It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: need opinions please  (Read 5017 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline 1Pablo1

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 1 - 3
need opinions please
« on: September 21, 2011, 12:28:54 PM »
I have just returned from Ukraine where I went to meet just one woman.  This was set up a month prior.  upon my arrival I learned she had not gotten the 2 weeks off like she said she was promised.  During the two weeks I was there I was not introduced to her son or even invited to her place.  (We used an interpreter the whole time so she would not have been alone with me at her home).  She stated she was eager to join me in America and wants to learn English first.  Does 10 dollars a lesson seem like a reasonable amount.  I am awaiting a reply from her to give me answers about why I did not meet her son or get an invite to her home.  I didn't feel comfortable pressing the issue while in country.  I can easily chalk it up to cultural differences but I wanted some opinions from you guys too. I have asked her to provide me with the English teachers e-mail and phone number.  The gal I went to see is 38 and seems to be sincere but the red flag is to big to miss.  Any opinions on this would be appreciated

Offline ECOCKS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3589
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • To those who deserve it, good luck.
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: Resident
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2011, 12:46:35 PM »
Flag(S).

Several there.

If she is/was eager to join you in America it doesn't make sense that she didn't introduce you to family.

The failure to take time off is an indicator as well but you have to gauge how much of her off-time she was available AFTER you flew halfway around the world. If it was nearly every waking minute that would be a good sign.

Who provided the interpreter? What was that fee?

Read the Commandments! Is the agency (even their interpreter) out of the communications loop?

$10 for a one hour, private lesson isn't terribly high but you don't say which city or whether it is a native speaker or an FSU local. I'd mention this to get her reaction as one indication on whether she's setting you up or not.

Personally, I'd make the language arrangements myself to be sure of quality and provisioning of the lessons.

I cannot understand how you think this could be a result of "cultural differences".

You know this is not right so act accordingly.
 
 That doesn't mean throw her under the bus (necessarily).
It just means that there is a lot more to be done in building this relationship.
 
Pick and choose carefully among the advice offered and consider the source carefully. PM, Skype or email if you care to chat or discuss

Offline 1Pablo1

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 1 - 3
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2011, 01:07:36 PM »
yes, flags.  The interpreter was $10/hr. My understanding was that she was a local girl and they did not know each other prior. I did not hire her. I did meet her husband and son and saw their apt. lol The hame of the town was Sumy. Good advice about the English teacher. thanks

Offline alex330

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1910
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2011, 01:13:02 PM »
It could go either way really. Is this the first time you have met? I think it is pretty normal not to meet her family or son immediately if so. I did not meet my fiances family till the third of fourth trip. Single women many times do not want to introduce a new man to their child right away. The same for her home. If you are a stranger she may feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed bringing you home.

The two weeks off is not a good sign, but that is quite a bit of time if she has to work and support herself.
Wanting to join you so soon  seems a flag to me...
« Last Edit: September 21, 2011, 01:25:38 PM by alex330 »

Offline I/O

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4723
  • Country: au
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2011, 03:28:01 PM »
$10 per hour for lessons by say 2 per week by 10 punters on the hook = $200 per week. Meanwhile she still cooks, cleans, puts out for hubby, raises the kid and doesn't learn a word of English.  :-\
 
Maybe not but it's a strange world. If you were there two weeks and didn't get past first base, frankly, whatever the reason, I wouldn't bother any further. 

Offline ECOCKS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3589
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • To those who deserve it, good luck.
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: Resident
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2011, 03:55:22 PM »
IS THE AGENCY IN THE LOOP?

Get the agency out of the communications loop!

Use Skype or one of the VOIP systems and be sure you are using personal emails, not agency-controlled systems.

Find your own terp for written, phone and video communications.

The NOT meeting with the family is a big red flag IF you had talked about it beforehand as something you would do during the 2 week vacation she had supposedly been planning with you.

What were they going to be doing when you thought she was going to be off the entire two week period?

Again, you say she was "eager to join you in America". You also talk about discussing paying for English lessons for her language development. Either you are over-stating the relationship or she should have introduced you to the child you would be assuming financial responsibility for when bringing them to join you in America. So, sounds like she is not as far into this process as you describe.

