Haven't met, she's cold and aloof, but gonna get married!

[kennethsc]

Wow! Where do I start?
Uhhhh...
Pree vyt! Minya za voot Kenneth! I am engaged to a krasivayia ladyia from Moscow. We met on RussianCupid in August of 2011. She called me the Old Cossack because a local friend from the Ukraine called me that. The skype and emails went fine until she changed jobs and went on a business trip to Miass.
In February of 2011 I began working on a fiancee visa. I found that my government makes it both expensive and tedious to go through the process. It seems that my fiancee, consulting forum like this, knew more about it than our government workers did.
As I am the primary caregiver for my mother I was given an extremely rare waiver from having to have met her in person.
I am going to mail the "affidavitt of support" along with an impressive amount of documentation of my ability to support my fiancee tomorrow morning.
However, since her business trip she has become distant and almost cold. The emails come about every three weeks.
I paid the surprise[to me] consular fee but she has never asked for a penny. She sent all the paperwork necessary for the visa.
She is still asking for documents, not money...so...am I concerned over nothing?
She has always been more concerned over whether she'd have a kitchen garden than anything else...
Your thoughts?

[jone]

Right, okay, tell me again!!!

You have never met this woman in person?  You've never been to Moscow and held her in your arms?  And you're going to marry her??????????????

STOP!  Go Directly To Jail.  Do Not Pass Go!

You cannot have read much on this forum if you think you're going to get any answer other than that.  If the woman is not interested in communicating with you, go on to the next one.  She is using you for your visa. 

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BRING HER TO THE US TO MARRY WITHOUT SPENDING TIME WITH HER IN RUSSIA.

You are about to make the mistake of your life.  It does not work like this.  And her recent lack of interest only shows that she (Probably) has met someone else. 

Even if you had met her in person and know which side of the bed she sleeps on, an FSU woman, dedicated to her man, would never not communicate with him for three weeks. 

There are two many fish in the ocean out there.  But you have to catch them in person.  The term Mail Order Bride really means, MEET THEM ON THE INTERNET BUT DATE THEM IN PERSON Order Bride. 

You are being taken advantage of.  Prove me wrong.  Meet her in Russia!!!!!  (I would also spend some time looking up the term VAWA if I were you!!!)

-j

[kennethsc]

j,
Wow! An intelligent answer. I didn't want to hear it. Intelligent, none the less. I can't leave. I have my mother to care for and my family is no help. If she gets tGMXGBPhe visa doesn't she have to marry me when she get's here for it to be valid?

[jone]

Ken,

You don't want her in the country and you (certainly) don't want to be married to her.  Read up on VAWA.  She already has.  If she is on websites learning our laws, that is one of the first tricks that they teach FSU women to do to stay in the United States once they are there.   They create some imaginary infraction that you have committed and then you are legally responsible for supporting her for healthcare and other necessities.   There have been some threads on here that are just absolutely awful.  A guy telling what the woman did so she could live here in US.

I really don't want to be a storm crow, but not having met her, and her willingness to go through with the Visa, even though she barely talks to you, is clear indication that she is going to use you to get her Green Card.  End of Story!

Do NOT let her into this country unless you have met her and assess her true motives prior to her coming here.  You have described the absolutely perfect scam of a woman seeking to live in the US.   

I remind you again.  There are tens of thousands of women who would welcome the opportunity to meet a loving husband.  These women would do everything they know how to do to be close to you before you were together.  You have tied yourself to one who, by your own description, doesn't even like you.

-j

[ECOCKS]

j,
Wow! An intelligent answer. I didn't want to hear it. Intelligent, none the less. I can't leave. I have my mother to care for and my family is no help. If she gets tGMXGBPhe visa doesn't she have to marry me when she get's here for it to be valid?

If you are American the fiance visa does not require marriage. However, it is only a 90 day visa. If you don't get married in 90 days, she has to return to her home country. If you do, it is converted to a limited term residence visa.


You can send her home unmarried if you wish.


Note: I agree that you are crazy to be thinking you will marry a woman you have never met. [PERIOD]


You think you have your reasons but they are ridiculous in the face of a life-long commitment of marriage.

[I/O]

Your thoughts?

Put the crack pipe down.

[kennethsc]

An un-necessary slur. No need to be nasty.

[kennethsc]

J,
I appreciate the insight. Not sending the AoS today.

[kennethsc]

ECOCKS,
Thanks. I did read up on VAWA and found this;
http://www.saveservices.org/2012/05/hr-4970-includes-measures-to-reduce-vawa-immigration-fraud/

I have a long and loud public stand against violence against women but she knows nothing of it.

I appreciate your input.

[TheTraveler]

kennethsc,
 
it's probably poor form to start your new topic within a completely unrelated thread/topic.
 
may i suggest posting your trainwreck-in-the-making in its own thread?... probably in the introductions & icebreakers section.
 

