Special K and the Yankee ~ Cloggie

[BdHvA]

Curious to hear from women. Shortly will travel to Ukraine to see one women who I met before she lives about 2 hours from Kiev in the West.

At a certain point she indicated on Skype that she has a serious health issue and will undergo surgery a couple days after I leave. It could be life threatening if go seriously badly and go leave her paralyzed if only partially successful. It is a spinal disease issue.

For what it is worth via Skype she has tried to push me away and told me to look for some one else. I have said that at present we are just friends so I want to see her again. We will see what the future holds for us when we are together.

I was raised as a Christian Scientist and am always uncomfortable with medical issues. What would be wisdom to approach this situation with regards to her and a possible relationship.

While I have no problem with diverse opinion I am more interested to hear from women in or from the former Soviet Union.

BdHvA

[viking]

Are you positive that this illness is real? You don't say if she asked you for money but sometimes that can happen after you leave. I have seen this before.

[Lily]

It would be up to you. She told you the worst case scenario, now you know it and can decide for yourself whether you are ready to spend the rest of your life with the paralyzed woman or not. The decision is yours.

Welcome to specify your question, though. I am not sure what information are you looking for.

[Gator]

BdHvA,
Your woman must feel enormous stress and worry.   Hopefully she recovers 100%. 
It sounds as if you and this woman had a good relationship based on your first meeting.   If so, some attention from you would be good.  It would give her some hope for the future. 
How would you feel if you were the sick one and she wanted to visit you?  Her mind will be preoccupied so don't expect much if you do visit her.   

[BdHvA]

Thank you.

For what it is worth Special K as I call her spinal scoliosis. The rod that was put along? her spine ten years ago has broken. Perhaps during pregnancy or actual child birth, just over two years ago.

The surgery will place a titatium rod in place. The doctors think the chances of success are good but there are also many unknowns.

Coming from a Christian Science background these realities and surgery are not issues that are easy to talk about for me. I am now in Zhitomir/Zhytomyr/Житомир  where it is not warm. We can talk more about the future.

My question is more in general; how do Slavic women see this sort of medical situation. Obviously she can not go to her local pharmacy for a shopping bag of pills. On the other side an America women would most likely first be in hystercis and than looking for who she can sue before looking for multiple second opinions from the internet as well as other doctors.

BdHvA

[Faux Pas]

Coming from a Christian Science background these realities and surgery are not issues that are easy to talk about for me. I am now in Zhitomir/Zhytomyr/Житомир  where it is not warm. We can talk more about the future.

Forgive me but, I am unfamiliar with Christian Scientist. Does this mean you do not approve of her receiving treatment?

My question is more in general; how do Slavic women see this sort of medical situation. Obviously she can not go to her local pharmacy for a shopping bag of pills. On the other side an America women would most likely first be in hystercis and than looking for who she can sue before looking for multiple second opinions from the internet as well as other doctors.

BdHvA

First to answer your question, Slavic women would see this medical situation much as any woman from any Western country would see it. Likely, scared to death. Most any surgery of this nature comes with dangers. Yes, she can go to her pharmacy for a shopping bag full of pills and with a spinal surgery, she probably will.

Now the last part of your statement:
 "On the other side an America women would most likely first be in hystercis and than looking for who she can sue before looking for multiple second opinions from the internet as well as other doctors."

WTF?

[BdHvA]

Mr. Mistake,

Thank you for your insights.

Forgive me but, I am unfamiliar with Christian Scientist. Does this mean you do not approve of her receiving treatment?

First to answer your question, Slavic women would see this medical situation much as any woman from any Western country would see it. Likely, scared to death. Most any surgery of this nature comes with dangers. Yes, she can go to her pharmacy for a shopping bag full of pills and with a spinal surgery, she probably will.

While I do not want to discuss Christian Science as a religion I did not say anywhere whether I approve. If you wish to research it your self feel free to do so. Special K is quite optimistic, a quality that I admire in her personality, it is not the only one! I commented that she should lay off the drugs and she confirmed that her doctor demanded the same.

