Intimacy..any rules existing?

[Ranetka]

Maybe it is time to turn this question around.

Ladies, what do you think about a man who agrees to sex very early in the relationship?

And what do you think about a man who 'waits too long'?

Why does it worry you may I ask? Did you ever refuse having sex? What did the woman do?


(Did you ever wait too long?  )

[ML]

Why does it worry you may I ask? Did you ever refuse having sex?
What did the woman do?

(Did you ever wait too long?  )

- - - -

A couple of examples.

1) Yes, I remember once 'delaying' sex.  The gal arrived at my apartment  around noon and asked for sex within first two hours.  It was our first ever meeting; so she was one of the few actual female 'aggressors.'  (This   aggressiveness continued for the 2 and half years that we spent together - - - off and on; and we still correspond as friends).  (If there were no action by  noon of each day; she would say, in a rather irritated tone . . . are we going to do this or not?)

My 'delaying' was because I had just had sex with another gal that morning. 
OK,  so slap me.

And she was not very happy with this 'delaying.'

2) Was with another gal on first series of dates;  on 3rd date, she was ready for sex, but her period just then started somewhat unexpectedly and early.  We waited it out . . .  then I got sick for several days and then time for me to get on plane.

She then chastised me for not 'insisting' on some form of sex during her period because . . . 'We like it when the man insists.'

So I waited too long.

This was one of the examples I was  thinking of when I disagreed with those  who claimed that the FSUW did not like aggressive men.

[Anotherkiwi]

Quote from: Shadow on Yesterday at 03:54:01 PMInteresting that your meeting point seems to be BEFORE the customs...

But the technical point was . . . how can the  local person get on the 'other side' of the customs line.  They actually can't; unless they have a very good friend on the inside.   Yeah, I know this sticking point screws up the humor; but just couldn't resist.    ...

ML, you and others are all missing the really obvious point here - the hookup was with the Immigration or Customs devuskha! 

[Chicagoguy]

I don't know how many guys heard this but a many of the Russian women said they wanted sex because it was good for their health.
Well, Dr. C to the rescue.

[jone]

And you believed them.  They're just using your body!

[tsr1959]

....
She then chastised me for not 'insisting' on some form of sex during her period because . . . ......

What is wrong with having sex during the period of a woman, if she like it to have? Showing tenderly that you are ALWAYS be interested in any activity with her is the minimum, isn´t it?

You can tell, that you have learned that at the Boy Scouts: "Always be prepared." 

[Patagonie]

And you believed them.  They're just using your body!

[ghost of moon goddess]

Maybe it is time to turn this question around.

Ladies, what do you think about a man who agrees to sex very early in the relationship?

And what do you think about a man who 'waits too long'?

Perhaps the latter can do "it" alone   

[Hammer2722]

I don't know how many guys heard this but a many of the Russian women said they wanted sex because it was good for their health.
Well, Dr. C to the rescue.

Actually, this statement is true. My fiance was told by her doctor that some of the "female" issues she has had were due to lack of sex or lack of child bearing....

[Eduard]

I don't know how many guys heard this but a many of the Russian women said they wanted sex because it was good for their health.
Well, Dr. C to the rescue.

yes it's a popular view among FSU women (generally speaking). I've heard this one since the 70s and it's still going strong

[Eduard]

Althoughsome cultural and religious considerations might come into play as well, and those will change things.

Sorry about quoting my own post, but I'm a little surprised that no one took note/commented on this issue.
I had a Canadian client 2 or 3 years ago who didn't believe in sex before marriage which was OK. What wasn't OK was the fact that he decided not to share this information with me or the women he was going to see until we were already on the ground in Russia meeting them. The first woman he met he had a particularly strong connection with on line and there was chemistry when they met and dated for a couple of days, but then she wanted intimacy and he explained to her about his views on sex before marriage... it was downhill from that point on.
For those of you who have a dirty mind and wondering if I was in the room with them when he had to explain - no I wasn't. She happened to be a professional English translator and her English was excellent for some one who had never lived in an English-speaking country.


The moral of this story is - please disclose any kind of personal preferences or religious beliefs you might have to the women you are chatting with as soon as it starts getting serious enough to the point where you are talking about visiting them. Your preferences may be unacceptable to some women so you can save yourself and a woman a lot of time and money by discussing these things before visiting and finding out how she feels.