[kennethsc]

Gotcha,
Thanks. I'm new at this. And after all of the wisdom I've heard the train has stopped short of the station. I know this sounds stupid but how do I start a new thread?
And thanks to all...except the "crackpipe" person. Not nice!

[Faux Pas]

Gotcha,
Thanks. I'm new at this. And after all of the wisdom I've heard the train has stopped short of the station. I know this sounds stupid but how do I start a new thread?
And thanks to all...except the "crackpipe" person. Not nice!

That actually wasn't bad advice. What you are doing equates to jumping in the ocean without knowing how to swim. I'm very surprised USCIS has given you a waiver . You do realize that there is no guarantee that even if she gets an interview that she'll be approved? They will take anybody's money for application fees.

Stop what you are attempting to do. No, it is not normal for her to get cold, distant and weeks between communication but, what do you know? You don't even know her.

Hire a competent, qualified caregiver for your mother and go visit this woman before you continue with that application. In fact visit her numerous and lengthy. Would you marry a woman from the next state over based on skype and email without ever having met her? If you are in fact that lucky, you belong in Vegas

[Daveman]

Hiya Kenneth, welcome to the forum.

Definitely read more...


Obviously I split your topic into its own.  You can come up with a better name for it but mine is topical. 


"Put down the crack pipe" basically means to get yourself the hell out of fantasy land.  She's cold, aloof, you hear from her in email about every three weeks..  you haven't even met in person... and you're going to marry her.... yeah, put down the crack pipe, and kick it out the window.. 




Even with this rare "waiver" for the petition... when she goes to her interview and the consular officer reviews your communication history, there's a good chance she'll be denied anyway unless you can somehow get an interview waiver as well.


If you were communicating every day, talking about a wonderful life together, sharing dreams, etc etc, then at least you'd be on the same page in dream land.  It doesn't appear that you're even in the same book at this point.

[ML]

Come on guys !!  You all know what this is.

Threads like this go on forever; yet we often fail to spend much time answering the serious requests for help that are often posted here.

[Patagonie]

Wow! Where do I start?
Uhhhh...
Pree vyt! Minya za voot Kenneth! I am engaged to a krasivayia ladyia from Moscow. We met on RussianCupid in August of 2011. She called me the Old Cossack because a local friend from the Ukraine called me that. The skype and emails went fine until she changed jobs and went on a business trip to Miass.In February of 2011 I began working on a fiancee visa. I found that my government makes it both expensive and tedious to go through the process. It seems that my fiancee, consulting forum like this, knew more about it than our government workers did.As I am the primary caregiver for my mother I was given an extremely rare waiver from having to have met her in person.I am going to mail the "affidavitt of support" along with an impressive amount of documentation of my ability to support my fiancee tomorrow morning.However, since her business trip she has become distant and almost cold. The emails come about every three weeks.I paid the surprise[to me] consular fee but she has never asked for a penny. She sent all the paperwork necessary for the visa.She is still asking for documents, not money...so...am I concerned over nothing?She has always been more concerned over whether she'd have a kitchen garden than anything else...Your thoughts?

Where to start ?
Where to stop ?
--> Just before the cross out lines.

We met on Russian Cupid 16 months ago --> Nothing has happened.
NOTHING
NOTHING
NOTHING

You have not met guy.
Nothing happened. 
Simple.
And she has already a local GF since her move, and probably many suitors.
Guys who visit. Guys who have a real life, with real sexual relationship, guys who have stopped to live in a fantasy.
Guys who earn the respect of ladies, because sorry to be in a nuked mode, but how a girl can have some respect for a man who want to bring her DIRECTLY in USA, without a meeting ? Guy really, how does she feel ? Like a whore on a sidewalk in the suburb of Manilla ?

You need to know something right now, and especially with FSU women :
no love is possible in the long term if a woman don't keep a minimum respect for you.

I stop here because i feel very angry.

[jone]

Ken,

Hi from Kharkov.  I don't have much time as I am working remotely from my California office today.  But I have a thought for you and it dovetails on FP's advise.  He is absolutely right (a first).

Your problem is not this woman you have never met.  Your problem is that you cannot go overseas to meet a woman, so you have to settle for someone that, by everyone's advise to you is substandard, because you are the primary caregiver for your mother.

Three years ago my family was faced with the same issues regarding my father.  He wished to stay in the family home but was unable/incapable of taking care of himself.  He is ambulatory, but had the beginnings of memory loss diseases.   As a group, we sat down and decided to use his retirement income to bring in a non-nurse companion for him.  She feeds him, helps him with his bath, shaves him and otherwise looks after him.  We have another individual, whom we trust, work in tandem with her and she is responsible for money distribution, issues, etc.

My sister lives about 40 minutes away and visits him regularly.  I am only there three, four times a year, but for extended stays.