In Sumy I'd expect a native speaker for $10 an hour private lesson.

If you are determined to start her on language development, I'd start with 2/wk lessons and expect to see some progress in her English.
Pick and choose carefully among the advice offered and consider the source carefully. PM, Skype or email if you care to chat or discuss

Offline Daveman

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5443
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 0-2 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2011, 04:08:49 PM »
I agree with the others... this scenario as written doesn't add up to paying for english lessons and joining you in America. 



The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline Jooky

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 969
  • Gender: Male
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2011, 04:20:14 PM »
How did you meet this woman?
 
Don't chalk up anything strange to 'cultural differences'. A deliberate trip to spend two weeks with her and you didn't meet her son and didn't spend any intimate time alone with her? Sorry, this sounds like a typical rip-off scenario to me.

Offline Boethius

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2026
  • Country: 00
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2011, 04:27:59 PM »
Not meeting her son after one two week visit is not indicative of a scam.  Any wise mother would wait until a relationship is well established before introducing a man to her son, whether in the FSU or the West.
 
If she is really eager to learn English, she can do it on her own. 
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Dave13

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 288
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2011, 04:31:09 PM »
The language lessons are not the major issue, you took the time to visit a lady halfway around the world and you didn't spend any time alone.  :(  Red flag!
« Last Edit: September 21, 2011, 04:33:00 PM by Dave13 »

Offline GoodOlBoy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2700
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2011, 04:33:22 PM »
I can easily chalk it up to cultural differences but I wanted some opinions from you guys too.

Pablo, if you are here at RWD asking total strangers you have never met about this.......I think you already know the answer  :( .
 
GOB
 
BTW...It has been said here on RWD MANY times for good reasons: "If a RW is into you, you will know it  ;) " (this probably should be the RWD 11th Commandment).

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.....Welcome to RWD Pablo!
 
« Last Edit: September 21, 2011, 04:43:31 PM by GoodOlBoy »
For God and country, Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo......... Geronimo E.K.I.A.

Online GQBlues

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8428
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2011, 04:58:31 PM »
Take this FWIW....
 
You invested the time to write her. Invested the time to fly out halfway around the world to meet her, so allow me ask this question...why didn't you spend the 5 minutes in front of her to express your doubts and uncertainties in the manner you're doing now on this board...wasn't that largely why you made the trip in the first place was *to get to know each other better?*
 
You felt it wasn't right she didn't introduce you to her folks and child. You should have express that to her...
 
You felt it didn't seem fair she wasn't able to take off from work as planned. You should have told her so....
 
You are now apprehensive about her request for assistance for her to learn the language, then you should've thought about this likelihood when you first 'learned' she doesn't speak the language and how deep you'd really want to get involved with that fact.
 
Now you're in an unenviable position asking folks in the internet you do not know simply on the basis of your perception at best, which FWIW, could have easily been explained to you by the person you once had aspirations f spending your life with.
 
Off the bat, based solely on these premise, I would advise you to scrap the whole relationship and start over again. Keeping in mind that next time it would do you both a great service to discuss things you should be discussing during these trips...
 
Now...as far as your your stated apprehension perception based on your 'silenced' observation and experience during your trip, had she submitted to some hot sex with you during your visit...will the cost of the English lessons be worth the risk she may well be scammer? Had she been able to cut the 2 weeks and spend it with you, alone, in your apartment - would not meeting her family been forgiveable?
 
Had I been you, I wouldn't been in this position because matters deemed important would have found a way to be discussed. So...had I been you and ended up in a fix you're in now, I just assume scrap the whole darn thing and start over. Why? because it is obvious you not only knew her less today than you did before you left for your trip, and more importantly, it sprung trust issues between you when by now you should've gotten to know each other better. You regressed instead of progressed.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2011, 05:00:03 PM by GQBlues »
~Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people~ Gator :P

Offline blackjacks53

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking 3-5 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2011, 05:55:11 PM »
Cut your losses and move on.  Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.  That is what this board is here for.
There is nothing permanent except change

Offline Ranetka

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1437
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Female
  • Back to Earth from Cloud Nine
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: Resident
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #13 on: September 21, 2011, 06:33:07 PM »
GQBlues
 
 :clapping:
 
+1000
There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline Eduard

  • Commercial Member Restricted
  • *****
  • Posts: 2100
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Family is where it's at!
    • realrussianmatch.com
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #14 on: September 21, 2011, 07:30:28 PM »
Not meeting her son after one two week visit is not indicative of a scam.  Any wise mother would wait until a relationship is well established before introducing a man to her son, whether in the FSU or the West.
 
