Upcoming Visit and She hasn't told anyone she is meeting me

[Pkeel]

When I dated women here from dating sites we would meet in public for the first "date", usually just for coffee or some form of quick meet and greet type meeting.  The women would normally let people know where she was going and who she was going to meet.

Elena has told me she has not told any of her friends about our upcoming meeting.

My question is this... Is this something normal?  Is it because of what people will think of a RW meeting a foreign man from the internet? 

Should I urge her to let somebody know where she is going and who she is going to meet?  Her daughter knows, but she is only 17.  Maybe her brother, he lives in the Ukraine.  I know I am safe, but she doesn't.

[Vaughn]

I can only speak for my wife (and perhaps a few of her close friends) when I say that she was (and is) very reluctant to share news before something more tangible becomes of it. Even here in the USA, the Russian speaking ladies we know tend to keep a first date "under wraps" except perhaps with their most intimate of friends.
 
The daughter is aware of your impending meetup. That tells me they are close confidantes. Embrace the situation and see where it goes.

[Muzh]

Pkeel, this is very normal.

It means she is still figuring you out. It is up to you on your upcoming visit to show her she can 'parade' you around in town.

[Misha]

Should I urge her to let somebody know where she is going and who she is going to meet? 

That would likely backfire, make her wonder why you are so worried    If you are meeting in a public place, what exactly would she have to fear? She speaks the local language, you don't. In my experience, and it is worth what it is worth, women in Russia are cautious but they are not as cautious as the women you will chat with online in North America....


Also, she likely hasn't told anybody as she does not want to announce to the world just yet that she is meeting a foreigner for a date.

[Lily]

When I dated women here from dating sites we would meet in public for the first "date", usually just for coffee or some form of quick meet and greet type meeting.  The women would normally let people know where she was going and who she was going to meet.

Elena has told me she has not told any of her friends about our upcoming meeting.

My question is this... Is this something normal?  Is it because of what people will think of a RW meeting a foreign man from the internet? 

Should I urge her to let somebody know where she is going and who she is going to meet?  Her daughter knows, but she is only 17.  Maybe her brother, he lives in the Ukraine.  I know I am safe, but she doesn't.

I would not let anyone know it either. Why should I? This is nobody's business.
 
However, if safety is a concern, then it is another cup of tea. On the other hand, are there any reasonable expectations of a risk to her safety? If you meet in a public place like a coffee shop or something like that, is her safety really at risk?

[Pkeel]

Lily and Misha:

Why I wonder is she is traveling by train to Sevastopol to meet me.  We will be together in the same apartment for a week.


If this is normal then:
OK?  I guess...  It seems a little strange to me.

Or maybe I should worry...  Maybe she is a top level self defense expert and I should be worried about my safety.

[Misha]

Lily and Misha:

Why I wonder is she is traveling by train to Sevastopol to meet me.  We will be together in the same apartment for a week.

Ah, well, you should have stated this in your original post    And you have never met?

[Muzh]

Lily and Misha:

Why I wonder is she is traveling by train to Sevastopol to meet me.  We will be together in the same apartment for a week.


If this is normal then:
OK?  I guess...  It seems a little strange to me.

Or maybe I should worry...  Maybe she is a top level self defense expert and I should be worried about my safety.

Pkeel, I think she is the ONE being smart here.

When I met my wife for the first time, we spent 4 days in Kyiv before we trekked to her hometown.

Questions.

How long have you been communicating with her?
Can you honestly say you match physically? Like no outrageous discrepancy in looks and age?

[Pkeel]

Wow so many what ifs and I thought it was a pretty straight forward "Is this normal for a RW question!!!

This will be the first time we meet.  She is from Shebekino population @45,000 and worried if I went there I would stand out too much. 

We have been in contact since first emails in November 2012.  She is 41 and I am 50.  I think she is much prettier than I, but I am not unattractive.  She is 5'4" and @115 pounds, I am 5'8" and weigh 165 pounds.

