Hi

[Andy G]

Hi, I'm Andy, I'm not really sure what to say or do here, but to give you some idea of who I am, I am a 44 year old asexual male, single, no kids, occasional smoker, occasional drinker, I live in the UK just outside of Bristol, I am a lorry driver driving for a large supermarket chain. I have never been married, previous relationships have ended with the lady cheating on me, so from that you may have gathered that I am unsuccessful in relationships. I live in a small converted stable block which I am currently refurbishing from top to bottom, my hobbies include refurbishing old vehicles, I like music & cycling,I am attempting to learn the Russian language as I would like to visit the FSU countries when I have completed the refurbishing of my home & apart from that I don't really know what else to say.

[veritas]

Hi Andy!  Question:  If you're asexual, then what kind of relationship are you looking for in the FSU?

Kevin

[TheTraveler]

What Kevin asked.

[Gator]

  
 
Andy, your goal to learn Russian is very ambitious, yet I commend you because it will be very helpful in enjoying your trip and understanding the women you meet.  Is "asexual" your intended descriptor?

[jeff9556]

Hi Andy, one thing about your OP strikes me as slightly odd - if your previous partners cheated then one assumes they were not asexual themselves? Seems like a recipe for disaster to date a regular hetero girl. I'm not judging your actions Andy but I would think it prudent to be very strait up and honest in your search, such as in your online profiles, maybe find a translator to help get the wording correct so there is no misinterpretation when describing your orientation (I would put that bit in Russian so there is zero chance of an issue cropping up later).

Good luck and stick around!

[OlgaH]

...  I am a 44 year old asexual male...  I have never been married, previous relationships have ended with the lady cheating on me, so from that you may have gathered that I am unsuccessful in relationships.

Hi Andy,

maybe you can find and meet your partner through the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. They also have a forum and more over a Russian forum in the Alternate Language Forum section, the Russian forum has English speaking section too.

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

[SANDRO43]

I live in a small converted stable block

Ah, a mews dweller, welcome

Horbury Mews, Notting Hill

I am currently refurbishing from top to bottom

Still room for half a horse ?

[Andy G]

Unfortunately, asexuality didn't really come out of choice, it is due to a medical condition, I can see what everyone is saying, I have accepted that I probably will be single, but if I don't try I don't know, I'm not looking to find myself a 20 or 30 something lady, I am looking for an older lady, I have thought about this, I know that I can't make a family, I also realize that I am getting older too, if I could have  had a family, it's a bit late now, I also realize my chances are much slimmer than average, again accepted.

My previous relationships went wrong mainly because, in my teens, I was sexually active when everything "worked" but I was still cheated on, I'm not violent or fiery tempered, I did give everything I could, but most of the relationships were started up by women who were already in a relationship, only I & her partner were blissfully unaware of this, that happened on several occasions, then when all stopped "working" I had a couple of relationships in which I was still cheated on, then I suppose I expected it to happen & it did.

I am learning the Russian language as I want to visit FSU countries, I have had a fascination with this part of the world since living in Germany in 1974 when we used to be close to the Berlin wall, even then, I could see the difference in the way of living as a 7 year old observer. I can also recall hearing articles on the radio of Russian people queuing for hours for things that we still take for granted, how things were, I want to visit Berlin again & I would love to visit the FSU. Over here I'm not accepted because of my condition, if I am lucky enough to find a partner over there who will accept me, I'll be happy, so for now, I'll keep an open mind, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

OlgaH, I am a regular on AVEN & have been an active member on there for close on 2 years now, thank you for mentioning it though.

[jeff9556]

I was in Berlin last year. East Berlin has flourished, its beautiful and vibrant, many great cafes and restaurants, nice people everywhere - its one of my favorite cities. Parts of the wall still remain, I would highly recommend the East Side Gallery (a section of the wall painted in murals).

[Muzh]

Andy, what you may need is an older American woman. You'll never notice your asexuality. Sort of kidding but more serious than not. Besides, you would not need to learn a different language.

However, IF you would still prefer the former Soyuz, may I suggest you discuss this way ahead of time? There are many ladies out there that would find themselves in your same situation, looking more for companionship than swinging from the chandeliers.

