How do you build relationship thru letters?

[yoshiii]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

[Muzh]

Do you read poetry? Uh, never mind.

How good is your grammar?

Next, can you express yourself in simple terms?

[ML]

It is possible to build very good relationships through only emails.  I have done it several times with only 10 emails or so spread over 6-8 weeks.  When I finally meet the gals, many of them remark that they feel they have known me forever.

But written communication is a fairly rare skill in today's world, so I doubt that many can do it.

However, with respect to your last sentence, I don't claim that these are 'emotional connections.'  That takes a bit longer with face to face contact. 

But these are very good comfortable relationships that often progress quite rapidly to stronger feelings and intimacy.

And yes, as Muzh hints, a couple of romantic poems tossed in late in this 6 week email correspondence can pay big dividends.  The poems can even be erotic, depending on how the correspondence has developed.  Each case can be somewhat different.

[Gator]

Skype is best.  emails are not spontaneous and too easily contrived.  Skype is pravda about how you look and how you interact.
 
Even with Skype for a couple of months, as ML states, it is not an emotional connection.

[CDW]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

you can build up relationships by writing letters until you go and meet that person, but it is still not guarantee to develop into a very good relationships.

You need to see each other via webcam.  It speaks thousand of words.

If you do not have chemistry with that woman over the webcam, it is no point continue.

If you do have chemistry with that woman over the webcam, you can continue and see if you still have chemistry in the real meeting.

Everyone has different opinions:

As for me, I wouldn't go to meet one woman without ever seeing her in webcam.  I don't believe in "no webcam in Internet cafe" excuse.  They can find it in other internet cafes, and eventually there will be one available.   If she is too lazy to find it, then will she not be too lazy to travel to meet you ???  I want my woman to SHOW her enthusiasm and interests in me.    After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinions

[GQBlues]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

Well, this is really pretty elemental actually so let's not kid ourselves. Always remember the phrase 'A picture tells a thousand words'.

If you look anything like Beckham, well you really don't need to say much on emails or skype to build any type of connection ~ emotional or otherwise. Your sheer mojo will have any woman clamoring for your company and attention...so when you meet in person there'll be no second guessing whether she's emotionally into you. This works even with women who doesn't speak your language.







But if you look something similar like this guy, or worst...






...you better have a) a ton of money, or b) serious voodoo powers, or c) possess potent hypnotic way in writing your intro letters, or all of the above. Type *$* in place of 'S', or plaster the entire walls behind you with crisp new 100 dollar bills and speak a lot about exotic places you can take her on vacations, etc...during your skype sessions. 

Not a whole lot of poetic flair in your writing style is going to make any women dream about you in her arms, you know....

Heck, this might even work with women who doesn't spreak your language too, who knows...

[BC]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

yoshiii,

It's all about exposure and nothing else.  You find new pen pals, maybe have something in common to discuss and take it from there.

Until you get on a plane, she is nothing more than a penpal.  It's what happens afterwards that counts for anything.

[Belvis]

I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

When I was in searching phase I have found that I was able to develop chemistry with a women through  writing letters and chatting only (even not seeing her photos). As the rule the chemistry was confirmed later at a date.  May be I was lucky enough or there is a guiding principle: who can communicate nice - that one  looks nice.
BTW, I derived inspiration for letters in Shakespeare's poems. Even in russian translation  they deliver strong emotional language we should learn from.

[Patagonie]

There are three intersesting things to do (yes, write is an art) :

Raise her interest,.

Increase comfort.

Raise the sexual tension

[yoshiii]

Thank you

Guys and ladies I will be asking lots of questions so please excuse me for the  topics I will post

[Shadow]

Post as much as you want.

As for the topic, remember that no writing, skyping or even webcam communication can ever replace a real meeting. The only thing it can do is weed out the ones you have no interest in, and the ones that have no interest in you.

