Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[Misha]

I read the profiles carefully. I am looking for the one who would fall in love with my eyes and want to read the profile.

Women, I expect are more likely to read the profile more carefully, and most men will not focus on the eyes 

[Vasilisa]

Women, I expect are more likely to read the profile more carefully, and most men will not focus on the eyes 

I have several pictures there, the main portait photo has a very clear face image, I've been complimented a lot and the men mentioned my eyes many times.

[Misha]

I've been complimented a lot and the men mentioned my eyes many times.

Yes, because most men are not likely to say in a first message what really attracted them to a woman 

[Slumba]

Yes, because most men are not likely to say in a first message what really attracted them to a woman 

I always look at the eyes first.      Really and truly!

[Misha]

I always look at the eyes first.      Really and truly!

Sure, but where do you go from the eyes 

[calmissile]

Vasilisa,

I have read through this whole thread several times and was unable to find a link to your profile on a dating site,  so my comments are based on your postings.

Several members have given you very good advice but it seems that non of it is getting through to you.  JohnDeerGreen has made many attempts to gracefully make suggestions which you reject.

Let me make some observations:
1.  You are divorced and under 40 yrs old.
2.  You do not like the Texas lifestyle including the laid back living and casual dress.
3.  You do not like activities that a lot of Texans (and other men) like such as car racing and some sports.
4.  You want to find a man to marry and have children with that meets your requirements.

Some suggestions and more observations:
1.  You need to realize that America is made up of many sub-cultures and they are geographic specific.  The South and West enjoys a much more relaxed lifestyle and casual dress.  The East is much more formal in dress and dating protocols.  You would probably also not like any Southern state from Florida to California.  That is the typical lifestyles and dress of this area of the country.  There are exceptions of course.

2.  If you like the more fomal dating protocols and more formal dress, then I would suggest you look for someone on the East Coast.  It is a totally different world there as far as culture and dress.  I would suspect that you would nead to move there rather than expect someone to move to Texas.

3.  You need to understand that Texans like being Texans or they would not live there!  Although JohnDeerGreen tried to explain it, let me put it differently.
Texas men are probably looking for women that Look, Act, and Dress like Texas women.  It is part of their culture.  If you don't like Western Clothes, you have a couple of choices.  Adjust to the local customs and culture, or find a place in the US that is more to your liking.

4.  Lets turn things around to help you understand.  If I were living in Ukraine, would I complain that no women like to watch NASCAR races or American Football, or would I try to adjust to the culture and enjoy what it has to offer?

5.  You also seem to have an entitlement attitude in that men are not responding to you in a positive way that you want.  Perhaps adjusting your 'wants' to what is available would be a more productive endevor.

6.  Your comments about the eyes may not be fully understood by some members.  I know from experience about the customs in Ukraine about womens fascination about the eyes and eye contact, etc.  It is not something that Americans will easily understand unless they have had contact with Ukrainian women. As I recall on one of the forums, there was an extensive explanation and description about the Russian/Ukrianian beliefs and superstitions about eye contact.  Don't expect Americans to understand that part of your culture.  It is foreign to us.

7.  I have no doubt that you can find the kind of man you are seeking in the US.  As Gator pointed out, just take your time and perhaps adjust your expectations to the pool of men that are available.  As I suggested earlier, it seems to me that you might want to consider men from the East Coast of the US for your search.

Best of Luck.

[Darth_Budda]

New York,,,
=
Liberals - Winter Sports - restaurants 

NYC has a large Russian population.

Snowboarding and skiing..... Very fun!

We also like our Ice Hockey...

Only one problem, We only get to drive the fun cars 1/2 the year.... 
That and the dam road salt,,, Ugh...


Things we do not have,,,

poisonous spiders or snakes.
No wild hog hunts. Looks fun though.
Rust free cars... I hate road salt....
Cow boy boots.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa,

I have read through this whole thread several times and was unable to find a link to your profile on a dating site,  so my comments are based on your postings.

