She is here! My 'trip' report continues

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]She  likes bread, bread, and more bread. When she served me her borsch, it  was fantastic, except alongside the bowl, she placed a plain slice of  bread that I was suppoed to eat. Yeah right. No way. Dry sliced bread?  Maybe I'd try a plain poppy seed roll, but even that I'd need to cream  it with some good butter. Coffee with a buttered roll was a common  request back in NY, that commuters would have before work.  Delicious.   ...and yes, her favorite drink is tea. No soda!

I'm sort of in the process of getting Direct satellite TV. I'm about to  submit my architectural variance plans to the homeowner's association  here, for an International dish, which is a 36 inch wide oval shape.  The plan I want is ultra-basic with NBC, CBS, FOX, etc plus Russian  One.  For $27 per month.  I try to keep my overhead low. I'm  using rabbit ears right now.[/color]
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[Albert]

Yes, in Russia and Ukraine, the people are generally up and around and going to work later than we do here in USA.  In USA 8-8:45 might be most common work start times, but over there it is more like 9-10.  They tend to stay till around 6-6:30 in evening at work.  Meals are often at 9-10 in evening which is much too late.

Of course every person and each job has somewhat different start and stop time requirements but, on average, they are up and to work later than us.

[LatinSwede]

I'll be following your footsteps in a good while.  She's not even here yet and is already talking about redecorating.  This was after I e-mailed her pictures of my apartment.  Well, I told her to make our home like a little Ukraine, and she must have taken my word for it.

Has she taken total control of the kitchen yet?  Food and cooking is an issue we've discussed often.     

[Son of Clyde]

LatinSwede,

You should do a minimal redecorating of your place. She will be in total control.

I don't think RW women are fond of apartments either because the apartments they live in are usually not leased. I believe post 1992 many people were given the option to purchase their apartments.

It seems as if Ukraine is a nation of condominiums.

[DonAz]

Photoguy,

 

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your report and happy to see that we have another AM/FSUW couple here in Phoenix.

 

The Russian Church that you mentioned, is that the one on Desert Lane? We are members of that congregation and I can tell you, it is a community of wonderful people. Your wife will be able to meet many NICE Women from the FSU. My only complaint is that the services last about three hours and there are no seats. The good thing though is that after every Sunday morning service, the whole congregation joins in a pot luck luncheon. Great way to meet new folks.

 

My wife Yulia just passed her road test recently ( please pray for the poor folks of Phoenix )  and at present is still taking ESL classes and does not work. So she has a bunch of free time..  Maybe, if you like, the ladies can make contact and Yulia may be of some help to your Lady. She does know where to buy all of her favorite Russian foods.  About the only places she knows the driving directions to, are the Russian food stores, Phoenix College and of course Scottsdale Fashion Square:D.

 

There a number of good AM/FSUW couples here in the phoenix area.  As you may know RacerX is out here also. We have met his wife but not him. His wife is lovely, intelligent, charming, and of course very beautiful woman. He is another very  lucky guy! I'm happy that our wives seem to get a long so well. Maybe all of us  can all get together for a night out.. I think it would be good for all of our ladies and us guys too. My e-mail is listed in my profile if you care to make contact.

 

All the best!

 

DonAz

 

[LatinSwede]

Yeah, my Siberian freind Dmitri told me it's like everybody's home in the FSU is an  Apartment.  I actually plan to buy a modest house in another year.  For the meantime, as we'll be getting adjusted as married a couple, I'm just upgrading to a nice 2 bedroom flat.  I told her to wait until we move in a bigger place. There she can decorate it as she sees fit.  By the time she gets here, my lease will be almost at an end anyway.

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]It's been a [color="darkred"]tough[/color] week. It's been difficult because of the language barrier, not just between her and myself but between her and the world in Phoenix. She feels isolated and frustrated. The low point came when she phoned home and found out her father is very depressed about her leaving. He has 'lost his only child'. She got off the phone and tearfully told me that her 'pappa is bad'. I thought he was on his death bed...  I immediately called Luba the terp and she helped enormously. She told Larysa that she needs to phone her dad more often- she usually speaks with her mom. She reminded Larysa about future trips back to Mariupol to see friends and family. She has cheered up a bit and I'm relieved to now know that her father's physical health is okay, but he is really missing his daughter. He recently turned 70. Both her parents were born February 2nd. Her mom is 58.

I take it as a sign from God that I found an [color="blue"]English as a Second Language[/color] free course nearby. It is in a charter school that is only a five minute walk from my condo!!! The class is full, but I was able to get her into it beginning on Monday. Larysa has a bad attitude about learning English. It's true. She has it imbedded in her mind that she does not have an aptitude for learning the language. And when I try to help her, she becomes all self-conscious and obstinate. Combine that bad attitude with her current feelings of isolation and ...it's not a pretty picture. She watches a lot of TV with English captions. Maybe that will help. I'm praying the ESL classes will help her. At the very least, she will make contact with a couple more women who speak both English and Russian, at those classes.

