Sad day

[Aloe]

mm I think I may have accidentally moved on already. I feel like i'm stuck in a weird situation from the past. I want adventures and new life!!

[LAman]

The subconscious can be very real.
Maybe you know already the direction to lead???
Everybody has wants and needs.....if one 'wants' something, they make it happen ( all within one's reach). It is more important for one's 'needs' to be met!!!!

[Aloe]

The subconscious can be very real.
Maybe you know already the direction to lead???
Everybody has wants and needs.....if one 'wants' something, they make it happen ( all within one's reach). It is more important for one's 'needs' to be met!!!!

I'm so passive i almost never make any of my wants or needs happen. I need someone to nudge me and kick me into a direction and make sure i stay the course the entire time.
Today i got rejected for a cleaning lady job! How sad!! They said they can't hire students. Sigh. I can't work here as anything cuz of my lack of french, and apparently not even as cleaning lady either.

[LAman]

I'm so passive i almost never make any of my wants or needs happen. I need someone to nudge me and kick me into a direction and make sure i stay the course the entire time.
Today i got rejected for a cleaning lady job! How sad!! They said they can't hire students. Sigh. I can't work here as anything cuz of my lack of french, apparently not even as cleaning lady.

Aloe, you are who you are, don't think so much of what you can't do, learning and adapting is what you go through in life!!
Just have to keep trying...just wasn't meant to be. There are many people that need a nudge here or there, maybe even a kick!!!
Remember, there is always something there for you( where ever you are), it sometimes takes longer than you wish to find it......

[Aloe]

Just have to keep trying...just wasn't meant to be. Remember, there is always something there for you( where ever you are), it sometimes takes longer than you wish to find it......

No what they said is a student is not allowed to sign any kind of contract except student contract. And vast majority of student job ads require french.

[Gator]

mm I think I may have accidentally moved on already. I feel like i'm stuck in a weird situation from the past. I want adventures and new life!!

Most people would consider marrying a foreigner and moving to his country is both an adventure and a brand new life. 
 
Not trying to be critical, but just wondering how a restart would differ from what you just did with regard to "adventures and new life!!!"

[Aloe]

Hubby wants a divorce! Yesterday we had a minor argument and today he came home and was all cold and distant and wants a divorce.
What a total communication fail. I fail at some of it too, but he fails so much more at it!

[Boethius]

Hubby wants a divorce! Yesterday we had a minor argument and today he came home and was all cold and distant and wants a divorce.
What a total communication fail. I fail at some of it too, but he fails so much more at it!

How do you feel about this?  If you are not upset, then you have your answer.

[fathertime]

Hubby wants a divorce! Yesterday we had a minor argument and today he came home and was all cold and distant and wants a divorce.
What a total communication fail. I fail at some of it too, but he fails so much more at it!

This shouldn't be a surprise, last week when you posted what happened, he appeared happy, energized, and flippant when you said you wanted a divorce.  You interpreted this as him really wanting to make it work, when it was actually the clear cut sign that he delights in the idea of being released from the chains of marriage.   
From what I've seen, what often happens is once the man is free he changes many things about himself and attracts a different woman and if he is lucky that woman keeps him motivated enough to keep him.  For whatever reason, all you have motivated him to do is sit on the couch in his underwear and play video games.  This may not be your fault, but it is reality.


This is my take based on limited info.


Fathertime!

[Boethius]

That's a little unfair.  He was a gamer before they married.  He didn't want to change once he married.  That's not his wife's fault. 

[fathertime]

That's a little unfair.  He was so motivate before they married.  He didn't want to change once he married.  That's not his wife's fault.

I agree that this probably wasn't the wife's fault. 


It took Angelina Jolie to motivate Brad Pitt, because Jennifer Aniston couldn't, that probably wasn't her fault either.  Pitt moved on and started knocking out kids with Jolie and changed himself into something much different.   Maybe the husband in this case is similar to Brad Pitt.   
Fathertime! 

[Gator]

Is it possible that hubby is just being petulant?  I vote "highly likely" simply because he has not shown much maturity in the past. 
 
Is he serious about wanting a divorce?   I vote "probably not."
 
Allow the drama  to unfold!

[Gator]

....all you have motivated him to do is sit on the couch in his underwear and play video games.  This may not be your fault, but it is reality.

