Ice cold behavior on first meet

[Ooooops]

I don't blame her,  but i blame  myself for reading too much into the online relationship.  that's what I meant about wearing my feelings, I open up a lot.

I guess you opened up differently on line vs in person.   Think about it and try not to repeat the same mistake again in the future. 

[YoungBuck]

I smelled like shit, I  was tired from the thirty hour trip,  with the snow delay,  and I was so sleep deprived.  yes lunch wasn't enough.  what I expected was a legitimate date,  an honest chance,  and time to work my charm. even if we parted ways, as friends,  she should have  shown me around town.

 my family said that Russians are not like Latinas  they are not friendly or hospitable. I  didn't want to believe it,  and but my experience has been,  the few that are,  are leaving Russia because the whole country is not hospitable.  I'll have to get my bearings, but I'm not doing the mob  thing for a while.

 very few Russians want Hispanics,  very few wrote back to me, and only she continued to write. I'll just stick to traveling and meeting friends of friends.

[Ooooops]

very few Russians want Hispanics...

Please, don't go there because you know zilch about what Russians want.      "Slave Izaura" was the most famous soap opera on TVs back in the 90s and I don't think it changed since.   


You have admitted yourself that you've read too much into your on-line chats.   Your after flight appearance shouldn't have afflicted your girl's feelings if they were there.   I guess there were not any, sorry to say that.   But as other ppl here suggested - pick up what you can and go enjoy your trip.   May be you'll come back with some better understanding of Russia that you had before.   

[Ooooops]

even if we parted ways, as friends,  she should have  shown me around town.

Oooops!   Missed that!        Oh really?   Why? 

[YoungBuck]

I said that because they state it explicitly,  white European,  in their profiles.  I'm not  making this stuff up.  sometimes it is difficult to comprehend the latent racism,  unless you're a minority.

[YoungBuck]

 look,  oops,

 this is just good manners.  someone takes the time to visit you,  thirty hours of flight,  and the very least,  you owe thema  tour.  you wouldn't understand because you're not Hispanic,  we're friendly and know that this is not an easy trip.  only a selfish Jack ass thinks you don't owe nothing.

[Ooooops]

this is just good manners.  someone takes the time to visit you,  thirty hours of flight,  and the very least,  you owe thema  tour.  you wouldn't understand because you're not Hispanic,  we're friendly and know that this is not an easy trip.  only a selfish Jack ass thinks you don't owe nothing.

I see....   Good luck in your endeavors   

[Belvis]

Let me express my thought straightforward, w/o PC consolation.
YB's mindset is completely inapproapriate to seek FSUW. He has no understanding of women at all making excuse in being nerdy. Otherwise I see no reasonable explanation why he spent lots of time in talking with this woman and failing immediately at first eye-to-eye encounter.
He finds FSUW unattractive right after cold reception.
He feels a woman is obliged to show her town even if she wants to get rid of him.
He think about himself as a victim who was sacrificed  without the reward.
He believe FSUW don't like Hispanics though the situation is rather quite the contrary.
I can't say for all women but certainly FSUW do not appreciate weak persons.

[calmissile]

YB, don't worry about it.  You will find a personality that matches yours.  What's hard to understand  is that not all women are looking for guys with 'game' or the buff type guys.  It's a very much overstated stereotype.

I was also rather timid with meeting women until something or someone 'broke the ice'.  After that it was game on!

Ukraine was actually a learning experience for me.  I had lot's of time on my hands and experimented in figuring out how to break out of my shell and approach women in a somewhat innocent way that was not threatening to them and provided an opportunity for them to pursue an acquaintance if they chose.  It worked much better than a head on deliberate hussle that drove them away.  Also, making one friend often led to introduction to other friends that expressed an interest in me.   It's realy hard to explain.  I swear, my brother can walk into any bar, anwhere and leave with a sexy woman for the night.  For a long time I envied him.  Finally, I discovered that while he had the charm and 'macho' to pick up chicks, it was not what I was seeking.

It just takes time and patience and making yourself available to find the right match.  I was very lucky to have the time to spend months at a time in Ukraine learning the culture and dating several women before I thought I had a sense of how to approach the issue.  It was time consuming but a valuable experience.

