Ice cold behavior on first meet

[fathertime]

You said she was 23, already had her masters degree? I'm going to toss something out there, maybe she is just shy and inexperienced. She might even purposely be coming off as cold as her protectionism. She is likely a bit socially awkward and it takes her longer to warm up. Of course whether she does will depend on you. Were you just expecting her to fall to the floor with her legs wide open? Anything worth having is worth working for.

You haven't been precise about the circumstances but, it sounds as if you've just arrived? How much have you been together, how many times have you been out together without other people. What are your accommodation arrangements?

My first inclination would be that she is just inexperienced with relationships and will warm up to you in time if she qualifies you as worthy. My second is that she is not the least bit interested in you. The fact that you met her folks does not indicate that to be true. In summary, get to work wining, dining and 69'ing this gal. Romance her. Your there, she is with you and now you have to win her. Just because you are there does nothing to convince her you are a quality individual. You have to prove that to her.

These are my sentiments...


In addition I might add...i'm in the 5th year of marriage now and my wife was also very standoffish when I met her...it was about the 4th date before I could even hold her hand...I almost gave up on her at around the 2nd or 3rd date...I had a little 'kitchen table' talk with her as shadow mentioned earlier(although it wasn't actually at a kitchen table)...and after that i guess she kinda knew i was going to start dating others and she unfroze....so again give her a little more time, but get super busy taking her out and doing what you can....my 2 cents....you should find out soon enough if this is just nerves/her feeling you out...or if you don't have the 'chemistry' you were hoping for.


Fathertime! 

[flitabout62]

Do not make excuses, women in Russia are not avoiding relations during study.
One of our friends had at age 20 already had multiple requests from guys to be married, however was not impressed by rich boyfriends who chased anything that breathes. At age 21 she traveled with a girlfriend through the USA to meet some distant relatives there. And no, she does not belong to a 'new Russian' family though obviously she is not poor.
Her sister was married to a German at age 23, and broke up at age 25.

While no two women are the same, to blame he behaviour on her age is equal to blaming it on cultural differences. Or to tell Youngbuck that he first needs to marry an AW and divorce to be able to appreciate it..

To Youngbuck: do not hurry in to marriage because you feel pressure of age or anything else. Your kids will call you old even if you had them at the age of 20.

True, they are not avoiding relationships while studying.  But you misread my reply.  I am not excusing behavior, but rather reinforcing the idea that she might not be ready for a long term international relationship.  Unless there was some instance of compatibility during his trip that he omitted from his post, he should move on. 

+1 for your message to Youngbuck in the quote.

[BillyB]

 

I don't want to write anyone off just yet,  because sometimes I'm moody too, 

Were you moody at any time to turn her off? If you are a moody person, you may not ever turn her or any woman on unless you change your ways and that isn't going to happen overnight.
 
My wife was young, inexperienced and shy too but she was into me. That was obvious to me. You are not happy with your meeting with the lady because she was not into you and you will rationalize it's not her fault because of things outside of her control so you will give it another try. I wouldn't. There are women out there that will give you no doubts that she's into you but you need to be aggressive in finding those women. If you lose more time with a lady that's not into you, don't hold it against her that you've turned 35 and still without kids.
 
 

  What a disappointment. ugh, thank God I'm meeting my friends from Moscow after this.

 
I'd definitely move on since you want to see your friends more than the lady you just visited. Real life isn't always like the movies where a guy makes a big effort and the girl changes their mind and live happily ever after. She is cold and may never show you a warm side and you are disappointed. You want something better. There is better but you got to look somewhere else.
 
 

[LAman]

Who is the inexperienced here???
I am not sure how many times you have met this girl YB but you seem to be psycho-analyzing too much. I see you had an 'expectation' how things would transpire. Just let things flow........ can't make something happen if it ain't there. Try to be open minded more, this girl may be under stress or pressures or just not into you or she may even just take time to warm up!!
Remember you were the one with these topics: Writing too fast/soon, What are ways that you build attraction and a rapport ??with your online RW, At what point did you involve your family and friends.
Where is the open mind?
If you don't have the time to take time, maybe this isn't for you......

[Daveman]

..
If you don't have the time to take time, maybe this isn't for you......

