FSU women lateness to appointments?

[zengeek]

(If I am starting this thread in wrong group please inform me...)

I am wondering if Ukrainian women are just systematically late, and whether I should do something about it?

On my WMVM trip, I think only one woman was not late.  All the other women, they were all somewhere between 10-30 minutes late.  This is simply a bit annoying.

I am wondering if other forum members are consistently experiencing the same thing??

[Larry1]

On my WMVM trip, I think only one woman was not late.  All the other women, they were all somewhere between 10-30 minutes late.  This is simply a bit annoying.

I am wondering if other forum members are consistently experiencing the same thing??

You found one who was on time? Congratulations!  Actually, 10 minutes late is on time in FSU and 30 minutes late isn't at all extreme.  Be assured that you are not the first guy to experience FSU punctuality. I'm afraid there's not much you can do about it except to build extra time into your schedule to accommodate the tardiness.

[Slingerland]

Actually, 10 minutes late is on time in FSU and 30 minutes late isn't at all extreme. 

I was raised that five minutes early is "on time."  And my first job was at a radio station where punctuality was a relgion.  My ex was NEVER on time and it drove me crazy when we were together.
 
So far, Marina is fairly punctual, but almost all of our meetings in person were work-related and had other people around.  I guess I'll see how that plays out going forward.

[JayH]

(If I am starting this thread in wrong group please inform me...)

I am wondering if Ukrainian women are just systematically late, and whether I should do something about it?

On my WMVM trip, I think only one woman was not late.  All the other women, they were all somewhere between 10-30 minutes late.  This is simply a bit annoying.

I am wondering if other forum members are consistently experiencing the same thing??

I call it Ukraine time--  anything up to an hour late!!

[alex330]

I'm afraid there's not much you can do about it except to build extra time into your schedule to accommodate the tardiness.

That's pretty much it. Just wait until you get married and are waiting on her to get ready. 

[Vaughn]

All is not lost. Among my wife and her numerous FSU girlfriends, punctuality counts for appointments, work and travel. In most things social, it's ho-hum, I'll get there.

[ML]

I met with dozens of FSU gals . . . and most all were on time, every time.

There were some notable exceptions; and we never progressed very far in our relationships anyway, so it never became a frustrating issue.

My current Gal is always on time . . . and most of the time she is ready to go out the door before me.

[BillyB]

I am wondering if Ukrainian women are just systematically late, and whether I should do something about it?

Any of them sincerely apologize to you?


My ex Ukrainian wife was always late, even to weddings and funerals. My current wife wants to be on time all the time. She would feel embarrassed if all eyes were on us walking in late to a wedding or funeral.


Most dates I've been on with FSU women, they arrived on time if I didn't pick them up at their place.

[CDW]

My grandmother is always early
My mother is always late
I am always on time..................

I do not believe in late for any important appointments, job interviews, dentist, doctor and even for initial meeting for your date ...................... 

I believe people who are late, do not show respect for others.

If any ladies are late for my future initial meeting, I will say "goodbye" to them.    You travel all the way to Ukraine/Russia, and they should show respect by arriving on time or early.  NO EXCUSES!    If they are late on any job interviews, it will be "goodbye" to them

My 1st date when I was in Colombia, she was 1 1/2 hours late!!  WTF!!!

[mies]

All is not lost. Among my wife and her numerous FSU girlfriends, punctuality counts for appointments, work and travel. In most things social, it's ho-hum, I'll get there.

I'd say - more often yes than no. It is true for me and many Ukrainian females (and males) whom I know.
If you are invited to a dinner/holiday dinner in the Ukrainian family - it's almost a cultural thing to come at least 30-40 minutes late. Best - an hour+ late. Otherwise you will witness the hosts who are frantically trying to finish preparations and silently talking to each other "THIS ONE had to come on time. As if (s)he didn't know that NOBODY comes on time."

I had a male acquaintances in the past who told me "I figured, girls always come late to dates. So I started coming 15 minutes late too. If she is 30 minutes late - I have 15 minutes less to wait, if she comes on time - she won't be too pissed and will only like me more and will be happy I showed up at all. And I can always invent a credible reason what kept me from showing up on time."
I was late to most of my dates. To meetings with Russian-Ukrainian friends I am usually late at least 1 hour. In some extreme cases - up to 2 hours. Trying to work on my punctuality in friend zone, but so far with little success.

I make it usually on time to scheduled transportation, classical music concerts/opera/ballet, work appointments, most of doctor's appointments. In movies I have about 10 minutes margin of lateness - that's more or less how much time ads take in the beginning. So far I was late once to a bus trip (not my fault) and once to a local US flight (partially my fault). Rescheduling the bus trip turned out to cost almost twice more than initial arrangements. The flight was rescheduled for no charge and even worked out better because we got to be on the same flight with several friends. 

After all, remember, there is a Russian proverb: "now, in an hour"
"Now" in Russian literally is "this hour"
So as long as you are within one hour bracket - technically it's still "now" 

[mies]

I believe people who are late, do not show respect for others.

