A number of Questions...

[Boethius]

Of course it is up to him, but it is no longer only his life.   Deciding to do this because it is the "quick" way is a recipe for disaster.  He will recover.  His children, possibly not.  If he does do this, I would definitely advise to stay in that basement, so his kids are near the grandparents.

[GQBlues]

he didn't say he would "cash in" his life insurance policy. I understood it as he would use the proceeds from the death benefit he recieved from the insurance company after his wife passed. I think every one is entitled to seek happiness whether they have children or not. If he finds a good woman the kids will have a loving parent, a mother figure in their life which would be a good thing. Obviously if he gets the wrong woman into his home it's not going to be pretty, but that's up to him really. He needs to figure things out.

Of course things are up to him and yes he's entitled to do whatever it is he wants to do. But my sentiment remains the same...

As for the life insurance, I didn't get that it was a death benefit. But even then...all the more reason to put the money away on a trust for the kids' future. Again...that's just me. No sense spending that on agency fees and the like, you know what I mean?

That doesn't mean he can't have a social life, a GF, or yes, even a wife...but I would just make sure the round pegs goes to the round holes if and when he does. Especially the imported variety.

[calmissile]

Of course it is up to him, but it is no longer only his life.   Deciding to do this because it is the "quick" way is a recipe for disaster.  He will recover.  His children, possibly not.  If he does do this, I would definitely advise to stay in that basement, so his kids are near the grandparents.

Agree +1

[calmissile]

Of course things are up to him and yes he's entitled to do whatever it is he wants to do. But my sentiment remains the same...

As for the life insurance, I didn't get that it was a death benefit. But even then...all the more reason to put the money away on a trust for the kids' future. Again...that's just me. No sense spending that on agency fees and the like, you know what I mean?

That doesn't mean he can't have a social life, a GF, or yes, even a wife...but I would just make sure the round pegs goes to the round holes if and when he does. Especially the imported variety.

Agree.   He can have a social life without involving the kids.  It's tough because he wants to fill that void.   Great advice.

[JayH]

Generally "They don't smoke" means they don't smoke unless they are puffing on a cigarette.  In between there is no smoke coming from them however often when men meet them for the first time and see how hot they are the men may have some smoke coming from them even when they don't have a cigarette lit.
Don't drink for an FSU women means they don't drink hard liquor.  They don't consider wine and beer to be drinking.

That is funny-- but so true!! I am going to borrow that at some time in the future.

[I/O]

So, pick a well educated RW, you'll be totally fine as to the religion part.

Dragon, still scratching my head but I'll deal with one point at a time.
 
Pitbull is one of the posters I respect here and I'm not about to say she's wrong on this point but my experience (s) led me to a very different conclusion. I've travelled the length and breadth of the FSU and some former Warsaw pact countries over a decade - what I found, educated or not, was when push came to shove, religion mattered to every person I met, at least to some extent. I'm not suggesting they were (are) 'religious' but religion mattered, even if only as a fall back security position.
 
Without putting too finer point on it, if one is Christian of some description, genreally that seemed to be accepted but outside those boundaries, my guess was (is) you'd be pushin' sch!t uphill more often than not. 

[missAmeno]

Dragon, sorry for your loss


Dont take it bad way but I would advise before considering anything further try to date locally, what you may discover is that you not even ready to date not to talk about new marriage. I wear same shoes as you, just for a bit longer. New marriiage/relationships will not solve anything.

[Ade]

Dragon, sorry for your loss


Dont take it bad way but I would advise before considering anything further try to date locally, what you may discover is that you not even ready to date not to talk about new marriage. I wear same shoes as you, just for a bit longer. New marriiage/relationships will not solve anything.

I'd agree. It takes years to fully get you head together after a marriage break up and I can't even begin to imagine the time it would take to recover enough from a catastrophic loss like he has had.


D, take a breath. You are young, life has a long way to go for you yet and, to be honest, for most, the fantasy of FSUW dating is just that, a fantasy. You don't want your kids dragged into something you'd regret a few years down the line.

