Why would russian women want an average american man?

[missAmeno]

Any real women would try to save you costs and to invite you to her home - unless there aren't any space available.

My 1st 3 trips to Belarus, these ladies invite me to her home (her parents home).  The relationships did not work out for some reasons but they invited me. 

My 3rd trip to Tashkent, she wanted to invite me to her home, but she only had 1 room, sharing with her mother and her brother.   That's understandable. 

Many Men would probably want to stay at hotels, apartments, because some of them expect "sex" while others want "luxury".   

More likely those women offered you to stay at their place because you are unable to see.

[Anotherkiwi]

More likely those women offered you to stay at their place because you are unable to see.

He's deaf, not blind, but you may have a point.

[missAmeno]

He's deaf, not blind, but you may have a point.

Oh CDW  I am sorry. (I am suffering with memory lapses occasionally  )

[pitbull]

Any real women would try to save you costs and to invite you to her home - unless there aren't any space available.

My 1st 3 trips to Belarus, these ladies invite me to her home (her parents home).  The relationships did not work out for some reasons but they invited me. 

My 3rd trip to Tashkent, she wanted to invite me to her home, but she only had 1 room, sharing with her mother and her brother.   That's understandable. 

Many Men would probably want to stay at hotels, apartments, because some of them expect "sex" while others want "luxury".

Or maybe these women invited you to stay at their place as an added control option. To ensure you only spend time with them and don't meet other women on your trip 

[SFandEE]

For some reason I get frustrated when I see topics like these is their a "sigh" emoticon.


I think the all the internet ads create the impression for some WM that there is a "Fire Sale" of gorgeous young FSUW and all you need is to get on a plane and pick one up.


There is opportunity to meet a great woman in FSU, but the rules of being a good catch in order to attract someone are still in force.  If you are average--be prepared to attract average.  I hope that makes sense.

[Vasilisa]

LOL, I've counted at least 3 points what REAL woman must do according to CDW, these are:
1) keep complimenting on how handsome CDW is.
2) invite him home to stay with her family to reduce his expenses  even if she hasn't met him before
3) doesn't care about the size.

I'd say been there done that (invited the men to stay in our summer house, asked friends to meet them in the airport to save the cost of expenses on taxis, even bought groceries before they came) and that didn't work , that attracted  losers only who never apreaciated that.

Oh, yeah, they admired that verbally , thanked me and dissapeared on their way to other ladies in their list And it sounds like it didn't work with CDW lady either. So I'd use a part of this tactic when the man is your husband or at least a fiance. Otherwise you are going to spoil foreign men like we did with the Russian ones. From my experience men never  appreciate what they get too easily.

At the point when I met my husband I was more intelligent and didn't even meet him in the airport, saying I had to work. He booked everything himself through a traveling agency. The excepion were the last 2 times when he came, when I was in the proces of getting a fiacee visa so he was oficially my fiance.

He was happy and excited. As soon as I came to the US, lost my Russian job,  and got dependent on him that changed 180 degrees. No matter how nice and sweet  I was (and I was REALLY nice, especially in comparison with what I was in Russia when we met) it didn't work. He didn't like anything, never appreciated anything, nothing made him happy.

So I'd say never be too nice with the man, let him feel like he can lose you all the time and be independent.
Otherwise men  will let themselves go: both physically and emotionally.

[LAman]

You see Vasilisa...there is that....... 'nice' word again!!!!! 

[Boethius]

So I'd say never be too nice with the man, let him feel like he can lose you all the time and be independent.

Otherwise men  will let themselves go: both physically and emotionally.

This sounds sort of bitter, and manipulative.

I am all for women being independent, at least economically.  But not because it keeps men weak, but because, among other things, life is long, and men die, or they lose their jobs, or divorce you.   

You can't have true emotional intimacy if you are manipulative.  True emotional intimacy can only occur if you let your guard down, if your partner knows the real you, warts and all.

A real man will not be worried about "losing" a woman no matter how manipulative she is.  For emotionally stable and mature men, this attitude would be a turn off.

[Vasilisa]

You see Vasilisa...there is that....... 'nice' word again!!!!! 

