RW without English in dating

[Olly]

I have my best friend (know her more than 30 years). She is 37 yo with 1 child (16 yo). She want to meet foreign man but don't speak any english. She studied english at school but now forgot a lot and very shy to start searching.
So I want to ask you: what your advice for her? Would you want to meet woman who can't keep a good conversation for maybe one or two years?

[Daveman]

My advice to her would be to start practicing her English.  If she studied it in school, it'll start coming back to her the more she uses it. She can speak with you in English a little to get into the swing of things. 

I'd also turn the question back around to her.. ask her, how would you feel dating a man you could not understand? how will you get to know him well enough  to decide whether you want to have a serious relationship or perhaps even get married?  Do you have the patience, open mindedness, tenacity, etc to travel such a path?

As far as men are concerned.  Some would have the patience to give it a shot, some would not.  So, perhaps Borshch and sex would be good enough for a while.. 

[Olly]

My advice to her would be to start practicing her English.  If she studied it in school, it'll start coming back to her the more she uses it. She can speak with you in English a little to get into the swing of things. 

Yes I teach her and help her.

I'd also turn the question back around to her.. ask her, how would you feel dating a man you could not understand? how will you get to know him well enough  to decide whether you want to have a serious relationship or perhaps even get married?  Do you have the patience, open mindedness, tenacity, etc to travel such a path?

I will ask her. But I think if BOTH wants - it will work. I have a good example: when my another friend met her husband she didn't speak english at all. Of course first one-two years was very difficult but they are married 7 years and happy.

So, perhaps Borshch and sex would be good enough for a while.. 

In this case I think yes 

[ML]

But I think if BOTH wants - it will work.

This overlooks the big question . . . how can both (or either) ever come to the conclusion (during this inability to communicate stage) that they 'wants.'

It is simply silly.

[I/O]

perhaps Borshch and sex would be good enough for a while..

The latter'd wanna be good because the former is unlikely to impress (soup with a fancy name  ).
 
Olly, look at it like this, Mrs I/O didn't speak English (although she did speak 3 other languages) and had a child. She's now married to a guy who only speaks English and she has 3 kids so you add all that up.
 
Without being too self contradictory, I've always advocated men find a lady who speaks English (or whatever their language is), although, by accident rather than good management, I did the opposite. Nevertheless, my reasons are pretty much male centric is so far as, too many guys rush in blindly looking for a pretty face and don't consider anything else - if she can at least speak English they are some kind of chance of sorting things out rationally.
 
This case (IMO) is slightly different - I think the short answer is there will be guys interested, but she will need to prepare a net profile well (explaining all) and sort carefully through to sift the serious ones from the talkers. My guess is, at 37, if she's attractive, she'll have line up of guys a km long - finding a good one is the trick. 

[Olly]

This case (IMO) is slightly different - I think the short answer is there will be guys interested, but she will need to prepare a net profile well (explaining all) and sort carefully through to sift the serious ones from the talkers.

She is my best friend and i help her with letters.

My guess is, at 37, if she's attractive, she'll have line up of guys a km long - finding a good one is the trick. 

Yes she is very attractive - fit, blond with big green eyes 

[I/O]

Yes she is very attractive - fit, blond with big green eyes

I'm there...!!!

[Olly]

I'm there...!!!

You are married and happy daddy! Don't forget! 

[I/O]

You are married and happy daddy! Don't forget!

True but I'm not blind LOL.

[Olly]

True but I'm not blind LOL.

I know that every one man is not blind 
One good quote about it:
If i am on the diet it not means i can't read menu in the restaurant.

[JayH]

Olly -I do not think it matters about her English.The issue is she is learning and nothing will make it improve like the incentive of a relationship.Any understanding guy worth having will happily work thru it with her. There is a lot more to communicating than speaking!!In real life the vibe between 2 people runs ahead of the words. She is lucky to have help that is so good-- it is all she needs to get started.

[Turboguy]

There are guys who would not consider a woman who doesn't have good English and there are guys who don't care.  When I was searching English ability was not something I cared about at all.  I met a number of women who had no English and I saw a number of women who had no English who were searching for a husband and it didn't seem to slow them down a bit.  With your help she can do fine.  She should start trying to improve her English anyway. 

[CDW]

I have my best friend (know her more than 30 years). She is 37 yo with 1 child (16 yo). She want to meet foreign man but don't speak any english. She studied english at school but now forgot a lot and very shy to start searching.
So I want to ask you: what your advice for her? Would you want to meet woman who can't keep a good conversation for maybe one or two years?

She is willing to learn English again, and that's a good start!  When you see her again, try to start talking English to her again.  Not every conversation sentences - but perhaps 10-20% of the time - to start off with. 

Boring conversation like "I have a brown table"  in English 

[Shadow]

Why would she learn English when a potential husband might speak French, Spanish or chinese ?

[Olly]

Why would she learn English when a potential husband might speak French, Spanish or chinese ?

Because French, Spanish or Italian may speak some English and study 5 languages is impossible. 

[Muzh]

I have my best friend (know her more than 30 years). She is 37 yo with 1 child (16 yo). She want to meet foreign man but don't speak any english. She studied english at school but now forgot a lot and very shy to start searching.
So I want to ask you: what your advice for her? Would you want to meet woman who can't keep a good conversation for maybe one or two years?