[Belvis]

I've travelled the length and breadth of the FSU and some former Warsaw pact countries over a decade - what I found, educated or not, was when push came to shove, religion mattered to every person I met, at least to some extent. I'm not suggesting they were (are) 'religious' but religion mattered, even if only as a fall back security position.
 
Without putting too finer point on it, if one is Christian of some description, genreally that seemed to be accepted but outside those boundaries, my guess was (is) you'd be pushin' sch!t uphill more often than not.

I would not put the concerns about FSUW over the religion issues. They are pretty flexible in that sense, i.e. religion of  a spouse. I've read that 200 thousand FSUW have married Тurks. I'm not sure  in this number but the picture is revealing.

[Turboguy]

- what I found, educated or not, was when push came to shove, religion mattered to every person I met, at least to some extent. I'm not suggesting they were (are) 'religious' but religion mattered, even if only as a fall back security position.

I respect your opinion and agree that you have a lot of experience in the FSU but I don't totally agree with you.  Of course this is an area where religion was outlawed for decades but religion has had a rebirth and many there consider themselves religious.  That does not mean they are not accepting of a marriage with someone with a different religion.  I often had RW ask about my religious beliefs but I had the impression whatever my answer it would not be a major issue for them.   Here in the USA I see a lot of cross religious marriages.  Both of my marriages have been cross religious.  I have friends where one is Jewish and the other not.  My understanding is that a lot of Russian women marry men from Turkey and I doubt the men they are marrying are Russian Orthadox.  I think most people these days are pretty accepting of relgious differences when they look for a spouse.   Some may draw the line on the person requiring the person they marry to convert and some may not.  I don't think it will be a major issue for the OP.  It might make the quest a little more challenging but will probably be the least of his issues.
Belvis posted as I was writing this and seems to feel much like I do.
 

[Eduard]

I would not put the concerns about FSUW over the religion issues. They are pretty flexible in that sense, i.e. religion of  a spouse. I've read that 200 thousand FSUW have married Тurks. I'm not sure  in this number but the picture is revealing.

+1

[Slumba]

Dragon, I doubt that your religion and current living arrangements would cause problems in the eyes of the kind of FSUW you will be looking for.

You have a Master's degree and appear to be conservative with money.  As long as you are not inappropriately cheap, the kind of woman that (I think would be) compatible with you, will be fine with your situation in toto.

You have a degree in something that approaches "hard sciences" - mathematics is a good field to be in, you will be seen as more masculine in that regard.

That you are a widower should not count against you too much. 

Only YOU can determine whether you are ready to start looking.  There is nothing wrong with communicating with a woman where the communication does not work out - only in being insincere or untruthful during that communication.

[Gator]

Raging Dragon,
 
You have many questions.  My opinion:  because there are so many different RW,  you could eventually find a RW who is ideal for you and you are ideal for her.  It will take a lot of time.  This is good because with a) being the sole parent for  two children and b) having just lost a loving spouse, you need to go slowly.  One problem is that most RW do not want to proceed slowly.  You have much work to do.  I wish you the best with raising your children and finding a wife (and mother for children).
 
Not an insignificant number of RW are widows with young children.   Perhaps such women would more appreciate what you are experiencing, needing and wanting.   BTW, while in Iran in 1976-78, I met a few of the  Bahá'í Faith.  Good people.
 

[mies]

Hi All,

I'm fairly new here and mainly doing research about Russian Culture, values etc.

I posted my intro at: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14919.0

I have some detailed questions I haven't really been able to find a direct answer for.

1.) As mentioned in my introduction thread, my previous wife died (due to health complications unfortunately) is this considered bad luck?

2.) How big of a deal is it that I have two small children? Is this mitigated if I want more?

3.) Related to point 2, how many children typically do women have in FSU? The impression I get is 1 or 2, but I'm not sure if this is preference or economics.

4.) In what regard are Statisticians/Data Analyst types held in the FSU? I work for a university, which locally I'm considered to have a good job, if middle of the road pay wise. I have my M.Sc in Statistics.

Thanks for the information. I'll probably have more questions later.