Good luck and I hope you didn't take offense at my first suggestion, I was serious.

[Andy G]

I am not a person who is easily offended, so no problems there.

I would always let any perspective partner know about my sexuality, I wouldn't want it to become an issue between either of us. British women automatically think that I am gay because of my inability to have sex, it is a point where they take the proverbial, they don't understand that it is a medical condition. I had the opportunity to be with a woman from the Czech Republic, that was back when I was  40, but she was only 21, but she was fully accepting of the fact that I was unable to have sex. I wasn't classed as gay, the main reason we never got together is that she was young & wanted to go pubbing & clubbing & things that I had grown out of doing, it may sound odd, but she made me feel old, but we are still friends, she is now married with a child on the way, something I could never have provided for her, I think I would have deprived her as I think she is going to make a wonderful mother, she has always been good with children, ever since I have known her, she had that gift.

[Gator]

Andy,
 
It seems that you are looking for a needle in a haystack.  However, candidates are out there.
 
I know an attractive, pleasant 42-yo RW who has never had sex!  Pravda.   So sex is of no importance.
 
She has recently decided that she wants a baby.   It has been suggested by a friend that she find a suitable sperm donor.  Such is not for her because she wants a father and husband too, a complete husband.  You say you want to be a husband.  Would you also want to be a father even if not the biological father?
 

[Gator]

Andy, what you may need is an older American woman. You'll never notice your asexuality. Sort of kidding....

 
The cougars certainly refute this.
 

[Andy G]

I would love to  be a father, I love children, I have 11 godchildren, I am going to visit the 2 youngest later on today, I accept that I can never be a natural father, I would even have gone down the route of adoption if I found a partner who wanted children.

I will admit that when I have spoken to FSU ladies, well younger ladies anyway, they have all said that they want to have children & a family as that is the way they are brought up, they feel incomplete if they don't have children, I have only met one Ukrainian lady in her 20's who is asexual & that was on the internet.

[Patagonie]

Ah, a mews dweller, welcome

Horbury Mews, Notting Hill

Still room for half a horse ?

. 

Dear Sandro 

[jeff9556]

I would love to  be a father, I love children, I have 11 godchildren, I am going to visit the 2 youngest later on today, I accept that I can never be a natural father, I would even have gone down the route of adoption if I found a partner who wanted children.

I will admit that when I have spoken to FSU ladies, well younger ladies anyway, they have all said that they want to have children & a family as that is the way they are brought up, they feel incomplete if they don't have children, I have only met one Ukrainian lady in her 20's who is asexual & that was on the internet.

Not just FSU women, all women (well the vast majority), they have their biological clocks ticking like time bombs. Its not if, its when. Chasing young women is not going to work out for you - more likely you'll end up a prime target...

Sounds to me like you would be better off finding someone closer to your own age who already has children and who no longer has any interest in sex.

[SANDRO43]

Dear Sandro 

Enfin, un demi-cheval c'est mieux que pas de tout, non ? Zut !

[Andy G]

Jeff9556, I quite agree when you say that a womans biological clock is ticking wherever they are, that is just a fact of life, but I am looking for a woman who is that bit older, who either has had children or who doesn't want children. I will always be up front with them & I will tell them why I am as I am, I think that is only right, I start as I mean to go on, so it is only fair to be totally honest. I don't know whether anyone would be interested, I haven't given up hope, I haven't stopped looking either.

[jeff9556]

I haven't given up hope, I haven't stopped looking either.

Right on. I've been through some pretty heavy shit in my life which caused me to become extremely depressed for some years. It took a very skilled psychologist to finally figure out there was nothing really wrong with me, but I do have a "condition" that makes it hard for me to empathize with the feelings of others.

I do have some level of feelings, but nothing like your average person, and it works very differently for me. This makes forming close relationships difficult, if not impossible. I loved my ex wife but could never give her what she needed in terms of emotional support. This caused no end of emotional turmoil for her and constant frustration and pressure for me (I did not know I had this condition until after we broke up).

I need someone who doesn't need much emotional support and who clicks with my personality (they do exist, but they are quite rare).

I suppose on some level I know what you are going through, except I think your situation is quite a bit harder, so good luck and keep on trucking.