Tradervic's Travesty

[ML]

After 4 years when she has a good paying job, she could repay him for the education expenses.

Sure; this happens all  the time.

[Shadow]

From what the OP has said, if they get divorced, she will probably get spousal support money. How much she will get depends upon his income and/or retirement benefits. If she moves out, there will be additional expenses for her place to live, utilities, food, etc.
 
It could be better if they can make a written agreement on their living together. Sort of a pre-nup after the fact. An Attorney who does mediation could do this. After 4 years when she has a good paying job, she could repay him for the education expenses.
 
Since the woman mainly wants a better way of living, this could work out.

You still did not figure out the Ukrainian mind.
She gave up a scholarship and 8 years of her life for him, why should she pay him for anything ?

Tradervic, you are correct in that you were responsible for her coming to the USA. There for then it clearly did not work out during the fiancee visa time, you should have been responsible enough to send her back and giver her a strictly limited time of support so she could resume her old life.
Anything else will just lead to the drama you have been living through.

[Wayne]

If the OP files for divorce, the judge most likely will order temporary support for the woman until the divorce is decided and support for a number of years after that. Of course, it depends upon the state where they live. The laws vary; some states strongly favor the woman.
 
After 8 years of being married and living together, he will not get out of it for nothing. If she moves out several bad things could happen.  For example, if she moves to a different State, she could file for divorce in that state and it might favor the woman. At least, it would be more expensive for him since all the court dates would cost him more.
 
Also consider, she could probably get free legal help or representation. He would probably pay through the nose!
 
It would be in both of their interests if they can work something out between themselves. Perhaps they could get divorced but still share the same house or apartment or whatever they have.
 
If the OP is over 60 years old and has limited funds, he might be able to get free legal help. We don't have enough details yet.
 
I think if you look at the most common reason for anyone to immigrate to USA is for a better life, living conditions, more money, etc. This is not just Ukraine! It is also not just women.
 
Anyway, the OP said they have some good days together. It can't be all as bad as he stated!

[Jumper]

If the OP files for divorce, the judge most likely will order temporary support for the woman until the divorce is decided and support for a number of years after that. Of course, it depends upon the state where they live. The laws vary; some states strongly favor the woman.
 
After 8 years of being married and living together, he will not get out of it for nothing. If she moves out several bad things could happen.  For example, if she moves to a different State, she could file for divorce in that state and it might favor the woman. At least, it would be more expensive for him since all the court dates would cost him more.
 
Also consider, she could probably get free legal help or representation. He would probably pay through the nose!
 
It would be in both of their interests if they can work something out between themselves. Perhaps they could get divorced but still share the same house or apartment or whatever they have.
 
If the OP is over 60 years old and has limited funds, he might be able to get free legal help. We don't have enough details yet.
 
I think if you look at the most common reason for anyone to immigrate to USA is for a better life, living conditions, more money, etc. This is not just Ukraine! It is also not just women.
 
Anyway, the OP said they have some good days together. It can't be all as bad as he stated!

They don't have a real marriage, and havnt had one in years?
 
you are suggesting for some monetary amount ,
that may not even exist  considering the vaste diffrences in state law,   its better for them both to continue to cohabitate.
 
You also suggest she can relocate to another state and divorce court would be held in her new state.A state  he does not reside in, and one they did not marry in or cohabitate in.
Are you familiar with most states divorce laws?Exactly how often have you heard of that occuring?
Most require the divorce to be either in the state the marriage occured, or in the state they BOTH currently or last lived together in when filing.
Every hear of a man leaving his family,  then filing for divorce in some remote state and the wife having to go there for proceedings?
 
In your scenario, the OP could file in his state for abandonment.
 
All of this is reconcilement based on fear of monatary loss?
The OP has seemingly done plenty of that in these 8 years?
 
For his own sanity,if things are truly as he describes,
 he should start a new life,not perpetuate the same misery for the sake of money.
 
The old joke: why is divorce so expensive?
because its worth it!
 
comes to mind.
 
Rationalizing his continued support of a grown adult,
that he really has no relationship with, just because  they want a better life?
 
Accepting a long term roomate situation /business transaction
with an ex  just seems a very bizarre resolution.
(i'm sure she would be fine with it, since she already cheats on him though)
 
 File today, pay what the court deems fair,
and move on in pursuit of a normal life and relationship in time.
 
 
Really the story is so over the top its hard to give it much creed,but i'm sure similar has happened.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Gator]

After 4 years when she has a good paying job, she could repay him for the education expenses.

Sure; this happens all  the time.

 
 
Strange story.  Very strange.
 
Tradervic claims he is bankrupt yet continues to support a woman he abhors.    He does not divorce her because of his "noble" reasons, and meanwhile each year of marriage will add suppport to her claim for alimony.   IIRC Florida usually awards alimony if the marriage is 11 years or longer and if the man has income. 
 
BTW, herpes is not determined via blood tests.  Only if she had an active lesion on her mouth would the possibility be noticed and I question whether the examining physician would extract a sample from the lesion for lab work.  More than likely Tradervic exhibited symptoms before marriage.   The incubation period is not long. 
 