As for me, I wouldn't go to meet one woman without ever seeing her in webcam.  I don't believe in "no webcam in Internet cafe" excuse.  They can find it in other internet cafes, and eventually there will be one available.   If she is too lazy to find it, then will she not be too lazy to travel to meet you ???  I want my woman to SHOW her enthusiasm and interests in me.    After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinions

You surely are entitled to your opinion. Just remember that if you put specific requirements on a woman you better be prepared to meet high standards yourself.

[Milz713]

I tend to disagree a bit with some of this.  I feel that when you spend a couple hours every other day on Skype with someone you can get to know them better than if you had several dates because you are forced to talk about a multitude of topics.  You can have a real connection with skype but it will be confirmed in reality. Without poetry it isint difficult to get a emotional connection when writing letters, just be concerned about her health and welfare, ask how she is, show you are a real person and honestly care how she is and how her day is.  These girls are no different when it comes to wanting to find a white night and makeing sure you are not a sex tourist.  The girl I am talking with now said the first guy she skyped with pulled out his penis after 10 mins and that spooked her from using Skype again for a long time, don't be that guy!!

[Shadow]

I tend to disagree a bit with some of this.  I feel that when you spend a couple hours every other day on Skype with someone you can get to know them better than if you had several dates because you are forced to talk about a multitude of topics.  You can have a real connection with skype but it will be confirmed in reality. Without poetry it isint difficult to get a emotional connection when writing letters, just be concerned about her health and welfare, ask how she is, show you are a real person and honestly care how she is and how her day is.  These girls are no different when it comes to wanting to find a white night and makeing sure you are not a sex tourist.  The girl I am talking with now said the first guy she skyped with pulled out his penis after 10 mins and that spooked her from using Skype again for a long time, don't be that guy!!

You can compare Skype to flirting with a girl in a bar. It can be fun and while there you may feel a connection. But that does not mean you will be able to bear each other when together without the atmosphere.

[Milz713]

Maybe the first few times on Skype is like a bar but unless you are half drunk with disco lights and music playing I would compare it to a cafe having a good conversation ...

[OmegaSupreme]

Skype is definitely the best thing next to being with someone in person, but it simply is no substitute. Nothing (and I mean NOTHING) beats building a relationship with someone in person.

[Brianinaz]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

The short answer to both questions IMO is you don't.

I've had lengthy correspondence with women and felt a "real connection" "like there was something between us" and the on meeting it was obvious in about 30 seconds or less that there was absolutely no "chemistry" between us. Skype may be a little better. When I was looking internet access was much more scarce than it is now. I did use it quite a bit with my wife but that was only after we met in person. My two cents is writting can be entertaining, add some excitemint to your life, give you a feeling you are actively engaged in the process but other than discovering compatibilities/incompatibilities is otherwise of little value. Others obviously have different experiences.

The best thing you can do is bite the bullet, arrange a translator, and accommodations, maybe make some contacts on Momba or Em the take yourself a very interesting vacation to your country of choice and meet some people.
 

[Ludmila]

My strategy and tactics were totally different.  I don't recommend it to any one. If I had to do it again , I'd do it the same way :
 
First, a couple of pics.
 
Let him confirm that he meets all my initial requirements  ( height, weight, color of eyes, marriage status, and some other things, I don't remember now). I would never have agreed  to start the communication without this confirmation ( if the man lies, it will surface, sooner or later, in other aspects).
 
Further, attention : No skype ( especially so, it was a rarity back then), until it is clear the man is interesting for me, motivated and consistent.
 
It was essential for me to get the confirmation of his educational background-- a priority of many priorities. Daily  emails, even if short ones, give one a picture how they put their thoughts on paper, their vocabulary, how well read they are, etc ( certain grammar errors are indicative of insufficient education. Example : if he writes "should of done", tells me what degree he holds, where he lives ( or doesn't live, what music he loves, what he likes to wear, and many more). The same is true in Russian. It is easy to figure out what the lady's social status and many other characteristics are,  by the language she uses.
 