If any ladies are late for my future initial meeting, I will say "goodbye" to them.    You travel all the way to Ukraine/Russia, and they should show respect by arriving on time or early.  NO EXCUSES!    If they are late on any job interviews, it will be "goodbye" to them

My 1st date when I was in Colombia, she was 1 1/2 hours late!!  WTF!!!

I do not think this is true. Partly, it is cultural. Like people do not come to dinner on time because they do not want to embarrass hosts who aren't ready yet. With being late to dates - it's a slightly different story. I vaguely remember teenage girly magazines giving dating advices to girls, and saying something along the lines "always be fashionably late, anything between 5 to 15 minutes. If you really want to see how much the guy likes you - be late more. If you come on time, or God forbid early - you will appear as needy and he will have no respect for you."

I came 15 minutes early to my very first date (mostly because I was very nervous and was afraid to be late). And I hid "behind the tree" not to be seen, and waited for my date while observing from distance the spot. My date was 10 minutes late, so I ended up waiting 25 freaking minutes for him. A valuable lesson learned: don't rush or you risk of being on time.

[mies]

On my WMVM trip, I think only one woman was not late.  All the other women, they were all somewhere between 10-30 minutes late.  This is simply a bit annoying.

Just chill. Select the meeting spot wisely: there should be a place to sit, at least a bench. Or best - meet in the cafe, preferably in the nice/scenic romantic area, where you can seat on the terrace outside, have your beer/coffee/water/etc while relaxing and looking at the people around you.
It's not the job interview, there should be no pressure - on you, or on the woman you are meeting.

As for whether you should do something about it - I actually don't think you can do anything about it. You can try and only meet women who are punctual, but that will greatly decrease your dating pool. Serious  talks also won't work. I, for example, do try really hard to be on time while meeting with friends. And I have no idea how this happens, but I am late. It's not like I am planning it, quite on the contrary. So I just tell them honestly that I have problem with being on time to social meetings, and that on most occasions they can expect me to be late. My friends are usually fine with that. 

[JayH]

After all, remember, there is a Russian proverb: "now, in an hour"
"Now" in Russian literally is "this hour"
So as long as you are within one hour bracket - technically it's still "now" 

Yep--that is the logic I have heard!!

[Stirlitz]

I'd say - more often yes than no. It is true for me and many Ukrainian females (and males) whom I know.
If you are invited to a dinner/holiday dinner in the Ukrainian family - it's almost a cultural thing to come at least 30-40 minutes late. Best - an hour+ late. Otherwise you will witness the hosts who are frantically trying to finish preparations and silently talking to each other "THIS ONE had to come on time. As if (s)he didn't know that NOBODY comes on time."

You are exaggerating. This may happen but it is rather an exception.
Girls are often late for dates, that’s true. But not all.

[Boethius]

Well, you're closer to mies' age than is my better half.  He is close to ML's Gal's age.  In his generation, in Kyiv, at least, it was considered boorish to be late for anything, whether you were male or female, and for parties, a disrespect to your host. 

[Shadow]

30 minutes is nothing. In some countries arriving the same day is considered punctual. 

If they expect you to be on a WMVM trip being late might be an attempt to spot the competition.

[Newman]

Most dates I went on, the lady was late, usually very late. IMHO its cultural and although it annoyed me, to be honest, if the lady was on time or early I would think she was a little too eager ...  And probably put me a little on the back foot... its all part of the dating game, and I think its important. Also its a social thing not a job interview or doctors appointment... neither should feel under too much pressure to be too punctual. If the relationship became more serious and long term then maybe you could start trying to "adjust" that a little.

[mies]

You are exaggerating. This may happen but it is rather an exception.
Girls are often late for dates, that’s true. But not all.

yeah, I am exaggerating a bit, to make the point "stronger", but generally, do you always come sharp on time  stated in the invitation? For real? You friends tell you: "Stirlitz, we are waiting for you and your lovely wife/girlfriend at 5/6/7/8 pm at our birthday party/new year celebration" and at 1 min to this time you are standing in front of their door, waiting to ring the door bell right on time? Honestly, how many times in your life have this actually happened? Or to what fraction of your friends' parties were you sharp on time? And when you come on time, do you normally meet in front of the doors 5 other families, or maybe they are already inside the apartment because they were early? Or if you were the first one, how late usually were the rest of the guests?

[LiveFromUkraine]

(If I am starting this thread in wrong group please inform me...)

I am wondering if Ukrainian women are just systematically late, and whether I should do something about it?

On my WMVM trip, I think only one woman was not late.  All the other women, they were all somewhere between 10-30 minutes late.  This is simply a bit annoying.

I am wondering if other forum members are consistently experiencing the same thing??

Just curious, what do you plan on doing to correct it? 


If it is really bad, just set dates close to home and have them text you when they are close.

[mies]

Just curious, what do you plan on doing to correct it? 


If it is really bad, just set dates close to home and have them text you when they are close.

that's a great advice. When I'm meeting with my husband or friends for lunch, I usually tell them "let's meet around noon, but I'll call you when I will be 3 minutes away from your office so that you don't have to wait for me   outside."

