pathway you came down has become over-grown with brambles and thorns from all those ivy vines and rosebushes you were smelling before.

You really don't understand how many of us hope you'll have a different outcome but also have faced our own realities and situations which prompted you to come here seeking advice and tips.

Good Luck.

[Patagonie]

Keep going like this and it soon it becomes an annual phone call event when you call again. 

.
 
 

[GQBlues]

But GQ of course. It lets me a lot of time to meet others woman, and more time she lets me and less i'm available. WE SPEAK HERE ABOUT THE WESTERN WOMEN, they really like and need this special treatment, not the FSU in my search. And believe me you are less busy with this demeanor rather than to be obsessed for a chick from who you are waiting a call. This is nammed : the control of yourself, a lot of women are really trained from their fourteen, boys not so much on this topic.

I pretty much agree with you Patagonie. I was trying reaaalllyy hard to be PC for the OP as this is like one of those fragile moments some men actual need to labor through.
 
Of course, candidly, IMO, I would not have wasted my time with this particular gal at all if I were walking in his shoes and be subjected to what his gal is doing right now. I would have made sure she need not have to ask the second time.
 
As a matter of fact, I would have reasons to believe she might have likely re-joined with her handsome Russian beau, likely to move to Moscow together and are much too pre-occupied to deal with me who is half a world away....just like it was when she was here in the US with me...
 
Regardless of the reason anyway, she broke up with me but I just can't break free of those fragile moments again, so I will just refuse to accept it.
 
That's what I would have told him, but I won't...
 

[tim 360]

Scafadi,
 
I read your posts and sorry guy this just isn't adding up.  Do you think you might be calling her too much?  Now I had a friend who moved to Moscow from a small city and this was just a friend--not a GF.  First she had to find a job and she stayed at her sisters.  It took her nearly 3 weeks just to find the job, walking, walking.  Though we were just friends she would email me every 3 days to tell about her progress or lack thereof and give me her impressions of the big city of Moscow.  Share her emotional ups and downs and stresses and how she wanted her own private desk and office etc.  Finally, all went well for her.
 
Anyway--do you see the big difference?  Not trying to rain on your parade but something isn't right.  I get the feeling this girl is just not that into you for whatever reason.  Wait for her to call/email you and don't be in a rush to reply.  My 2 cent opinion.  Good luck.
 
 

[Gylden]

I like mathematicians. You are correct. If you want to loose her, be the little dog who want to lick her every hour.

Or man up and find a woman who is really interested in you.

[Patagonie]

I pretty much agree with you Patagonie. I was trying reaaalllyy hard to be PC for the OP as this is like one of those fragile moments some men actual need to labor through.
 
Of course, candidly, IMO, I would not have wasted my time with this particular gal at all if I were walking in his shoes and be subjected to what his gal is doing right now. I would have made sure she need not have to ask the second time.
 
As a matter of fact, I would have reasons to believe she might have likely re-joined with her handsome Russian beau, likely to move to Moscow together and are much too pre-occupied to deal with me who is half a world away....just like it was when she was here in the US with me...
 
Regardless of the reason anyway, she broke up with me but I just can't break free of those fragile moments again, so I will just refuse to accept it.
 
That's what I would have told him, but I won't...
 

Your analysis makes sense