If she is really eager to learn English, she can do it on her own.
I agree with this a 100%. A wise mother wouldn't subject her child to developing any kind of relationship with the man she is starting to date until she is sure that such relationship has a potential to be serious. What doesn't make any sense to me in this scenario is that "She stated she was eager to join me in America".
realrussianmatch.com

Offline JohnDearGreen

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 867
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • It's 5 o'clock somewhere...
    • JDG
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #15 on: September 21, 2011, 07:52:52 PM »
I have just returned from Ukraine where I went to meet just one woman.  This was set up a month prior.  upon my arrival I learned she had not gotten the 2 weeks off like she said she was promised.  During the two weeks I was there I was not introduced to her son or even invited to her place.  (We used an interpreter the whole time so she would not have been alone with me at her home).  She stated she was eager to join me in America and wants to learn English first.  Does 10 dollars a lesson seem like a reasonable amount.  I am awaiting a reply from her to give me answers about why I did not meet her son or get an invite to her home.  I didn't feel comfortable pressing the issue while in country.  I can easily chalk it up to cultural differences but I wanted some opinions from you guys too. I have asked her to provide me with the English teachers e-mail and phone number.  The gal I went to see is 38 and seems to be sincere but the red flag is to big to miss.  Any opinions on this would be appreciated
Pablo:


First, update your profile.  Change #trips from 0 to 1.  It is not unusual for her not to get time off.  Sometimes job requirements change.  Maybe her company does not want to lose a good worker and tried to throw a monkey wrench into
her  plans (I think JR had a problem with that).  What kind of work does she do?


What agency or free site did you meet her on?
What agency was the interpreter from?
What agency did you get an apartment or hotel from?
What did you do while she was working 2 weeks?
You don't mention how much you liked her? 
Did you enjoy the trip?  How much longer until your next trip?


More details about your trip would be helpful. 
Difficult to provide advice based on the little info you provided.

...

Offline mendeleyev

  • RWD Advisor
  • *****
  • Posts: 5670
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
    • Mendeleyev Journal
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: Resident
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #16 on: September 21, 2011, 10:08:12 PM »
Quote
She stated she was eager to join me in America and wants to learn English first.  Does 10 dollars a lesson seem like a reasonable amount.

It is a reasonable amount for someone in the process of solidifying a courtship in which family and friends have already given approval. Before then, its income for someone or free English lessons while she looks over her options.


Quote
I am awaiting a reply from her to give me answers about why I did not meet her son or get an invite to her home.  I didn't feel comfortable pressing the issue while in country.
 

Russians/Ukrainians respect directness and loathe weakness and indecision. Should have done it then and there.


Quote
I can easily chalk it up to cultural differences.

With Jooky and others I'll second that you should not chalk this up to cultural differences. In fact, given Russian/Ukrainian culture it was rude to ask you to pay for lessons and talk of immigration without introducing her family and hosting you for a dinner (or several) in her home.

The family will often be part of the decision behind the scenes so if marriage is on the table, even remotely at this point, Mama and any sisters, close Aunts and cousins would have been all over her to get your butt in their house for evaluations. She might legitimately wish to shield her son at first and is understandable but also easily handled by having him stay with a relative or neighbor on the dinner evenings.

Even friends from afar (not to mention a guest from a foreign country) get an invite. However, next time this can be easily solved. The Slavic mentality is big on reciprocity so if a lady does this again, simply invite her along with her family to dinner in your apartment. It is bad form to turn down such an invitation and that in turn dictates a reciprocal invitation for you at her home. If nothing else that will flesh out the real objections.