Speaking of that, RacerX's Natasha phoned us and spoke with Larysa. I took the call and walked over to Larysa. I went to hand the phone to her and said 'Natasha'. She said she did NOT know a Natasha. I said *I* did know her. She looked at me with contempt and took the phone from me. Then she had a nice fun conversation for about 20 minutes. Some tell me to guard her from meeting other women, but I think it's best for her to make contacts because of her language isolation.

Sometimes she's very crabby and I feel like asking her if she hates me...and then other times are much nicer. It's mixed.

When we were leaving to go get her a social security number, I told her to bring her passport. Should told me 'No'. I phoned Luba and she told her why she had to bring her passport for the purpose of identification. Larysa had gotten the notion that she would be required to surrender her passport for a SS card. So this is the kind of thing that happens when there is a language barrier.

This woman loves potatos. It must be the Ukrainian staple. We had a dinner over at my sister's place. Larysa ate one of those giant baked potatos. Huge! Last night I served us some Hagendaas vanilla fudge ice cream. She made the cutest faces as she seemed to taste every ingredient in it. She looked like she was a kid discovering something interesting.

She also likes thousand island salad dressing, some beers, wine, and fruity vodka combinations.

I don't know if we are going to make it through this early transition stage. She is being hit by culture shock and the isolation of the langauge barrier, and her bad attitude about learning the language. I'll help her as much as possible. I can only hope she has the necessary strength. She's a girly-girl who lacks confidence in this environment. I really need the help of other couples, especially the wives. Luba has been extremely helpful too, as her new motherly figure here.

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[mischief]

Doug, you can call me any time... i sent the phone numbers in PM

[Voyageur]

Doug,  Good luck to you.  Just rmember, patience, patience and more patience - and I do not mean to sound condescending. My wife knows English pretty well and it was a sometimes a difficult time for us. I can't imagine, almost, how hard it would be if we could not easily communicate.

[viking]

Mischief, we would expect no less from you.

[catzenmouse]

Hey Doug,

 Glad the ESL classes worked out for you. Just getting her out and interacting with other people will be a huge step in the right direction. She's probably feeling like the only one in the world who has these thoughts and feelings but every one of these ladies goes through this (okay, not every one of them but most anyway...). Elena still doesn't like a lot of things here, probably most things, and she still feels insecure about her English and her abilities to do even simple things at times. I know its hard but just keep the faith and be there for her. If you can push her enough to make a call or two that would be great. I still have to push Elena to call other FSU women and sometimes they don't click but when they do it is a wonderful thing. She's become quite close with Start2's wife and it helps her a lot to have a friend even though they are not close.

Ken

[Turboguy]

Good luck Doug.  I know you want this to work badly and I believe it will.  I think you are trying your best to make it as easy for her as possible.  I think the language is causing you the most problems and it will get better in time.  I just hope she gives you the time for it to improve.  I think the language classes may help a lot.  Not so much with the language issue but if she makes some russian speaking friends on her own it may help with adjusting.   I know when Luda met Oksana in the ESL classes here it helped her some.

[Son of Clyde]

Doug, think of what is happening as being normal for a woman who gave up everything in her life just to be with YOU.

I would feel proud if I were in your shoes. Things will improve over time, just be patient.

Us lifelong bachelors should use this as a learning experience for US.

Culture shock is normal so don't be too alarmed.

[Son of Clyde]

PS:

Doug I mean what I posted in a nice way. Just chill and let her adjust at her own pace.

If she had been here for 85 days and nothing would have changed it would be time to worry. My wife thought people were laughing at her and it was only people laughing in general. She was not used to people laughing for no reason. There are many quirky things I could mention that she is not adapting to but in general my wife is doing very well.

We have arguments too but they are always resolved if we can compromise. We have to both accept that we could each be at fault.

[catzenmouse]

 She's become quite close with Start2's wife and it helps her a lot to  have a friend even though they are not close.

Ken

When I reread this I was like: "That is a confusing sentence" I  meant they are close emotionally but not close physically as we live  about 10 hours from each other.

Good stuff SoC!

Ken

[Jet]

Doug,  Good luck to you.  Just remember, patience, patience and more patience - and I do not mean to sound condescending. My wife knows English pretty well and it was a sometimes a difficult time for us. I can't imagine, almost, how hard it would be if we could not easily communicate.

 

I'll second that!!

As I've said before, there will be days that the mere fact it's raining outside will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

I do believe that you'll start to see some real positive change once she gets into ESL classes. During Lil's early transition, the happiest I saw her, was when she was attending english classes at the University. It gave her life purpose and illustrated that there were others who shared her struggles with the language. I'll shoot our phone #s to you by PM, if either of you need a sounding board. Since Larrisa already spoke with Lil before she came here, she can't complain that she doesn't know her .