In the course of daily  correspondence the picture was  gradually  becoming clear : the way of thinking, ability for analysis, synthesis, deduction, induction, the presence of the  sense of humor, roundness of intellect, etc, etc
 
As we were exchanging emails, we discussed every day things, exchanged our respective  take on events, joys, sorrows, feelings and other aspects of everyday life.
 
We laughed a lot, picked on each other in jokes.
 
Talked on the phone 1 time a week.
 
After  2 months of emails ( about 70) and phone talk, my future husband offered to come to Russia.
 
Came for 10 days ( as it became clear with the paperwork for K-1)
 
His visiting was as in a feature film, ( I would give a lot for it to happen again). Both of us cried on the eve of his departure.
 
He spent $ 1000 on the trip ( lived at my property in Moscow).
 
Our marriage is more than 10 years old. He says he played a jackpot. I think I did too. Our love is genuine and unconditional (and yes, we do quarrel, vary, very rarely. And yes, we did pass through difficulties of my adjustment in the beginning).
 
He says " If I find him, I'll kill  him" ( we have many guns, and he knows how to use them).
 
We know the meaning of the phrase " Don't part with the loved ones".
 
You're welcome to PM me, if interested in this method.
 
Best to everybody here.

[Fashionista]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

Define "relationship". I suggest a relationship is as strong as the technical means to stop it. In Skype breaking the relationship is at the press of a button. Ludmila in the post above mine says her husband has a gun. Their relationship is literally lifelong...
 

[XMan]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

If you are a good writer, then write.  If you are an average writer, then at least be sincere and open (always good advice regardless).  If you are below average, then I don't really have a recommendation, unless you have a Cyrano handy, and that generally will come back to haunt you later.

Every scenario is going to be different dependent upon who the correspondents may be. 

I found Skype to be problematic unless the woman I was speaking with could speak English well enough to carry on a conversation (or you speak her native language).  Otherwise, for me at least, it felt awkward and quite uncomfortable. 

As far as building an emotional connection, I think one can build what I would call a connection of mutual interest.  Emotional connections are built in person, if at all.  Imagined emotional connections may happen over a great distance, but it may also fall apart quickly post first meeting. 

If, after corresponding a bit, one can make Skype work (i.e. one can manage to communicate), it certainly may save what might otherwise be a wasted and costly trip to country XYZ. 

[Ranetka]

Hello

I am new to this so I am wondering how do you build up relationships thru only writing letters until you go and meet the person?

How can you build that emotional connection?

Have not noticed anyone addressing this.  To start with drop the textspeak please, no thru, gr8, c ya etc, use words your penpal could look up in the dictionary if needed.

[Eduard]

I have watched many relationships being built through on site messaging/ email communications and people can and do develop an emotional connection quite often even though they haven't met in real life yet. Words can be a very powerful tool if one knows how to put them together in an interesting, well thought out thought provoking letter. Obviously emotions should be kept in check until the two people meet in real life and spend some time together, nevertheless they are there.

[GunayH]

I learned much about my friend through Skpe. We used email only three or four times to get information on Skype connection. After that I have emailed some pictures and both of us use text some time.

He wanted me to do more typing to work on English but we open camera link for a little while most every night. He told me though that one thing I will see here is that most men understand that there is no relationship until after meeting and seeing how the chemistry is between us. I liked his words and thinking to decide to meet but we both knew it could go bad when we met.

[Muzh]

 
Further, attention : No skype ( especially so, it was a rarity back then), until it is clear the man is interesting for me, motivated and consistent.
 
It was essential for me to get the confirmation of his educational background-- a priority of many priorities. Daily  emails, even if short ones, give one a picture how they put their thoughts on paper, their vocabulary, how well read they are, etc ( certain grammar errors are indicative of insufficient education. Example : if he writes "should of done", tells me what degree he holds, where he lives ( or doesn't live, what music he loves, what he likes to wear, and many more). The same is true in Russian. It is easy to figure out what the lady's social status and many other characteristics are,  by the language she uses.
 