Now the last part of your statement:
 "On the other side an America women would most likely first be in hystercis and than looking for who she can sue before looking for multiple second opinions from the internet as well as other doctors."

WTF?

My brother's wife and two other friends have had spouses that have faced major and in fact one surgery was quite routine. Considering these were college/university educated women. The theatrics were amazing! & yes two of them came to there specialists with reams of opinions from the internet.

My ex is and Ob/Gyn in Amsterdam specializing in Obstretic side. Her most difficult and time consuming patients are her American ones. Largely these women approach child birth an attitude of entilement and arrogance that makes you wonder sort of parents they are.

NB: I asked a reasonable question directed more to Slavic women perhaps the thoughts of your partner would be more helpful for me.

[Faux Pas]

Mr. Mistake,

Thank you for your insights.

While I do not want to discuss Christian Science as a religion I did not say anywhere whether I approve. If you wish to research it your self feel free to do so. Special K is quite optimistic, a quality that I admire in her personality, it is not the only one! I commented that she should lay off the drugs and she confirmed that her doctor demanded the same.

Please refrain from the name calling and your need to condescend to those asking you a completely legitimate question. You mentioned your religion and this lady's condition on this, an internet forum of all places. Just to remind you this is where we have questions, answers and discussions. I have no interest in your religion, only asked a question pertaining what you have posted here. If you're going to get your nose out of joint as a result, tough shit. Get over it or quit posting about it.

My brother's wife and two other friends have had spouses that have faced major and in fact one surgery was quite routine. Considering these were college/university educated women. The theatrics were amazing! & yes two of them came to there specialists with reams of opinions from the internet.

My ex is and Ob/Gyn in Amsterdam specializing in Obstretic side. Her most difficult and time consuming patients are her American ones. Largely these women approach child birth an attitude of entilement and arrogance that makes you wonder sort of parents they are.

NB: I asked a reasonable question directed more to Slavic women perhaps the thoughts of your partner would be more helpful for me.

Your question was in your own words "more in general" and nowhere that I noticed directed at Slavic women. In any event, I wouldn't bother my wife with a question from you at this point. Good luck to you and your optimistic Special K. I have a feeling she's going to need all she can get

[JR]

geeeeeeezzzzzzz
She's got a broken rod in her back which might kill her and you've got "problems" with her seeking any kind of treatment......
Yes, you do have problems.

[Vincenzo]

I may be wrong.
But many women on dating sites have medical problems, go on vacation, just disappear when you want to visit them. It's just an excuse, she doesn't want to tell you, "You're not good for me!"

If I had a medical problem, I wouldn't disclose it to a virtual girl.

Didn't she tell you that she didn't like you? You still want to visit her.
Do you want her friend to call you and say that she has suddenly died?

For what it is worth via Skype she has tried to push me away and told me to look for some one else.

Moreover, if everything is true and you bring her to America, insurance companies won't insure her because of the pre-existing condition.

[pitbull]

My question is more in general; how do Slavic women see this sort of medical situation. Obviously she can not go to her local pharmacy for a shopping bag of pills. On the other side an America women would most likely first be in hystercis and than looking for who she can sue before looking for multiple second opinions from the internet as well as other doctors.

BdHvA

Can you elaborate on what exactly you'd like to know? Every woman, or every man for that matter will take this medical condition very seriously, and many would search for information, on the Internet included, and look for multiple opinions, and try to find the best doctor to perform the surgery, etc. It is not unusual to be in hysterics for aprt/all the time. Entirely depends on the personality.
 
Does that answer your question?

[BdHvA]

I posted my question to women on this board/thread. While if some one has an opinion I will listen and consider it.

It seems to me there is a clear difference between how women in the West of Europe and North America perceive medical issues. I am curious to hear Slavic women's opinion. So guys not a problem.

As for Faux Pas there was no name calling his name means in French a Mistake often of Social context.

Further I repeat that I have never said that I approve or disapprove of the surgery. So there is no doubt I think she is following the best path for her. I just want to know how I can best support her.