Jumper says it best:
 

why is divorce so expensive?
because its worth it!

 

[acrzybear]

More than likely Tradervic exhibited symptoms before marriage.   The incubation period is not long. 

Unless it was aquired afterwards

[BillyB]

Tradervic claims he is bankrupt yet continues to support a woman he abhors.   

It's believable a few guys spend money on women before paying off their credit cards. Bankrutcy isn't so bad. Donald Trump has done it a few times and still got lots of money left over.
 

     He does not divorce her because of his "noble" reasons, and meanwhile each year of marriage will add suppport to her claim for alimony. IIRC Florida usually awards alimony if the marriage is 11 years or longer and if the man has income.

Yep, the divorce needs to happen now. He may be noble but his wife's attorney is going to rip him to shreds to get the biggest piece of pie for her client. The pie gets bigger with each year. The longer he waits, the more painful his divorce will be.
 
She may claim she doesn't speak good English and never held a job and getting employed would be extremely difficult. A judge may grant her long term spousal maintenance. Although one has to be married 11 years in Florida to get alimony, I'm sure there are loop holes for those with hardships.
 
If possible in his state, it would be wise of him to get a trial by jury. A jury is more likely to punish his wife monetarily for her behavior.
 
 
 

[BC]

If possible in his state, it would be wise of him to get a trial by jury. A jury is more likely to punish his wife monetarily for her behavior.

IIRC, the 'flip side' of this coin has not appeared here, so any calls for judgement are quite irrelevant at this point.

[BillyB]

IIRC, the 'flip side' of this coin has not appeared here, so any calls for judgement are quite irrelevant at this point.

Doesn't matter, even if Tradervic was a bad boy, a jury is more likely than a judge to dish out alimony and split assets fair according to the law.
 
I told my ex's attorney after my divorce that the judge favors women. She said all judges favor women. I remember reading a newspaper clipping in his court stating he won an award for being the most compassionate judge. A woman's advocate group gave him the award.
 
Judges have their jobs to protect and some have political ambitions. The last thing they need is their name in the paper saying they aren't fair to women. There aren't any men advocate groups to come down on bad judges. The law defines fairness in a divorce but it may not be fair to certain individuals and judges can use lots of discretion when interpreting law when it comes to family matters. No matter how embarrassing a divorce may be due to dirty laundry being exposed, it's best for a man to get trial by jury.

[Wayne]

It would help if we knew what state the OP lives in.
Michigan does not have an option for a jury trial for divorce. There is a family court division, which usually means that Judge is not the typical circuit court Judge. There is no grounds required. With minor children, there is a six months waiting period and the parents need to attend classes on how to parent the children after the divorce. Alimony is unusual, but it depends upon the individuals. Usually, the divorce is settled before going to court. If there is a custody dispute, the process is much more complicated and takes much longer. That would include depositions and hearings with witnesses called. The friend of the court would be involved.
 
So, without more details, if is really difficult to advise the OP.

[acrzybear]

So, without more details, if is really difficult to advise the OP.

So far the only "details" have come from him.  WHat's her side? Is this guy a 300lb balding male living in his mothers basement who didn't get the fantasy he wanted?  Even if the story happened the way he posted, the fault still lies on him. You don't ignore certain things and still go forward praying things will improve.  From his post he is pissed off at the world (women in particular) and is looking for a feel good cheer section to agree with him, that way he can wallow in his misery with like minded people. 
 
 Pathetic. 

[Faux Pas]

So far the only "details" have come from him.  WHat's her side? Is this guy a 300lb balding male living in his mothers basement who didn't get the fantasy he wanted?  Even if the story happened the way he posted, the fault still lies on him. You don't ignore certain things and still go forward praying things will improve.  From his post he is pissed off at the world (women in particular) and is looking for a feel good cheer section to agree with him, that way he can wallow in his misery with like minded people. 
 
 Pathetic.

+1


I still have my doubts as to the validity. We've seen some doosies on the forum over the years but, I have a hard time believing anyone this gullible and after 8 years to boot.

[Wayne]

Compare this quote to what the OP said about his wife:
 
Educational and Training Qualifications

Generally, morticians require two-four years of formal educational training in mortuary science, a one year apprenticeship and they need to pass the qualifying examination. For becoming a mortician one has to go through studies in courses like physiology, pathology, embalming techniques, restorative art, business management and computer use. Generally students can work at a funeral home on part time jobs so that one can understand what this field consists of, practically. Some states just require high school education while other require 2 or 4 years of bachelor's degree. Added to these qualifications, morticians have to ensure that they have essential personality traits like compassionate and caring heart as they may also need to provide emotional support to the deceased person's family. Morticians have to be polite, caring and must understand the situation of the people who have lost their loved ones.