Edited to add for new viewers:

5.) How much do FSU women ("typically" of course) like men compared to the typical CW or AW?

I ask because an acquaintance's wife, a South Pacific lady, pointed out to me that she's often felt that many of her Canadian friends don't like/respect their husbands as much as the women did back home, and frequently having low opinions of them. I didn't struggle with that with my former wife, but she did seem easier to please than the Canadian women I dated before her. Heck, I think she even mentioned it to me once.

6.) I'm not christian and am in fact a Baha'i.  So how open are FSU women open to men of non-christian religions? Especially one they probably haven't heard of before? I'm figuring it really depends on the woman, which is exactly what I experienced in Canada.

If you are thinking "A what?" I'm not offended, it's not a large religion. Wikipedia has a good description at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bah%C3%A1'%C3%AD_Faith

Long story short, it's not a big deal for me if a potential wife is not a Baha'i, it's not a religious requirement to only marry in the same religion.

7.) When women FSU say they "don't drink" is this meant literally, or they only drink on special occaisions, or don't because they can't afford it etc?

8.) How big of a deal is it that I live with my parents?

Background: As mentioned, got married when I was 22 and still in University. My parents bought a big house with a completely separate basement suite (so ~2,000 sq ft per floor) so there is no sharing of a kitchen/laundry etc, separate entrance too. When I finished my M.Sc and got my job my former wife and I thought about moving out, but frankly, got along well enough with my parents that it wasn't a big deal. That and the free babysitting.

1) it depends what was the cause. And how much you did to help her recover, how much you supported her. If you play it right - it can be viewed as a plus: if you knew about her health condition but stayed with her and supported her in every possible way. I think this is an explanation you should be using.

2) if you earn enough for your current children and for more children - then children are no problem.
3) upper classes have 1-2 children. But if you can provide for bigger family (including nanny, cleaning lady) - then women won't be against the idea of 3 children, maybe 4.
4) an OK job, university job is well-respected among educated people (not necessarily among the rich classes). Back to 2 and 3 - I doubt with you salary you can afford nanny and cleaning lady, or many children. Hence it will become a burden on the shoulders of your new wife.
5) strange question. how much do you like women compared to Ukrainian, Russian or Belorussion men? How well can you take care of your woman compared to these men?
6) If you will meet a non-religious person/moderately religious person, and will not impose onto her your religion - she will be OK with your beliefs. It you will be actively trying to convert her into your religion, or will be insisting on making your children follow your religion - i see it as a problem.
7) sometimes it means literally, sometimes it means "I am not an alcoholic/I am not addicted to drinking"
8.  this is the worst part. Will be a deal-breaker for most of women whom I know. Plus, for FSU people it is strange and unusual to live in the basement. On the other hand - many young people in FSU live with their parents because they cannot afford their own place to stay. So you'll probably be fine.

Summary: you are (a) young (b) educated - these are your strongest assets. The fact that you already have children can also be positive: if you let your wife get education in Canada and won't be rushing her to have join kids. If you are bringing a FSU wife just to take care of you and of your kids from previous marriage - forget it. Few to none women would be interested in doing that.

[Raging Dragon]

Hi All,
Thanks for so many helpful and useful replies as well as your concern. I'm not about to fly half way across the world any time soon, nor do I think I'm really ready to fully jump into dating. My former wife's decline was over a period of months, I saw it coming as a distinct possibility, so I was at least somewhat prepared for it, and she did ask me to consider remarrying for the sake of the kids and myself. At the time I really wasn't capable of considering that, but now I'm a bit more open.

The reason I'm "researching" if you will is that I do feel my kids need some kind of mother figure in the house sooner than later. I do what I can, they have their grandparents nearby (esp my mom who is great with them) but... My 2 yr old daughter thinks the babysitter is her mom, she has no memory of her own mother. My 4yr old remembers his mom, but I don't know how long that will last. That I’m lonely is kind of secondary, but not insignificant either.