I am presently in her home town & we talk about a mutual future. Her first priority is to survive and restore her health. Her brother in Canada has made the payment arrangements for the surgery. She has refused my offers of me paying for a taxi to Kiev and further English lessons.

[JR]

 What would be wisdom to approach this situation with regards to her and a possible relationship.

While I have no problem with diverse opinion I am more interested to hear from women in or from the former Soviet Union.

BdHvA

Here is what the ladies will say:
Donna Pedro: "Do you have any money?"
 
OlgaH: "I have a great recipe for Borsch!"
 
VRVW: "I am happily married =))"
 
Aloe: "Can you use a vaccuum cleaner?"
 
Lili: "Maple leafs are nice)))"
 
You want to know how you can best support her? Be there....
 
 
 

[Avis]

Hi BdHva,

From a russian woman perspective, she is trying to be nice - at least if I were facing this sort of thing and someone was courting me, I'd probably thought I have to let him know, just to be fair and thoughtful.
 
Vincenzo thinks that's her way to show you she's not interested in you, but I think it's her way to warn you, and give you a chance to back off if you are not willing to deal with these complications.
She sounds like a kind hearted woman to me, who lets you out with grace and saves you from embarrassment of loosing your face later, when you might want to excuse yourself and just leave her where she is. It's also easier to full stop now before the relationship goes to another level, without a major heartbreak.


 That's what I would have done if I were genuinely interested in someone (who cares it's virtual, we have real emotions).

UPD just re-read the first message again and now confused what was the actual question.. How to support or how to interpret the fact she let you know about the situation? Please clarify.

[BdHvA]

Avis,

Thank you, in that I am in her home town I can say she is quite wonderful. The English might say a Sweet Pea. We have spent the limited time together becoming better friends and being practical. At the last moment because we share similiar taste in music I have purchased an iPod and head foons as well as an independent charger. She has a fake iPhone so she sort of understands the OS. She will need to spend post surgery 7 to 10 days in Kiev in bed. So at least she might realize I have biazare taste in music.

Yes I suspect she has tried to guage my feelings and interest by letting me know and before via Skype push me away. In fact I am more interested in being supportive and yet not intrusive. Insights into her mind set can only help, especially if hey come from a woman in either Russia or Ukraine. Also I have neither the skills or stomach to fix her health issues.

There are other issues and we will have to cross those bridges further along. Rarely are there perfect relations. But relations can become wonderful.

BdHvA

[JR]

Answer this to yourself: "Do you have a white horse standing in the corner and are you shining up your armor?"

[Avis]

Well JR, this game called relationship is not only about fun, people get sick, ill, depressed, hard to deal with - i'm sure you know it better than me. The real question is whether the topic starter loves that person enough to go through bad times with her, that's it.

[GoodOlBoy]

The real question is whether the topic starter loves that person enough to go through bad times with her, that's it.

This statement comes back to a question I have posted before.
 
How can a person LOVE a stranger?
 
Being with a person a year or two.... Maybe.

But a few days or weeks? 

It takes an appropriate amount of time for love to develop.

When you date at home, do you fall in love with a person after the 1st or 2nd date?
 
Don't get me wrong, I feel very sorry for "Special K" and I hope and pray everything goes well for her...... seriously.
 
GOB

[BdHvA]

GOB, Enjoy the canyon!

You are correct and we both have discussed first, understanding the other better and becoming best friends and see where that leads. For the record this my second meeting with Special K and this time only to see her in Zhytomyr. We agreed to see each other again but instead of coming right back after she returns from Kiev the idea is to come back after she has reached the end of her therapy and rehab.

I also pray (and hope).

BdHvA

[Avis]

 How can a person LOVE a stranger?
 

Hi GOB,


You are right "love" is probably not the right word to use right now.
I was trying to say we all know somehow when we are willing to overcome difficulties; whether it's first date or the second, or maybe even no dates at all.
One just knows, the guts tell them to keep on regardless, you know what I mean? I don't believe in developing love after years of friendship, for me personally it was always like "Right, this is my person, I am going for it and I am willing to make it work".