Contrary to postings of several members, I think Skype with video is currently the best medium we have available to find someone that MIGHT be compatible with your personality.  It is true that Skype is not the answer to everything and is not a guarantee that a FSUW might be completely different when you meet her.  With over 100 Skype contacts with FSUW, I have yet to find one that is diffrerent than the personality they expressed in real time on Skype.  Even using translators such as SkypeTranslate and Clownfish, the body language tells a lot about their interest in you and the possibilities about a future relationship.

If you don't have time for a lot of 'on the ground' searching, Skype will allow you to vet a lot of women before you make the expensive trips to confirm your feelings toward each other. IMO it is the least expensive option to vet and come up with a short list to go and visit in person.

There are a lot of lessons I learned during my 3 year 'journey' and experiment in my search.  I hesitate to expand on them in open forum because it serves no purpose to argue with the 'experts' that have not dated in many years and know it all!

We all have our different approaches, and many of us find success using different methods than the advice often given here.

What I can tell you for certain, is that when you find your perfect mate in a FSUW it will be like nothing you have experienced previously in your life.  There are FSUW that will treat you like you have never been appreciated before, and it is not out of desperation or a green card.  There are some FSUW that believe in marriage and family and womens lib is the furthest thing from their mind!  Being patient enough is the key to finding that 'right' partner.

Dont give up easily.  If it were easy, you could order a bride from the FSU much like the sterotype of the MOB business.  An enduring marriage does not come from that methodology.  Don't belive the hype that some cities are 'fished out'.  What bullshit.  It might be true of buying a car but it certainly is not true of women in any city.  Forget shopping for a bride.  You are not shopping for an item on a shelf waiting for a customer to google the beauty and pay the clerk.  I have a hard time believing that men think in these terms, but I recently met 3 men that did exactly that! They did it before I was involved with searching for a FSUW, but all of them are divorced and I got the feeling that the reasons were because they had the attitude of going to the FSU and 'buying' a slave for their wife.  In their cases it probably would have been much better for them to have found this forum and had a dose of reality before having these kind of expectations.

There is a big differnce between finding a subserviant wife and finding a wife that admires and appreciates her husband to the extent that she makes him feel like a king.  Of course it works both ways.  A FSUW wants to feel appreciated and special.  It does not take a lot of flowers and expensive items to show her you also appreciate how she makes you feel.  Ignoring her FEELINGS is what is sure to cause her to loose respect for you and might eventualy cause the unravelling of your marriage.

Sorry to take so much of your thread, but it built up and had to finally get it out.

In closing....... There is nothing as fantastic I have ever experienced as the love and devotion a man can receive as the marriage to the 'right' FSU wife.

[Shadow]

she wasn't p laying me,  she's just really picky.
I don't blame her,  but i blame  myself for reading too much into the online relationship.  that's what I meant about wearing my feelings, I open up a lot.
 now if she was playing me she would have taken me, shopping,  and lighten my wallet a bit.

 I just feel frustrated because  she doesn't understand the effort that was made on her behalf.  meeting someone after months of online  should be different and you owe the person some time.  it's common sense and just plain good manners.

It is all about you, right? Guess the time she put in to it does not count for anything.

Did you go straight from the aiport to her family? The least thing you could do is take 30 minutes to freshen up.

As for your comments, I have the opposite experience. However Russians will always reflect your behaviour. If you come over as cold, moody and self-absorbed, that is what you will get back.
Show yourself as open, generous and warm and you will get back something very different.

[Patagonie]

I can understand that the travel was a huge day, especially if it had been delayed.

However.

I would advice any man if a woman is welcoming him at the airport or at the train station :
To get a razor and one hour before the final arrival shave himself.
To wash himself as he can and bring some clothes in cabin to change at least his underclothes.
To perfume himself also.

This a basic, you have some women who are VERY sensitive to smell.

The first ten seconds she see you/come close to you are CAPITAL.

[Patagonie]

She was agressive towards her family because she realized that the best would had been to save her family from this meeting without future, she was angry against herself FIRST.

