Share your experience plz

[Aloe]

There is this social club meeting (of foreigners) in Brussels tomorrow. I wanna go and meet new people, but i'm kinda shy... What to do, just walk up to them, say HIIII
I could really really use some social activity though...

[Faux Pas]

There is this social club meeting (of foreigners) in Brussels tomorrow. I wanna go and meet new people, but i'm kinda shy... What to do, just walk up to them, say HIIII
I could really really use some social activity though...

The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. Yes, that's all you do is walk up and say hi. Don't hesitate to compliment the one you've chosen to speak to. You'll be surprised at where such conversations will go or how interesting they can be. 

[Gator]

The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. Yes, that's all you do is walk up and say hi. Don't hesitate to compliment the one you've chosen to speak to. You'll be surprised at where such conversations will go or how interesting they can be. 

Excellent. 
 
Aloe, great idea.   
 
The following perhaps will come across as condescending because I doubt you would do it.  However, just in case someone serves you too much wine, I caution you not to discuss hubby and your relationship.   If someone asks, just say he is busy and could not make it.  That opens the door a little and anything can happen from there.

[Gator]

Jumper, your avocation was you vocation, and it launched your career.   What you described about yourself can be said of many successful men - love your work.   Eat, sleep, drink it.    I was the same.   It is more than being driven.
 
In contrast, I doubt Aloe's husband is earning income as the "healer" or building a gainful career.

[Konfushus]

Hmmm... naked wife walking around or an evening healing dwarves and elves. Tough decision.

Aloe, it's hard for me to relate as I'm the polar opposite of your husband, but maybe you can find some activity that is social and away from the computer, but would still appeal to him. Maybe a game or fantasy costume convention, trip to a medieval castle, live action role play, SCA, rennaisance faire... there must be something real that incorprates fantasy to drag a gamer away from the computer. I'm just brainstorming here. Hell this stuff sounds fun to me.

[BC]

There is this social club meeting (of foreigners) in Brussels tomorrow. I wanna go and meet new people, but i'm kinda shy... What to do, just walk up to them, say HIIII
I could really really use some social activity though...

Exactly that... just go for it Aloe....

After all you have nothing to lose.

[Daveman]

...Sex and borsch are not enough for good relationship. 

Hmmmmm, I don't know.. I'm kinda on the fence about that one! 

[ML]

Sex and borsch are not enough for good relationship. 

But if indulged in that order, they can be quite nourishing.

[SANDRO43]

Hmmmmm, I don't know.. I'm kinda on the fence about that one! 

Which of the two ?

[Ranetka]

Aloe,


Your hubby seems to be exactly the way he was before you got married. You married this man, why do you now expect him to change?

[mies]

To the people who advise Aloe attract husband's attention by sex/nudity/seduction: you make it sound as if this is *her* duty/job/responsibility etc to get the guy interested and to get him stop acting like an a-hole. To me this attitude sounds plain wrong.
If a dog poops on the carpet - you do not reward the dog. If a child does something really bad - you do not reward a child. You never reward a bad behavior else you will form a reflex that bad behavior leads to reward. You are advising Aloe how to teach her husband into being a manipulative home-monster. I am a believer in stick&carrot or ignore&carrot approach.

Her husband acts bad. He's been doing this repeatedly, on many occasions, and he doesn't feel the tiniest remorse about his actions. This is wrong. And it is wrong to be encouraging such behavior or trying to be "negotiating with terrorists."

I agree with those forum members who advise Aloe to start following her interests with or without her husband. Either he'll start joining her, or he will be relieved that finally he can play his games alone. Of course, it's not his duty to entertain her, or to do anything she wants, but she is neglecting her and her needs in many ways. So I think Aloe should stop hoping that someone else (her husband) satisfy her needs, and start meeting her needs herself. The problem is that she loves her husband, or I got this impression from her posts. And that she wants to do those things with him. Well. It's a tough life. We do not always get what we want.

Aloe, the more you will be trying to accommodate your husband's bad habits, the worse they will be getting. Trust me. 

[mies]

Aloe,


Your hubby seems to be exactly the way he was before you got married. You married this man, why do you now expect him to change?

Ranetka, don't be harsh on Aloe. After all, the famous joke: woman marries a man hoping he will change, man marries a woman hoping she won't change. It's a common fallacy on both parts. People can grow together in marriage, or they can grow apart. It looks like Aloe had outgrown these few similarities that she used to have with her husband. Is she supposed to "carry this cross" to the last one of her days? She should be happy her way, and let her husband be happy his way. I am a true believer in the religion of "Happiness."

[Ranetka]

Ranetka, don't be harsh on Aloe. After all, the famous joke: woman marries a man hoping he will change, man marries a woman hoping she won't change. It's a common fallacy on both parts. People can grow together in marriage, or they can grow apart. It looks like Aloe had outgrown these few similarities that she used to have with her husband. Is she supposed to "carry this cross" to the last one of her days? She should be happy her way, and let her husband be happy his way. I am a true believer in the religion of "Happiness."

She I think should not be expecting her husband to be what he is not. I agree also with people advising her to start doing things that interest her.

[mies]

She I think should not be expecting her husband to be what he is not.

Agree. Under these circumstances dreaming is counterproductive and can be dangerous. But all people who are in love are dreamers.

