Ideas for engagement ring?

[Topher]

Здравствуйте!

I've been talking with a Russian woman for whom there are no superlatives to describe how truly amazing she is. She's from Rostov-On-Don and we've made plans to spend the New Year/Orthodox holiday together in Russia. My Russian's coming along (although that perfective/imperfective aspect is driving me nuts). Fortunately, she's fluent in English and German. Actually, our letter end up being half-Deutsch, half-English and occasionally Russian.

She spent a few years in the US (her mom married an American) going to college, so she's pretty familiar with the country. We were discussing hypotheticals about Russian wedding vs. Western wedding, whether she'd want an engagement ring or not. We've established that she indeed wants a Western-style wedding and an engagement ring -- which is wonderful, except that she's provided absolutely no guidance as to what her engagement ring looks like.

So my question to the Russian women in this forum is...any suggestions? She's very fond of her hometown, so I was trying to find rings reflective of Russia's history of art and architecture -- something that isn't cliche, garish. Something that's classic, yet unique. ANY ideas as a starting point would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[mendeleyev]

Please assure us that no matter how long you've been "talking" that you are not planning on an engagement on your first trip over. Please....


Secondly, when it will be time for an engagement ring, and the first trip isn't, you'll find gold and diamonds are usually much less in the FSU.

[I/O]

ANY ideas as a starting point would be greatly appreciated.

Unfortunately I don't have the way with words of mendelyev and am much too polite to say what springs to mind so I'll simply point you back to mendelyev's remarks as the starting point.

[brian131]

so I was trying to find rings reflective of Russia's history of art and architecture -- something that isn't cliche, garish. Something that's classic, yet unique. ANY ideas as a starting point would be greatly appreciated.

Not saying it's a good idea, but for the sake of discussion:

Excuse me for commenting, I'm not a woman and I don't know Russians.  However I have failed miserably at two wedding rings by putting too much thought into it.  This is my experience with one US woman and one German woman and it should be universal.

Women develop their idea of what their wedding ring looks like long before they develop individual personality.  She formed a picture when she was eight from the rings she saw around her.  IMHO If you go for 'unique' or 'non-cliche' you are already down the wrong path...no matter how unique and non-cliche she is as an adult.

Also, they love to show off their rings at first and later to have them admired by others they meet.  If you are bringing her out of her country, things get complicated.  A US ring is invariably a big boring rock on a very plain band.  I don't know what the rings are like there, but a much nicer more elegant ring might seem inferior to her (and to others) in a group of US women...not assuming you are US, that's just my example.

Spend more than you think you should.  I'm the knind of guy who buys a cheap used car because I just need to go from point A to point B, but I'll go overboard on the ring next time.  You aren't spending money on a big useless piece of jewelry...you are spending money on all of her friends and relatives oohing and ahhing and telling her how lucky she is.  A recently engaged woman showing off her beautiful ring is having a 3-4 week extended orgasm.  Further, women will notice each others rings...she may still be getting admiration for the rest of her life.  It doesn't have to be the nicest ring anyone ever had...just noticeably nicer than the ones she sees around her.  Your investing in how special she feels and how special people tell her that you are.  For once, money CAN actually buy happiness...take advantage of this rare opportunity!

That's just my two cents after 40 years of trying to figure out women...ignore me completely unless a women agrees...I've got a terrible track record!  I only throw it out because women don't seem to explain this to men even if you ask them to. 

Good luck and congratulations!

[Ade]

Let's assume for a moment that what you are doing is not totally silly, i.e. you've met and actually know this woman.

My wife and I went ring hunting together. Good thing too because although I told her to choose any engagement ring she wanted, she chose a small, relatively inexpensive ring. She still says it's the prettiest ring she's seen. Left on my own, I would have probably gone larger, more expensive, perhaps a little more elaborate. It would have been a big mistake.

Don't assume you have any idea whatsoever. Certainly, bigger, more expensive and more elaborate is not necessarily a recipe for success.

