Realistic Expectations

[Leelou]

 I can say the exact same things about my Ukrainian wife Donna. But there is a big difference that I see between her and single women I have met here at home.
 
 Many single western women I have met see marriage as a threat to their freedom. My wife sees it as an advantage were she doesnt have to go through lifes hardships by herself.


 Shes not so insecure that she is afraid to do things for me... shes wants to do it. And this makes me want to do things for her. I know a few western women like that, but most of them are happily married... I haven`t seen too many single ones like this!


 And don`t worry, she is not scared to let me know when I`m doing something wrong! She`s a very strong minded lady! But she also knows when she is wrong and is not so stubborn and proud that she would not admit it... and I respect her very much for that. Many western women I know would never do this is because they are so scared of losing their `independence`to a man.


 Maybe that is why there are so many western women going to sleep at night alone... and there are so many western men looking to FSU for a wife!

I totally agree with you and you summarized many of my thoughts on this question.

Western women can be very strong, but often I feel it leads to unnecessary conflicts in a relationship.
As you stated it very well, it feels like sometimes they behave like recognizing something wrong would be like giving up in front of a man. It's pride and I think it has a lot to do with some of the feminist theory that focused on transforming communication with men in a permanent war where events of life are latent battles.

My Lady is very strong too... and God knows, she never feels tired to say to me when I behave badly  Sometimes she might even say it too often 
Bit I veyr much enjoy the fact communication is present and that she feels our relationship is more like a partnership rather than a competition, I feel this fact might sometimes be a difference with Western women.

[Gator]

To me young American women have an aura of a man.

I believe AW vary widely.  One AW differs from another.  And the same AW will be entirely different on another day dependent upon the situation, her mood and the man.   This is probably amplified for younger AW.

Here is a good summary of what young American women tell their boyfriends (in fact it is titled "Shit Girlfriends Say"):


BTW, this was done by the daughter of one of my golfing friends.  Funny outgoing girl, the same as her father.  She uploaded it only two weeks ago, and already has 1,600,000 hits.

Do RW say the same?   RW can get wound up, yet in my opinion RW are more serious and direct.  Please keep in mind that my experience is based on dating more mature RW (early 30s to upper 40s). 

[magnetic_fields]

 I can say the exact same things about my Ukrainian wife Donna. But there is a big difference that I see between her and single women I have met here at home.
 
 Many single western women I have met see marriage as a threat to their freedom. My wife sees it as an advantage were she doesnt have to go through lifes hardships by herself.


 Shes not so insecure that she is afraid to do things for me... shes wants to do it. And this makes me want to do things for her. I know a few western women like that, but most of them are happily married... I haven`t seen too many single ones like this!


 And don`t worry, she is not scared to let me know when I`m doing something wrong! She`s a very strong minded lady! But she also knows when she is wrong and is not so stubborn and proud that she would not admit it... and I respect her very much for that. Many western women I know would never do this is because they are so scared of losing their `independence`to a man.


 Maybe that is why there are so many western women going to sleep at night alone... and there are so many western men looking to FSU for a wife!

So bottom line is : either "win the lottery" and get the great American woman OR go to the FSU In search of a bride. Right?

[magnetic_fields]

I believe AW vary widely.  One AW differs from another.  And the same AW will be entirely different on another day dependent upon the situation, her mood and the man.   This is probably amplified for younger AW.

Here is a good summary of what young American women tell their boyfriends (in fact it is titled "Shit Girlfriends Say"):


BTW, this was done by the daughter of one of my golfing friends.  Funny outgoing girl, the same as her father.  She uploaded it only two weeks ago, and already has 1,600,000 hits.

Do RW say the same?   RW can get wound up, yet in my opinion RW are more serious and direct.  Please keep in mind that my experience is based on dating more mature RW (early 30s to upper 40s).

Dude!!! These "sh@t [insert demographic group] videos" are so popular now it's unreal!!! Watch the one about NYC. It's 100% accurate.