1) it depends what was the cause. And how much you did to help her recover, how much you supported her. If you play it right - it can be viewed as a plus: if you knew about her health condition but stayed with her and supported her in every possible way. I think this is an explanation you should be using.
2) if you earn enough for your current children and for more children - then children are no problem.
3) upper classes have 1-2 children. But if you can provide for bigger family (including nanny, cleaning lady) - then women won't be against the idea of 3 children, maybe 4.
4) an OK job, university job is well-respected among educated people (not necessarily among the rich classes). Back to 2 and 3 - I doubt with you salary you can afford nanny and cleaning lady, or many children. Hence it will become a burden on the shoulders of your new wife.
5) strange question. how much do you like women compared to Ukrainian, Russian or Belorussion men? How well can you take care of your woman compared to these men?
6) If you will meet a non-religious person/moderately religious person, and will not impose onto her your religion - she will be OK with your beliefs. It you will be actively trying to convert her into your religion, or will be insisting on making your children follow your religion - i see it as a problem.
7) sometimes it means literally, sometimes it means "I am not an alcoholic/I am not addicted to drinking"
8.  this is the worst part. Will be a deal-breaker for most of women whom I know. Plus, for FSU people it is strange and unusual to live in the basement. On the other hand - many young people in FSU live with their parents because they cannot afford their own place to stay. So you'll probably be fine.

Summary: you are (a) young (b) educated - these are your strongest assets. The fact that you already have children can also be positive: if you let your wife get education in Canada and won't be rushing her to have join kids. If you are bringing a FSU wife just to take care of you and of your kids from previous marriage - forget it. Few to none women would be interested in doing that.

mies, thankyou for your information, it is quite helpful.  I’ll answer your points as best I can.

1.)  My wife did have a pre-existing health condition before, but what ended up killing her was due to complications of child birth resulting in multiple surgeries, the bad luck to get staff infections that compromised her immune system and ultimately pneumonia. The pre existing condition was a contributing factor, but not the reason. I did as much as I could really, I burned all of my sick and vacation days (about 42 business days from all of my benefits) between watching her and trying to take care of my kids. Luckily sick time can be taken at my work if it’s to care for children, and my boss was very understanding.

2 & 3.) I make a good salary as is, with room for growth as my career matures. I’m not sure about a nanny, though a cleaning lady a few times a week is probably pretty easy for me to afford. I would like at least 2 more kids, six has always been the magic number for me, I’ve made very sure I have a career that can afford that.

4.) Good to know. From what I’ve seen university jobs in Canada pay much better than comparable positions of mine in the US. I’m not sure why it is, but that’s how it goes.

5.) Your answer is as confusing to me as my original question must have been to you. The Russian guys I’ve met at my job seem like nice enough fellows and same with the FSU female exchange students I met when I was a student myself.

6.) No, I’m not forceful about my beliefs at all, it’s actually against my religion to be like that! About the only considerations are is that the kids have to receive a Baha’i Education (nothing saying they can’t have a Christian education as well) and there needs to be a Baha’i wedding ceremony. Two ceremonies (so long as they’re treated and attended equally) are allowed, so a church wedding + a Baha’i wedding ceremony is fine. Though I’m not sure there are many Russian Orthodox churches around.

I learned from my first wife that women are not magically happy and satisfied sitting around the house watching kids all day! A benefit of my job is reduced tuition for a spouse, so for any potential foreign wife I could get her into ESL courses easily and also be able to support her studies into a number of different fields.

8.) mies, I should make a note about my "basement" suite: The house we live in is on the side of a hill, so from the foyer it walks directly out into the backyard and is quite well illuminated (especially in the morning, the basement faces west) compared to many basement suites I've seen.

8.) Lily: The primary reasons were frugality and access to grandparents for help with child rearing. I was on my own until I married my former wife, and at 23 when she was pregnant with my son we moved back in with my parents when they moved from my hometown to the city I live in now.

The other advantage of my job is that once I'm decided on what I’ll do (FSU, South America, Local immigrant, local domestic)  there area dozen different language courses offered for non native speakers that I could enroll myself in. The key languages of course being Spanish and Russian.