[ML]

Your preferences may be unacceptable to some women so you can save yourself and a woman a lot of time and money by discussing these things before visiting and finding out how she feels.

Yes, but the problem is . . . 'most' women don't want to talk about anything related to sex before a first meeting . . . and has been posted here several times; they will immediately drop a man who mentions anything about sex in their correspondence.

[cc3]

What is wrong with having sex during the period of a woman, if she like it to have? Showing tenderly that you are ALWAYS be interested in any activity with her is the minimum, isn´t it?

You can tell, that you have learned that at the Boy Scouts: "Always be prepared." 

+1

[ML]

Quote from: Chicagoguy on Yesterday at 08:30:56 PM I don't know how many guys heard this but a many of the Russian women said they wanted sex because it was good for their health.
Well, Dr. C to the rescue.
 

Actually, this statement is true. My fiance was told by her doctor that some of the "female" issues she has had were due to lack of sex or lack of child bearing....

Yes, I heard this also from a few women.  And for the screamers here; it came mostly from female doctors.

As I understood it, it was not for general level of health;  but rather for issues along the birth canal.

One gal told me her female doctor told her she should have 'frequent' intercourse . . . and she was embarrassed to tell that she hadn't had sex for a couple of years.

[Belvis]

I had a Canadian client 2 or 3 years ago who didn't believe in sex before marriage which was OK. What wasn't OK was the fact that he decided not to share this information with me or the women he was going to see until we were already on the ground in Russia meeting them. The first woman he met he had a particularly strong connection with on line and there was chemistry when they met and dated for a couple of days, but then she wanted intimacy and he explained to her about his views on sex before marriage... it was downhill from that point on.

Out of curiosity, has this man found his FSUW?
I'm trying to recollect anyone I know personally who would reject sex before marriage but I've failed. I hope it's not a deadly sin so we all will have a chance to expiate it.   At any case this trait is much better than the opposite approach.

[ML]

Perhaps the latter can do "it" alone   

I have it from a good source (read it on the internet) that both genders can do "it" alone.

But I have never observed it;  so it might just be an urban myth.

[ML]

. . . but then she wanted intimacy and he explained to her about his views on sex before marriage... it was downhill from that point on.

Seems the woman was a bit hasty to drop the man.

As I understand it; he did not want to participate in sex before marriage.
She would still be able to have sex before marriage.

[CDW]

Yes, but the problem is . . . 'most' women don't want to talk about anything related to sex before a first meeting . . . and has been posted here several times; they will immediately drop a man who mentions anything about sex in their correspondence.

I don't talk about sex, but if a woman doesn't talk about intimacy relationships, I might think that she is the sort of woman who...... 1) do not believe in sex before marriage,  or  2) very religious,  or  3) not finding me very attractive,  the list is endless.

It is very important to talk about sex, but not necessary talk like "porn"

[Eduard]

Yes, but the problem is . . . 'most' women don't want to talk about anything related to sex before a first meeting . . . and has been posted here several times; they will immediately drop a man who mentions anything about sex in their correspondence.

It all depends on the context and how you talk about it. If you say to a woman something like: "You know, I really like you and I have lots of respect for you as a person. My intentions are serious and if we like each other when we meet I'd like to move forward toward a real relationship. But I feel that it's important that I share my views on premarital sex with you before I take any more of your valuable time."


Now if you start discussing your favorite sexual positions with her, that's a different story and a good number of women will most likely "disappear" on you rather quickly. So I would agree with you there, ML.

[ML]

No Ed,  I think most women will end the correspondence even where the man approaches it very carefully . . .  Regardless of whether it is about premarital sex or  any other worthwhile discussion.

But of course, under the dual standards . . . it is  OK if she brings it up.

My approach is that after I have gotten a feel for the woman after 3-4 messages; I send a message, to some of them, hinting at something intimate (with perhaps a little humor), but that could have a dual meaning.

Those who are highly interested in sex, then usually reply with something hinting slightly that they have a good interest in what they thought you might be hinting.  Then it rapidly accelerates.

Those who have a low interest in sex generally give no comment on what I wrote.

Caveat . . . I am writing only to women who have a pretty good command of the English language.  These dual meaning sentences won't work otherwise.

