Insight from Russian wife

[russianwife]

This is the 20 million dollar question every man asks himself, whether he admits it or not, "Would she still marry me if I was a Russian man with Russian citizenship?"

Thanks, this is absolutely brilliant point.

[calmissile]

hello Doug.
I live in one of the Central West states. Not very popular place, not like California or NY. But I adore this place and absolutely happy here.
Of cause I like USA very much. I always had intuitive feeling that this is my country, that is why i wanted to move here.
My name is Natalia

I am glad you are happy here.  We could use a friendly FSUW to chat with our G/F's in Uraine that have doubts due to the propoganda and myths they are fed.

Nothing wrong with Central West states.  It's being happy where you are that is important.  Not eveyone prefers the big city life.  LOL

[jone]

An interesting point about communicating with the FSU women and giving them some assurance.

I had to spend three weeks assuring a woman that she would not be 'Taken to Germany and used as a sex slave' as was reported recently on Ukrainian television.  Apparently there was a lady who was interviewed.  She explained that the man had met her on a chat site, convinced her to marry him and gotten her to go to Germany.  Once there, she said that she was forced to perform sex for money and that her new husband was nothing more than a pimp.  She escaped and made her way back to Ukraine where she told her story.

Unfortunately, my American humor cut in and I made the mistake of teasing my woman with the (hilaraiously funny) idea that I was bringing her here to California to be a sex slave.  She didn't think that it was too funny.  I know this idea still circulates in the back of  her mind.

[newjason]

An interesting point about communicating with the FSU women and giving them some assurance.

I had to spend three weeks assuring a woman that she would not be 'Taken to Germany and used as a sex slave' as was reported recently on Ukrainian television.  Apparently there was a lady who was interviewed.  She explained that the man had met her on a chat site, convinced her to marry him and gotten her to go to Germany.  Once there, she said that she was forced to perform sex for money and that her new husband was nothing more than a pimp.  She escaped and made her way back to Ukraine where she told her story.

Unfortunately, my American humor cut in and I made the mistake of teasing my woman with the (hilaraiously funny) idea that I was bringing her here to California to be a sex slave. She didn't think that it was too funny.  I know this idea still circulates in the back of  her mind.

I can think of no time when this would ever be funny.

[russianwife]

Welcome to the forum and have you read this book?  If so, what are your thoughts?

link

Hello Knighta, no I have not read.

[Daveman]

I can think of no time when this would ever be funny.

LoL, just shows how humor varies.. I thought it was hilarious.  I actually used a very similar joke on mine.. who found it funny and a compliment (or pretended to, and to a man, that's the same thing..heh)


Probably the context makes the difference as well..  we were talking about the economy in the USA and I reassured her by asserting that if the worst happens, she's pretty enough to easily keep us in the six figure range.

[newjason]

Dave If we were talking about a local girl, then of course, that would get some laughs.
But , to a woman who is from a country where this happens often, and all her friends are warning her about this, and she has a legit fear of this,  Unless you are already on that level with her, where she understands your sarcasm and humor ,  That is probably gonna be hard to explain your way out of that.  lol

see now , his only choice IS to kidnap her    lol

I wish you luck with that Jone. 
the jokes will be source of many confused looks for quite a while, so if you are gonna try to be clever with her, make sure it's a slam dunk. Other wise, you will get that awkward feeling of having to  explain why its funny, and no one likes doing that, even for a courtesy laugh.

[russianwife]

Hey Natalia.
Nice to see you here.
Interesting idea you have about writing a book.
There are, as I understand, many books on this subject.
None of them are best sellers. Not even remotely close to it.
Why?
As I see it , the world is changing. It's changing fast. Almost daily it seems.
Plus there is no, one size fits all when it comes to meeting people, especially for marriage.
This subject matter has been covered to death and re hashed again and again in an attempt to keep the MOB industry alive while it seems to be on a downward spiral.

With that said,

What would be interesting, is a personal account of the process , from someone who has done it, how they went about it, the highs and lows they experienced while going through it, some anecdotal humor, and some little dirty secrets about the online dating industry.
Make it a story that grips people, one that tugs at their heart strings. Develop the characters and have them take the reader along with them on their story. Make it into chapter after chapter of what happens next.  Like a good mystery novel in short form, make it so the reader can't put it down and just has to keep reading because they can't stand the suspense.