At the support group I was at, there was a dad who came once in a while, he was in his late 30s, father of six kids. Wife had passed away I think five years before. He told me he never expected to marry again of the number of children he had.

I’m very appreciative of the concern posters have for my children’s well being. I wish to assure people that I have no urge to fly across the world instantly and leave my kids behind tomorrow.  As Boethius mentioned, the wrong woman would be a disaster for my kids and I have no wish to inflict a bad mother upon them.

I’m guessing that there must have been people like me  who said “oh hey I’m taking it slow” then 2 months later are like “I’m married!” then a year later “I’m getting a divorce!”.

Gator and pitbull thanks for the nice comments about my religion. Beats people saying “Are you some kind of crazy cult member?” any day.

Another point, regarding Life Insurance. It is the death benefit I speak of. My uncle sells life insurance so my former wife and I got very good coverage that we extended after the birth of daughter. My former wife's work also paid 3x salary as a death benefit which was nice gravy since she was a R.N. I'm debt free and have monthly expenses more than covered by the interest payments I get from the fund I have set up and my salary. It's a nice position to be in when considering a second marriage.

So more questions!

Raging Dragon,
 You have many questions.  My opinion:  because there are so many different RW,  you could eventually find a RW who is ideal for you and you are ideal for her.  It will take a lot of time.  This is good because with a) being the sole parent for  two children and b) having just lost a loving spouse, you need to go slowly.  One problem is that most RW do not want to proceed slowly. You have much work to do.  I wish you the best with raising your children and finding a wife (and mother for children).
 

9.) What does Gator mean by the “do not want to proceed slowly”? Is it fast courtships and short engagement periods? Cultural beliefs? I’m very curious.

10.) My youngest brother is gay. How big of a deal is this? I know nothing about how homosexuals are regarded and treated in the FSU. FYI, I love him dearly and don’t wish to bring a bigot into my family.

11.) How much do FSU women like to talk? I like to talk a lot and have noticed some cultures have more conversational faux pas than others (i.e. I had a Mexican exchange student tell me people from there don't ask each other questions the way we do in Canada) I was curious about this in context of the FSU.

[Ludmila]

Dragon,
Hope everything's good on your end, and the kids are OK. I've just read this thread, and can see that folks are sharing very important things with you. A lot of valuable advice, too.
 
Dragon, I've gone through the basics of your religion in wiki, and have to say that it would be very right for you to talk about your religion with a Russian lady ( and any other lady for that matter). Although the R. /FSU lady you may be dating in future may not be religious, she better learns everything about Baha'i religion, and whether she will be OK with all the restrictions, for her and future kids, it involves.
 
Russian ladies on russian fiance site discuss the limitations religions impose on everyday life pretty often ( e.g mormon). There's a lot of drama there ( the lady loves  husband but cannot accept the laws and requirements. A lot of tears, frustration, etc).
 
As far as i understood from reading wiki,  the overwhelming majority of believers come from Asian and African countries,( the goal being to prolifirate in North America). May be, it would be better for you to look among those ethnicities. Baha'i preaches interracial mixing. This is NOT POPULAR in Russia, although there are some insignificant exceptions. In Moscow and a couple of other big cities there may be ladies who may consider this option, but, on the whole, in your situation,you aren't likely to find a lady from a big city ( unless she has a plan to take advantage of you, and simply exploit you). Ladies in small towns come from generations of Christian communities, so the chances , in my opinion, are pretty low.
 
If you decide to go for an international dating, seek in Asia and Africa, among Bahai followers. And all the best to you and your kids.

[JayH]

Good luck  Dragon in your future. Many ideas expressed above and good advice and discussion . What has struck me in reading what you have said is this-  I totally agree that whatever you do that your children should be happy as a result of your decisions. I tend to try and steer clear of moralising or making personal advice comments -- but!-- I think it is of overwhelming importance that you should be happy with a new partner.Your happiness will be reflected by your children.I like very much your sense of responsibility-- but your own happiness should be very close to No1 choice.Your new partner is owed this -get that part right and all will follow.
A less serious aside-- you living circumstances are practical for you-- but at the very least I would change the terminology. Many from FSU want to escape from being to close to family- and I mean in the same small space.They will not be able to imagine how large your living area may be and how different -- and I definitely would not want to be the one rationalising it.