In agreement with Ed's question regarding her statement about America, in one sense I was thinking that this is a polite way to let a guy down easily. But the English lessons are still there so that would seem to negate that idea.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2011, 12:19:06 AM by mendeleyev »
The Mendeleyev Journal. http://mendeleyevjournal.com Member: Congress of Russian Journalists; ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.RU (Journalist-Russia); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.UA (Journalist-Ukraine); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.KZ (Journalist-Kazakhstan); ПОРТАЛ ЖУРНАЛИСТОВ (Portal of RU-UA Journalists); Просто Журналисты ("Just Journalists").

Offline Jack

  • Commercial Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2586
  • Country: cl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2011, 01:21:22 AM »
I agree with this a 100%. A wise mother wouldn't subject her child to developing any kind of relationship with the man she is starting to date until she is sure that such relationship has a potential to be serious. What doesn't make any sense to me in this scenario is that "She stated she was eager to join me in America".


Hello eduard, good to see you back!  Getting a bit hot for you over at the other place I see. Anyway welcome back

Offline wicheese

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 231
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married 0-2 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2011, 06:25:02 AM »
I agree with this a 100%. A wise mother wouldn't subject her child to developing any kind of relationship with the man she is starting to date until she is sure that such relationship has a potential to be serious. What doesn't make any sense to me in this scenario is that "She stated she was eager to join me in America".




 :offtopic:
Ed,


Actually, for many of us not in the industry (e.g. competitors), it's good to see you posting over here again as you do provide some very good insight. 




Back on Topic:
Along those lines, I agree that the statement of joining him in America came a little too soon.  It speaks volume's that she has a plan to escape (Sumy is a somewhat dreary place) and I'm not sure about others, but such an escape plan is something I would not want to be part of or advise anyone else to be part of. 




 












Offline Steamer

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 678
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #19 on: September 22, 2011, 09:00:31 AM »
A wise mother wouldn't subject her child to developing any kind of relationship with the man she is starting to date until she is sure that such relationship has a potential to be serious. What doesn't make any sense to me in this scenario is that "She stated she was eager to join me in America".

I also agree. My wife waited until my 2nd trip to Moscow before introducing me to the family. She didn't want to subject them to some sort of parade of foreigners coming through her flat if things didn't work out. She also had to work during this time but made sure to be with me every evening. She told me these things before I arrived so there were no surprises.

My opinion is if Pablo is really stuck on this one he should take his time and plan another visit (of course I think this is good advise for everyone).
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I never saw a winner that didn't bet

Offline Eduard

  • Commercial Member Restricted
  • *****
  • Posts: 2100
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Family is where it's at!
    • realrussianmatch.com
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2011, 10:38:08 AM »



 :offtopic:
Ed,


Actually, for many of us not in the industry (e.g. competitors), it's good to see you posting over here again as you do provide some very good insight. 


Thank you, Mark!
realrussianmatch.com

Offline chivo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 755
  • Gender: Male
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2011, 11:40:02 PM »
I have just returned from Ukraine where I went to meet just one woman.  This was set up a month prior.  upon my arrival I learned she had not gotten the 2 weeks off like she said she was promised.
This happens so I wouldn't flag it in and of itself. You have to weigh it with everything else and only you really know the total picture
 
During the two weeks I was there I was not introduced to her son or even invited to her place.  (We used an interpreter the whole time so she would not have been alone with me at her home).
She just met you face to face so give her a break and let her have some time to digest everything. As Steamer pointed out, this is not unusual and I agree.
 
She stated she was eager to join me in America and wants to learn English first.
Were these her exact words? I ask because I have never heard a Russian use the word "eager" in all my time here no matter the level of English. I started a thread a couple of weeks ago about the top 10 reasons you will fail. One was about the fact that both of you speak different languages and that you have to read somewhat between the lines in order to really understand things, if possible. While she might have said something to this effect, the truth is with her (and her Interpreter's) limited English, her thoughts might not be consistant with her EXACT words.
 
I also mentioned that today's FSUW is more knowledgeable about the international dating scene, the good, the bad, and the ugly. She might just be a little more guarded about everything until she is more certain.   
 
