The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

[Gator]

 


In just over one week, the babushka and the older sister will arrive for a four-week visit.  Both are pleasant women, yet neither speaks a word of English.  Also, neither have ever traveled outside Russia.
 
I will be outnumbered 5 to 1.   Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks?   Any suggestions for how to make everyone comfortable and happy.
 
I am planning on getting out of the way and playing a lot of golf.  We will take a few short trips together but my car only holds 5 people so that leaves me out for most trips.

[ML]

 
Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks?   

I think you already know the answer.

You will be ready to call off the deal.

I am saying this a little bit tongue in cheek, but I think there may be a lot of truth to it.

A very big risk; and quite unnecessary in my view.  Much to be lost, and nothing really to be gained.

[mendeleyev]

Gator, have you asked her what she'd like for you to do? Mrs M is my other half and I've found over the years that I'm much better completed in finding out what the other half of me has in mind. 

[LAman]

Some 'cameo' appearences??????? 
 

[Belvis]

I will be outnumbered 5 to 1.   Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks?   Any suggestions for how to make everyone comfortable and happy.

I would not fear the women pack. Feel youself like a leader of the lion pride, i.e. do nothing, relax and ask them to feed you.

[Anotherkiwi]

I would not fear the women pack. Feel youself like a leader of the lion pride, i.e. do nothing, relax and ask them to feed you.

 

[ghost of moon goddess]

Feel youself like a leader of the lion pride, i.e. do nothing, relax and ask them to feed you.

Having left Russia for the first time, two Lionesses are unlikely to be able to feed the Lion because of a culture shock they are likely to have while in the USA   
The Lion's primary duty is to make the "aliens" relax around him. Dear Lion,  just be yourself! Only do not show the babushka your 20-ga shotgun!!! 

I will be outnumbered 5 to 1.   Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks?   

Gator, no one can tell you for certain what you may be feeling over the 4 weeks. Possibly, weary but happy and feeling  part of a close-knit family. All the best to you!!!

[Gator]

A very big risk; and quite unnecessary in my view.  Much to be lost, and nothing really to be gained.

Yes, there are some horrible MIL stories such as GreginGa's.  This MIL, however, is a pleasant woman.  Also, she is not domineering.   The family is very close, something I cherish.  Visits are an intrinsic part of a close family. 
 
I understood this going into the marriage - that is why the Cossack woman was reluctant for years to leave Russia.  As a well paid runway model working in Europe, she had opportunities to live in Europe and live well.  Nevertheless, she always returned to her hometown.  Even her two husbands came from there.
 
This is not about "gains and losses," but about enjoyment, or at least experiencing the joy of a family gathering together.
 

[Gator]

Gator, have you asked her what she'd like for you to do? Mrs M is my other half and I've found over the years that I'm much better completed in finding out what the other half of me has in mind. 

Of course.  In fact I have already been informed.      It was presented in a more diplomatic way, but there was only one answer - "yes dear."
 
We will take a few day trips around central Florida to include the beach, gardens, museums, etc.  The RW have large shopping plans because prices for garments, shoes, etc. are much lower in America (can you say "retail outlets").   An amusement park with its thrill rides has not been eliminated.
 
Basically I expect this to resemble spending a month at a dacha.  My house is surrounded by nature, so I expect many short walks to see nature (I can not wait until they see an alligator or I happen to rustle up a snake or two - hopefully a friendly pretty one).  I have been told that the babushka will want to take over the cooking and even help me with my untidy garden. 
 
Keep in mind that we are talking about four mature women.  That would make me the odd child even if the women were AW.  Add into the recipe 1) the family ties, 2) Russian language,  plus 3) the Russian culture, I will be as useless as tits on a boar.   
 
The daughter even told a boyfriend to get lost as she will not have time for him.
 
Mama and sister have never been out of Russia, so they naturally worry about how American life is treating their family.  Thus a secondary goal is to show happy American life to mama and sister.    I have been cautioned not to mention anything negative such as adjustment pains.     This family tends (but not always) to focus on the bright side and not dwell on the negatives. 
 
I wish papa would come but if he did I imagine both of us would have to undergo detox at the end of the visit.

[Gator]

Some 'cameo' appearences??????? 

Especially the non-speaking type.   

[Gator]

I would not fear the women pack. Feel youself like a leader of the lion pride, i.e. do nothing, relax and ask them to feed you.

    Oh yes, I have seen the lion king at the zoos.  Always sleeping.  My energy levels are too high for sleeping, but I look forward to dining on the daily kill if I can somehow reduce the intake of fat.