[Turboguy]

I would suggest not worrying about it until you have met and when you do meet if you feel the same way take her to some shops and see what she likes.  Diamonds and rings are cheaper there anyway. 
 
When it was time for us to think about a ring had I picked out what I thought she would like it would have been something she would not have liked at all and to boot it would have been much more expensive than the one she really loves that she picked out for herself.  There are online jewlery store catalogs she can browse and find something that will make her happy.
 
 

[SMS60]

2 words

Cubic Zirconia............................You wont get burned as bad except for your feelings.

[mendeleyev]

I offered Mrs M an engagement ring and her response was "what would I do with it?" which led for the need to explain the Western concept of an engagement ring. She declined.

In the Russian Orthodox wedding ceremony, the "engagement" happens within minutes of stepping inside the church and is called the betrothal. In the ZAGS ceremony the ring exchange comes about midway thru the ceremony.

Just in case you're wondering, ZAGS is a fast moving factory assembly line blended with pomp and circumstance and tradition--totally unlike a typical Western civil ceremony. We think of one thing when the term "civil ceremony" enters our mind but you can guarantee that the same term means something very, very, very different in her mind.

  At about 2:24 in the video you'll see the ring stand at ZAGS. He kisses her right hand after placing the ring on her finger (wedding bands are worn on the right hand). This video is very nicely done but be aware that it blends both a ZAGS ceremony and an Orthodox ceremony and so the scenes are not in the exact ceremony sequences because of the video production.

Re: the video, crowns are not part of a ZAGS ceremony. Those are part of the Orthodox ceremony in which 2 families come together to form a new 3rd family of which the husband and wife are the king/queen of the new family.

But again...

Please assure us that no matter how long you've been "talking" that you are not planning on an engagement on your first trip over. Please....

[Misha]

We've established that she indeed wants a Western-style wedding and an engagement ring -- which is wonderful, except that she's provided absolutely no guidance as to what her engagement ring looks like.

You mean what an engagement ring looks like in Russia? The answer is simple: as Mendy and others have noted the notion of an engagement ring is not widespread in Russia. Most people simply donned gold wedding rings as they were married and there was no real idea of an engagement period with a ring gifted to the woman prior to marriage. I expect that the woman you are chatting with is more up to speed because her mother is living in the United States.


However, you are rushing things too much IMHO.

She's very fond of her hometown, so I was trying to find rings reflective of Russia's history of art and architecture -- something that isn't cliche, garish.

In an engagement ring?!? Perhaps I am lacking in imagination, but you can't really capture Russia's history in a type of ring that is largely nonexistent in Russia 

ANY ideas as a starting point would be greatly appreciated.

Simple. Don't rush things and when you actually know each other and are ready to marry, I am sure she will let you know what kind of ring she wants and it is very likely she will get input from her mother living in the United States 

[Misha]

Sorry, double post.

[Muzh]

When I ask my wife she replied that she was not used to engagement rings but if I ever gave her a ring she would never take it off. I gave her a beautiful but simple gold ring encrusted with diamonds and rubies. You should have seen her showing it to her friends and all of them going ga ga over it. This was the same ring I put on her finger during the wedding ceremony (at her insistance) and true to her promise she has not taken it off ever.

[Lazarus]

She spent a few years in the US (her mom married an American) going to college, so she's pretty familiar with the country.

 
Welcome to RWD Topher.
 
It looks as though most of the suggestions about an engagement ring have been made, so I would like to make an  comment.
 
When I read your story I saw a RED FLAG the size of a football field.
 
First, when I was hunting in the FSU years back Rostov-On-Don was known by all as scammers central.
 
Second, Mom lives in the US?
 
Have you met Mom? Do you live close to her? Have you spoken to her on the telephone?
 
FWIW, I will close this post by saying that you need to be very careful what you are getting yourself into.
 
You would not be the first WM to be used as a mule to bring a family member over to the U.S.A.
 
Good luck.
 
Laz