Calling All Old Posters-- ie Those missing on Forum for some time

[TheTraveler]

Looks like my posts draw some offended MOB-er attention, as always 


Anyway, here is a synopsis of my point regarding KenC's previous marriage:


KenC:  all-around winner, congrats! Good on you (seriously, you've done well!)
Lena: all-around loser. Sorry, girl


To all 19-y/o FSUW about to marry "Daddy" or "Grandpa". Here is the lesson on "how to do a large age gap marriage":


1. It has a shelf life, even if you don't think so now at your 19-20 y.o.
2. Northkape's Lena: That's how it is done
3. KenC's Lena: Wrong way to do it.


Follow the advice - you'll thank me later 

no one comes out as a winner in any divorce.

northkape's lena abandoned her children in pursuit of a career.  and that's a winner??  i see it more as tragedy.

in forum relationship analyses, i have found that some (not all) russian women are obsessed with what the woman receives in 'the deal'.

no mention of 'love'.

too cold around the heart for my tastes.

[BillyB]

KenC:  all-around winner, congrats! Good on you (seriously, you've done well!)
Lena: all-around loser. Sorry, girl

I have to disagree with that too. If Lena was a complete loser in the marriage, I think she wouldn't have let it last 10 years. No man or woman should be a complete loser in a marriage that long unless they have low self esteem.


I can't say KenC was an overall winner either. I'm sure he went into the marriage hoping it would last a lifetime. He'd rather have seen his wife focus on education over sunbathing and shopping. He provided the money and environment to make his wife successful which was probably his goal as much as his ex wifes. I see no reason why Ken should be celebrating as the overall winner when it hurt him to watch his ex wife squander opportunities away.

[pitbull]

Pitbull,
I find your opinions crass and shallow, bordering on vulgar.  As typical of most Russians, you view life through a black and white spectrum.  I understand this because I was raised very Russian,  At a very early age I refused to accept their tunnel vision and sought to find the rest of the rainbow of colors available.  I followed my own path in life then and now.
Your opinion on this matter is devoid of any allowance for love or any emotion what so ever.  That is the flaw in your thinking.  Two people fell in love for 10 years.  Period.  It wasn't a calculated move on anyones part.  Regardless of age, country, culture or physical appearance; they emotionally bonded for 10 years.  Nobody "suffered" during those 10 years.  In fact both parties enjoyed the love affair immensensly.
After 10 years the emotions, values and aspirations changed.  They parted ways in a dignified and amicable fashion.  The "gains and losses" were equal and never the point of the relationship.  "wasted time"?  Not by a long shot.
KenC

Hey, I didn't say there weren't love and feelings. I bet there were both in northkape's marriage as well. The difference is in the life-long outcome - look where your ex is and where northkape's ex is.

[pitbull]

  She could have left years earlier but didn't.
 

And that, my friend, is the biggest mistake she made 

[Misha]

And that, my friend, is the biggest mistake she made 

To be honest, I don't quite understand what is implied, the idea that if a woman (or a man) hasn't achieved everything by the age of 30 that it is game over. When it comes to marriage and children, there are more than a few women capable of finding a husband and starting a family when they are in their early thirties. It is not that difficult to achieve and if expectations are reasonable, there would be plenty of options available for an attractive woman in her thirties. The same is also true for a career. It might be too late to become a professional athlete, but with some work and dedication it is also possible to establish a career in your early thirties. There are more than a few Russian immigrants that I know who established or reestablished careers much later in life.

[Ludmila]

Just checking if my post gets through. Because I've just been  denied access to posting.

[Ludmila]

Looks like I'm good now.
 
Hi Ken. Glad to learn that everything's good in your life, and that your Chinese wife is making you happy and has been  meeting your expectations so far ( hopefully, will always).
 
Pitbull, glad to read your posts. They're very essential, articulate and to the point. Don't see how they sound hurting and vulgar. It is an opinion, and you, as, hopefully, anyone on this forum, is entitled to one.
That an assessment doesn't sound flattering isn't the reason to call it vulgar.
 