[pitbull]

Dragon,
Hope everything's good on your end, and the kids are OK. I've just read this thread, and can see that folks are sharing very important things with you. A lot of valuable advice, too.
 
Dragon, I've gone through the basics of your religion in wiki, and have to say that it would be very right for you to talk about your religion with a Russian lady ( and any other lady for that matter). Although the R. /FSU lady you may be dating in future may not be religious, she better learns everything about Baha'i religion, and whether she will be OK with all the restrictions, for her and future kids, it involves.
 
Russian ladies on russian fiance site discuss the limitations religions impose on everyday life pretty often ( e.g mormon). There's a lot of drama there ( the lady loves  husband but cannot accept the laws and requirements. A lot of tears, frustration, etc).
 
As far as i understood from reading wiki,  the overwhelming majority of believers come from Asian and African countries,( the goal being to prolifirate in North America). May be, it would be better for you to look among those ethnicities. Baha'i preaches interracial mixing. This is NOT POPULAR in Russia, although there are some insignificant exceptions. In Moscow and a couple of other big cities there may be ladies who may consider this option, but, on the whole, in your situation,you aren't likely to find a lady from a big city ( unless she has a plan to take advantage of you, and simply exploit you). Ladies in small towns come from generations of Christian communities, so the chances , in my opinion, are pretty low.
 
If you decide to go for an international dating, seek in Asia and Africa, among Bahai followers. And all the best to you and your kids.

Ludmila,
I am not sure exactly where and what you've read about the "restrictions" of Baha'i, from what I understand, it has hardly any compared to any other organized religion. In fact, prozelitizing is discouraged/prohiboted in Baha'i, so I don't believe Dragon would cram any of it down his wfe's throat.
BTW, Dragon, was your wife  Baha'i?
Personally, the main proinciples of Baha'i such as unity of religion and mankind, equality, world piece and elimination of all forms of prejudice are very appealing to me.
As I've said before, Dragon should seek a well-educated woman, an agnostic should be fine, who has an open mind and is worldly. There are plenty of such women in the FSU cities (I'd say fewer in villages). Not all FSU people are racist bigots. In terms of spiritual and intellectual connection, openness and acceptance, I believe you have a better shot in FSU rather than Latin America.
Absolutely no need to go to Asia or Africa. The number of Baha'i followers is not significant enough to talk about the predominant territory (unlike Islam or Russian Orthodox).

[Raging Dragon]

(snip)
...As far as i understood from reading wiki,  the overwhelming majority of believers come from Asian and African countries,( the goal being to prolifirate in North America). May be, it would be better for you to look among those ethnicities. Baha'i preaches interracial mixing. This is NOT POPULAR in Russia, although there are some insignificant exceptions. In Moscow and a couple of other big cities there may be ladies who may consider this option, but, on the whole, in your situation,you aren't likely to find a lady from a big city ( unless she has a plan to take advantage of you, and simply exploit you). Ladies in small towns come from generations of Christian communities, so the chances , in my opinion, are pretty low.

I snipped your post a bit, but forgot to mention in this thread (though I did in my intro) that I am white. I think mentioning being a different race would be a pretty critical point to forget! Though thanks for your concern. Most Europeans peg me as looking Danish, even though none of my ancestors (that I know of) are from there.

There really aren't that many restrictions as a Baha'i, in comparison to being a mormon.

No drinking is a big one actually, I'll just have to play that one by ear. Even in my own culture it's hard to find women who don't like to drink! Often I don't even mention religion when I say I don't drink, I simply tell the truth that I'm a genetic alcoholic and don't drink because I don't trust myself to stop. Just because I was raised a Baha'i doesn't mean I was a perfect teenager! I tested my limits and know that I have none, so I don't even go there. Having a wife that doesn't need alcohol in the house is a must.

BTW, Dragon, was your wife  Baha'i?