It is really important that you take care of 'You'.  If you cannot do that, you have no hope of taking care of a wife from a foreign country who has to adapt to our culture, learn language, etc.  Fix your major problem first, then the (sic.) minor problems - like finding a wife - will fall into place. 

Don't want to sound like a know it all.  But your situation is all too familiar.

-j

[Lily]

On the other hand guys..May I suggest a scenario that does not include scam? Personally, I 'd never learn about all MOB scam if not this esteemed forum .
Kenneth is not going to marry a person that he never met. He plans to meet her and to hold her in his arms soon. A purpose of the fiancee visa includes an opportunity for people to meet for an extended time before they decide to get married or not. In addition, she does her visa and related expenses on her own dime. If they don't click in person, she will have to return back to her country. The risks are hers, not his.
How is that? Just seeing the situation from a scam free point.
 

[ECOCKS]

Except that he didn't understand that and thought he was going to HAVE to marry her......

[Lily]

Now he hopefully seems to understand that the fiancee visa does not oblige neither him nor her to marry and stay.
The prevalent majority of RWD would definitely be partisan of him going to the FSU and meet her on her land. This is based partially on the idea that she does not have enough money for tickets or/and not enough credibility in the consulate eyes to grant her a visa in order to come and see a possible partner in his country.
For me, the issue with Kenneth would rather be her coldness and aloofness, which deserves to be addressed.

[TheTraveler]

Gotcha,
Thanks. I'm new at this. And after all of the wisdom I've heard the train has stopped short of the station. I know this sounds stupid but how do I start a new thread?
And thanks to all...except the "crackpipe" person. Not nice!

i suspect that many here -- definitely myself included -- had to deal with plenty of others predicting a train-wreck.
 
but in your case, planning to get married to an aloof russian woman who you have never met in person is not something i'd recommend in any situation.
 
faux pas suggested that you hire a nurse for your mother so that you can travel to meet this woman.  i thought that was great advice.
 
i'd also be interested to hear how you skirted the rule that requires you to meet in person.  i thought the only exemption for that was on religious grounds.

[I/O]

A purpose of the fiancee visa includes an opportunity for people to meet for an extended time before they decide to get married or not.

Lily, with all due respect, my understanding of the K1 purpose is different. Was it not originally designed, primarily for military and other mobile personnel who had actually met and decided to marry someone, to basically be on the one patch to tidy up the final details, logistics if you  like, before the wedding? The short time - 90 days rather points to this also. I've never seen it as a dating visa although I'm well aware plenty have used or tried to use it as such.
 
Ken, don't get all bent up over crack pipes, if you proceed with this doll, you're in for a lot worse than that.

[viking]

I was my mothers care giver for many years. There are   things like Medicare/aid that provide for 24 hour live in care. I STRONGLY suggest you stop using this as an excuse to not get on a plane and go see her in person. Unless you are afraid of flying. You do not know this woman. Period. Your gonna spend time and money and most likely wind up with a heck of a mess on your hands.

[Gator]

Kenneth,
 
I have an optimistic nature; however, I can not envision anything positive about this.  There are multiple, huge negative factors.   Never having met is a huge negative.  So is not communicating (limited to an email every three weeks).   So is calling you "Old Cossack."   I guess it is better than "old goat."    However, most men here are older than their FSUW, but it is rare for an FSUW to refer to us directly as "old" if they are trying to build a loving relationship.   
 
Yes, she is legally required to depart the US if you do not marry her within 90 days.  But will she?  She can decide to become an illegal alien.  And that Affidavit of Support is valid for 10 years even if she is illegal  because you were the one who brought her into the country. 
 
And she may talk you into marriage (90 days is not very long) and then divorce you quickly, enabling her to stay legally in the US while the courts make you give her some support.  I suggest that you start a prenup agreement before she departs Moscow.
 

 
Please tell us more about her and you.  Does she have a history of caring for her sick grandmother?  Is she much better looking and younger than AW you typically date?  Why don't you marry an AW?  Is caring for you mother a major effort?  Where is  "Miass" (her business trip)?
 
Even the two socially naive brothers in the film "A Foreign Affair" traveled to St. Petersburg to meet RW and select one to take care of them.   I suggest you watch this film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0305583/
 

[Patagonie]

A guy should be capable to take a plane in maximum three months after he has started to write.

And my personal theory is that when you start to write, you should be capable to take a plane in less than ONE month. So to be clear you should begin to write only when you know when you go. Which means that you are barely telling her that you will come, testing if she is interested, and exchanging basical informations to sort your profiles.
And avoid this train wreck we see many time, when a guy write and write, month after month, for  . Ok i respect WMVO or WOVO as long as they keep a cool head, but unfortunately too many are out of the maximum temperature allowed.

[Noch1]

Term Mail order bride, is just that a TERM.
Your not suppose to just order her and hope it works out.
You and her a real people, you realize this yes?