[Gator]

Having left Russia for the first time, two Lionesses are unlikely to be able to feed the Lion because of a culture shock they are likely to have while in the USA   

We will see.  I believe it will be other way - I am fed too much.
 

The Lion's primary duty is to make the "aliens" relax around him. Dear Lion,  just be yourself! Only do not show the babushka your 20-ga shotgun!!! 

I will need to be calm, possibly requiring some form of calming medication.  After playing golf in Scotland in the cold, rain and wind, I understood why scotch whiskey was invented.  Maybe after four weeks with four RW, I will understand why vodka was invented.

Gator, no one can tell you for certain what you may be feeling over the 4 weeks. Possibly, weary but happy and feeling  part of a close-knit family. All the best to you!!!

Thank you for the sincere wish.   I was just wondering what men married to RW experience when the MIL visits.  And what would the effect of the addition of an older sister together with an adult daughter. 
 
I am not worried.  Just wanted to be prepared.  I do not expect negative experiences, but perhaps there is something I don't understand. 
 
If there are some negative experiences, I will smile, play golf and take  solace in  the fact that they will depart in the not too distant future.
 
 

[Eduard]

I would not fear the women pack. Feel youself like a leader of the lion pride, i.e. do nothing, relax and ask them to feed you.

[Eduard]

The RW have large shopping plans because prices for garments, shoes, etc. are much lower in America (can you say "retail outlets"). 

drop them off at the Ellenton outlet mall early in the morning and pick them up at closing time. They will almost be done and you all will be happy.

[Fashionista]

Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks? 

There is a possibility there will be world war 3, and everybody blaming you 

[Eduard]

I'm really lucky in regard to my in-laws. They are delightful people and offer nothing but help and support when they stay with us. I never thought that it would be possible but I hate to see them leave when they have to return to Russia.

[GQBlues]

...
If there are some negative experiences, I will smile, play golf and take  solace in  the fact that they will depart in the not too distant future.

Yeah well, good luck with that one...

4 weeks is 3 weeks too long, IMO. I can't understand why these folks want to linger longer than a week to begin with anyway. It's a big world out there and certainly far too many places to go and people to meet and too little time to do it with.

Matter of fact, what's wrong with a 'long weekend holiday'? 4, maybe even 5 days...tops.

Add: advice ~

Book them a 10-day trip, flight and hotel plus expenses, to say Manhattan, maybe Vegas etc... I did that the second time my in-laws came over. Midway through the 2nd week, I bought  3 R/T airfare tickets to Vegas/Bellagio/Cirque du Soleil/Concert/Play, even a limo to-fro home to LAX, etc. and had my wife take them along with her..so when they came back, I only had a few more days left before they had to leave.

 

Best vacation I ever had...

[Daveman]

Yeah well, good luck with that one...

4 weeks is 3 weeks too long, IMO. I can't understand why these folks want to linger longer than a week to begin with anyway. It's a big world out there and certainly far too many places to go and people to meet and too little time to do it with.

Matter of fact, what's wrong with a 'long weekend holiday'? 4, maybe even 5 days...tops.

Add: advice ~

Book them a 10-day trip, flight and hotel plus expenses, to say Manhattan, maybe Vegas etc... I did that the second time my in-laws came over. Midway through the 2nd week, I bought  3 R/T airfare tickets to Vegas/Bellagio/Cirque du Soleil/Concert/Play, even a limo to-fro home to LAX, etc. and had my wife take them along with her..so when they came back, I only had a few more days left before they had to leave.

 

Best vacation I ever had...

[scribbling notes]  Shhhhhhhhhh

[BillyB]

I will be outnumbered 5 to 1.   Any opinions on what I may be feeling over the four weeks?   Any suggestions for how to make everyone comfortable and happy.
 

The ladies will keep each other entertained. You won't be able to join in most conversations, only smile and nod your head. They will probably feel sorry for you and think what they can do to keep you happy. You might gain some weight.

[Gator]

The responses so far are leaning towards this being a negative experience.  I did not expect such responses.   I would have thought that the happiness of my Russian tribe would have ripple effects.
 
Also, there were not many responses from married members.  I guess this suggests that most have not had MIL visits, and instead most wives have made an annual or so pilgrimage to the motherland.
 