Yes, that was the point of my question: what is nice in being nice if it doesn't work and it doesn't mean anything, it's not even appreciated when you are really nice. I'd even say more: the most terrible things in the US have been done to me by the people who looked EXTREMELY nice, sweet and polite and went to a Methodist chuch on a regular basis and , THINK ABOUT IT, sang in a Christian church choir!!!!
 
That didn't prevent them from stealing my personal belongings, bulling me and attempts to destroy some of my documents.
On the contrary, Americans that looked like losers, used swear word in their speech, drank a lot of beer and Russian  immigrants of the first generation  that didn't smile all the time helped me and even worked as my taxi drivers for free.
Where is the logic?!

[Misha]

The key word was that they "looked" really nice.

[Eduard]

I think the all the internet ads create the impression for some WM that there is a "Fire Sale" of gorgeous young FSUW and all you need is to get on a plane and pick one up.

But I thought I could get one shipped to me??? You mean I was misinformed?   

[Vasilisa]

This sounds sort of bitter, and manipulative.

I am all for women being independent, at least economically.  But not because it keeps men weak, but because, among other things, life is long, and men die, or they lose their jobs, or divorce you.   

You can't have true emotional intimacy if you are manipulative.  True emotional intimacy can only occur if you let your guard down, if your partner knows the real you, warts and all.

A real man will not be worried about "losing" a woman no matter how manipulative she is.  For emotionally stable and mature men, this attitude would be a turn off.

I told you about my personal experience. That's all. Besides all women are manipulative.

[Boethius]

I think you attract into your life what you need, either positively, or negatively.  That's been my experience, at least. 

Look at your own culpability in the experiences you have had, and learn from your triumphs and your mistakes. 

I'm not manipulative.  I wasn't when I was young, and I'm not married to a man who can be manipulated.  Now that I am middle aged, I will do what I want, and I don't really give a damn what anyone thinks.  I don't need to manipulate anyone.

[Vasilisa]

The key word was that they "looked" really nice.

Yes, so how do you distinguish a nice person from not a nice one at first sight then?!
Here in the US: smilie, giggly, bubbly, saying nice things in a nice and polite way, looking helpfu, saying compliments, having friend small talks means being nice for most people.

When you say something different that looks bitter, show your real emotions and real attitude, something with what mot would disagree it means not being nice.(=bad). Nobody cares what this person is and what he does  for the world if he doesn't support a small talk he is not nice and that's ruuuude.

[Vasilisa]

I think you attract into your life what you need, either positively, or negatively.  That's been my experience, at least. 

Look at your own culpability in the experiences you have had, and learn from your triumphs and your mistakes. 

Thats was what I 've learnt so far and that's not my mpression only.

[LiveFromUkraine]

So I'd say never be too nice with the man, let him feel like he can lose you all the time and be independent.
Otherwise men  will let themselves go: both physically and emotionally.

Sorry for all the bad things that seemed to have plagued you Vasilisa.  I understand the loneliness when I lived in Ukraine.

I just don't see how you can have a healthy relationship when you try to make your partner think they can lose you at any time. 

Letting go physically or emotionally isn't just a male trait.  I have seen many women look radically different once they get married.   

If you feel the need to be manipulative to keep someone then please take the time out to build up your self esteem.  I am sure you have many reasons why a man would stay with you without having to resort to manipulation. 

[Misha]

How do you know if someone is nice? I would be wary of those who promise too much, flatter too much and are thus not genuine. Also be wary of those who may jump in too quickly, too aggressively to help...

[LiveFromUkraine]

How do you know if someone is nice? I would be wary of those who promise too much, flatter too much and are thus not genuine. Also be wary of those who may jump in too quickly, too aggressively to help...

Actions will tell you, not what people say.  It takes time to know someone.  You can't know who is genuine until you spend enough time with them.

I don't agree with the jump to quickly mark.  I am normally the first to help someone (people I know or don't know).  I do it because I feel good, not because I expect anything. 

While it is good to be suspicious, it isn't good to see shadows everywhere.

[mies]

There probably is truth to both words of Boethius and Vasilisa.
My take on it is that possibly V.'s husband was not emotionally mature. Maybe he liked and needed a manipulative woman. Maybe this is why he was attracted to V. when she ignored him, and proposed to her. After she changed from mysterious (and manipulative) to nice and accommodating person, she suddenly became too sweet for him - he wasn't feeling like he received what he was promised.