Then at the end, offer up some things that might hep the reader if they should choose to go about courting a FSU woman.

I find that people are much more interested in reality and real life accounts of peoples experiences, than they are in a DIY guide.  save the DIY guides for fixing up your home and things like that. Write a fun story, full of real feelings, events, and details. That would be a book that would be timeless and not become old or outdated. 
to prove my point,
Please read my introduction thread,  Hi I'm Jason.   after you are finished reading that,  let me know what you think.

I have some ideas about a collection of short stories, followed by a summary of do's and don'ts.
I wonder If you would be interested in collaborating with someone?
that someone being me of course
read the thread before you answer...

Jason

Hello Jason, thanks for your detailed reply. I read your story.
What your have written to me is great, but i am afraid it is not for me right now. I wanted to right a guide because I have information and I would like to share this information. Pretty straightforward. The book with developed characters and feelings as you offer is more likely fiction, which requires some writing talent and skill and as I imagine much more effort and time than useful informational guide.
Also opposite of you I am afraid that "a collection of short stories, followed by a summary of do's and don'ts" will not have demand. Proof: for people who want to understand the whole process and possible obstacles the collection of stories just will not be sufficient. In the same time for the people who are interested in fictional side, feelings and events, these "do and dont`"s just of no use and will look like unnecessary distraction from an interesting plot. This is just my opinion, I may be wrong and you may be right, I do not know...

Apart of it I was very impressed with your idea to collaborate  

[russianwife]

Natalia, I wholeheartedly agree with you. After some online search, you found out that it would be more beneficial just to move to the U.S. and to continue looking already here. Then you started looking locally, and found one who you love. Is that right?

I did almost the same, by immigrating to Canada independently.

I have a question for you. When you applied to the U.S. university, how did you finance your studies? Did you applied for any scholarships? The studies in the U.S. are expensive, especially for the foreigners.

Natalia, I wholeheartedly agree with you. After some online search, you found out that it would be more beneficial just to move to the U.S. and to continue looking already here. Then you started looking locally, and found one who you love. Is that right?

I did almost the same, by immigrating to Canada independently.

I have a question for you. When you applied to the U.S. university, how did you finance your studies? Did you applied for any scholarships? The studies in the U.S. are expensive, especially for the foreigners.

Hello Lily!
I found my special person through internet and we were in correspondence before I came here. I liked exchange emails with him but still it was just correspondence. I was not confident that this is real feelings since i had never seen him. / When we met in USA and got to know each other it turns into real love story.

About universities: I applied to graduate level programs. Many departments offer some forms of financial aid for graduate students (in Canada too). I applied for assistantship from departments. I would not come here without assistantship. Also there are some foundations (Ford Foundation, Fulbright Foundation and others) where you can apply for scholarship to finance your study. Of cause it is competitive. It took for me more than 2 years to prepare for application process. I applied to 10 places and most of them refused to accept me. But not all By the way, to study here may not be so expensive as foreigners usually think.  In my university grad program cost about 12000 $ a year, not crazy expensive.

[newjason]

Hello Jason, thanks for your detailed reply. I read your story.
What your have written to me is great, but i am afraid it is not for me right now. I wanted to right a guide because I have information and I would like to share this information. Pretty straightforward. The book with developed characters and feelings as you offer is more likely fiction, which requires some writing talent and skill and as I imagine much more effort and time than useful informational guide.
Also opposite of you I am afraid that "a collection of short stories, followed by a summary of do's and don'ts" will not have demand. Proof: for people who want to understand the whole process and possible obstacles the collection of stories just will not be sufficient. In the same time for the people who are interested in fictional side, feelings and events, these "do and dont`"s just of no use and will look like unnecessary distraction from an interesting plot. This is just my opinion, I may be wrong and you may be right, I do not know...

Apart of it I was very impressed with your idea to collaborate  

When it comes to literature, i don't know that there is a wrong or right... 
Everyone has their favorite books and authors, and they are as many as there are stars in the sky.

Thanks for your consideration.
The offer still stands.
If you should need anything.

[Aloe]

Dave If we were talking about a local girl, then of course, that would get some laughs.
But , to a woman who is from a country where this happens often, and all her friends are warning her about this, and she has a legit fear of this,  Unless you are already on that level with her, where she understands your sarcasm and humor ,  That is probably gonna be hard to explain your way out of that.  lol

see now , his only choice IS to kidnap her    lol

I wish you luck with that Jone. 
the jokes will be source of many confused looks for quite a while, so if you are gonna try to be clever with her, make sure it's a slam dunk. Other wise, you will get that awkward feeling of having to  explain why its funny, and no one likes doing that, even for a courtesy laugh.