[Patagonie]

Any newby, now or in the future, as reading this thread, should notice :

1/ All emotions and disappointement endured by the visitor.
2/ Do you really think that a guy who suffer from this story today is ready to endure an other failure in six months ?  And do you think that he will stay in the international marriage tour if a third failure should happen to him ?
I let you answer.

Professionals agree on this : a man must seen many (few if you prefer, but more than one for sure) women, and no matter how many time you bla bla on internet. Internet is internet.

Observe also how quickly this girl had rebounded and cut the relationship, and how she is realistic (she had been honest, she wanted to meet him as a possible husband, not to suck him and not to be a guide). She is absolutely right, it makes any sense to spend one minute more time with him.

[Ooooops]

Guys, seriously, do you think that a woman interested in a man can be so easily repulsed?   

[BillyB]

 

what I expected was a legitimate date,  an honest chance,  and time to work my charm. even if we parted ways, as friends,  she should have  shown me around town.

I've read trip reports where a guy gets blown off in the first few minutes of a meeting with a lady. Few guys marry the first woman they date at home and few guys in this endeavor will marry the first RW they date. You should have been prepared for this. Be a man and don't complain. Fact is you knew things weren't going smooth yet you still had to ask her. You should have ended it before she did but you've hung on too long and feel bitter. Just because you spent months of communicating with a lady and thousands of dollars, you shouldn't expect guarantees even if it's a simple tour of the city.

 
You didn't read her very well and she did both you a favor and ended this so both of you would stop wasting more time. She's already looking elsewhere and so should you. Instead of hanging on, find someone that would enjoy a tour of the city with you. You're lucky she's not insincere by keeping you around for shopping trips.
 
 
 

YB, ... You will find a personality that matches yours. 

 
If a guy communicates with thousands of ladies, he will find a woman that's compatible and into him. All that's left for a guy to do is to identify that woman and pursue her. If YB communicated with 10 ladies and chose one to visit, what are the chances of the right woman being in that group? Minimal. What are the chances of him picking the right woman if he doesn't read women well? Even less. Dating women can be a learning experience and YB can learn something valuable by learning to read women better and improve himself to be a more attractive mate to the ladies but if he remains bitter to the point Russian people are ugly in his eyes, and expect women to change for him, he will have more of what he's experiencing right now.

[Shadow]

Professionals agree on this : a man must seen many (few if you prefer, but more than one for sure) women, and no matter how many time you bla bla on internet.

Especially the professionals who make a living of it 

Youngbuck seems not to have closure regarding the relationship with his ex, which will make things more difficult for him. He should let his ex go first, then he will become more attractive for new arrivals.

[Ooooops]

Youngbuck seems not to have closure regarding the relationship with his ex, which will make things more difficult for him. He should let his ex go first, then he will become more attractive for new arrivals.

Nope.   First he has to drop the tit for tat attitude and then may he'll get somewhere.

[lordtiberius]

Young Buck, don't let some of the negative Nancies get you down.  I love it when people offer a contrary opinion and the response of these adult children is to immediately invalidate it rather than inquiry why they feel one way and RESPECTFULLY offer their own opinion.  But whatevs . . .

My advice YB, if you'll listen to it, is to date locally and date online internationally if you want.  I would look at other regions too.  Russia is very expensive.  I can't speak to visiting it, but I took it off my list of considerations because of the expense of just getting there.

Keep writing.  Keep your head.  Keep Going.  Lay down the mack.  Be yourself and HAVE FUN!

[Chicagoguy]

Calmissile  -  Nice Post  !

[Pkeel1]

Guys, seriously, do you think that a woman interested in a man can be so easily repulsed?   

Ooooops...  You are totally correct.  My first trip was a 30 hour trip, she met me at the airport and I smelled horrible, looked horrible, and was exhausted.  I traveled to Simferopol and there was no time or place to clean up before I met her.  She did not at all discount me for the way I looked.

Second trip, I arrived again after 30 hours, we flew together the final part of the trip, I had limited ability to clean up and none to shave.  That evening I did not get my luggage, no shaving cream, no deodorant, no clean clothes.  She snuggled up close to me and we slept. 

This lady is special and I am lucky I found her.  Sorry guys, but I am hers!

