Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[jmana]

 Alina somehow needs to feel that she is part of the team, contributing something.  So eat some overcooked if not burned eggs.  BTW Russians do not like medium rare. 


Acting as if she knows little will make her feel disrespected.  Especially forcing food on her that she does not like.


Harvard cooking class?  Seems to be an oxymoron.

Well it's a "science and cooking" class, a lot of math is involved, but it was a fun class!  I learned a lot about interesting ways to cook food, like sous vide, which is the only way I cook roasts now.  Nothing better than a chuck roast cooked at 135 degrees for 48 hours! 

[Ade]

Well yeah, I do like her, a lot!  She seems a lot more laid back the most women.  I went out with my friends last weekend and she didn't ask me a million questions, it's like she trusts me, which I guess is rare these days.

Or she just doesn't care.

[Jumper]

 
Oh, oh, oh, let me do this. 
 
Oh again 

feel better Muzh ?

[sarcasm font on]
I'm sure Alina  would have spoken to him rationally about their situation, and  not reacted on any nefarious motives you attribute her, if jmana would have only unplugged the modem while she was involved in her typing.
Their discussion afterwards would be productive and he'd know exactly her intents ,beyond what he understands currently.
[sarcasm font off ]

Asking her directly, and listening to her reply and watching her actions dint speak clearly enough?
It would to me.

A suppose a few men might need to unplug the modem for confirmation.
Again it wouldn't confirm anything they don't already know, and only piss her off, but that's the point of a controlling action- isn't it?

I'm no door mat by any stretch of the imagination, I wouldn't give her the time of day if she dint care enough about our situation to step away from the PC and discuss it.
However, I'd dang sure let it be her choice to make, not act like a child , or a controlling jerk, and unplug her lap top because she wasn't doing what i wanted her to.
It seems silly advice whether she is using him as a mule, or not.Nothing would be gained by it.
Of course roll your eyes a thousand more times to show your annoyance at an opinion that  counters your own.
Hey, perhaps you could come over and unplug my modem?



There's something actually worthy a few eye roll's for you.

 

[Gator]

I would take my comment more as an old timer not up to date with Ivy League curriculum.  I should not be surprised considering I took Horseback Riding as an elective at another Ivy League school. 

[Muzh]

Well yeah, I do like her, a lot!  She seems a lot more laid back the most women.  I went out with my friends last weekend and she didn't ask me a million questions, it's like she trusts me, which I guess is rare these days. There's other things I like too, not going to write it all here, but I do want it to work.  Speaking of which, I've got to get back to spending the day with her ;-)

[Muzh]

feel better Muzh ?
 

You should know. You were the one who initially offered the response.
 

[sarcasm font on]
I'm sure Alina  would have spoken to him rationally about their situation, and  not reacted on any nefarious motives you attribute her, if jmana would have only unplugged the modem while she was involved in her typing.
Their discussion afterwards would be productive and he'd know exactly her intents ,beyond what he understands currently.
[sarcasm font off ]

O joy. Thanks for the heads up. I wouldn't be able to tell.

 

Asking her directly, and listening to her reply and watching her actions dint speak clearly enough?
It would to me.

Is your name Alina? When it is and you have to use tampons, THEN identify with her.
 

A suppose a few men might need to unplug the modem for confirmation.
Again it wouldn't confirm anything they don't already know, and only piss her off, but that's the point of a controlling action- isn't it?

I'm no door mat by any stretch of the imagination, I wouldn't give her the time of day if she dint care enough about our situation to step away from the PC and discuss it.
However, I'd dang sure let it be her choice to make, not act like a child , or a controlling jerk, and unplug her lap top because she wasn't doing what i wanted her to.
 

Please, by all means Jmana. Sit down with her and ask her why the anime is more important than you right now.
 

It seems silly advice whether she is using him as a mule, or not.Nothing would be gained by it.
 

Except he is going to fall for a sad story, marry her and then be out of his house by day 751.
 
 

Of course roll your eyes a thousand more times to show your annoyance at an opinion that  counters your own.
 

It was really stoopid, wasn't it?

Hey, perhaps you could come over and unplug my modem?

  

Now, that's an idea.
 

There's something actually worthy a few eye roll's for you.

 

Isn't it really stoopid?

[BillyB]

It's time to club her over her head and drag her to the cave by her hair.

That's old school advice. Today men lock their women in the house, cut the phone lines and disconnect the internet to get women to do what they want. I wonder what kind of guys would do such a thing? If a woman doesn't want to advance a relationship to better levels on her own free will, it's more effective and so much easier to say "goodbye."