[Rvrwind]

As I've said before, there will be days that the mere fact it's raining outside will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

Never a truer word has been written!!!!;)

It often amazes me the things in this life that I never knew were my responsibility!!!:shock:

Today was a perfect example: We slept in this morning as it was Valya's day off & we decided to stay in late.Upon arising we found that our water had been shut off, not just the hot water, but all of it. Somehow or other, I was expected to fix it as it was obviously my fault it was not working. Didn't even realize I work for the water deparment or that I had any pull in that area whatsoever. Was news to me. Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball & ya' gotta grin & bear it!!!:huh: Thank the Force that it got turned on in time for her to be able to wash up before heading to her English class or I'd still be on the hotseat!!!

RVR-Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[BC]

Yepper.. can confirm.  Here it's also always my fault.  Nowdays I just laugh and just admit it.   Luckily she now also laughs.

The first year or so here was quite a challenge.. probably the most difficult times I have ever experienced.  Thank goodness for EuroK3 that kept us  from pulling the plug too quickly.  Every ounce of patience was tested again and again..

[Tim7]

I am planning to travel to Mariupol. Can you recommend a good agency, interpreter? What is the best way to rent a flat there?

 

Regards

[Admin]

[user=834]Tim7[/user] wrote:

I am planning to travel to Mariupol. Can you recommend a good agency, interpreter? What is the best way to rent a flat there?



Regards

Tim,

Suggest you initiate a NEW topic with your question. Try posting it in the Experienced section and see if anyone can provide you answers there.

While I *have* been to Mariupol (filfthiest city I have ever seen), my information is now dated and I did not retain my contacts there (for good reason).

Someone else is bound to have some current information to share.

Good luck!

- Dan

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]She took her  first English class yesterday and it went well, as far as I know.   As a bonus, they will teach her basic computer skills, one day a  week.  She still isn't sure what she wants, whether to go home to  Mom and Pappa, or to stay here with me. The first choice is safer, and  the second is more of a high stakes gamble. I want her to stay and I  have to convince her to stay by seducing her, comforting her, and  giving her my love and support.  I had to ask her yesterday if she  was angry at my behavior or just angry and frustrated by the language  barrier and she told me the problem was not me, but her lack of  English. There is more emotional turmoil than I am used to, but from  what I've read at RWD, that's to be expected. She's been reading:  http://zhensovet.com/ a website recommended to her by her new friend in  California, -Inna. She's been reading it alot after I showed her basic  point and click techniques.  I got a new program from Prompt  translation website, so I carry my laptop everywhere we go, for those  times when I NEED to communicate a subtlety or something important.  She's at her second ESL class right now. Before work tonight, we'll go  shopping for a hat for her. A cowboy hat. Bright sun out here in AZ.  Money is very[/color][color="navy"] tight now[/color][color="navy"]- this is the leanest part of my work year. I'll keep you posted as this new adventure continues...[/color][/size]

[KenC]

Photo,

Be careful with that "convincing."  She has to make her own decision to stay or go or you are going to bear the brunt of her displeasure any time anything goes wrong.  Words to remember, for sure.  This is a roller coaster time for her emotions and it will last for quite some time in the future too.  If you cave in and try to convince her to stay every time she will threaten to go home, you're toast in your relationship and destined to be P.W. for the balance of your relationship with her.  When I was confronted with this issue, I told my wife that I loved her and hoped that she would stay, but I would never talk her out of going back, if that was her choice.

KenC

[catzenmouse]

When I was confronted with this issue, I told my wife that I loved her and hoped that she would stay, but I would never talk her out of going back, if that was her choice.

KenC

We had some similar converstions early on where she was just missing everything there and uncomfortable with everything here (she still is at times) and I told her the same thing. The decision has to be hers in the end. You can do a lot to help her transition and the things you are doing are great to help ease this transition.

Ken

[Todd]

Very interesting thread.  Photo Guy, I really hope things work out for you in the way that is best for both of you whatever that might be. 

I've been very surprised with my first six months with Kate in the US.  (She was here from July 22-Feb 3 and is now back in Belarus finishing her thesis.  First, she only had one mild day of homesickness.  Second, she firmly believes that Russian woman are not more tempermental than any other.  She has not once lost her temper with me, but she has gone into the bathroom a couple of times and shut the door for an hour or two....(When you only have 1 bathroom, this CAN be a problem.)  Here are a couple of things that really reduced Kate's homesickness:

1.  High speed internet:  She was constantly playing Russian music in our apartment

2.  Yahoo voice:  She managed to get her mother to use yahoo voice as well.  They talk quite a bit...actually more than when they were living together.

3.  A heavy duty phone card

4.  A close friend her age who married someone in the US 3 months before she did.  They talk quite a bit and share notes.  Also, she reads some of the sites mentioned previously...primarily for laughs.

5.  Most IMPORTANT:  We both deeply love each other and she would move virtually anywhere to be together.  After all is said and done, the other issues are really just secondary and distractions.  If you can figure out that question, everything else will fall into place.

 

Hope all goes well,

 

Todd

 

 

[Ste]

Hey Todd. why have you got full mana?

I only got one and a bit.

Ste