Ken, your comment does sound vulgar to me :   "As typical of most Russians, you view life through a black and white spectrum. I understand this because I was raised very Russian, At a very early age I refused to accept their tunnel vision and sought to find the rest of the rainbow of colors available. "
Ken,please, expand upon what you mean by "tunnel vision" and "black and white".

[Ludmila]

Ken, if you please, share examples of "tunnel vision" and "black and white".

[pokerintherear]

Pitbull please answer my basic question of why the woman accepted the marriage proposal.

[GregfromGa]

Looks like I'm good now.
 
Hi Ken. Glad to learn that everything's good in your life, and that your Chinese wife is making you happy and has been  meeting your expectations so far ( hopefully, will always).
 
Pitbull, glad to read your posts. They're very essential, articulate and to the point. Don't see how they sound hurting and vulgar. It is an opinion, and you, as, hopefully, anyone on this forum, is entitled to one.
That an assessment doesn't sound flattering isn't the reason to call it vulgar.
 
Ken, your comment does sound vulgar to me :   "As typical of most Russians, you view life through a black and white spectrum. I understand this because I was raised very Russian, At a very early age I refused to accept their tunnel vision and sought to find the rest of the rainbow of colors available. "
Ken,please, expand upon what you mean by "tunnel vision" and "black and white".

Here we go.  LOL

[Dewed]

I'm not a moderator, but if I were, I'd be VERY tempted to simply lock this thread until people learn to be civil to one another, because it seems every 3rd or 4th poster insists on berating others.

We are ALL entitled to our opinions, but there is a big difference between.. "YOU STUPID IDIOT YOU ARE WRONG!" and "In my opinion / experience, the results were / are different than what you describe"

Seems simple to me, if you wouldn't say it to your grandmother, don't type it here. It doesn't help anyone and hurts all of us. It's called diplomacy, or rational debate. It's not sugar coating, it's respecting we are all human, and entitled to our own opinions. 

Seem reasonable?.. and I'll remind everyone, there is a nifty IGNORE feature for those that find it difficult to restrain themselves.

[KenC]

Ken, if you please, share examples of "tunnel vision" and "black and white".

  There is only the "right" answer (their point of view) or the "wrong" answer(anyone else's)

[Ludmila]

So, will there be answers, Ken?
 Just thought I would ask you to clarify ( to avoid arriving at the wrong conclusions about what you think of the "Russian vision". One would like to rule out that your assessment of Russians is based on wide experience in dealing with the Russian people of different age, gender, profession, background, not on a failure to build a long lasting marriage with a younger RW).
So, will there be answers, please?

[Ludmila]

Oh, I see. Thank you for the reply.
As far as I know, the same is done by American wives. Through lawyers. Surprize me, by denying it, please  :-)

[Ludmila]

My husband asked to tell you that his ex-wife ( AW) was exactly like you've described : "my way or highway-- not knowing what a compromise is".
So, so far, it sounds like a trait of character and a circumstance more typically  occurring in a marriage with a big age difference, when a much younger lady expects obedience from a"daddy" ( although one may put it as a "tunnel vision" of Russians).
Any other justifications of the Russian "tunnel vision" ?

[GregfromGa]

Whatever Ken writes now will never ever suffice certain people here. I on the other hand having lived with a UW/RW for a number of years know all full well exactly where he is coming from with his sentiments. I echo them and have for a long time. Will that stop me from getting back on the horse? Of course not because I now have all this shiat figured out. I have all the answers and those questions that might arise well I have this place for solving those.

[KenC]

So, will there be answers, Ken?
 Just thought I would ask you to clarify ( to avoid arriving at the wrong conclusions about what you think of the "Russian vision". One would like to rule out that your assessment of Russians is based on wide experience in dealing with the Russian people of different age, gender, profession, background, not on a failure to build a long lasting marriage with a younger RW).
So, will there be answers, please?

