Ramblings of a confused mind, part 3512

[Aloe]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I want something and I know not what..... I want everything and I want nothinggggg...... I want riches and I want a leaking roof hut.... I want lovers and I want to be alone.... I want happiness and I want misery...... I want adventure and I want safety.... I want crazy deeds and I want stability..... What to do? Where to tilt? So confusing.
Lack of direction in life, it's a problem!!!

[Aloe]

Here's an idea... start operating from what i DON'T want. If i operate from what i want, then i never know what i want so i never do anything. But if i operate from what i dont want, i know i dont want this, hence doing anything at all that is different from this should at least change the situation somehow?!

[Daveman]

Aloe, welcome back to rambleland! 


Just keep in mind that life ebbs and flows.  Imagine everything like a vibration, or a wave. Peaks and valleys.  We all go through phases of boredom, excitement, etc. We all go through phases of questioning "what the hell do I want?", "what does everything mean"?


One problem with this is that these phases can have an effect on how we view what is currently around us - relationships and partners included.  Think of glasses. Some glasses bring things into focus while others distort whatever is being viewed.


I say all of that to say this - these episodes are generally on the near side of growth in some way. They need not be catastrophic.


And I still say that you'd make tne perfect Boo Bandit of Belgium... if that doesn't spice up the excitement I doubt anything would! 

[Aloe]

Aloe, welcome back to rambleland! 


Just keep in mind that life ebbs and flows.  Imagine everything like a vibration, or a wave. Peaks and valleys.  We all go through phases of boredom, excitement, etc. We all go through phases of questioning "what the hell do I want?", "what does everything mean"?


One problem with this is that these phases can have an effect on how we view what is currently around us - relationships and partners included.  Think of glasses. Some glasses bring things into focus while others distort whatever is being viewed.


I say all of that to say this - these episodes are generally on the near side of growth in some way. They need not be catastrophic.


And I still say that you'd make tne perfect Boo Bandit of Belgium... if that doesn't spice up the excitement I doubt anything would! 

This is one long valley of confusion
That's the problem, i'm afraid i might break something under the influence of something unknown and i'll deeply regret breaking it later.

[Aloe]

I often think of the movie yes-man.. He just started saying yes to everything and suddenly his life changed to the better... But i dont have anyone asking me to do anything, ever. Sigh. Any change for me would have to happen proactively, instead of just saying yes. My hubby is the no-man. If he started saying yes, our life would be wonderful.

[Shadow]

Our 2.5 year old comes to me crying. How to stop him?

You want to drink? No
You want to sit? No
Are you crying? No
Are you negative cat? No
Are you positive cat? No
Can you say yes? No
Can you say no? ............... No
Usually by this time the crying has stopped and is replaced with thinking to do something new.

[LAman]

Aloe...direction comes from goals, dreams and aspirations.....hard to have these things if you are unhappy.
 
How funny...I thought every normal girl wants this and wants that....wants everything!!!
And for sure, you know what you don't want............but do you want to know what you don't  know or is that
 you don't  know what you want to know or  simply you don't know what you don't want to know...
Now i am con-fused. 

[Slumba]

Aloe, good news - such thoughts are a marker for high intelligence!

Forget about the big picture for a moment - instead, you should try to succeed at 1 thing, each day.  You also need to keep a journal , written, not just posted here, of each new thing you tried, that you succeeded at.  Buy a journal for only this.

For today or tomorrow, how about learning how to cook a new dish?  Beef short ribs in red wine sauce might be just the thing, this time of year - and it will make the whole apartment smell great! ...  Serve over whole wheat penne pasta .

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/beef-short-ribs-recipe/index.html

By the way, a "Dutch oven" is an American phrase for a heavy, tall thick-walled pot, the thickness of the metal ensures even heat distribution and it retains heat for a long time.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_oven

[Noch1]

To know what you don't want is half the battle.
it helps ease the confusion on what you do want.

Write it down! All of it! put it in columns, put is it notes.
but write it down. Put it away then every week look at it.
You can then add a few things and scratch a few things off.

Do a few of the smaller things. Ones no one really notices, but you!
this will give you direction on the bigger things.
After a shorter time than you think.
What you want will become clearer!

[LAman]

I often think of the movie yes-man.. He just started saying yes to everything and suddenly his life changed to the better... But i dont have anyone asking me to do anything, ever. Sigh. Any change for me would have to happen proactively, instead of just saying yes. My hubby is the no-man. If he started saying yes, our life would be wonderful.