In the course of daily  correspondence the picture was  gradually  becoming clear : the way of thinking, ability for analysis, synthesis, deduction, induction, the presence of the  sense of humor, roundness of intellect, etc, etc
 
As we were exchanging emails, we discussed every day things, exchanged our respective  take on events, joys, sorrows, feelings and other aspects of everyday life.

Ludmila, basically the same we did. There was no skype in those days. This was thirteen years ago. My first phone call to my wife was around two and a half hour long and a total of $145. Honestly, the money didn't matter. Why? I was smitten and that came from excellent communications. I was looking for a well educated woman and found her.

I'm glad you mention the proper use of the language. I have mentioned this before and they guys just brush it off. Well, there you have it, guys.

[Ludmila]

Muzh,
13 years ! You, guys, are even longer in history than we are. It's amazing!
As to the methods, I agree. People are prone to believe in easy solutions, luck and wonders in the backyard. Of course, every successful marriage has its own recepy. I am a strong beleiver in  a very thoroughly done "homework". IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL.
You are taking one of the  most responsable and important decisions in life. You have to do your best in doing your "homework". I 'm not trying to explain anything to you, Muzh, because you know it better than anyone else. I am addressing inexperienced
One  may be an expert in visiting Russia/ U, making numerous trips, meeting various ladies, having a couple marriages and, yet, not reaching the final goal.
If the marriage ended in divorce or didn't work, there must be flags in the anamnesis, so to speak, in the goals set, startegy, tactics, assessments, expectations, etc
Keeping the lady, keeping the relationship within the marriage healthy,  so that it gladdens you every day of your life and you are counting your blessings...--this is the final goal. And, I am afraid, quite a few guys who are trying to position themselves as experienced are far from being such.
Do your homework ( learn as much info about your lady as possible, everything is info-- the way she talks, the topics she prefers to discuss, where she lives, what she prefers to wear, buy, do, the way she talks, laughs, etc, etc, etc, do your work day in day out to get as much info as possible, be consistent, realistic about your goals, don't be deluded by easy situations. Be thorough, be wise .

[Eduard]

Muzh,
13 years ! You, guys, are even longer in history than we are. It's amazing!
As to the methods, I agree. People are prone to believe in easy solutions, luck and wonders in the backyard. Of course, every successful marriage has its own recepy. I am a strong beleiver in  a very thoroughly done "homework". IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL.
You are taking one of the  most responsable and important decisions in life. You have to do your best in doing your "homework". I 'm not trying to explain anything to you, Muzh, because you know it better than anyone else. I am addressing inexperienced
One  may be an expert in visiting Russia/ U, making numerous trips, meeting various ladies, having a couple marriages and, yet, not reaching the final goal.
If the marriage ended in divorce or didn't work, there must be flags in the anamnesis, so to speak, in the goals set, startegy, tactics, assessments, expectations, etc
Keeping the lady, keeping the relationship within the marriage healthy,  so that it gladdens you every day of your life and you are counting your blessings...--this is the final goal. And, I am afraid, quite a few guys who are trying to position themselves as experienced are far from being such.
Do your homework ( learn as much info about your lady as possible, everything is info-- the way she talks, the topics she prefers to discuss, where she lives, what she prefers to wear, buy, do, the way she talks, laughs, etc, etc, etc, do your work day in day out to get as much info as possible, be consistent, realistic about your goals, don't be deluded by easy situations. Be thorough, be wise .

All very good advice, Ludmila. Tough to accomplish if her English is very limited and his Russian is even more limited. Unless they figure out the way to overcome the language barrier it is going to be a gamble no matter how much they follow your advice. Relationships are a gamble (but to a lesser degree) even when the two people come from the same culture and speak the same language. But unless people can find a way to overcome the language barrier it is truly a "Russian roulette" you are going to be playing.