Happens often? I'm afraid it doesn't happen quite as often as the media would have you believe    I dare say it's rather an exception... So it can only be a legit fear for someone who is very impressionable.
I think Daveman's joke is a lot better placed in the context. Jone's is weird. Feeling when a joke is appropriate - it's a gift   

[jone]

People,  Get a life!  I have been telling jokes in FSU countries for 15 years since I was in my early 20s. 

Not only did the woman understand the humor but since has picked up on it herself.  She now actually claims that she would love to go into the business to help us with finances - but it did take her awhile to get over that thought.  If  you cannot tease someone you are in a relationship with about things related to man and women relations, then you will not have a great intimate life. 

I would much rather tease someone about something that would never come true than tease someone about something that they might be sensitive about.  AND I am irrevererant.  Nothing is sacred for teasing, but I would never tease to offend.

The point of the post was that sometimes women do need assurance.  Let's all stick to the thread, huh?

[ML]

Let's all stick to the thread, huh?

Ha . . . good luck with that request.



People,  Get a life! 

Your mis-steps here (as determined by others) will never be forgotten and thrown up to you for months and years to come.  Get used to it.

[calmissile]

An interesting point about communicating with the FSU women and giving them some assurance.

I had to spend three weeks assuring a woman that she would not be 'Taken to Germany and used as a sex slave' as was reported recently on Ukrainian television.  Apparently there was a lady who was interviewed.  She explained that the man had met her on a chat site, convinced her to marry him and gotten her to go to Germany.  Once there, she said that she was forced to perform sex for money and that her new husband was nothing more than a pimp.  She escaped and made her way back to Ukraine where she told her story.

Unfortunately, my American humor cut in and I made the mistake of teasing my woman with the (hilaraiously funny) idea that I was bringing her here to California to be a sex slave.  She didn't think that it was too funny.  I know this idea still circulates in the back of  her mind.

Your quite right.  The myth still goes on.  While in Ukraine a month ago, I spent the weekend with a stunning, younger gal.  When we discussed the possibility of a future together, she brought up the sex slave myth and was afraid to immigrate to the US.  Rather than try to convince her it is not like that in the US, I gave up and moved on to one with more general fears (moving to a new culture).  Much easier to deal with.  LOL

[kennethsc]

Isn't there a Russian word, "menyat?" My fiancee spoke of this. Also, I had a friend at the bank from the Ukraine. Got married to a guy who treated her like a "maid with benefits."

[Misha]

Isn't there a Russian word, "menyat?"

Yes, менять, which means to change.

[Lily]

Or to trade something against the other thing.

[Daveman]

Or to trade something against the other thing.

Like "to barter"?  or "to swap"?  I'm not quite following...

[Lily]

Like "to barter"?  or "to swap"?  I'm not quite following...

It can mean both.

[Misha]

Like "to barter"?  or "to swap"?  I'm not quite following...

All of the above: http://dictionary.reverso.net/russian-english/%D0%BC%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%8F%D1%82%D1%8C/forced

[Muzh]

Natalia, welcome.

There is nothing you can say or do that will help this sorry bunch.

May I suggest you write a book for the ladies instead? They are the ones who will need all the help they can get.

[Lily]

My guess would be that the book for ladies should better be written by a man instead, provided that the topic would be how to select, to attract and to keep a man. Wrong?

[Muzh]

My guess would be that the book for ladies should better be written by a man instead, provided that the topic would be how to select, to attract and to keep a man. Wrong?

LMAO

I hope not Lily.

Ponder this:

Chapter 1: How to be very Traditional and Submissive

Chapter 2: The Basement is Really Not That Bad

[calmissile]

LMAO

I hope not Lily.

Ponder this:

Chapter 1: How to be very Traditional and Submissive

Chapter 2: The Basement is Really Not That Bad

Check this one out.  LOL   

http://www.flixxy.com/5-million-dollar-underground-garage.htm

[Anotherkiwi]

Check this one out.  LOL   

http://www.flixxy.com/5-million-dollar-underground-garage.htm

I would if I could, but it's blocked here on copyright grounds.