Let me make some observations:
1.  You are divorced and under 40 yrs old.
2.  You do not like the Texas lifestyle including the laid back living and casual dress.
3.  You do not like activities that a lot of Texans (and other men) like such as car racing and some sports.
4.  You want to find a man to marry and have children with that meets your requirements.

calmissile.
Thank you for the post.
First of all I'd like to comment on the summary. I like CASUAL, I don't like sloppy and baggy, to me "casual" means nice (not baggy) jeans and a nice blouse+a nice pair of shoes (as an example). I do like being dressed up also.
I am not crazy about Nascar, but it's ok, I can watch it.
I can see the profiles of the men with the same or similar interests as my ones, the same goals in the area where I live. It's not like they don't exist at all, it's more like they either don't reply to me when I write to them or they have some requirements that I don't meet. I've been to a theatre here before and I have seen young men attending operas with their young girl friends, they do exist here.
To find  a man in the East coast I need to move to the East coast

[Misha]

a nice pair of shoes (as an example)

Very Russian. Most North Americans IMHO won't be quite as obsessed with shoes as Russian men.

[size=78%]It's not like they don't exist at all, it's more like they either don't reply to me when I write to them or they have some requirements that I don't meet. [/size]

The criteria that drives most men is beauty. Generally, men will reply to an attractive woman unless there is something in their profile that will be a real turn off or otherwise lead them to doubt the sincerity of the woman...

[Darth_Budda]

Have you looked into the Male vs Female ratio were you live?

Some areas of the USA the ratio is just out of balance.

[calmissile]

Visilisa,

It is impossible to comment on your profile without seeing it.  Perhaps, if you want some objective opinions from men and suggestions; you might want to post the link to your dating profile here.  There are a lot of men in your age group that could comment on it.  Probably best through PM's/

[Patagonie]

You can send me your profile with your photos, i will have a look.

[Patagonie]

The guy on the photo above does not look like a redneck. His clothing is causal but flattering. Everything fits perfectly and is of appropriate style ( no a superman picture on his tee-short).

The redneck looks like a redneck even wearing a business suit which usually have weird pattern on it, or the sleeves are short or it will be too big in shoulders..or all the misfits together.  However, clothing is not the most unpleasant part about the rednecks, their facial expression usually is. Their faces and eyes often appear empty, indifferent and clouded. Brrrrr...

correct, wear a suit doesn't mean to be well dressed, a lot of men are confused about this and sellers often doesn't care. Many times men choose not corrected size and generally they choice something too big. The common mistake is : be comfortable. There is no question of comfort. THe only good choice is something which fits on you. If you go to skii, of course choice something comfortable.

[Muzh]

LMAO


It looks like the hounds are circling.


Tally ho!!


Vasilia, a little bit of advice.


You are here in the US. Remember that you are meeting regular American men. Adjust your approach based on your surroundings.


You do that, you'll be fine.


There's no reason for you to STOP being a RW and date in the US. Just spend the extra time to teach them what they are getting into.    Most will be very receptive. Something like the Yin and Yang.


Good luck.

[Darth_Budda]

Nothing like a strong and intelligent women, who knows what she wants to get us Rednecks interested!

Question?

Were do the rednecks end and the hillbillies Start?
I once knew a real bad redneck, but he was soon cured once his sunburn went away.. 

[Vasilisa]

Imagine that you are having  a date on a cold and yucky rainy day, you came  all cold, hungry, wet and tired and after having a look at the guy all you want is to drop the umbrella with the purse on the floor and run  without looking back or having a warm cup of tea.

What would you recommend to do?

[Steamer]

What would you recommend to do?

Be polite, have as pleasant a time as you can then promise yourself to ask more questions and be better prepared so this doesn't happen next time.

[Misha]

What would you recommend to do?

If this happened when I was meeting a woman, I would smile, say hello, be a gentleman, drink a cup of coffee, try to be as interesting and entertaining as possible as possible, finish, say goodbye, that it was a pleasure meeting her and then go off our separate ways    There wouldn't be a second date, but I would do my best to be polite and a gentleman.

[Vasilisa]

Be polite, have as pleasant a time as you can then promise yourself to ask more questions and be better prepared so this doesn't happen next time.

He posted the pictures where he was a lot younger and wasn't that fat. He also didn't smile at all sand looked like he was mad or annoyed.

