Is this an unreasonable desire?

[Muzh]

Billy boy. Why would I be upset? It is not my life and she asked for opinions. I gave her mine based on experience. Time will tell and I seriously hope they work it out. It is not fun watching a relationship disintegrate.


I see you enjoy D. Savage. You bad boy.


Finally, suggesting she gets on her knees is not the answer I believe she was looking for. I know you meant well and was from experience.

[Misha]

Muzh, don't be upset Aloe didn't take your "Divorce the Mother F'r" advice earlier.  When trouble starts in a relationship, the "Let's end this right now!" attitude is not good advice.

Muzh can defend himself, but this is hardly what he posted.

[kmin]

Back to Basics;

A couple things I have noticed in this thread;

Aloe you said that you have no close friend of the same sex,  I would bet he doesn't have any close friends of the same sex either.  This is major red flag for any serious relationship.  Without close friends to "vent" to, tension can build up in a relationship leading to the "top blowing off".  As I have noticed from a couple of your posts it sound like both of you are frustrated and don't really know why.  Humans are social animals and if we don't socialize it can become a big problem.  My humble opinion is get into some social situations fast.  Both of you need to join a club, go out, meet new friends, and go to some parties.

Second thing I have noticed is it seems both of you want the "old school" marriage.  By this I mean you as the wife want the husband to "Love and Cherish" you, which he is not doing.  It also sounds like he wants you to "honor and obey" him, because he has security issues.  However it sounds like both of you don't want to put forth the effort for these things. 

To me marriage is not about love and happiness.  This is only the byproduct of a marriage with endurance, integrity, and trust.  Work on these with your husband and I think the love and happiness will return.  You may spark this change by having a serious talk about how you feel, but in the same sentence renewing your commitment to him.  This way he will hopefully understand how these actions make you feel, but won't feel insecure about losing you.

I hope you both find your ways back to each other and have a happy marriage.

[ML]

Second thing I have noticed is it seems both of you want the "old school" marriage.  By this I mean you as the wife want the husband to "Love and Cherish" you, which he is not doing.  It also sounds like he wants you to "honor and obey" him, because he has security issues. 

You managed to blame the man in both instances.  Welcome to the club.

[jeff9556]

Wow, this dude is way OTT Aloe, forbidding you a bank account, to selfish/lazy/controlling to drive you to the train station? WTF?

When I married my first FW I helped her open her own bank account and deposited money each month so she had her own money. I also drove her to work for a year (she couldn't drive, and the buses where not very convenient for her).

Forbidding you a bank account sounds really ott, that would be a deal breaker for me - sorry but you have the right to financial freedom, he has no right to limit or control you in this way - its not normal at all.

[Donna_Pedro]

So i am wondering if i'm being unreasonable here.
What do you think?

 
People treat us the way we let them.  Your husband believes that he is superior to you, because he is a bread winner. He treats you according to this perception and you let him.  If you feel that he is right, then (take off your high heels  ) and keep walking to the station every day. If you feel differently, then ask yourself - what are YOU going to do about it? Because this situation is completely up to YOU. If YOU want it to change – do it. Its not going to be nice. It requires effort. You will have to go through resistance. But then again – YOU YOU YOU!!! let it slide for so long, that now you cannot expect him to change his opinion easily. Also, if you think about it, there might be other instances of your husband’s behavior that show his perception of you, as a person inferior to him. So YOU have work cut out for you. Its up to YOU now.