[viking]

Some Personal experiences

1. Mary (AW). On the first date the chemistry was so strong neither one of us could eat dinner at a nice cafe. I asked for the check after a few bites ( and she was in total agreement). Waiter thought we did not like the meal and was trying to get us to accept another meal until I said "just check the check NOW".  Ten minutes later, in my boat, we were hot and heavy. Back to her place and again. We were together for almost 2 years. I never thought less of her because of it.

2. Melissa. ( also AW) Almost 2 months of"being friends", then a bit more, and then finally. We were together about 5 months. Did not bother me in the least.

When you are both ready, you are ready. There were any number of one, two and three night stands were we both knew it was not going to be a long term relationship but just enjoyed the moment (s).

[Eduard]

No Ed,  I think most women will end the correspondence even where the man approaches it very carefully . . .  Regardless of whether it is about premarital sex or  any other worthwhile discussion.

How can any one argue when you put it like that? 

[noelscot]

Good evening,gentlemen(ladies are are also welcome ).
Here comes a question from Russian lady(well, Ukranian in fact) to men)
the hot discussion is held now on the same forum but from the women part.Some are already banned so the thred is really hot.
The question is when to your mind is the right moment for intimacy between man and a woman?first meeting, second meeting?are there any rules?are there any prejudices among men as to this?
The opinions were expressed among women, that this is only the question of readiness of both and nothing more.Others aggressively deny this, claiming that if woman agrees to have sex with a man during the first meeting(talking about the first meeting i mean not first day,but the whole first meeting in general,the terms vary).man will have negative opinion of her as abroad all decent women have a rule of 3 dates, meaning intimacy can be not earlier than 3 dates.
So, what REALLY men think as to this?

In some circumstances, physical intimacy is the continuation of love. In other circumstances, physical intimacy is meaningless sex. How quickly or slowly people fall in love varies. So the general rule would be to go at a pace comfortable to both the man and the woman when real love exists between them.   

[GQBlues]

Sex is one of many components borne out of a desired and meaningful destination - the relationship. When it happens should be as inconsequential as it is variable from one individual/couple to another.
 

When sex becomes the greater focus than the intented destination, or the time it is consumated to any of the individual involved, then the relationship is questionable to begin with.

[newjason]

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and many of those mistakes, my penis involved. It took me I suppose longer than others to learn not to think with it or formulate relationships around it. Although it does have some degree of skin in the game. I would encourage the rest of the male population to do the same. Based on my personal experience of course 

+1
FP
Very early on I seemed to be in this mode of thinking as well. I later discovered that I thought back then, that sex = love and  love = sex and that the two were interchangeable.
My mistake was that when I got that tingling nervous feeling , butterflies and acting all   doiioioi 
I thought It was love..
Turns out I was just horny

There are always men (perhaps the majority) who have this silly notion that if the woman has quick sex with them, she probably has quick sex with many.

And women, knowing this, do not have quick sex with the man they see as a potential marriage partner . . . while continuing to have quick sex with other men.  So it is a fool's game with such men who make judgements based on quick sex or no quick sex.

very well put ML

I knew , IF I didn't do it, someone else would.
Let's face it.
When you get a green light, you better go. Otherwise, you are blocking the way, and just a hazard in general. Others start honking and telling you to get the hell out of the way.



I think the first date is just for that reason, because unless you are going on a blind date, you already have had some exposure and interactions with a woman that you ask out on a date. Right? But Maybe that is just me.
By agreeing on the date, It kind of implies that you are both interested.

I don't ask women out impulsively or at random.  I have a previous dialogue with them and a mutual attraction. This means that I know somethings about her, and she about me. I have to feel something from her that makes me think to myself,  wow she is beautiful, intelligent, loves the same things I do, same this, same that... etc..
I think the asking "Do you want to go out sometime?"  Is the formality required before getting down to business at some point on the first date.
It's always been pretty clear  what the date was for before it happened.

So do I think less of a woman who does it with me on the first date?
Absolutely not, as I already think highly enough of her to have asked her on the date in the first place.


Obviously this would not be the case if a guy is flying to another country, arranging to meet multiple random women one after the other, and buying dinner for any women who agrees to it.
That's not dating IMO.