I agree, if he were in the FSU.  There, a man upon having a bad day or even a bad So does he show her the door (meaning, rebook her return flight and doing whatever is necessary to assure an amicable parting)?   Or does he invest two more months to determine if Alina entered the relationship in good faith and if she wants to work with him to reconcile their differences.

I think jmana deep down knows the truth that he's much more into her than she is into him. If that is a fact as most people concluded, it's best he talk to her now about going separate ways and the mistake they both made getting involved with each other too fast without better understanding of each other. Some of the differences they may discuss could be from having different ideas on how family is supposed to interact on a daily basis to sex to the low level of interest she has in him.


The problems exist now so, his talk needs to happen NOW. The danger of waiting too long is that the more jmana invests into this relationship, the less likely he will be able to pull out in the future no matter how many red flags continue to exist. Unless he finds a minister available 24/7, the wedding still has to be scheduled weeks if not months ahead while he's using the remaining 90 days of the k-1 to figure this all out. Lots of pressure coming with the big event and another reason a man is less likely to pull the plug since he would have to cancel a wedding and explain to his friends and family why it's cancelled.


I've said goodbye to women in the past only for them to beg me to stay and give the relationship a chance. If jmana say's "Sorry, I don't want to get married because of X,Y,Z", he will soon find out how motivated she is to make the relationship work out. If he says that today, I'll bet she won't care enough to turn off the computer and she'll finish her deadline on Friday. Who knows? She may care about jmana's feelings and listen for once. She may turn off the computer and start improving the relationship today! jmama won't know the answer unless he tells he won't marry her based off what's he's experienced. He doesn't have to say that as a threat because he's not asking her to change or else. If she really wants this marriage, she will offer him solutions without him having to suggest solutions. Put the ball into her court.

[Muzh]

Given the constraint that you selected your fiancee in one week without any intimacy, you are doing okay.   
 

Like this?
 

[Hammer2722]

Like this?
 

What????? You mean he actually got her into the same bed????? 

[Muzh]

That's old school advice. Today men lock their women in the house, cut the phone lines and disconnect the internet to get women to do what they want. I wonder what kind of guys would do such a thing? If a woman doesn't want to advance a relationship to better levels on her own free will, it's more effective and so much easier to say "goodbye."

Interesting approach you have. Does it work?

[jone]

 

Hell, this story is better than watching television.  We've got all the personalities stirred up, a train wreck in slo mo and banter back and forth.  What could be better?

IDUNNNO, maybe a happy ending?

[Jumper]

   
Is your name Alina? When it is and you have to use tampons, THEN identify with her.
 
 
Isn't it really stoopid?

Considering your propensity for completely identifying with women's issues,
yeap, your response seemed to be?

I'll likely quote you in this in the future,  as needed.


By the way when you are actually Alina, then you can identify and comment with surety of her actual intent as well , right?
You mentioned asinine ?

Being crass in your response really lends  a nice touch to it being the only possibility.

Among his  choices :
Try and communicate,by asking her to.
Try and force her to communicate by unplugging her laptop/modem
Buy her and her child tickets home (no real idea whether she'd take them mind you)
Ignore the growing issues and let it play out any direction
Get his pimp hand out.
etc.
etc.
Very few being productive.


Seems he is trying to establish the relationship he admits they should have already had.
Options considered it doesn't seem that poor of choice to me.
If her intentions are not good, what ultimate difference will it make?
He could just rationilize her into returning home if her real intentions were to mule him?
Please let us know?

I've seen true GC girls here, and unplugging their modem was a sure way to know both their true  motivations and a means to stop them from accomplishing their goal.
It was almost magic, like kryptonite!

[BillyB]

Interesting approach you have. Does it work?

Considering the wife I have now, I'd have to say it worked out well for me.

[Muzh]

Considering your propensity for completely identifying with women's issues,
yeap, your response seemed to be?

I'll likely quote you in this in the future,  as needed.


By the way when you are actually Alina, then you can identify and comment with surety of her actual intent as well , right?
You mentioned asinine ?

O boy. When did I said I was identifying with Alina? You ARE the one who is identifying with her. I've been advising Jmana to open his eyes and notice that he is swimming in that river in Egypt.
 
 

Being crass in your response really lends  a nice touch to it being the only possibility.

Among his  choices :
Try and communicate,by asking her to.
Try and force her to communicate by unplugging her laptop/modem
Buy her and her child tickets home (no real idea whether she'd take them mind you)
Ignore the growing issues and let it play out any direction
Get his pimp hand out.
etc.
etc.
Very few being productive.
 