[Faux Pas]

yeah, I am exaggerating a bit, to make the point "stronger", but generally, do you always come sharp on time  stated in the invitation? For real? You friends tell you: "Stirlitz, we are waiting for you and your lovely wife/girlfriend at 5/6/7/8 pm at our birthday party/new year celebration" and at 1 min to this time you are standing in front of their door, waiting to ring the door bell right on time? Honestly, how many times in your life have this actually happened? Or to what fraction of your friends' parties were you sharp on time? And when you come on time, do you normally meet in front of the doors 5 other families, or maybe they are already inside the apartment because they were early? Or if you were the first one, how late usually were the rest of the guests?

Punctuality is a virtue. Maybe it's just me but, when someone asks me to be there at a certain time and I agree, I will be there at that time. Unless of course something unexpected were to arise. It's a common courtesy. If the hosts expect the guests at a given time, it is rude to both them and the other guests to arrive late. Normally, those who insist or are habitually late are considered to suffer some ego or attention psychosis. 

[mies]

Normally, those who insist or are habitually late are considered to suffer some ego or attention psychosis. 

Faux Pas, it's very possible I have some ego or attention psychosis.  If you could tell me how to fix it, I'd be eternally grateful to you

However, when speaking of the Ukrainian (possibly Russian too) people, I do not think that all those people who are habitually late have psychosis. So I think it is more of a cultural phenomenon. and btw - my friends are also normally late to social functions. Only not as much as I am. They are late anything between 5 and 40 minutes. I am somewhat an extreme case.

[Stirlitz]

but generally, do you always come sharp on time  stated in the invitation? For real? You friends tell you: "Stirlitz, we are waiting for you and your lovely wife/girlfriend at 5/6/7/8 pm at our birthday party/new year celebration" and at 1 min to this time you are standing in front of their door, waiting to ring the door bell right on time? Honestly, how many times in your life have this actually happened? Or to what fraction of your friends' parties were you sharp on time? And when you come on time, do you normally meet in front of the doors 5 other families, or maybe they are already inside the apartment because they were early? Or if you were the first one, how late usually were the rest of the guests?

I am on time most of the time. Sometimes traffic makes me 5 to 15 minutes later but it’s rare as I allow some time for it, and much oftener I come in advance. And I see nothing special about it, it’s as easy as to come there at all. If I do come why would I be late? I might as well not come at all, after all. In fact, sometimes I am looking at my watch and counting seconds to ring the bell. My watch is never more than 20 seconds inaccurate, so you can check your clock when I come. But that is when I have an appointment for a certain time. When there is a party, it is usually lax and no one pays attention to the time, so the issue simply does not exist. It’s just a party that starts at a certain time and ends when it is too late, you can join any time basically.
The exception is my wife and her parents: when they invite us, we are always a few hours late. Perhaps because we do not live in the same building, we need to cross the street once. This is to come back on topic as I am not a woman.

[Faux Pas]

Faux Pas, it's very possible I have some ego or attention psychosis.  If you could tell me how to fix it, I'd be eternally grateful to you

However, when speaking of the Ukrainian (possibly Russian too) people, I do not think that all those people who are habitually late have psychosis. So I think it is more of a cultural phenomenon. and btw - my friends are also normally late to social functions. Only not as much as I am. They are late anything between 5 and 40 minutes. I am somewhat an extreme case.

I'm glad you didn't take my clinical definition as a dig, it wasn't.  My wife would be late to all social functions if I wasn't there to encourage (push dragging and screaming) punctuality. It is a trait she shared with many of my past AW gfs as well. If you will notice people who are regularly late to dinner parties, parties and other functions usually love the "grand" entrance to sap attention and then often turn into a wall flower or leave soon after, if they feel they didn't get enough. I find it annoying like someone slamming a door 30 minutes into a good performance.

When I get and accept an invitation, my first question is what time do you want me there, followed by what can I bring? I then do my best to arrive at that time. Again, I see it as rude to the host to do otherwise. If as you say, it is the unwritten rule in the FSU, to actually be expected late is the norm, there's flaw in that logic.

I'm really not anal over punctuality and I expect much less from some others than I do myself but, when given a time to arrive, I'll arrive at that time. If given an "ish", I'll arrive then too. It's really not difficult to be on time  Simple planning

[ML]

A lot of going around  in circles here.  To better hone  in  on real situation it is needed to specify the purpose of the meeting.

Let's look at two very broad categories, which could be broken down into many subcategories.

1. A 'date' type of appointment.  Could be man/woman or business type.

e.g.  We will meet at  the corporate office at 1:30 PM.
e.g.  We will meet in front of the Opera House at 7:30 PM.
e.g.  Come  to my house for dinner which will be served at 8:00 PM.

2. A general invitation regarding an event with a lengthy/indefinite time period.

e.g. Come over to our July 4th picnic which will be from the hours of 6 PM until after the fireworks at midnight.

e.g. The annual office Christmas party will start at 6 PM and go til . . .

e.g. A group of us will be at Hogan's Bar this evening starting around 8 PM; please join us.

For type 1 meetings, lateness (more than 3-5 minutes) is rude.

For type 2 meetings, fashionable lateness is acceptable.