Absolutely correct...  There really aren't any shortcuts.  I'm not saying this isn't for you, young buck, but perhaps this isn't for your, or her, current mindset.  Or perhaps she just isn't into it as much as she thought.  Only you can discern fact from fantasy and move forward in whatever direction.




Unfortunately, most of the time, finding the right one doesn't come with one of these:

[GQBlues]

Well, well...I'd at least give you credit for being upfront about your experience. Here's my line with your experience.
 
Whatever you read, or have been told, toss it out the window. Always remember women are women wherever you are. DO NOT buy into the whole *Russian woman this, Russian woman that* BS. That's 90% of your problem. You bought into the hype.
 
Women react to the same stimuli whoever or wherever they are. Age doesn't matter either. Had you looked like Enrique Iglesias, you'd be so sexed up 5 minutes you're off the tarmac and you wouldn't be able to walk the rest of your vacation time. But you're not, so you're here in the blueball zone. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be in the future.
 
The other 10% of your problem was making things up your silly head before meeting in person and began imagining how things will be, when all the while she's thinking of only being a good virtual friend to you. That always throw guys off balance because in your mind you expect her next action to be in a certain way, and since she isn't playing in your imagined love story - you're all over the place making a fool of yourself. You should've taken a cue out of reading the T/Rs here and realized that.
 
Heck, your mind was insanely closing the deed with her and doing her in 101 different positions and you skipped the line between fantasy and reality. As it is, you're flying back home with those silly unused condoms in your suitcase. That sux. I hope you kept the receipt and maybe you can get a refund for them. Did you buy them at CVS, Target or Walmart?
 
Next time, look at these from the vantage point that you are meeting someone for the first time in person and you just let things flow naturally. If you're halfway as sexy as me, mother nature will take its course. Do not create 113 episodes of some silly love story taken from the pages of Air Supply's love scriptures before you have a chance to gaze at her boobs in person. The Air Supply stuff are for MOBers, and I don't believe you are so stop acting like one.
 
Make the most of whatever time you have left in the city. Be nice to the gal, it ain't her fault you allowed your head to play you. Like I said, she didn't audition for your love story so she doesn't have a part in it. Since you're in-country, hold an audition and just go and search for new talents who'll be interested in playing the role for you.
 
Good luck.
 

[JayH]

Some good points being made--from Pat( as always!!) -- I draw the op attention particularly to #25#28 & #30.   
Read them all carefully -somewhere in there is part of the answers.
I am loathe to ever attack(meaning being negatively critical) "innocent" posters--but having read the op posts I see major concerns.A 31yo bragging about celibacy is odd-- from that point on-- I would always be thinking this guy is a bit strange.
I like GQ's thoughts about the fantasy progress of "relationship"-- that is something that seems to be present in the attitude of many prior to trip.It may also be the reason why we never hear again  from so many after initial posts.
Regardless -if all that is wrong-- #25 could be appropriate!!

[lordtiberius]

Who wants a nag for a wife?

GQBlues likes to take the worst case scenario and project.  If you can filter out the insults, there maybe some truth - probably not.  Very few of us can be that negative, well there maybe one other person.

Like I said, this should be fun.  If it ain't, plan B.

[Maxx2]

Who wants a nag for a wife?

Jimmy offers some good advice here. Prefer the later in a wife.

[Isthmus]

Perhaps its just a case on an on-line rapport not making the transition to a real life meeting. What looks great in email, social media  or skype form may not translate to real life. Sometimes these things just are and excessive analysis is pointless.

[Ooooops]

Armchair  psychology tells me that she's not manifesting stress but crazy.

If girl didn't like you that doesn't make her crazy, although it must sooth your ego to think so...

[BillyB]

I am loathe to ever attack(meaning being negatively critical) "innocent" posters--but having read the op posts I see major concerns.

 
I've read his posts too and didn't see people attacking him but now we got people accusing him of overanalyzing. That's easy to say now since his visit wasn't perfect but what if it was? We'd pat him on the back for a job well done instead of accusing him of overanalyzing.
 
We can overanalyze too. Youngbuck and us are looking for excuses why things didn't go smooth but I don't think it was her age or his moodiness. She wanted him to visit and it just didn't work out simply because there was a lack of chemistry. Now if a handsome, compatible guy comes along that lights her fire, I'm sure she'd open up and melt in his arms. Youngbuck wasn't the guy. He needs to find a woman who's fire is lit when being with him. Anything less than that is a waste of time.