[Aloe]

So i went to that social meeting, it was booooooooooriiiiiiinggggggg. A bunch of women sitting around waiting to get hit on or something? Anyway, the women weren't very interested in conversation. I talked to a few women, but i was the one leading the conversation, asking questions and being all pro-active and stuff. And the second i stopped doing that, the conversation died immediately. Not fun at all. They didn't care to talk with me, it seems. And the guys were kinda drunk and too self-absorbed to talk to anyone, they just held monologues mostly. Boooooooooooooooriiiiiiiingggggg. What a bad experience, lol

[BC]

Success is hardly ever instant... sorta like expecting a hole in one at golf.

If you don't succeed, try, try again.  Hopefully sooner rather than later you'll hit a good spot.

[Aloe]

So about the solid advice of doing things on my own; what if the thing i want and ache to do the most is travel? I really really wanna go on road trips through Europe. It feels criminal to be in the middle of Europe and not take advantage of that!! And i wanna go to Asia at least for a few months.. And go hiking in the Alps.. and many other things.I can hardly go alone and leave hubby behind, while spending 'his' money... Besides it would be 1000 times more fun if we did it together...

[Aloe]

Success is hardly ever instant... sorta like expecting a hole in one at golf.

If you don't succeed, try, try again.  Hopefully sooner rather than later you'll hit a good spot.

Well it's a club that positions itself as a place where people come to find friends. But if in a club like that, people aren't really interested in others, then where are they interested?

[BC]

So about the solid advice of doing things on my own; what if the thing i want and ache to do the most is travel? I really really wanna go on road trips through Europe. It feels criminal to be in the middle of Europe and not take advantage of that!! And i wanna go to Asia at least for a few months.. And go hiking in the Alps.. and many other things.I can hardly go alone and leave hubby behind, while spending 'his' money... Besides it would be 1000 times more fun if we did it together...

Ryanair is a great way to get around on the cheap.. Charleroi and Eindhoven are practically at your doorstep  Flights from both put you 20 mins away from us by car.  Come on down anytime...  Maybe I should get you and my wife together on odnoklassniki? pm if interested. I'm going to be traveling quite a bit of business traveling till the end of October, wife is going to RU end of December.  Most return tickets around 100 eur or less from Eindhoven, Charleroi.. just priced at 50 eur or less.... we have an extra guest room and my wife cooks better than most restaurants..  plenty to see and do.

Heck you can go to Paris for the day and be back home by dinnertime for under 80 eur on the fast train.....  Its less than 1.5 hours on the train...  How many here can do that??

Oh.. and btw... it's not 'his' money... it's yours too..

[GoodOlBoy]

Come on down anytime...  Maybe I should get you and my wife together on odnoklassniki? pm if interested. I'm going to be traveling quite a bit of business traveling till the end of October, wife is going to RU end of December.  Most return tickets around 100 eur or less from Eindhoven, Charleroi.. just priced at 50 eur or less.... we have an extra guest room and my wife cooks better than most restaurants..  plenty to see and do.

Heck you can go to Paris for the day and be back home by dinnertime for under 80 eur on the fast train.....  Its less than 1.5 hours on the train...  How many here can do that??

Real classy BC !
Aloe, don't be a fool.
Take BC up on his offer!
 

Oh.. and btw... it's not 'his' money... it's yours too..

Better than that.
Ask your husband for some of the money back your Mom sent you.
You know, the money he took from you. 
 
GOB

[Dave13]

Hiking in the Alps, that's on our list, my wife Anna loves to hike and here in Alaska we have some of the best hiking in the world, of course the bears do add a different type of  concern  . BC's offer does provided you a choice. 

[BC]

BC's offer does provided you a choice. 

It might be that from Aloe's POV 'goal' is more appropriate.. and that's quite OK.  I think that is a part of the problem - like shooting without targets.

Aloe,

again, you need to set yourself some achievable goals and work towards them.  Really, everything is possible.

[BillyB]

 
Aloe, you are partly to blame for your woes on this issue. YOU married a guy who had common interests with you and YOU changed.
 
I would bet if it were he that changed and try to force you off the game you loved, you'd come here to complain that your hubby is trying to take away your personal time with friends on the internet. Because you are a woman, people would defend you even if the problem is reversed.
 
I met FSU women that refused to date men under 30. Why? Because they are children and they are unstable as in they don't know what to expect from the guy one minute to another.
 
You married a boy and who knows when he'll grow up and get off the game. You are growing but rarely two people grow at the same pace. You can't expect your husband to grow at your pace and it's unfair you want to pull him with you when he's not ready. He can't grow into a MAN overnight. You are going to have to be patient but usually the reason a gamer gets off a game isn't because they're growing up, it's because he/she is bored or found a better game.
 

What do you talk about to your spouse? And what do you do to interact with each other??

With my wife and other women I've dated, I take them to parks and go for walks holding hands or locking arms and talk about anything. Many of them like doing that. I hate walks in parks but I like being with women. Your husband has to like being with you more than being with the game. You're looking for a place to go and things to do that you both enjoy. Not going to happen unless you want to get back on the game.
 
Everyone has limited patience but before thinking divorce, you two need to sit down and discuss roles as husband and wife and the meaning of marriage. See if he takes the talk serious but always keep in mind, you married a boy.
 
 

[Ludmila]

Aloe,
what are his interests apart from playing games? What were his interests apart from games when you met him? No sports? No interests in quality movies ? No reading ( news, stories, novels, science fiction, health, etc?) No preferences in music? There must be something, even if uncommon.

[Ludmila]

Aloe,
try to remember WHAT you discussed before marriage, what thoughts you shared, or, rather, what thoughts he shared with you back then.