[lonedrake]

I think Skype with video is currently the best medium we have available to find someone that MIGHT be compatible with your personality.  It is true that Skype is not the answer to everything and is not a guarantee that a FSUW might be completely different when you meet her.  With over 100 Skype contacts with FSUW, I have yet to find one that is diffrerent than the personality they expressed in real time on Skype.  Even using translators such as SkypeTranslate and Clownfish, the body language tells a lot about their interest in you and the possibilities about a future relationship.

If you don't have time for a lot of 'on the ground' searching, Skype will allow you to vet a lot of women before you make the expensive trips to confirm your feelings toward each other. IMO it is the least expensive option to vet and come up with a short list to go and visit in person.

 I agree and nice post.

[Shadow]

Young Buck, don't let some of the negative Nancies get you down.  I love it when people offer a contrary opinion and the response of these adult children is to immediately invalidate it rather than inquiry why they feel one way and RESPECTFULLY offer their own opinion.  But whatevs . . .

My advice YB, if you'll listen to it, is to date locally and date online internationally if you want.  I would look at other regions too.  Russia is very expensive.  I can't speak to visiting it, but I took it off my list of considerations because of the expense of just getting there.

Keep writing.  Keep your head.  Keep Going.  Lay down the mack.  Be yourself and HAVE FUN!

No idea if it is different from the US, but what I spent extra in visa cost I saved on the ticket.... no way Russia was more expensive for me.

[LAman]

look,  oops,

 this is just good manners.  someone takes the time to visit you,  thirty hours of flight,  and the very least,  you owe thema  tour.  you wouldn't understand because you're not Hispanic,  we're friendly and know that this is not an easy trip.  only a selfish Jack ass thinks you don't owe nothing.

I don't understand you...and I'm Hispanic.....
It is not a matter of race.....it is a matter of international dating and the risks involved. To fly half way round the world to hopefully find someone you connect with is a risk many will not take, I commend you for your risk, please don't make yourself look like your a victim now. Girl does not owe you anything other than a personal meeting, anything beyond that is a shared decision.
BTW, you could have flown on Aeroflot and landed in Moscow in 12 hours direct flight from LA. Then taken whatever other travel plans to get to your destination.
 30 hours...jeez....
I hope you find your nerdy girl someday!!!!

[Faux Pas]

No idea if it is different from the US, but what I spent extra in visa cost I saved on the ticket.... no way Russia was more expensive for me.

That's the advice of the OWW giving advice about Russia but, admits that he's never been. Too much of this type advice gets bandied about, +1'd and high fived by other OWW who have never been.

YoungBuck received some good solid advice to his queries before he made the trip and chose to ignore much to most of it. His puppy picking adventure didn't work out to his liking so the woman is crazy and cold. RU/UA is not a place I'd advise him to look. Some folks shouldn't be encouraged IMHO

[Daveman]

...
 I just feel frustrated because  she doesn't understand the effort that was made on her behalf.  meeting someone after months of online  should be different and you owe the person some time.  it's common sense and just plain good manners.

First off, she's 23, without children (and yes, that can make an enormous difference in goals/attitude at that age) and fairly fresh out of school. 


That being said, some ladies would feel guilty and be "nice", spend time with you for your visit -- which would screw with your mind and give you the hope that you really have a chance of winning her over when in fact she had already decided that you have NO chance.
 
 No matter how much time you spend communicating prior to your meeting, everything can unravel soon after fantasy meets reality exactly as you have found.  Regardless of how much time and effort was involved, or what was said during communication, the first meeting is a long commute for an expensive first date and that's all it is.  Neither of you are obligated for anything.


Of course, if the meeting goes well, one can then say "It was more than just a date, we knew all along.. blah blah BLAH blah..".. but even so, if that chemistry had not have been there on the first meeting, there would have been no more because why?  Yep -- long commute first date with someone who is still mostly a stranger even after long communication and definitely a "chemistry" stranger.  That's just how it is.


Better to make not any emotional investments into the hope of what might be... communicate less, meet more.


You'll look back on this as a pretty cool adventure.  There are quite a few FSUW who are very attracted to nerdy/geeky types.  Absorb the lessons and move forward in a positive way.