Maybe it's just me, but after all the topic starter asked for a personal opinion and mine is he has to decide whether he is ready to be there for her {unconditionally}.

[BdHvA]

For what it is worth, Yes I have made it clear that I accept her for and with all the problems, blonde hair, funny accent, whimsical, insightful and cute.

Friendship, a relationship or love should be a two way street and she needs to decide if she wants this. At present we are friends that have been together twice. I have a very positive feeling about her and have made this clear. Just my own opinion but it would be better if guys (especially from the West) would lose the attitude of the knight with shinny armor. It is too much work to keep your defenses shinny.

[Gator]

Just my own opinion but it would be better if guys (especially from the West) would lose the attitude of the knight with shinny armor. It is too much work to keep your defenses shinny.

Correct!   It certainly does not suggest the menatlity of equal partners.   Nevertheless, some men do not want parity.  You reap what you sow.
Your woman seems like a nice person.  I hope that the surgery goes well.  Any surgery is serious and something to be concerned with.  I am not saying this is the case with your woman; however, I have noticed that many RW worry too much about health issues.  Have you researched the procedure to understand her condition and the treatment required?

[JR]

Well JR, this game called relationship is not only about fun, people get sick, ill, depressed, hard to deal with - i'm sure you know it better than me. The real question is whether the topic starter loves that person enough to go through bad times with her, that's it.

In the original post it was stated that he was about to leave to meet her.....not much of a chance for real, solid love to have developed. Delusional lust? Yes.
Many men in this endeavor have hidden away some form of what I like to call "The Hero Complex." Part of why they pursue this is to fullfill the desire to be seen as a rescuer. When a man goes half way around the world with a predisposition to towards "saving the damsel in (economic) distress" only to find that she has a "real" need, objectivity will probably go out the window and he'll mount up on his horse and try to "save" her so he can satisfy his need to feel needed and appreciated.

[BdHvA]

In the original post it was stated that he was about to leave to meet her.....not much of a chance for real, solid love to have developed. Delusional lust? Yes.

Excuse me where did you grow up. Perhaps in a cave and you whack the woman walking about and drag her off to your lair?

From your comments you seem to know as you indicate little, for the record I flew about 2.5 hours.

In my book you should apologize.

Many men in this endeavor have hidden away some form of what I like to call "The Hero Complex." Part of why they pursue this is to fullfill the desire to be seen as a rescuer. When a man goes half way around the world with a predisposition to towards "saving the damsel in (economic) distress" only to find that she has a "real" need, objectivity will probably go out the window and he'll mount up on his horse and try to "save" her so he can satisfy his need to feel needed and appreciated.

Yes I have seen this quality and it is present in both sexes. But to assume this regarding someone who you do not know and has few posts here makes you little more than a petty amateur with a mean spirit.

While some women have been succinct and helpful on this thread other hero's seem to little more than "neggy vibers" So you know I considered staying in Kiev to be near SpecialK but this might be more a distraction to what is most important ~ that the surgery is successful. This can only happen if she is not fighting a cold and talking/walking with me. I will return either at the end of this month or early March, if she wishes this. While I could organize flowers I gave an iPod so she could listen to music that I like but I am also certain from conversations she enjoys, as well as use the internet and via FB communicate with me.

For the record I dislike horses and horse back riding also this will not be healthy for some one with a spinal issue so please get of your horse.

[Gator]

JR,
 
Three corrections to your posts:
1.  BdHvA wrote that he has met his woman before.  So something has already happened between them.
2.  BdHvA also said he was against the knight in shining armor approach (so maybe your comment was to educate the newbie lurkers).
3.  I don't believe that BdHvA has a problem with Special K having surgery.  My Christian Scientist fraternity brother explained that CS believers are not prohibited from seeking medical treatment.  However, they do not practice CS healing and medical treatment simulataneously.    Also, IIRC, they do not pray for God to intervene with a miracle.  It is far more complicated than that.
 
Anyway, I thought BdHvA's question was not about the treatment but the attitude of Special K that he should just go away.  Is that Slavic culture?