Only for the better when he realized he had been avoiding living life by living alone with no aspirations.
And also realizing you don't have to say 'yes' to everything......but 'yes' to those things you really care about!!!
Now, Liar, Liar....whole different story!!!

[Aloe]

Aloe, good news - such thoughts are a marker for high intelligence!

Forget about the big picture for a moment - instead, you should try to succeed at 1 thing, each day.  You also need to keep a journal , written, not just posted here, of each new thing you tried, that you succeeded at.  Buy a journal for only this.

For today or tomorrow, how about learning how to cook a new dish?  Beef short ribs in red wine sauce might be just the thing, this time of year - and it will make the whole apartment smell great! ...  Serve over whole wheat penne pasta .

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/beef-short-ribs-recipe/index.html

By the way, a "Dutch oven" is an American phrase for a heavy, tall thick-walled pot, the thickness of the metal ensures even heat distribution and it retains heat for a long time.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_oven

Thanks for an idea.

Those recipes on foodnetwork might as well be top secret documents, thats how cryptic they look to me I am very bad at cooking words. I look up recipes in dutch, the ingredients are 10 times easier to find then And i have learned to make quite a few dishes lately, so i think i need something else to do Any other ideas?

[Aloe]

To know what you don't want is half the battle.
it helps ease the confusion on what you do want.

Write it down! All of it! put it in columns, put is it notes.
but write it down. Put it away then every week look at it.
You can then add a few things and scratch a few things off.

Do a few of the smaller things. Ones no one really notices, but you!
this will give you direction on the bigger things.
After a shorter time than you think.
What you want will become clearer!

This is kinda vague. Plz add specific examples
Write what down? What i dont want or what i want?
What smaller things?

[Aloe]

The other day i identified yet another issue i have. I was reading articles on psychology today and stumbled upon an article about being an outsider. That is so me. No matter where i go, no matter what i do, no matter what i participate in, i always feel/act/and get perceived like an outsider. I don't feel like i belong anywhere. I dont feel russian, so i never felt i belonged in Russia, i dont feel i belong in belgium, i dont feel i belong among the college students, no matter where, i never ever feel that i belong anywhere or that im a part of some group. Ive never felt a part of a group before. Im always alone and excluded , even if by my own actions, i just dont know how to belong to a group. When i listen to other girls chatter away with each other, it's mostly some small talk about nonsense, i hate small talk and im never good at it. And i almost never talk anyway, unless to someone really close to me. Sigh. This is such a deeply rooted problem. I remember clearly in kindergarten i was always alone as well, never playing with other kids, just walking around doing my thing.

[sunandsail]

Welcome to being a human.


I've felt everything you describe here, and likely most people have at one time or another.


Still, we live on a great planet.   You may find on your list a few things you are glad you are blessed with.


It is hard to seek 50 things at once, it tends to overwhelm our human brains.   Perhaps one might be really important to you.   That one might be good to focus on.

[teaholic]

Forget about the big picture for a moment - instead, you should try to succeed at 1 thing, each day.  You also need to keep a journal , written, not just posted here, of each new thing you tried, that you succeeded at.

Building on this idea, how about you make a deck of index cards with a single activity idea written on each one.  These should be things you would potentially like to do or explore, and they should be small and simple, e.g.:
- go for a 20-minute walk
- learn 5 words in Japanese (or some other language you would like to learn)
- look up a yoga class in the neighborhood and sign up to try it once
- go to the zoo
- take some pictures from your window and play with artistic effects in photoshop

All of these are just random suggestions, and you should replace them with activities that sound at least potentially interesting to you.  The idea is that when you are feeling empty and indecisive, you can pull out this deck, randomly pick out a card and commit to doing the activity listed on it that day.  (You can pick one out of two options in case you're really not in the mood for the first thing you pick.). This way, you can remove some of the indecision and start exploring activities, one small step at a time.  Perhaps over time you will discard some things from your deck because you realize that you don't enjoy them, while other things might eventually grow into larger goals.

And you can ask your "no-man" each time whether he wants to join you.  Perhaps after saying no on 10 consecutive nights, he may feel bad about refusing again and actually say yes.