As for dating/marrying other Baha'is, it is a distinct possibility, I'm just keeping my options open. My former wife was a Baha'i, which was nice, but she was the right person too. Where I live the options are limited, and the only Baha'i couples site is not that great, but better than nothing.

As for the ethnic spread, in Canada and the US, the Baha'is are predominantly white or Iranian immigrants, or in the US, Black. There is considerable community to community variation.

A less serious aside-- you living circumstances are practical for you-- but at the very least I would change the terminology. Many from FSU want to escape from being to close to family- and I mean in the same small space.They will not be able to imagine how large your living area may be and how different -- and I definitely would not want to be the one rationalising it.

Thanks for the advice, I quoted the part where I am curious: How do I talk about my living situation it then without giving the wrong impression? Not talk about it? Wait until later? Send pictures?

Personally, the main proinciples of Baha'i such as unity of religion and mankind, equality, world piece and elimination of all forms of prejudice are very appealing to me.

I'd be curious what you don't find appealing, but maybe that's tempting fate. Feel free to pm me if you like.

As I've said before, Dragon should seek a well-educated woman, an agnostic should be fine, who has an open mind and is worldly. There are plenty of such women in the FSU cities (I'd say fewer in villages). Not all FSU people are racist bigots. In terms of spiritual and intellectual connection, openness and acceptance, I believe you have a better shot in FSU rather than Latin America.

I've read up a lot in the last week on planet love about Latina women. The lack of education and worldliness on average in comparison to FSU women is the biggest issue I foresee. That and fiery tempers. My former wife had one, and if it's one thing I don't want to experience again it's that.

Thanks again for the useful advice everyone. Any chance of someone answering my questions 9 to 11? 

Also just some general thoughts. Some have asked it here and I've been asking myself: Why the interest in international women? For all the talk of Canada being a multicultural country, and I've traveled around... The number of people who hardly leave their town, hardly leave the country is pretty staggering. We are a slightly more worldly than the average american. Slightly. Most of the immigrants only go to 3 cities (Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver) so if you go outside those areas... Canada is really white. Like Australia/NZ white unless you're on a Native Reserve.

A wordly domestic woman would be nice, but there's something about the courage of a woman to come to an entirely new country that I really, really respect. I want my children to grow up in a "bigger" world in their own hometown. If I were to marry a "local" woman, she'd probably be an immigrant, or a very, very well traveled/worldly domestic woman. I so deeply tire of people who can't even conceive of moving to a town a 20 minute drive from their own.  *Sigh*

[pitbull]

 

Thanks again for the useful advice everyone. Any chance of someone answering my questions 9 to 11? 

I will take a shot at 10 and 11
10.) My youngest brother is gay. How big of a deal is this? I know nothing about how homosexuals are regarded and treated in the FSU. FYI, I love him dearly and don’t wish to bring a bigot into my family.
FSU countries are far less tolerant to homosexuality than the West, men much more so than women. It's a very non-PC society, in many places it is just dangerous to admit to being gay. Another point for looking for a well educated, open-minded, worldly woman. Make sure you discuss issue like this one in depth, as well as her views on raising children. In your place I would stick to women who are fluent in English. Having small children, you should proceed with caution and leave no stone unturned as to discussing all those points.

11.) How much do FSU women like to talk? I like to talk a lot and have noticed some cultures have more conversational faux pas than others (i.e. I had a Mexican exchange student tell me people from there don't ask each other questions the way we do in Canada) I was curious about this in context of the FSU.
Women do like to talk, I would not generalize FSUW in this regard, this would be up to the individual level of variation.

[Anotherkiwi]

...Most of the immigrants only go to 3 cities (Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver) so if you go outside those areas... Canada is really white. Like Australia/NZ white unless you're on a Native Reserve...

Pardon?  Australia maybe, but you're kidding if you think New Zealand is "really" white, at least in the north.  Our Maori people make up about 15% of the population (coloured from almost white to dark brown); we have the largest number of Pacific Island people (mainly Samoan and Tongan, together with Cook Islands Maori and smaller numbers from Fiji and other Melanesian cultures) in the world (another 8%); Asians (mainly Chinese and Indians) are about another 11%.  Only about two-thirds of the total population is what you would term "white," and that proportion is dropping slowly all the time.
 