[Vasilisa]

If this happened when I was meeting a woman, I would smile, say hello, be a gentleman, drink a cup of coffee, try to be as interesting and entertaining as possible as possible, finish, say goodbye, that it was a pleasure meeting her and then go off our separate ways   

Ok, I didn't throw the purse on the floor but smiled and offered to have a cup of coffee, he refused on saying that he wanted a different place (that one wasn't fancy enough) and we went along the street with me holding my umbrella above our heads like a limo driver and he was just walking with his hands in his pockets like a boss, then we finslly found the place he liked, so he just got at the table before me.

That guy just didn't know what a smile was, at all, not a single smile, zero sense of humor, told me about his ex girl-friend whose father had an accident and was in a wheelchair, so she had to move to take care of him and they parted, asked the questions looking at me the way like it was a job interview and after the coffee he asked for my phone number and an e-mail address, I gave him the email address, then he went out on saying that his car was parked there and wished me good luck on leaving me getting wet under the rain.

Not interested?! After I came home I found an e-mail from him in my mailbox  saying that he want to invite me to dinner.

What was that?! He wasn't American by the way, was Indian. Is it an Indian way of dating or something?! If yes remind me not to go on dates with Indians anymore. 

[Misha]

You had a bad date. Such is life. You have to have a lot of bad dates before you have a good date. 

[Vasilisa]

You had a bad date. Such is life. You have to have a lot of bad dates before you have a good date. 

It wasn't bad, it was terrible, I didn't have dates like that even back in Russia. No wonder he has never been married before . That is what happens if you are confused about some detail but decide to go on a date to see the man in person.

[Misha]

It wasn't bad, it was terrible, I didn't have dates like that even back in Russia. No wonder he has never been married before . That is what happens if you are confused about some detail but decide to go on a date to see the man in person.

You have to have terrible dates too. If you want a guarantee, best not to date at all.

[Gator]

Vasilisa,
 
Your date was so regretable as to be hilarious.  Laugh at it.  You are not alone.  Here is what your RW sisters have told us about bad date experiences:
 

Please list up to 5 behaviors western men sometimes have which you think are rude?
-        Statements like "you should learn English better because all you're trying to say has no sence at all" (and they can not say even two russian words themselves).
-        Jokes about premenstrual syndrom, climax etc.

• When showing disrespect towards my home land or towards russians, stressing that russians is a second class nationality, when showing absolutely no knowledge of geography.
• Disrespect towards women in general, critisizing my country, showing no good manners, detailed description of their ex-wives or girlfriends.
• He thinks he's joking while i think he's just being rude.
• Talks from the position of strength (here're my condition, put up with it), warning "i was just scammed so i'm not going to send any money to you" (in a second letter).
• Discredit, sexual harassment in pubic, sex talks on early stages of correspondence, acting differently from what was being told.
• Sex-talks, being a control-freak.
• Being greedy.
• Being greedy, constant talks about their exes, paying attention to other women in my presence, comments on level of my English, disrespect for Russia, russian traditions and russian people.
• Dividing the property into "mine and not mine".

Please list up to 5 habits western men may have which you think are annoying?
       -  Don't know if it's a habbit of western men or i just met such people... When going to a restaurant a man says he's not hungry. Why then did we come there? And what should i do if i don't want to eat alone - just shy about it? May be they go to the restaurants in the west just to talk, i don't know...
       -  Being a snob, greedy, mercantile, liar.

• He doesn't listen to my arguments (in a discussion) and is not going to.
• Blow one's nose loudly, fart in public places (talking about germans), drink too much beer in pubs and after sing songs loudly, bad behaviour while being abroad, overtalk.
• Blowing one's nose while eating together.
• Habit of constantly saving, smiling constantly, unceremonious treatment and talking loudly in public places.
• No sence of humour, no willingness to learn about our culture, habit of constantly following the rules.
• Self-neglect, blowing one's nose loudly in public, pick nose or scratch oneself, no knowledge how to use fork and spoon.
• Not closing door while being in the restroom, farting loudly and saying that it's just natural, picking nose, teeth etc., scratching balls (again - just natural), blowing nose very loudly.

[Avis]

Vasilisa,


Your latest date is hilarious ) The man didn't even suggest to give you a lift? Nice one indeed, you def have to accept his dinner invitation!    Seriously though, I don't think it's Indian trait, I have a lovely neighbour here, Canadian guy with Indian roots, he's the opposite to what you described. I hope your next dates will be more successful, maybe try to drug them to Skype before meeting first