[Faux Pas]

Wow so many what ifs and I thought it was a pretty straight forward "Is this normal for a RW question!!!

This will be the first time we meet.  She is from Shebekino population @45,000 and worried if I went there I would stand out too much. 

We have been in contact since first emails in November 2012.  She is 41 and I am 50.  I think she is much prettier than I, but I am not unattractive.  She is 5'4" and @115 pounds, I am 5'8" and weigh 165 pounds.

Despite all of your communication, she still doesn't know that you are coming. Telling others that you are is quite premature for her at this stage. Don't sweat it. I suspect she's ready if you happen to be a serial killer 

[Shadow]

She is an UW, which means the equivalent of a Grizzly bear, though in a much better looking disguise. Be afraid, very afraid.....

[CDW]

It is normal for the 1st visit, but if you had already visited her, then it isn't normal.

Do not worry too much about it.

[Muzh]

Wow so many what ifs and I thought it was a pretty straight forward "Is this normal for a RW question!!!

This will be the first time we meet.  She is from Shebekino population @45,000 and worried if I went there I would stand out too much. 

We have been in contact since first emails in November 2012.  She is 41 and I am 50.  I think she is much prettier than I, but I am not unattractive.  She is 5'4" and @115 pounds, I am 5'8" and weigh 165 pounds.

Me thinks you are worrying too too much. 

Please relax. This worrying can come back and bite you in the butt.

Just enjoy your visit with her.

Trust me, she ain't putting a gun to your head for you to do things against your will.

[Hammer2722]

Pkeel, you are way overanalyizing this. UW are very sharp people so don't worry too much about it and just be yourself when you meet. Like Muzh said, if you start questioning too much and overanalyizing things, she may think that there is something wrong with you.
 
Relax dude, go meet be a gentleman and let things progress without thinking too much about the small stuff. 

[Misha]

Wow so many what ifs and I thought it was a pretty straight forward "Is this normal for a RW question!!!

She has certainly calculated the risks and certainly has concluded that the advantages outweigh the risks. It is easy enough for her to take the train back home at a moment's notice if things go awry and as she knows the language and you are the foreigner in another country, this makes it in many ways less riskier than going off to meet a stranger from her country in another city...

[ML]

In my experience, and it is worth what it is worth, women in Russia are cautious but they are not as cautious as the women you will chat with online in North America....

Close to my experience also.  About 95% of the FSUW I met were quite brave.  They met me in various places, not all of which were in large public places, and most came readily to my apartment (this doesn't necessarily mean for sex) after our early dinner first date.

But these gals were in their 40s with professional careers and were quite confident of themselves.  Would probably be different with 20 something gals.

[GQBlues]

When I dated women here from dating sites we would meet in public for the first "date", usually just for coffee or some form of quick meet and greet type meeting.  The women would normally let people know where she was going and who she was going to meet.

Elena has told me she has not told any of her friends about our upcoming meeting.

My question is this... Is this something normal?  Is it because of what people will think of a RW meeting a foreign man from the internet? 

It could be a multitude of reasons.. Is it normal? That depends what her actual reason is.
 
Firstly, most of the FSUW in the international marriage industry are for the most part atypical. So meeting a foreigner with marriage implication isn't exactly a fully acceptable thing to do in FSU. It's gotten much wider acceptance lately, but I don't think it has fully gained 'normalcy'. The fact that Russians can travel abroad much easier today than ever before due to the improved economy, the MOB had all but disappeared there (Russia though not Ukraine) compared to what it was before. Eventually (hopefully), the same can happen to Ukraine.
 
Consequently, the affair is not immune to the stigma that befalls MOB women in their society as it is in ours. Even ex-pats living in the US doesn't have a favorable opinion of women who married AMs through the bride industry.

[Lily]

Not sure what you are particularly inquiring about being typical or not. However, I'd say that generally, there is a tendency among RW to keep the fact of meeting someone of a relationship potential confidential.