What has been the stress level for assimilation??

[ML]

We married and she is giving her best effort to assimilate.  However, it has been stressful for her (and for me too).   So consider that fact as you progress the relationship.

Interesting.  Maybe my situation is an outlier. 

My Gal and I have experienced practically zero stress (OK, leave out the bread) regarding her assimilation.

Is it perhaps because she almost immediately became immersed in University studies?

Or has it something to do with fact we did not marry?

Has stress from trying to assimilate been a big feature for other guys and gals here?

[Misha]

Has stress from trying to assimilate been a big feature for other guys and gals here?

The big issue is language. My wife's culture shock was horrific, but now the stress is pretty insignificant as she knows enough English to live comfortably in Canada (i.e. can watch television, has friends and acquaintances, is not dependent on me, has her own driver's license, etc...). It also helps that her focus now is on baby and she is not working at the moment and likely won't even think about working for the next few years...

[Lily]

 
My biggest assimilation stress was in August 2002 during my first night in Chicago. Due to jet lag, I woke up at about 4 a.m. in the Elefant & Castle hotel on 111 W Adams Street, and went out on the street in the search for a grocery store. I was hungry and asked myself where those people buy their food     
Soon I found a McDonald but to my utter surprise they only offered something that sounded like 'hush' or something.
 
After that, my culture shock went really bad. My assimilation started only after I finally discovered a Seven Eleven a few blocks apart, but again not until 7 a.m. 

[Doll]

 
 Soon I found a McDonald but to my utter surprise they only offered something that sounded like 'hush' or something.
 
After that, my culture shock went really bad. My assimilation started only after I finally discovered a Seven Eleven a few blocks apart, but again not until 7 a.m. 

(hash)
 

[Doll]

Guys, define "assimilation" please.

[GQBlues]

It is during these stressful times that the man must be fully aware of the flower aspects and must be ready to give her other evidences of the feelings. He must remember, these women have very deep emotional issues and only a careful offering of maasage and benificial can help alleviate such stressful times.

The man must be the horse!

[Gator]

Guys, define "assimilation" please.

From Wiki,
 
Immigrant assimilation is a complex process in which immigrants fully integrate themselves into a new country. Social scientists rely on four primary benchmarks to assess immigrant assimilation: socioeconomic status, geographic distribution, second language attainment, and intermarriage.^[1] William A.V. Clark defines immigrant assimilation "as a way of understanding the social dynamics of American society and that it is the process that occurs spontaneously and often unintended in the course of interaction between majority and minority groups".^[2]
 

[Gator]

Doll,
 
To continue, I believe it is best when the RW immigrant assimilates into the American culture yet maintains the best from her Russian culture.   In that way, she gets the best of both worlds, evolving perhaps into something better than if she were 100% American or 100% Russian.   Read Darwinism.   

[pitbull]

My Gal and I have experienced practically zero stress (OK, leave out the bread) regarding her assimilation.

Like "My Gal" - minimal to non-existent assimilation stress

[Chicagoguy]

It wasn't easy for my wife. Especially the language. But now it is 4 years and she is much better. But she does go home every year to see her family and friends. Plus Dr and dentist.
2 weeks before she arrived here she asked me how long a walk it was to the grocery store. I told her I did not know because I had never seen anyone do it.

[Vaughn]

Is it perhaps because she almost immediately became immersed in University studies? Or has it something to do with fact we did not marry?

I believe both of those factors would have lessened stress for us, although my uninformed guess is neither of you are caring for children at home. That alone can complicate even the simplest situations.
 
No language. A clerical oversight that left her with no right to work - not that she could have without any English. A freak ice storm that sent our daughter home early from her first day of school plus knocked out our power for four days.... just two days after arrival to the US. That first week was our personal trial by fire.
 
But the BIG one, the granddaddy of all - was her sudden loss of independence, which eventually was regained, albeit slowly.

[BillyB]

My Gal and I have experienced practically zero stress (OK, leave out the bread) regarding her assimilation.

My wife experienced no stress and no crying. As a matter of fact she had less stress here than what she had in Ukraine. I can only take a little credit. Because she's strong and eager to adopt new things in her life, she gets most of the credit for a smooth transition to a new culture. I'm also happy that she wants to keep her identity as a Ukrainian woman.

[Doll]

From Wiki,
 
   

I know what "assimilation" is, I asked the board members to define it how THEY see it.

[ML]

Guys, define "assimilation" please.

Gator gave the official definition.

But I think when we are talking about assimilation here, it  is a little less involved than the WIKI definition.

Here are some things that point toward a lack of assimilation:

1. Person is overly homesick.
2. Person complains constantly that everyday 'things' here are much worse than back home.
3. Person complains there is no one to talk to.
4. Person cannot go to grocery and other stores by theirself.
5. Person does not try to make friends.
6. Person cannot drive and refuses to try.
7. Person cannot communicate adequately with natives and refuses to learn.
8. Person is constantly on Skype or email communicating with those back in the home country.
9. Person blames the new partner for bringing them to the country.
10. Before arriving, person indicated a desire to get a job as soon as possible, but now does not give it a try.
11. Person refuses to try new sex positions . . . this only applies to those who go to Australia or NZ.
12. Person refuses to change their watch from their home country time zone.

etc., etc.

[Misha]

ML, what you are describing is culture shock. It usually fades after a year.

[ML]

ML, what you are describing is culture shock. It usually fades after a year.

OK, well what ever it is called . . . she hasn't had any problems with it.

[Misha]

OK, well what ever it is called . . . she hasn't had any problems with it.

Count your blessings then.

[Doll]

11. Person refuses to try new sex positions . . . this only applies to those who go to Australia or NZ.
12. Person refuses to change their watch from their home country time zone.

[Boethius]

Zero stress for my better half, and, he doesn't believe in stress in any event.


The only shocking thing for him when he landed was the size of coffee cups in coffee shops.  I told him I am old enough to remember when they weren't the size of toilet bowls.   

[Boethius]

Oops, he reminded me, he was also shocked at two other things.  One (oops, ML), is that people here don't eat bread every day, and two, the size of dessert portions.  I don't eat desserts generally, but a friend of mine wanted us to all go to the Cheesecake Factory, and he was shocked at the slab of cake served (and eaten).

[Misha]

After some years, the stress comes from going back. Now, when we travel in Europe, my wife pines for Canadian Tim Horton's coffee   

[ML]

The only shocking thing for him when he landed was the size of coffee cups in coffee shops. 

We went to a Japanese restaurant last week.  The gal brought those tiny, tiny cups of tea.  I told her I drank a lot during meals; I was hoping she would bring an entire container of some sorts.  But she just said she would bring refills. 

Luckily the place was nearly deserted at our mid afternoon time,  so she did keep watch on us . . . and brought refills about every 5 minutes.

[lordtiberius]

My wife experienced no stress and no crying. As a matter of fact she had less stress here than what she had in Ukraine. I can only take a little credit. Because she's strong and eager to adopt new things in her life, she gets most of the credit for a smooth transition to a new culture. I'm also happy that she wants to keep her identity as a Ukrainian woman.

How were her English skills?

[BillyB]

How were her English skills?

My wife speaks English so good she doesn't have a sexy RW accent.

[Hammer2722]

My wife speaks English so good she doesn't have a sexy RW accent.

Bummer for you then!