Olly, my advice to her is:

Does she really want to get involved with a man she cannot communicate with and depend on him for everything she needs? If her answer is yes then she has to be extremely choosy AND lucky. If not, she better develop some fondness for shackles. I'm very serious.

[Olly]

Olly, my advice to her is:

Does she really want to get involved with a man she cannot communicate with and depend on him for everything she needs? If her answer is yes then she has to be extremely choosy AND lucky. If not, she better develop some fondness for shackles. I'm very serious.

As I told above: " I have a good example: when my another friend met her husband she didn't speak english at all. Of course first one-two years was very difficult but they are married 7 years and happy." And a lot of men from this site meet women without english and communicate through the translator.

[Hammer2722]

As some others have mentioned, if she did know English before, then it should not be too difficult to get it back with lots of practice. My fiance was in the same situation. When we started speaking on Skype, she used an electronic translator to assist her in our conversations. Over the course of a year, I noticed she was no longer using the translator as her mind was starting to easily remember all of the English she had previously learned and now her English is very good.
 
Your friend should not be afraid to start communicating in English with the help of a translator at first. In time, I think her self-confidence with English will get better.

[Faux Pas]

Olly -I do not think it matters about her English.The issue is she is learning and nothing will make it improve like the incentive of a relationship.Any understanding guy worth having will happily work thru it with her. There is a lot more to communicating than speaking!!In real life the vibe between 2 people runs ahead of the words. She is lucky to have help that is so good-- it is all she needs to get started.

Well that is certainly the optimists view.  It runs much deeper than that. Jay, apparently you are dating women who don't speak your language? Have you ever married one? Can you imagine marrying someone that you can't communicate with directly? Seriously, forget she's a 10 with a knock out body for a minute and thinking about living and married to someone that the only communication is vibes. Likely a very short marriage

[Faux Pas]

Olly, my wife had a friend and your story is mirrored that one. The wife's friend spoke zero English, like yours studied it in school years ago and forgot it. We set up communication with her and a lifelong friend of mine. Consequently, all letters/emails had to go through my wife for translation.

Long story short, wife's friend got frustrated because of the barrier, maybe she is also impatient and cut off completely communication and without reason or explanation.

My friend who is a great guy, educated, very fit and women find him attractive had some interests in RW found that whole experience kind of sour and now has no interest at all.

Sure it can (and has often from these forums) be overcome. It takes much more work and much more than the average patience, even with that most of these relationships IMHO are doomed for eventual failure.

If you want to help her, help and encourage her in learning her English.

Then there's the post which Muzh made that is all true as well. Even if she got past initial meetings and married, can you imagine the great disadvantage she will have living in an English speaking country to a man she can't communicate with?

[Gator]

Olly,
 
I did it.  It took a long time, 6 years. 
 
We had fun together from Day One.  She is demonstrative and that helps communication.  Being demonstrative, she is intuitive and reactive, and frequently she made incorrect conclusions.  Some of these are not readily reversed given some RW traits.
 
We used an electronic translator and that helped.  But the pace of verbal exchange was painfully slow, particularly if we were having a serious conversation.
 
I spent much money on three-way phone calls with interpreter to determine that we had compatible values, personality, etc.  She started taking English lessons even though she was busy with job, kids, etc.  That was key indicator that she was serious.   
 
Adjustment in America has been difficult.  It is clear that she misses Russia, yet unlike many RW she is basically optimistic and strives to make it work.   But some days are very difficult, especially because she is dependent upon me for much. 
 
Would I do it again?  Given that she is a real thoroughbred and is full of love, yes.  But would I recommend it for others?  I believe the potential for frustration in a man is too high unless the woman is particularly exceptional.  As her friend, you must decide if she is exceptional.     
 
Seven years later we still have miscommunication, so please make sure that your friend chooses calm men with patience, and men who have time to help her adjustment.
 

[Olly]

so please make sure that your friend chooses calm men with patience, and men who have time to help her adjustment.

Thank you for advice. I wish only the best to her cos i love her, she is my best friend and very nice person.

[RGC]

I think the language thing it's difficult but it really depends also on what kind of connection on gets with a person, maybe language could become not so important if there is good chemistry. There are also times when two people speak the same language, still they have nothing to talk about..

Probably one thing your friend could try, besides some studies on her own is to start practicing mailing/talking to foreigners, I am not saying that you won't be able to help, it's just that I have been in those situations with the 2 languages I speak apart from my native.

I am sure, even here you (she) would find some volunteers to help her practice her English

[newjason]

I have my best friend (know her more than 30 years). She is 37 yo with 1 child (16 yo). She want to meet foreign man but don't speak any english. She studied english at school but now forgot a lot and very shy to start searching.
So I want to ask you: what your advice for her? Would you want to meet woman who can't keep a good conversation for maybe one or two years?

Perhaps she should seek a foreign man who can speak a little of her language.
Затем некоторое общение возможно.

English is much easier when she has someone who wants to help her learn.
It is slow going but, like you said, you have friends who have been together 7 happy years.
A personal tutor is a great help. So is English television.
Most of my Russian Friends all  watch(ed)  Brian Williams on NBC nightly news
to help them learn English.
They say that he speaks English slowly, clearly and with great intonation.

[Olly]

So is English television.
Most of my Russian Friends all  watch(ed)  Brian Williams on NBC nightly news
to help them learn English.
They say that he speaks English slowly, clearly and with great intonation.

Unfortunately we have no English channels.