The South Island has a rather lower percentage of Maori, and very few Pacific Islanders live there (too cold in winter!) because most Pasifika people settle in Auckland anyway.  There are plenty of areas in Auckland which are well-known for their different ethnicities - for example, many people on the North Shore have immigrated from South Africa or Korea; many Chinese people have settled in the east, especially Howick and the surrounding suburbs; and the area I live in has a very substantial Indian population.
 
For most people my age or younger it doesn't matter a damn, because we've grown up with this mix.  I have friends from all of these groups - bringing an FSUW into the equation would be an interesting addition!

[CDW]

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. 

About finding an ideal RW for you, it is not impossible for you to find one, but many of them might not want to feel being as the "2nd best" especially because you are a widower.  Will she accept that you will always love your 'late' wife?  Will she accept that you will visit on her grave on her birthday, etc?  This is something you will have to sort it out with your future wife.

[Ludmila]

Pitbul,  rquirements  to a Baha'i follower ( from wiki) :
 
( in my books, these are considerable limitations) ;
 
 

• Prayer in the Bahá'í Faith consists of obligatory prayer and devotional (general) prayer. Bahá'ís over the age of 15 must individually recite an obligatory prayer each day, using fixed words and form. In addition to the daily obligatory prayer, believers are directed to daily offer devotional prayer and to meditate and study sacred scripture. There is no set form for devotions and meditations, though the devotional prayers written by the central figures of the Bahá'í Faith and collected in prayer books are held in high esteem. Reading aloud of prayers from prayer books is a typical feature of Bahá'í gatherings.
• Adult Bahá'ís in good health should observe a 19 day sunrise fastnineteen-day sunrise-to-sunset fast each year from March 2 through March 20.
•  
  I would make a supposition, that if the wife doesn't share these practices,  eventually, they will distance from each other. The RW , in all probability, will not want her children to be raised in this faith. Just IMHO.
   
  And another thing. Pitbull, with all due respect to you, I don't think a highly educated young lady without kids will be motivated to get involved in this situation.
   
  Dragon, if you are ready for a healthy compromise, you will find your lady. But she needs to learn everything about your faith BEFORE the marriage. otherwise, it won't be honest to the lady.
   
  Best , Ludmila.

[Ludmila]

Dragon,
 
As regards talking, a Russian introvert will probably talk more than an Anglo Saxon introvert. IMHO.

[newjason]

hello Mr Dragon.
This is a very interesting topic indeed. I Was married to an amazing RW and the six years I had with her were the happiest years of my life. She passed away in my arms after a long very painful bout with cancer and loosing her turned everything I knew upside down. My emotional state was good, considering what had happened. ( or so I thought it was. turns out I was wrong )
The medical expenses wiped away all the material possessions we had together and to say it was hell is not even close to accurate.
I'd have gladly gave away everything just for another day with her, but life doesn't always give us what we want.

So when I say I can relate to loosing a spouse, I know it means little in the grandeur of the situation, But,
 I offer my deepest condolences to you and your children.
If I can be of any sort of assistance to you in any way,  I am happy to be there for you.

For me 13 months was too short of a time to even think about marriage to someone else.  Instead, I was able to lean on my fantastic friends and focus on myself and my well being as a person. I had to find myself again as I was now without my beloved partner.  I lost my best friend, my band mate, my manager, my lover, and the love of my life. I had to find my way on my own after she was gone. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I am curious, why do you think you must, date for a year, live together for another year,  etc? Did they recently change the law in Canada?
How can you make this assumption without even having gone on a date yet?

to discount all of the women in your locality because of something you have perceived is a little short sighted and you may want to get out and meet some local people outside your normal circle of friends.

If you are truely curious about the FSU culture.  Spend more time with the FSU people at work for starters, meet some Local FSU folks, learn Russian language phrases and speak with them in Russian.

You may have said it already, but I may have missed it, but I want to ask , how long have you been married?