Some people such as my sons in their teenage years are difficult to motivate.   Also, I do not see hubby doing much to inspire Aloe.   
 
We do not have nor want the dirty details, yet I feel Aloe is more committed to the marriage than hubby.  Nevertheless, in a marriage both parties share responsibility. 
 
 

[facetrock]

 Maybe I'm wrong here but I get the impression when Aloe married a foreign guy she thought life would be a bed of roses with one great vacation adventure after another. Just my feeling.

[Misha]

For whatever reason, all you have motivated him to do is sit on the couch in his underwear and play video games.  This may not be your fault, but it is reality.

Happiness and motivation IMHO come from the self and do not depend on others.

[Aloe]

Maybe I'm wrong here but I get the impression when Aloe married a foreign guy she thought life would be a bed of roses with one great vacation adventure after another. Just my feeling.

O rly, is that why i purposefully sought out an unemployed guy 

[Aloe]

Apparently i don't motivate him, and he doesn't motivate me. And we can't communicate.
I need someone with lots more initiative, cuz i have little. And more skilled in communication with his spouse.

[ML]

A lot of value judgments here about the husband when, as far as I know, no one here has met him, nor has he told a single thing about his side of the story.

[facetrock]

I doubt you intentionally looked for an unemployed guy. I think you looked for a guy your own age which was smart. But I also think your expectations of life in Belgium with their higher standard of living was flawed. I think you expected to be a lot farther in life right now.

  In your posts you complain of hubby paying no attention to you but you also complain of lack of money and not being able to travel the world. We hear only your side of the story. If your hubby posted here do you think he would tell the same story as you or would he say if I don't give her my constant undying love and attention and cater to her every whim she gets pissed?

   You've been complaining about your hubby here for at least three years now. We pretty much here the same story over and over. To me, after a while, its kind of like this story again? If all you say is true get the hell out.

 I will says this. If he did push you around physically you should have left then. Never to return. There's a lot of women who are dead because they didn't leave when they should have.

[Misha]

Apparently i don't motivate him, and he doesn't motivate me. And we can't communicate.
I need someone with lots more initiative, cuz i have little. And more skilled in communication with his spouse.

You should never rely on anybody for motivation and initiative. Only you can do that for yourself.

[Gator]

A lot of value judgments here about the husband when, as far as I know, no one here has met him, nor has he told a single thing about his side of the story.

Of course there are two versions.  However, Aloe has been very candid, and that carries weight. 
 
ML, you are a good writer.  Why not take a stab at writing hubby's version, keeping it light?

[facetrock]

Aloe you say you need a man with a lot more initiative because you have little. If that's true it would seem you need someone to entertain you. Not a husband. Sorry that's the way I see it.

[Gator]

Happiness and motivation IMHO come from the self and do not depend on others.

I agree if you mean one must take responsibility for one's own happiness.  While I can be contented if not happy during periods of solitude, I am hardwired to be with someone. 
 
While many successful people are self-motivated, most people respond favorably to peer pressure,  teamwork, good leaders, etc.

[Aloe]

I asked hubby today what does he not like about me, he said that i don't clean and cook enough, my tone sometimes, and that im bossy and uncompromising. The first three i wholeheartedly agree, but with the last two i completely disagree. I'm like the opposite of bossy, i never make him do anything.. And i have compromised a lot. He didn't wanna live in a city, so both times we looked for an apartment i agreed that we live in a village. And we always do what he wants to do.. He says lets watch tv, ok so we watch tv, he says let's play a board game, ok we play board game. But when i say let's go for a walk, its no. But when he says let's do something, we always do it.
I wanted chairs of different color, but he wanted these so we got these. I didn't want one apartment we visited at all, not even a little, but he wanted it so we signed up for it.
I wanna go to one restaurant, but he wants to go to another, so we go to his choice. And he never ever ever ever ever wears what i want him to wear (on a very rare occasion that i want him to). He gets angry if i try to influence his clothes choice. I wear boots and skirts to please him though.
And he calls me uncompromising. Sigh.

[Aloe]

I don't want a guy to "entertain me". I want a guy who would be interested in doing something, hence show initiative (suggest to do something). All hubby wants to do together is watch tv and play a board game sometimes.