[Lily]

 Many single western women I have met see marriage as a threat to their freedom. My wife sees it as an advantage were she doesnt have to go through lifes hardships by herself.

 
I would say this is one reason of difference between RW and AW in terms of how do they perceive the marriage. Life in Russia is hard, period. Life in the West is comfortable and relatively easy if you know how to work the society's instutition to your advantage. An AW knows that if she stays single, she will still be able to live a full life. In contrast, a RW will likely not be able to go through all the hardships without a male support. Perhaps it would be similar to the old times, where, as another member said, women were competing for a man, and men were resistant to marriage.
 
 

So bottom line is : either "win the lottery" and get the great American woman OR go to the FSU In search of a bride. Right?

That would be a tough choice Why not to start with RW who are already in the U.S. or Canada? 2010 brought the largest number of independent skilled immigrants to Canada, who landed here because they have a chance to establish themselves economically in Canada. Most are couples, but there is still a number of single women, with ot without kids. On this forum, I posted a few Russian dating websites in Northern America. You may want to test the waters right there.
 
Gator, thanks for the video! In my opinion, the pretty AW on the video has just extremely bad manners, that's it! She missed a good upbringing, a decent Kinderstube as the Germans put it.
 
 
 
 

[Donna_Pedro]

 
 Many single western women I have met see marriage as a threat to their freedom. My wife sees it as an advantage were she doesnt have to go through lifes hardships by herself.
[size=78%] Maybe that is why there are so many western women going to sleep at night alone... and there are so many western men looking to FSU for a wife![/size]

First of all lets identify 'many" If you look at it from a bigger  prospective, 99.9% of men and women find partners within their own culture. And only a small %% are looking abroad. So no, not so many. But indeed your wife is looking right into the root of this problem. Mentality reflects reality, ie demography, economy, etc. And reality is that -  a modern, career oriented western women live in a comparatively healthy economy. They  are financially secure, they do not need a man to help them with hardships of life. And there are not too many hardships here compared to Russia. And no lack of marriage minded men.  In Russia a woman can be a Nobel Prize winner but if she is not married  by 30 yo she will be considered a failure in life by everybody, her family first. Because  in a taught economic situation, a family has more chances to survive those hardships your wife is talking about.  Modern career oriented WW  do not need to get married. Thats what I envy  most of all.

[magnetic_fields]

 
I would say this is one reason of difference between RW and AW in terms of how do they perceive the marriage. Life in Russia is hard, period. Life in the West is comfortable and relatively easy if you know how to work the society's instutition to your advantage. An AW knows that if she stays single, she will still be able to live a full life. In contrast, a RW will likely not be able to go through all the hardships without a male support. Perhaps it would be similar to the old times, where, as another member said, women were competing for a man, and men were resistant to marriage.
 
 
That would be a tough choice Why not to start with RW who are already in the U.S. or Canada? 2010 brought the largest number of independent skilled immigrants to Canada, who landed here because they have a chance to establish themselves economically in Canada. Most are couples, but there is still a number of single women, with ot without kids. On this forum, I posted a few Russian dating websites in Northern America. You may want to test the waters right there.
 
Gator, thanks for the video! In my opinion, the pretty AW on the video has just extremely bad manners, that's it! She missed a good upbringing, a decent Kinderstube as the Germans put it.

Hi Lily,

That's a great suggestion and I have tried it by using mamba network and even American dating sites like match. But somehow the women are already becoming "more American" and spoiled because so many men write to them. Not all of course but with such a small number of Russians in America statistically it's very hard to find a good one. Searching in the FSU is much better in terms of odds.

Also I would like to point out that many recently arrived Russians are very distrustful of Americans. Basically to date one you really have to know someone closely in their social circles who can make an introduction. Otherwise these women are facing the same hardships that all new immigrants in America go through and dating an American is not high on their priority list. Most want a Russian man who also lives in america.

What do you say?