[Ooooops]

Another thought just came to my mind - there is an old Russian joke about planning too much too quick in future family like "а здесь мы поставим тумбочку"     If Youngbuck expressed his thoughts that his Dad already had bunch of kids by the time he was 30 and YB is lagging behind and has no time to waist, I'd be running from him like hell, being 23 yo Master Graduate...   But then, I guess, that was discussed in conversations prior to the visit...

[Isthmus]

 
I've read his posts too and didn't see people attacking him but now we got people accusing him of overanalyzing. That's easy to say now since his visit wasn't perfect but what if it was? We'd pat him on the back for a job well done instead of accusing him of overanalyzing.
 
We can overanalyze too. Youngbuck and us are looking for excuses why things didn't go smooth but I don't think it was her age or his moodiness. She wanted him to visit and it just didn't work out simply because there was a lack of chemistry. Now if a handsome, compatible guy comes along that lights her fire, I'm sure she'd open up and melt in his arms. Youngbuck wasn't the guy. He needs to find a woman who's fire is lit when being with him. Anything less than that is a waste of time.

Best advice the OP has received in this thread 

[JohnDearGreen]

hi everyone!
 I finally arrived in Russia to meet the girl I've been conversing with since February,  and all I can say is that she's ice cold.....I'm latino and I  know crazy passion,  but this just seems off. What's your opinion?

You wait 8 months to meet her and she's Ice Cold??
After reading your posting history, it is more understandable.


>I am essentially looking for an attractive nerd which is absolutely difficult to find in the US.
>I made a profile on Elenasmodels, and I have found 1 woman who fits that description...
I don't think that statement will warm her up.


>Also beginning to plan a trip to Russia with no expectations except to have fun with a local girl.
I don't think that statement will warm her up.


>Sounds like you are going to have fun. I'm 29, 2 months shy of 30, 
>and I am also on EM to expand my dating pool.
I don't think that plan will warm her up.


>Seriously, I like to travel but I have very little time.  I can only manage 1 big trip,
>and a few extended weekends+holidays with family per year.
Will she be warmer or cooler in October 2014? Maybe she will remember your name.

[Gator]

Youngbuck,
 
Many possible explanations.  Anything could be rationalized.  A few examples.
 
1.  You are Latino, a warm and bubbly culture.  My Mexican business partners years ago explained to me that Americans do not smile enough.  Then I go to Russia and am told that Americans smile too much.      Russian culture is not warm and bubbly, especially to strangers.  Could it be what you deem as "ice cold" is nothing more than the proper reserve for an educated RW at first meeting?
 
2.  Maybe your physical appearance is fine.  However, if you are Latino you are different from what this young woman has seen.  I was at a salsa club in Moscow with a live Latino band.   The lead singer looked very Mexican to me.  I was with two Moscow women.  One thought  the singer attractive, and enjoyed his dark looks and jet black hair.  The other RW thought he looked like a "monkey."  Seeing you in the flesh, and tired from a very long plane ride, you perhaps were not as impressive as in your photos and online sessions.
 
3.  Enough..... 
 
Does the explanation matter?  You like a "bubbly and warm" woman.  You did not make her feel bubbly and warm using your criteria.  Unless she changed at your next meeting, she ain't your type.  And not my type either.  It is a glorious feeling to wake up next to a woman who is brighter than the rising sun.  Some RW are that way.  Some like the Latino look.  Keep searching.   
 
You say that you can make only one trip per year.  Please do not waste any more of your time with a woman who is not for you.  RW are polite and hospitable, and your friend will likely be very hospitable, showing you her city and answering your questions.   Why do that if she is not for you!  Talk to her sister.  Call an agency.   Contact another EM woman in her city.  Do something other than waste your precious time with a cold fish. 

[calmissile]

Agree totally with your post, and.....

It is a glorious feeling to wake up next to a woman who is brighter than the rising sun.

Absolutely.     