[teaholic]

The other day i identified yet another issue i have. I was reading articles on psychology today and stumbled upon an article about being an outsider. That is so me. No matter where i go, no matter what i do, no matter what i participate in, i always feel/act/and get perceived like an outsider. I don't feel like i belong anywhere. I dont feel russian, so i never felt i belonged in Russia, i dont feel i belong in belgium, i dont feel i belong among the college students, no matter where, i never ever feel that i belong anywhere or that im a part of some group. Ive never felt a part of a group before. Im always alone and excluded , even if by my own actions, i just dont know how to belong to a group. When i listen to other girls chatter away with each other, it's mostly some small talk about nonsense, i hate small talk and im never good at it. And i almost never talk anyway, unless to someone really close to me. Sigh. This is such a deeply rooted problem. I remember clearly in kindergarten i was always alone as well, never playing with other kids, just walking around doing my thing.

You are probably perceiving things in too gloomy a light right now.  What about your school in Russia - did you feel like you belonged there?  What about your online game community (when you used to play)?  What about Internet fora?  I think online communities are just as "legitimate" and can be good places to find companionship and belonging.

[teaholic]

Also, maybe something here will inspire you:

http://www.coursera.org/courses

These are free online courses from top universities around the world.  I know you are already in school, but perhaps something unrelated to your field will capture your fancy. 

[SANDRO43]

And i have learned to make quite a few dishes lately

Good, so you won't fall for that outlandish combination . Penne and beef ribs, ugh .

[LAman]

Good, so you won't fall for that outlandish combination . Penne and beef ribs, ugh .

Maybe slumba forgot to read the whole recipe to find out the short ribs were cooked/served over vegetables?? 

[Slumba]

Maybe slumba forgot to read the whole recipe to find out the short ribs were cooked/served over vegetables?? 

I couldn't find the exact recipe I used in the past, so used the first one that looked close to what I remembered. 

[newjason]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I want something and I know not what..... I want everything and I want nothinggggg...... I want riches and I want a leaking roof hut.... I want lovers and I want to be alone.... I want happiness and I want misery...... I want adventure and I want safety.... I want crazy deeds and I want stability..... What to do? Where to tilt? So confusing.
Lack of direction in life, it's a problem!!!

Those can be lyrics to a great rock song.
you should write this stuff down and put it to use constructively through the power of music.
Really Aloe, you have a marvelous way of expressing yourself. Take it to the next level. have some fun with it, and share it . There are tools  you can use online to be your accompaniment .

[Aloe]

Welcome to being a human.


I've felt everything you describe here, and likely most people have at one time or another.


Still, we live on a great planet.   You may find on your list a few things you are glad you are blessed with.


It is hard to seek 50 things at once, it tends to overwhelm our human brains.   Perhaps one might be really important to you.   That one might be good to focus on.

Thanks, that's reassuring 

[Aloe]

Building on this idea, how about you make a deck of index cards with a single activity idea written on each one.  These should be things you would potentially like to do or explore, and they should be small and simple, e.g.:
- go for a 20-minute walk
- learn 5 words in Japanese (or some other language you would like to learn)
- look up a yoga class in the neighborhood and sign up to try it once
- go to the zoo
- take some pictures from your window and play with artistic effects in photoshop

All of these are just random suggestions, and you should replace them with activities that sound at least potentially interesting to you.  The idea is that when you are feeling empty and indecisive, you can pull out this deck, randomly pick out a card and commit to doing the activity listed on it that day.  (You can pick one out of two options in case you're really not in the mood for the first thing you pick.). This way, you can remove some of the indecision and start exploring activities, one small step at a time.  Perhaps over time you will discard some things from your deck because you realize that you don't enjoy them, while other things might eventually grow into larger goals.

And you can ask your "no-man" each time whether he wants to join you.  Perhaps after saying no on 10 consecutive nights, he may feel bad about refusing again and actually say yes.

These are really awesome ideas!!! Thanks

[Aloe]

You are probably perceiving things in too gloomy a light right now.  What about your school in Russia - did you feel like you belonged there?  What about your online game community (when you used to play)?  What about Internet fora?  I think online communities are just as "legitimate" and can be good places to find companionship and belonging.

My first school, until i was 13, i did feel like i belonged more or less My game community definitely no. I kept changing guilds. Not sure about internet fora

[Aloe]

Those can be lyrics to a great rock song.
you should write this stuff down and put it to use constructively through the power of music.
Really Aloe, you have a marvelous way of expressing yourself. Take it to the next level. have some fun with it, and share it . There are tools  you can use online to be your accompaniment .

lol thx. I dont see anything special about my writing though