My opinion is based on being born Russian, all my relatives being Russian, marrying a Russian and associating with Russians for most of my life.

[KenC]

My husband asked to tell you that his ex-wife ( AW) was exactly like you've described : "my way or highway-- not knowing what a compromise is".
So, so far, it sounds like a trait of character and a circumstance more typically  occurring in a marriage with a big age difference, when a much younger lady expects obedience from a"daddy" ( although one may put it as a "tunnel vision" of Russians).
Any other justifications of the Russian "tunnel vision" ?

My sympathies for your husband,

[Ludmila]

Thank you, Ken.
Looks like you happened to have "incorrect" relatives :-)

[fathertime]

I'm not sure how old KenC was when he began his relationship with a much younger woman....but based on all I have read through the years...as a man, I probably wouldn't be thinking in terms of a long term relationship myself...I think I would assume the marriage is not going to be permanent...assuming ages of say 55-21 or anything in that range... 

Now if i were to make the assumption that it is not going to be long long term, then, I would take whatever precautions I felt necessary to make certain that i've done all i can to protect myself and kids financially.  [size=78%] [/size]
[/size]
[/size]Of course if I were in one of these types of relationships and had children with the wife, then I would readjust my thinking...But overall, aside from a young face, and great body, I don't see much else I'd be interested in from the typical very young woman...but I understand that other men could really enjoy all that comes with being married to a very young lady and every once in a while a very young person has the mentality of a lady 10 or more years older....[size=78%]

[/size]Fathertime![size=78%][/size][size=78%]  [/size]

[KenC]

Fathertime,
I was a 45 yo studmuffin when I began communicating with Lena.

[KenC]

Thank you, Ken.
Looks like you happened to have "incorrect" relatives :-)

There is no doubt about that

[Елена]

Looks like I'm good now.
 
Hi Ken. Glad to learn that everything's good in your life, and that your Chinese wife is making you happy and has been  meeting your expectations so far ( hopefully, will always).
 
Pitbull, glad to read your posts. They're very essential, articulate and to the point. Don't see how they sound hurting and vulgar. It is an opinion, and you, as, hopefully, anyone on this forum, is entitled to one.
That an assessment doesn't sound flattering isn't the reason to call it vulgar.
 
Ken, your comment does sound vulgar to me :   "As typical of most Russians, you view life through a black and white spectrum. I understand this because I was raised very Russian, At a very early age I refused to accept their tunnel vision and sought to find the rest of the rainbow of colors available. "
Ken,please, expand upon what you mean by "tunnel vision" and "black and white".

unnel vision and division into black and white is more typical for Seniors 50-60 years of age and older . This thinking citizens of the USSR . Now the younger generation is much more loyal . But there is one aspect that I see ( as a representative of my generation and my historical context ) But maybe others do not see . Loyalty and tolerance must be limits . Because there is a distinction between good and evil, error and vice. If you deny that person , and tolerance can go beyond reasonable limits. And then lost the concept of morality. In many countries, it has already been observed and perceived as absurd.

[Ade]

  Two people fell in love for 10 years.  Period.  It wasn't a calculated move on anyones part.  Regardless of age, country, culture or physical appearance; they emotionally bonded for 10 years.  Nobody "suffered" during those 10 years.  In fact both parties enjoyed the love affair immensensly.
After 10 years the emotions, values and aspirations changed.  They parted ways in a dignified and amicable fashion.  The "gains and losses" were equal and never the point of the relationship.  "wasted time"?  Not by a long shot.
KenC

And Whose marriage was that? Can the lucky guy and gal stand up please because I don't see anyone in the quoted posted matching that description. Lol

[pitbull]

Pitbull please answer my basic question of why the woman accepted the marriage proposal.

There may be a multitude of answers for one woman or a number of different women - desperation, wants to leave the country, thinks he will take good care of her, will not look at other women, the old dude will treat her like a princess, infatuation with his experience and intelligenece, unresolved daddy issues... etc.et.etc. I dunno. You better ask the woman