[Gator]

Modern career oriented WW  do not need to get married. Thats what I envy  most of all.

DP, I don't know if this is something to envy unless a desperate woman feels financially compelled to marry a man they do not like.
The issue of need vs. want.  Being needy is never a good thing.  To me it is like a man carrying a sign saying "Wife Vacancy."   Yet, something is at work other than economic needs.
A majority of mature men and women who are 1)  financially independent and 2) well past having babies still seem to want to stay married or  get married again if they have divorced.   I assert that this reflects the fact that humans are hardwired to live as couples.   Is that a need or a want?
How about young people?  Personally, I believe that young people should not marry unless they are convinced that they want to have children fairly soon.   Some men and women prefer to delay children and instead focus on their careers, and that is their prerogative.   This decision stresses women because their biological clock winds down while the man can always find a more fertile woman.  Is woman's desire to have a baby a need or a want? 
Some men and women simply don't want to create a family.  Many have experienced firsthand a dysfuctional family and see no value in the family unit.   Some are just egotistical and self-absorbed, and they have no needs or wants in this regard.  Will these young people change their mind if they meet that special someone who prompts feelings of true love?
 

[Gator]

 
Gator, thanks for the video! In my opinion, the pretty AW on the video has just extremely bad manners, that's it! She missed a good upbringing, a decent Kinderstube as the Germans put it.

The pretty AW is Kelsey.  She is, of course, acting as part of her career in film making.  A couple of the personalities depicted in the clip were okay such as reminding men that they need a haircut. 
About the crazy talk, some young AW say such things.  Kelsey has heard it if not said it herself.  Being young these AW have not developed emotionally mature mentality, which reflects in part their upbringing as you suggested.   Or maybe they are stupid!
The point is that you as a RW believe such talk is indeed a crock of kaka.  I don't know about young RW in their 20s, yet the older RW I met were much more like you rather than the actress in the clip with her mascara running.

[magnetic_fields]

DP, I don't know if this is something to envy unless a desperate woman feels financially compelled to marry a man they do not like.
The issue of need vs. want.  Being needy is never a good thing.  To me it is like a man carrying a sign saying "Wife Vacancy."   Yet, something is at work other than economic needs.
A majority of mature men and women who are 1)  financially independent and 2) well past having babies still seem to want to stay married or  get married again if they have divorced.   I assert that this reflects the fact that humans are hardwired to live as couples.   Is that a need or a want?
How about young people?  Personally, I believe that young people should not marry unless they are convinced that they want to have children fairly soon.   Some men and women prefer to delay children and instead focus on their careers, and that is their prerogative.   This decision stresses women because their biological clock winds down while the man can always find a more fertile woman.  Is woman's desire to have a baby a need or a want? 
Some men and women simply don't want to create a family.  Many have experienced firsthand a dysfuctional family and see no value in the family unit.   Some are just egotistical and self-absorbed, and they have no needs or wants in this regard.  Will these young people change their mind if they meet that special someone who prompts feelings of true love?

Gator you nailed it. 1000% correct. Almost all the women I meet in NYC are financially self sufficient. They will only start a family IF they fall in love first, then get married, and then maybe put their career on hold. These conditions obviously are tough to meet in such a big competitive city like NYC. Now outside of NYC in the suburbs you just cannot find decent women at all! Most are already married or too young living with their parents struggling through school and low paying jobs. There Is also no longer a cultural shame in staying single. Thank you sex and the city! Haha

So my question for you all now is how hard is it to develop true feelings of love and chemistry with a woman living in the FSU. Personally Russian women have the perfect values and characteristics. However in meeting them online I still find it hard to find common ground in terms of our approach to say humor or pop cultural references. I know that these things are not important in the grand scheme of things but aren't they crucial when you are trying to establish some chemistry? For example having a favorite pop musician in common seems trivial but in the beginning days of dating it is like a catalyst that can propel the relationship forward. I will try to bring up some real life examples.

Thoughts anyone?