[Isthmus]

Gator has just given you some great advice. If it really looks like you don't have some real chemistry and a good dynamic happening between you two its best to cut your losses and get something positive out of your remaining time there. Jump online, look at profiles in the same city, pick some that pique your interest. Just briefly introduce yourself, tell them you are in town now and whether they are up for a coffee. Keep it short and informal. Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose 

[YoungBuck]

 thanks for the overwhelming response.
 while there's talk about a fantasy post,  trust me,  my bank account wishes it was,  ouch!.  kidding aside, I think  there's two issues here

1. I didn't make the Enrique Iglesias cut.  but then again she's pretty to  me but she's no  Anna kournikova  either.  anyhow, I  told her to just treat this as meeting a dear friend.  be friendly and polite,  and just take things in stride.  she had not.

2.  her behavior around her family was pretty mean/ rude,  especially around company.  she was angry that her family was ultra friendly. she was angry that they used the wrong tea  sets,  etc. that's where my,  crazy radar,  turned on.  this is not me ego protecting.  that's why I asked. I don't want someone who can disrespect her parents because she's definitely going to disrespect her husband.  now is she crazy,  or just flustered?

 that's why I originally ask this question.  if she had said no, I think you look like a monkey,  then I know how to behave in that situation.

 so I avoided meeting her yesterday,  and she didn't bother to write or call. I  sat at the bar thinking  about why I'm here,  after touring town,  and I've decided to try taking her out to the circus and dinner,  I'm going to make arrangements for tomorrow.  I'll talk to her then,  but after some laughs are had.

 by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong.  ditto on the men, and half of them are bald or balding. 

 but there's some real cuties,  no doubt.  just wish I knew Russian instead of taking all those German classes in college.

[calmissile]

Ditto on the advice above.  My best trip to Ukraine out of all of them was my next to last trip when I went off like a hippie and enjoyed the country and made many friends.  Based on what you have said in your last post, I would not waste one more minute on her.

When you meet someone that is into you, there will be no doubt.  In fact you might have trouble getting away from her. LOL   It sounds to me like you are the happy, friendly type.  While there might be a little caution when women first meet you, it will melt away very quickly as soon as they discover you are sincere (assuming there is chemistry).  I suggest looking for someone that matches your perosnality and don't waste any time in limbo trying to figure them out.  It will be obvious.

I would not give up easily either.  When you find that 'right' FSUW you will discover the search was worth the reward.  It took me 5 trips, some of them for 2-3 months but finally payed off in spades.

Good luck

[Ooooops]

by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong.

 

[Boethius]

Young Buck, I suggest you take her out and ask her directly if she is interested in you.  Watch her closely as she answers, and listen to your instincts.

Sometimes, Russians speaking to each other "seem" to be angry, but it's not always the case, it is just the rhythm of the language and how it sounds to an English speaker, so I wouldn't put too much into the familial exchange.

[Patagonie]

Best advice the OP has received in this thread 

True
But a lot of guys can also improve their attractiveness and the chemistry instant factor. Most don't.

[Patagonie]

Behind the caustic writing of GQ there is plenty of a real world : men are dreaming. Yes this is the real world, many are dreaming of a perfect relationship, what will happen when he will met her in the forest and when he will take off the car the bottle of champaign for the picnic. The only problem is that this day the weather is too rainy to go for a picnic so this dream will never happen, or she will be seek and the meeting will be delayed.
How it would have transformed the relationship and win love if rather to tell her "may i invite you to the mexican restaurant " he would have tell her "would you prefer to go to the chinese restaurant or the mexican restaurant ?"
And men play and replay the film in their heads but when they suddenly cross her at the supermarket they hide themselves behind a shelf not knowing what they can tell her during the incoming meeting.

Many men dream and make many bouncing based on few facts. The dream is flooding their daily reality and they make plans in accordance.

I can tell you guys, honestly, i was a champion to do that, how many time ? More than two decades.
I have made a huge vaccination campaign last years and my life rocket improved.

[Belvis]

1. I didn't make the Enrique Iglesias cut.  but then again she's pretty to  me but she's no  Anna kournikova  either.
...
by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong.  ditto on the men, and half of  them are bald or balding. 

Is Anna Kournikova considered as a pretty girl in USA? 
I never heard about FSUW head shapes, sounds revealing about the observer. Likely that woman feels that she is not mated well to YB with her forehead and head shape. Besides, FSUW have to love balding men, inevitably. May be the absence of bald spot is the main problem for YB in his relations with FSUW.