Does 10 dollars a lesson seem like a reasonable amount.
For an English lesson, yes very reasonable for her area.
 
I am awaiting a reply from her to give me answers about why I did not meet her son or get an invite to her home. I didn't feel comfortable pressing the issue while in country.  I can easily chalk it up to cultural differences but I wanted some opinions from you guys too. I have asked her to provide me with the English teachers e-mail and phone number.  The gal I went to see is 38 and seems to be sincere but the red flag is to big to miss.  Any opinions on this would be appreciated
Why not? In my top 10 reasons thread I mentioned someting about not treated these ladies in the same manner you would a woman from your country. This is not to say treat them bad, but to understand the distinct gender roles that still exist in the FSU. It is also your life, money and time...pressed the issue!! Be truthful and tell the woman your thoughts and feelings. Believe me they want to know them and you are doing yourself a diservice by not letting her know your true intentions face to face.
 
Mendy mentioned this about being strong and decisive. Works in any country but, is especially true in the former USSR.
 
Now this doesn't mean you shouldn't be concerned about things because at this point a lot of things have yet to be decided. And only you know what actually happened. Bottom line, be alert, but take your time and let things play out more. If it doesn't feel right after you've given it some more time or that things don' add up, then do what you have to do.

Offline chivo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 755
  • Gender: Male
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2011, 12:04:55 AM »


 :offtopic:
Ed,


Actually, for many of us not in the industry (e.g. competitors), it's good to see you posting over here again as you do provide some very good insight.
I also want to welcome you back from the abyss known as that other board Ed and agree with the quote above.

Offline 1Pablo1

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 1 - 3
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2011, 05:06:27 AM »
ok, so eager was the wrong word to use.  How about she seemed willing to join me in America and accepting of the facts like I have no plans to put my daughter thru college or her son, they can earn their way.  Like accepting that she will have to work and that she will have to continue her education in order to remain a nurse.  We met on Elena's Models, not a confirmed profile tho.  I am in contact with the interpreter trying to find out her agency name and the names and numbers/websites of English tutors.  I let my date make the living arrangements for me and get the interpreter in order to show her a certain amount of trust.  My mistake I guess.  Nothing in her letters even hinted of scam....just cautiousness.  She is no supermodel and I doubt if her letters would have lured very many men. Very reserved and realistic in all her letters to me. Which is what lured me.  No lingerie or swimsuit photos.  So, thanks for all your comments and I will keep reading the forums here.  Btw, I was completely up front and honest with both the terp and my date, but was uncomfortable with having to press the issue because maybe they were in cahoots  with the apartment manager or something along those lines. Not speaking the language , i did not want both women to bail on me.  Seemed like we hit it off pretty well tho,  her shift at the trauma center was 24 hours on, 24 off.  I hung out with interpreter a couple days and by myself a couple days while she worked. No plans as yet to go back 

Offline Eduard

  • Commercial Member Restricted
  • *****
  • Posts: 2100
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Family is where it's at!
    • realrussianmatch.com
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2011, 06:25:34 AM »
I also want to welcome you back from the abyss known as that other board Ed and agree with the quote above.
Thank you, Chivo! Good to see you too!
realrussianmatch.com

Offline Manny

  • Commercial Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 678
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Common Sense
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2011, 08:42:37 AM »
$10 per hour for lessons by say 2 per week by 10 punters on the hook = $200 per week. Meanwhile she still cooks, cleans, puts out for hubby, raises the kid and doesn't learn a word of English.  :-\
 
Maybe not but it's a strange world. If you were there two weeks and didn't get past first base, frankly, whatever the reason, I wouldn't bother any further.


My thoughts exactly.

Online Faux Pas

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8969
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2011, 09:21:59 AM »
Pablo


Reading your opening post there was certainly a major flag or three. Reading the subsequent ones , I would be less alarmed of a scam being perpetuated on you. It really doesn't pass the litmus test of a scam.


However, her not inviting you to her place or to meet some measure of family or friends while you are in her city is a bit telling. It says she doesn't trust you. She may have good reason because you are here posting concerns of your lack of trust of her. This isn't a bad thing but it reeks very little communication between the two of you obviously, because you two don't speak the same language.