I fully, and I truly mean it, fully agree with Boethius in that manipulation does not allow for true emotional intimacy, and is not possible in true partnership.

So, if V. wanted to keep this specific man interested - she would need to be manipulative. But does she really need to keep this specific man? That's a completely different question, and imho - the only question that matters. Why would she want to live a lie and pretend being someone she is not because there is a person who cannot deal with the real Vasilisa?

[Vasilisa]

Sorry for all the bad things that seemed to have plagued you Vasilisa.  I understand the loneliness when I lived in Ukraine.

I just don't see how you can have a healthy relationship when you try to make your partner think they can lose you at any time. 

Letting go physically or emotionally isn't just a male trait.  I have seen many women look radically different once they get married.   

If you feel the need to be manipulative to keep someone then please take the time out to build up your self esteem.  I am sure you have many reasons why a man would stay with you without having to resort to manipulation.

It's not being manipulative, being inependent and not jumping around the man like he is a king is being manipulative?! To me that' self esteem.

Guys , you contradict yourself in other threads, in one thread you write that you want an independent wife that works, pays for college herself, etc, in another one you say it's manipulative. When she is independent yes, she can leave any moment if you let yourself go and is laying on a couch and doesn't say compliments, etc, and you have to do something to make her stay with you without taking for granted the things she is doing for you because you are the only provider in the family and can say or do what you want and she will not leave anyway.

So, do you want a wife that doesn't work or the wife that works, think twice.

[mies]

How do you know if someone is nice? I would be wary of those who promise too much, flatter too much and are thus not genuine. Also be wary of those who may jump in too quickly, too aggressively to help...

I usually judge based on face value: if people sound, look and act nice - I think they are nice. If over time I learn that this was only a mask, I update my beliefs.

[Vasilisa]

How do you know if someone is nice? I would be wary of those who promise too much, flatter too much and are thus not genuine. Also be wary of those who may jump in too quickly, too aggressively to help...

Have you ever heard of "can do" attitude?! Not "can do" behavior, but "can do" attitude?!

[LiveFromUkraine]

It's not being manipulative, being inependent and not jumping around the man like he is a king is being manipulative?! To me that' self esteem.

Well, having to jump around a man sounds like great exercise.      

Guys , you contradict yourself in other threads, in one thread you write that you want an independent wife that works, pays for college herself, etc, in another one you say it's manipulative. When she is independent yes, she can leave any moment if you let yourself go and is laying on a couch and doesn't say compliments, etc, and you have to do something to make her stay with you without taking for granted the things she is doing for you because you are the only provider in the family and can say or do what you want and she will not leave anyway.

So, do you want a wife that doesn't work or the wife that works, think twice.

Tough crowd.  haha

I think we should be discussing compatibility rather than doing things because the partner wants it or will leave if they don't get it.   

For example, I wouldn't ever stop working out at the gym because I got married.  I do it because I enjoy it and it is healthy for me (when I don't screw up my shoulder).

[Ade]

Any real women would try to save you costs and to invite you to her home

lol


My wife basically said the same as this from mies;

Actually, you are wrong. Most of women in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus would not invite a complete stranger whom they know only virtually, to stay in their home. I certainly would not, and if I did - my parents would probably disown me. It is risky, and also against cultural norms regulating relationship between males and females in Slavic countries. 

I think your attitude is one of entitlement and arrogance.


Here's my guess; at best, these women that invited you to stay in their home the first time they met you felt sorry for your deafness and, in their naivety, trusted you more because of it.     However, I think it's most likely that they were desperate or promiscuous women that didn't really care about their reputation or had none to begin with. There will always be exceptions and exceptional cases but I somehow doubt you'd find 3 nice, respectable girls on your first trips that would invite you to stay in their homes before they'd even met you; at least none that had any sense. Were these women dumber than a bag of hammers?

[IAmZon]

How do you know if someone is nice? I would be wary of those who promise too much, flatter too much and are thus not genuine. Also be wary of those who may jump in too quickly, too aggressively to help...

Very well said!