[pitbull]

Hi Lily,

That's a great suggestion and I have tried it by using mamba network and even American dating sites like match. But somehow the women are already becoming "more American" and spoiled because so many men write to them. Not all of course but with such a small number of Russians in America statistically it's very hard to find a good one. Searching in the FSU is much better in terms of odds.

MP,
 
Think about this: even if you go to the FSU and get yourself a "not spoiled" FSU wife, you will then bring her back to the US, right? As she assimilates, she will become "more American", just like those RW who have been in the US for some time. So you will wind up with the same "Americanized" RW. You may just as well cut the loop and go straight for those RW already in USA, just like Lily advised.

[onlyFSU4me]

First of all lets identify 'many" If you look at it from a bigger  prospective, 99.9% of men and women find partners within their own culture. And only a small %% are looking abroad. So no, not so many. But indeed your wife is looking right into the root of this problem. Mentality reflects reality, ie demography, economy, etc. And reality is that -  a modern, career oriented western women live in a comparatively healthy economy. They  are financially secure, they do not need a man to help them with hardships of life. And there are not too many hardships here compared to Russia. And no lack of marriage minded men.  In Russia a woman can be a Nobel Prize winner but if she is not married  by 30 yo she will be considered a failure in life by everybody, her family first. Because  in a taught economic situation, a family has more chances to survive those hardships your wife is talking about.  Modern career oriented WW  do not need to get married. Thats what I envy  most of all.

 I think you are looking at AW with rose colored glasses Donna. I'm not denying that AW don't have a much better chance of having a lot more comfortable life and better career than FSU women, but most of those career women could never do it without the support of a spouse to help pay for her education, help take care of children while she is pursuing her career, etc. it is not unrealistic for a person to spend over 100,000 dollars getting their education for that career, and after you get it you will spend years to pay that money back. And realistically, what percentage of these women are available in the dating pool? I can tell you it is a very low percentage.
 I am giving you the view point of a 44 year old man who was looking for women 35 and older. I didn't see too many available women in this age group who had a successful career and were single. Most of the available women struggle to get by just to pay their apartment rental and maybe make a car payment. Especially if they were raising 1 or 2 children. There are government assisted apartments for lower income people here that are full of single mothers who cant afford to pay rent and feed their children both. Many of these women have jobs that are considered average wages but it is expensive to live and raise children here in Canada. Yet many of these women refuse to get married because they feel they are giving up their "freedom".
 To give you some insight about my situation, my wife owns her own house, her own car, owns her own store and a vacation apartment in Crimea. So obviously she is not desperate to marry because of financial hardship. But she still has a totally different mentality about relationships that what I found with most western women here at home. That is what I was trying to explain to you when I said everything you said about western women could be said about my wife... yet they view marriage very differently.   

[Vincenzo]

You may just as well cut the loop and go straight for those RW already in USA, just like Lily advised.

There is one little thing. There are very few Russian women in the USA who have no husbands or boyfriends. Those who are left want Brad Pitt's copies.

[Lily]

Hi Lily,

That's a great suggestion and I have tried it by using mamba network and even American dating sites like match. But somehow the women are already becoming "more American" and spoiled because so many men write to them. Not all of course but with such a small number of Russians in America statistically it's very hard to find a good one. Searching in the FSU is much better in terms of odds.

Also I would like to point out that many recently arrived Russians are very distrustful of Americans. Basically to date one you really have to know someone closely in their social circles who can make an introduction. Otherwise these women are facing the same hardships that all new immigrants in America go through and dating an American is not high on their priority list. Most want a Russian man who also lives in america.

What do you say?

Hey Magnetic fields,
 
I would say that you apparently met not enough Russians in Northern America Or, alternatively, you know Russians that are not well established here economically, do not feel comfortably, do not know the language and local life, and tend to segregate among Russians only. Some may therefore be distrustful towards Americans.
 