On the other hand, you have met her. You should probably decide if you can see yourself moving forward with this woman or do you punt and wait on the next set of downs? A bit of advice, it is considerably more difficult to get to know and learn a woman where neither of you share a common language. It can be done and has been hundreds maybe 10's of millions of times. There are a number of examples on the forums but, one common ingredient is the man has a bigger commitment in time, patience and expense.


If you wish to move forward with this lady you have to break that communication gap and get to know her and she you. Find yourself an interpreter for phone conversation, skype sessions and communicate with her regularly while you get comfortable with each other. Try to learn some of her language and yes, perhaps assisted her financially in learning some english.


This is just another of the pitfalls of dating internationally. It can and will test your metal as a sincere man. Even if you start over and find a woman with english speaking skills, you'll still have another subset of communication barriers and misunderstandings. There are 100's of ways of doing it right and 100's of ways of doing it wrong. For those intent on doing it right one common denominator is never forget, it is still "boy meets girl" trust and relationship are priority.

Offline Eduard

  • Commercial Member Restricted
  • *****
  • Posts: 2100
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Family is where it's at!
    • realrussianmatch.com
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2011, 09:27:12 AM »
Pablo


Reading your opening post there was certainly a major flag or three. Reading the subsequent ones , I would be less alarmed of a scam being perpetuated on you. It really doesn't pass the litmus test of a scam.


However, her not inviting you to her place or to meet some measure of family or friends while you are in her city is a bit telling. It says she doesn't trust you. She may have good reason because you are here posting concerns of your lack of trust of her. This isn't a bad thing but it reeks very little communication between the two of you obviously, because you two don't speak the same language.


On the other hand, you have met her. You should probably decide if you can see yourself moving forward with this woman or do you punt and wait on the next set of downs? A bit of advice, it is considerably more difficult to get to know and learn a woman where neither of you share a common language. It can be done and has been hundreds maybe 10's of millions of times. There are a number of examples on the forums but, one common ingredient is the man has a bigger commitment in time, patience and expense.


If you wish to move forward with this lady you have to break that communication gap and get to know her and she you. Find yourself an interpreter for phone conversation, skype sessions and communicate with her regularly while you get comfortable with each other. Try to learn some of her language and yes, perhaps assisted her financially in learning some english.


This is just another of the pitfalls of dating internationally. It can and will test your metal as a sincere man. Even if you start over and find a woman with english speaking skills, you'll still have another subset of communication barriers and misunderstandings. There are 100's of ways of doing it right and 100's of ways of doing it wrong. For those intent on doing it right one common denominator is never forget, it is still "boy meets girl" trust and relationship are priority.
sensible advice, actually.
realrussianmatch.com

Offline Misha

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7314
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: need opinions please
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2011, 11:01:26 AM »
Seemed like we hit it off pretty well tho


Why seemed? Either you hit it off or you didn't. Why the uncertainty? It seems to me the English lessons are perhaps a secondary issue to whether there was truly a spark  :-X

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 9974
Latest: shakennotstirred
New This Month: 5
New This Week: 1
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 491051
Total Topics: 19417
Most Online Today: 1305
Most Online Ever: 2480
(November 01, 2018, 05:22:05 PM)
Users Online
Members: 39
Guests: 1218
Total: 1257

+-Recent Posts

Re: My new life in the Republic of Georgia by BillyB
Today at 07:43:28 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by BillyB
Today at 07:01:52 PM

Re: Time for some Humor!! by BillyB
Today at 07:00:50 PM

Re: Translation services from English to Russian and Russian to English by Boethius
Today at 06:47:48 PM

Re: What Social Network for Ukraine? by Boethius
Today at 06:44:58 PM

Re: HEADING TO MINSK, AGAIN! by Hammer2722
Today at 06:44:17 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Chelseaboy
Today at 05:25:21 PM

Re: What Social Network for Ukraine? by Trenchcoat
Today at 04:49:17 PM

Re: What Social Network for Ukraine? by krimster2
Today at 04:32:45 PM

Re: Trippin in St Pete by ML
Today at 04:19:01 PM

Powered by EzPortal

create account