Being the eternal optimist, I assume that my Cossack woman is enjoying the American life, or otherwise she would never have invited her family to visit and observe firsthand.   Her family has always questioned the merits of her moving here. There have been several episodes which would suggest otherwise; however, I had mostly dismissed them as adjustment pains and some off target yet correctable responses by me.   
 
We will see if my patience is equal to the task.    Whatever happens I believe I will remain committed to the relationship - such is absolutely necessary.

[GQBlues]

...
Also, there were not many responses from married members.  I guess this suggests that most have not had MIL visits, and instead most wives have made an annual or so pilgrimage to the motherland...

Oh well...better put a call in to GregfromGA, or even Donna_Pedro and ask her how it was like for her to have Babu over here.

...We will see if my patience is equal to the task.    Whatever happens I believe I will remain committed to the relationship - such is absolutely necessary.

I mean this in a 'helpful' way, but soon you and everyone will 'get it'.

It isn't about 'you'. It doesn't matter if you have the patience of a rock. It is about if *they* do and how long *they* can tolerate *you*..

[Gator]

Oh well...better put a call in to GregfromGA, or even Donna_Pedro and ask her how it was like for her to have Babu over here.

I have talked with Greg about his MIL.  Mine is not the wicked witch from the East.  Besides there are no young children where a MIL feels that she must intercede.  And the children are very happy.  The young tykes are in Russia, greatgrandchildren. 
 
I met Doona Pedro's mama.  She seemed like a reasonable woman but was not canning, cooking, cleaning, weeding, digging, etc.  like my MIL. 
 
Another key.  My MIL and FIL have been happily married for well over 50 years.  I see a happy, functional family.  MIL even managed to smile when having sciatica during one visit. However, I have been wrong before in my life. 
 

I mean this in a 'helpful' way, but soon you and everyone will 'get
it'.

It isn't about 'you'. It doesn't matter if you have the patience of
a rock. It is about if *they* do and how long *they* can tolerate
*you*..

Tolerance is an issue when there is a conflict.  What do you see as potential conflicts?
Perhaps I am missing something.  I agree that they don't need me (e. g., they have two cars to drive) so they can ignore me as I can ignore them.   

[Gator]

GQ, a second thought.  The MIL and sister could attempt to persuade them to return to Russia.  That would create some turmoil in the Cossack woman who had a good life in Russia.  However, the two children don't want to return.   So there could be some spirited discussions.  Hopefully I can navigate the troubled waters without hitting a mine.
 
 

[Eduard]

Phil.
here is my advice. Be positive, be welcoming, make them feel like they are coming home, smile and really try to make them feel welcome, comfortable and wanted there. In most cases you will get back a 150% of what you will put in (unless they are just a very dysfunctional, miserable family which according to you they are not).
I see that most here don't have a very positive experience with visiting in-laws, but IMO half of the time it can be their own fault.
You've had quite a bit of experience with Russian culture, so you should know that most Russians are very gracious hosts and will offer the very best to their guests even if they can't afford it. This is not usually practiced in American culture hence some of the negative in-law experience you may here from other men married to RW.
You will have a much better relationship with your lady and enjoy a lot more love and respect from her if instead of "I'll let them have the two cars and just go and play golf" attitude, you will make an effort to communicate, to spend time and bond with her loved ones even if you might have to come out of your comfort zone to do this.


I know that there are plenty of psychologically damaged people in the FSU and many dysfunctional families. Dealing with in-laws with that kind of background can be very difficult. But your lady's parents have been married for 50 years and that alone says a lot about them.
Welcome them with open arms and an open heart and I'm sure you can have a very positive and fullfiling experience when they visit, and after they leave you will be appreciated by your lady even more. 

[Belvis]

The MIL and sister could attempt to persuade them to return to Russia.  That would create some turmoil in the Cossack woman who had a good life in Russia.  However, the two children don't want to return.   So there could be some spirited discussions.  Hopefully I can navigate the troubled waters without hitting a mine.

In their (MIL and sister) place, I'd like to get a family member back in Russia to unite their Stavropol cossack tribe. Sure, they'll easily abandon this idea as they are genuinely interested in her happiness. I don't think they're coming  for sightseeing, they're eager to watch and examine your relationship at close distance.
In any case, I'm supprised when men blame MILs for their breakups. A dreadful  babushka is usually a nice person who just loves her daughter, and will love a man who makes her daughter happy.
So everything is already predetermined by the current state of the relationship, and the MIL visit does not change a destiny
One more thought. MIL can easily be pleased by talking with her about her daughter, her life and her family. She'll appreciate a simple sincere informal talk with her more than an expensive gift.