However, there are far more people than this group. There are professionals who arrive under work visa, there are single immigrants who also arrived in a hope to settle here and have a secure future. A very promising group of brides for AM, by the way.  Perhaps getting to know more Russians might help. At least, you have a geographic advantage, therefore a price of mistake is not that big as if you would go to the FSU.
 
Yes, you will have to compete for them with your fellow AM. But you do feel confident about beating your competition, don't you?
 
Further on, I don't think that the word 'spoiled' is right here. There is a difference between being spoiled, and having an advantage in the choices of a life partner. Yes, I agree with you that in this respect, for the men the odds are better in the FSU where the dating dynamics is exactly the opposite to what we have here. But isn't it the price for us living in a civilized world?

[Lily]

So my question for you all now is how hard is it to develop true feelings of love and chemistry with a woman living in the FSU. Personally Russian women have the perfect values and characteristics. However in meeting them online I still find it hard to find common ground in terms of our approach to say humor or pop cultural references. I know that these things are not important in the grand scheme of things but aren't they crucial when you are trying to establish some chemistry? For example having a favorite pop musician in common seems trivial but in the beginning days of dating it is like a catalyst that can propel the relationship forward. I will try to bring up some real life examples.

Thoughts anyone?

On a general note regarding online communication, please make yourself as somple and clear in words as possible. Avoid humor because it is very likely to be misunderstood and will work against you, in the eyes of a RW online counterpart. Get her on the webcam as soon as you can, in order to have a live talk which should help you and her in finding out any chemistry.
 
I also agree with pitbul very much. If and when you find a quality woman and bring her to the US, you will have to compete for her again. The U.S. is not Russia!

[Donna_Pedro]

I think you are looking at AW with rose colored glasses Donna. I'm not denying that AW don't have a much better chance of having a lot more comfortable life and better career than FSU women, but most of those career women could never do it without the support of a spouse to help pay for her education, help take care of children while she is pursuing her career, etc. it is not unrealistic for a person to spend over 100,000 dollars getting their education for that career,

Well, my son has just graduated from a university in FL and I happen to know a few things about tuition prices. State of FL, for example provides free tuition to FL universities to all FL residents with GPA higher than 2.5. NCState tuition is $8K a year.  I know that even Harvard voids tuition fees for those who makes below $60K. If you mean expensive MBAs, JDs and MDs - it could be even more, than $100K, but the outcome is bigger too. And a lot of "high end" universities have debt forgiveness programs etc. So $100K is a stretch. And if a woman does pay that amount for her education, she does not live paycheck to paycheck.

Many of these women have jobs that are considered average wages but it is expensive to live and raise children here in Canada. Yet many of these women refuse to get married because they feel they are giving up their "freedom".

  The fact that your wife owns a house and a car does not make her secure and protected from hardships in Russia. You need to look at a bigger picture here.  Life in Russia is less secure and stable in general.  Standard of life is much higher here. Russia is a "men's" society. A single woman is never secure there. Here a single mother with a child,  would be supported by tens of charitable funds, churches, state and federal programs. In Russia if you have hardships all you rely on is your family. Here life might not be always easy for a single woman and mother but at least she does not worry what her children are going to eat tomorrow, or that she does not have warm coats for them for winter. AW does not feel insecure enough to want to get married by all means.

[Donna_Pedro]

DP, I don't know if this is something to envy unless a desperate woman feels financially compelled to marry a man they do not like.

I am envious of the choice AW have. I mean real choice. RW also has the choice not to get married, but she will be pressed by her family and peers. A single woman in Russia experience a lot of pressure.

[magnetic_fields]

 
 To give you some insight about my situation, my wife owns her own house, her own car, owns her own store and a vacation apartment in Crimea. So obviously she is not desperate to marry because of financial hardship. But she still has a totally different mentality about relationships that what I found with most western women here at home. That is what I was trying to explain to you when I said everything you said about western women could be said about my wife... yet they view marriage very differently.   