The mortician salary range oscillates between US$30,000 to US$50,000. In case you get lots of work and offer various other services, your earnings may increase to as high as US$60,000. After completing one or two years of apprenticeship, morticians can apply to various funeral homes. Growth prospects has been projected to be fairly well and so if anyone is interested in this field, he should proceed further to get the right sets of skills in this field.
 By Kundan Pandey
Published: 4/30/2010

[tradervic]

Thanks to everyone who made constructive, helpful criticisms.  To the rest, just a bunch of haters.  I can't believe that the most interesting and provocative aspect of my whole story was the herpes part, nearly everyone jumped on that, so incredibly shallow.  No they did not check her for this to my knowledge, or else she lied about it I don't know, but to me this was bad but not the worst part, herpes is easily controlled with valtrex.  If you love someone enough you overlook such things and just take precautions.  Just shows how shallow American men are about trying to get a Ukrainian bride, "Oh my god she has herpes!  Even though I loved her before I found this out I won't have anything do to with her now!"

As for the guy who made the statement about me wanting the government to bail me out, and that not being the government's job.  I strongly suggest sir that you refrain from making such comments in the future.  You never know who you might offend by making such off the cuff remarks.  By the way, did I mention who my employer is and why I was in Eastern Europe in the first place?  Speculate about that a little bit before making comments about the
government and my particular situation...

[tradervic]

This is a really good suggestion, thank you!

[tradervic]

+1


I still have my doubts as to the validity. We've seen some doosies on the forum over the years but, I have a hard time believing anyone this gullible and after 8 years to boot.

You people, just incredible.  Look, its been on again off again, okay?  My whole point to the story was that the marriage started out romantically, got a little ugly, we tried to work it out, we separated for a while, and now neither one of us can seem to break it off.  No I am not a 300 lb. balding guy-in fact I'm very good looking and in great shape.  And I sure as heck don't live in my mother's basement-in fact I traveled all over Eastern Europe and dated many Ukrainian women before meeting Katrina.  I speak Ukrainian and Russian fluently.  Do you?  Do any of you?  Do any of you understand precisely what your Ukrainian girl friend or wife are saying when they get on the phone to family or friends?  I sincerely doubt it...

[tradervic]

You still did not figure out the Ukrainian mind.
She gave up a scholarship and 8 years of her life for him, why should she pay him for anything ?

Tradervic, you are correct in that you were responsible for her coming to the USA. There for then it clearly did not work out during the fiancee visa time, you should have been responsible enough to send her back and giver her a strictly limited time of support so she could resume her old life.
Anything else will just lead to the drama you have been living through.

Thank you!  This is the most intelligent comment made on my situation.  Its what all my friends here have said as well, my only mistake was in not forcing her to leave.  I should have called the police, calmly explained the situation and had her taken to the airport, instead I tried the best I could to work things out, this was my folly.

[tradervic]

Unless it was aquired afterwards

OMG I can't believe what you both are saying!  No I do not have it, I did not aquire it after or before marriage.  What I did was take her to the doctor, put her on valtrex, and for the last eight years I've been walking around with a tube of Herpecin in my pocket.

[tradervic]

Actually, it's all your fault. This "relationship" should never have happened and you were too much of a coward or an idiot to end it. Grow a spine (she's certainly right about that in you). Divorce her. Move on with your life.

Out of curiosity, what's your age?

And, FWIW, some of us are in extremely happy relationships with our Russian/Ukrainian wives

Out of curiosity, how old are you?  I bet you are the fat, balding guy living in his mother's basement trying to live out some twisted fantasy of dating a hot looking Ukrainian woman half your age.  Get a life!

[tradervic]

True story whether it's Tradervic's or not. I know a guy going through a divorce right now with an American woman. He admitted he did not have sex either for 5 years. I asked him why didn't he address the problem earlier.
 
Ever heard of "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". You've been fooled for years and you blame the woman for feeling old. Next time when crap enters your life, get rid of it immediately. When the person you love hurts you, they don't care about you so don't wait and expect things to turn around.

Thank you, good, solid sincere advice, unlike the other junk offered by people contributing to this thread!

[Boethius]

OMG I can't believe what you both are saying!  No I do not have it, I did not aquire it after or before marriage.  What I did was take her to the doctor, put her on valtrex, and for the last eight years I've been walking around with a tube of Herpecin in my pocket.

I believe he meant by your "wife", not you.

Are you of Ukrainian descent?

[ECOCKS]

Thank you!  This is the most intelligent comment made on my situation.  Its what all my friends here have said as well, my only mistake was in not forcing her to leave.  I should have called the police, calmly explained the situation and had her taken to the airport, instead I tried the best I could to work things out, this was my folly.

LMAO, talk about naive.

[Eduard]

This story tells as much about the OP as about the girl. Hard to imagine some one making so many bad decisions. He clearly was "thinking" with the wrong head.

[ECOCKS]

This story tells as much about the OP as about the girl. Hard to imagine some one making so many bad decisions. He clearly was "thinking" with the wrong head.

So many in this endeavor are clueless as to reality.

[Eduard]

So many in this endeavor are clueless as to reality.

I really feel bad for the guy, he obviously is still going through hell. Hope he can find the way out of this mess and most importantly learn from his mistakes. But it's not right of him to say that ALL FSU women are bad. many of us here are married to wonderful FSU ladies and I hope he can see how offensive that statement sounded. Maybe this is the reason some of the responces were a bit harsh?