This sums it up for me. Thank you for writing. My parents are from India and I was born in the USA. The idea that a woman should be married for economic security despite having all sorts of academic success is very similar to the values of my community's culture. Now being in America for 30 years a lot has changed for indians. Indian women I meet in NYC don't share this view any longer. In fact my father, who is a physician, met a psychiatrist in Manhattan who said his most common type of patient was "indian women in their 30s who cannot find a suitable husband". This could mean a lot of things. But judging from what my friends tell me who date a lot in the city mostly it's the women who keep rejecting men for dates. Once again you have very "picky" american women (even though by ethnicity they are indian they act just like their "white" american peers) who need a guy to have an MD or JD, be at least 6 feet tall, have a full head of hair, and make over $200,000/year.  I kid you not, these are the exact words of some women i have met.  Now the other option is of course to compromise. But once again you have these great guys (maybe not all very wealthy) who literally go down 2 notches on the ladder of attractiveness to find a woman. In America it truly is the opposite- I see more couples where the guy is generally "better looking" than the girl. but I don't want to sound superficial. I'm just repeating what i observe...

Now getting back to FSU women. I can say for a fact that many I met personally were very keen on being with a man for a long term relationship. they took it very seriously- especially the woman i Met in moscow in september. And she had a very comfortable life by russian standards: her own car, a modern flat, a part time housekeeper, and money for vacations in asia.  She worked for a major european cosmetics company and travels a lot for business.  Now even with all these great qualities she was still the most consistent and serious woman I ever met while dating. (The reasons for our breakup a lot more complex best reserved for another thread)

This attitude that we associate with FSU women I have only found among certain midwestern or southern women in the USA and that is only around college age or recent college grads.  By the time these american women move to bigger cities for better jobs they turn into the "manhattan" girls you see on sex and the city. Trust me I have seen the "transformation" happen first hand.

Now about avoiding this happening to a recently arrived russian woman in america? It's tough to say but from the men I have spoken with who have former FSU brides the women generally remain humble and very devoted to their husbands. Granted we are talking about what ed describes as "compatible partners" where the age gap is not too large and there is not a wide disparity in looks or lifestyles. In that case I vote for the FSU women over American women any day.

My only question (and it's the same one again and again) is how do I really know if the chemistry I have with a russian woman is genuine or contrived? Am I just convincing myself to like this woman out of loneliness or do I sincerely want to be with her despite her attractive looks or charms.  You see beauty can "cloud" a guy's vision! haha 

But slowly as I approach my 40s ( I turn 35 next month) I will have a better idea where to spend my energy, time, and money in terms of dating: FSU or NYC. So far NYC has given me a lot of dates but not many real relationships. And I'm not alone in saying this...at least in manhattan...

[Donna_Pedro]

. Once again you have very "picky" american women (even though by ethnicity they are indian they act just like their "white" american peers) who need a guy to have an MD or JD, be at least 6 feet tall, have a full head of hair, and make over $200,000/year.  I kid you not, these are the exact words of some women i have met.

I believe you because I have just heard words like these from one of  my job associates. We had a party and  I had a  chat with my single 35-yo colleague.  And what she said agrees with what you  heard and completely proves my "box#1" theory. She says - "I want a man who is more successful than I am. I want a man who is capable of flying "higher" than me.   I want someone who would give me the opportunity to stay at home without reducing the life style I got used to while living alone. It does not mean that I will stay at home, but I want this opportunity." She does not want to choose between love and money. She wants both. And if she cant have both, she is OK being single. She is really OK. Not bitter, but very confident. Why are you so surprised at this attitude? Its an ancient instinct - a female always tends to pick a stronger male who can ensure survival of their offspring.

[Eduard]

I also agree with pitbul very much. If and when you find a quality woman and bring her to the US, you will have to compete for her again. The U.S. is not Russia!

I disagree with this. Once a GOOD RW is married to a man she won't be in the "looking around, accepting proposals" mode in contrast to if she was single. If she is a good woman and she married you for the right reasons you won't have to compete for her again. Become a family, have a couple of kids, treat her like you love her and you won't have any competition.

[onlyFSU4me]

I am envious of the choice AW have. I mean real choice. RW also has the choice not to get married, but she will be pressed by her family and peers. A single woman in Russia experience a lot of pressure.

 Does she feel so much pressure that she would:
 Let men step on her toes?
 Let themselves be inferior to men?
 Let themselves be sex objects?
 Forget their dreams to tend to their husbands snotty noses?


 These are things you stated you that AW would not let happen to them, making me think you were implying that this is what Russian women are forced to do by pressure from society. I told you that you could say the exact same things about my wife... who experienced that same pressure from society and her family. Yet she views marriage so much different than American women.
 After we got married I asked her why she was still single when I met her, why she never got remarried sooner. She told me that I was the first man she met who she respected. These are not the words of a lady who feels pressured to be married!
 I'm not arguing with you about what Russian women go through, I'm sure there are many who do go through this. But there are also many AW who let men control them and and their lives, just like you say happens in Russia. What I am trying to say is that I think RW are not as scared to be in a commited relationship as AW. And from what I have seen and experienced I dont think most of them would be so anxious to marry that they would settle with going through what you implied. Maybe 10-15 years ago, but not now.

[Eduard]

I believe you because I have just heard words like these from one of  my job associates. We had a party and  I had a  chat with my single 35-yo colleague.  And what she said agrees with what you  heard and completely proves my "box#1" theory. She says - "I want a man who is more successful than I am. I want a man who is capable of flying "higher" than me.   I want someone who would give me the opportunity to stay at home without reducing the life style I got used to while living alone. It does not mean that I will stay at home, but I want this opportunity." She does not want to choose between love and money. She wants both. And if she cant have both, she is OK being single. She is really OK. Not bitter, but very confident. Why are you so surprised at this attitude? Its an ancient instinct - a female always tends to pick a stronger male who can ensure survival of their offspring.

yes, when I was single I met a couple of women like that. We had good chemistry and attraction with one 33 year old. She has been in the US since she was very young and was a lawer in NYC. I remember telling her about my b-day party coming up in a few days asking her if she wanted to come down to Florida. Her first question was: "Who are you getting for catering and entertainment?". She was quite upset when I explained to her that it's going to be a small party with just 10 or 15 close friends and every one usually just brought a dish with them, sort of like "pot luck". Our relationship was over (before it even started) once she got finished telling me how she feels that every party needs to be catered and live entertainment provided. But hey, the girl had standarts! 

[Misha]

I want someone who would give me the opportunity to stay at home without reducing the life style I got used to while living alone. It does not mean that I will stay at home, but I want this opportunity." She does not want to choose between love and money. She wants both.

There is certainly a reason why she is still single    There is a reason why in most American (and Canadian) families both work. Two salaries are always better than one, and in most cases will mean that this will allow the family to have twice the house, twice the car, twice the vacations, etc... Even if she accepts a bit of frugality, it will still mean finding a man who earns at least more than she earns...

[Eduard]

yes, I remember that this was one of that lawer girl's pryorities that the man she would marry would be able tp provide her a lifestyle she wants and so that she would feel like she didn't have to work if she didn't want to. I guess this is normal for many women of all backgrounds, and it is wrong to say that somehow they are "no good" or they are wrong in wanting what they want. Just as it's wrong to say that us, men shouldn't look for a "better deal" in the FSU 

[Donna_Pedro]

But hey,


The girl had standarts! 

She does. You might not like them, but she felt it was better not to have a relationship with a man who did not fit in to her standards, than to compromise. What would you say if someone asked you to compromise on your standards?  In russia friends and relatives would tell that woman  to "reduce her standards or suffer being an old spinster. And nothing worse  can happen to a RW than being an old spinster. Marriage is like a damn milestone every woman needs to experience not to be a social outcast.