Dude. The above rant just shows to me that your are really angry at me. Seething would be more appropriate because all I said to him was to try to figure out why the obsession with the computer. Another RW also agreed with my suggestion. Everything else you are claiming above is an optical illusion of your skin.
 

Seems he is trying to establish the relationship he admits they should have already had.
 

Seems Jmana is:
 
a) thinking with his little head,
b) swimming in that river in Egypt,
c) totally oblivious
d) all of the above.
 
THAT is my opinion. Let me know if I have to type it again so there is no misunderstanding.
 

Options considered it doesn't seem that poor of choice to me.
 

Mind translating this to English?
 

If her intentions are not good, what ultimate difference will it make?
He could just rationilize her into returning home if her real intentions were to mule him?
Please let us know?
 

Again, these are optical illusions of your skin. I never said this.

I've seen true GC girls here, and unplugging their modem was a sure way to know both their true  motivations and a means to stop them from accomplishing their goal.
It was almost magic, like kryptonite!

Lucky for you. I never had to deal with that.
 
However, are you willing to risk Jmana's DV stay in county jail just because you are 'identifying' with some girl?
 
Hey, your call. I already told him what I think.

[Muzh]

Considering the wife I have now, I'd have to say it worked out well for me.

I would not drag my wife into the mire so willingly.

[Wayne]

Here's a suggestion. Take some vacation days, and take Maria and Alina to this preschool program:
 
 Millbrook Exchange Park News posted Jan. 24, 2014 - 4:00 pm Does your preschooler have lots of energy?

Need to find a productive outlet for them to explore new sports, play new games and socialize with their friends?
It's time for everyone's favorite activity, recess! Join Coach Shawn for Wee Recess. Coach Shawn has an extensive background in working with youth and helping them learn and explore new sports and activities. From baseball to follow the leader your preschooler will learn new games and great socialization skills with others. Don't miss this great opportunity to enjoy recess with your child. Program is for ages 3-5 and meets weekly on Wednesday mornings from 10:30am-11:15am. Monthly fee is $27.00 (monthly fee includes all Wednesday sessions in the given month).
 
Most women like going out to dinner, and then dancing or a movie. Hire a baby sitter and go for it!
 
I see Raleigh has a bus service called:  Capital Area Transit. I suggest you take the girls around the city by BUS so they can do something instead of just sitting around in your place. Alina is probably used to public transportation.

[Hammer2722]

Here's a suggestion. Take some vacation days, and take Maria and Alina to this preschool program:
 
 Millbrook Exchange Park News posted Jan. 24, 2014 - 4:00 pm Does your preschooler have lots of energy?

Need to find a productive outlet for them to explore new sports, play new games and socialize with their friends?
It's time for everyone's favorite activity, recess! Join Coach Shawn for Wee Recess. Coach Shawn has an extensive background in working with youth and helping them learn and explore new sports and activities. From baseball to follow the leader your preschooler will learn new games and great socialization skills with others. Don't miss this great opportunity to enjoy recess with your child. Program is for ages 3-5 and meets weekly on Wednesday mornings from 10:30am-11:15am. Monthly fee is $27.00 (monthly fee includes all Wednesday sessions in the given month).
 
Most women like going out to dinner, and then dancing or a movie. Hire a baby sitter and go for it!
 
I see Raleigh has a bus service called:  Capital Area Transit. I suggest you take the girls around the city by BUS so they can do something instead of just sitting around in your place. Alina is probably used to public transportation.

I totally agree with Wayne's suggestion about putting the little one in a pre-school. Not only will it help her to socialize but her English will improve very quickly. You should discuss with the Fiance if you can pry her away from her laptop!

[Shadow]

Let's interrupt the ego boosting about who is better qualified to give advise and go back the the point of kicking some sense in to jmana, not meant in a bad way.

I have asked MrsShadow about shining some light on your case, and her opinions is pretty clear. Book a flight home for her.
As she delacred (with full self-knowledge) if women change after marriage it is fir the worse, not for better. If this is how she is on her "best"behaviour towards you, how do you think you would like her 'standard'behaviour?
Right now she is queen, as she sits in America in a house doing whatever she wants, with a man running afrer her like a sick puppy. If he gets suspicious she may have to f*** him a few times, but once the wedding is passed she can always call some kind of abuse, and marry a Japanede boy band.

This is the opinion of a RW, but I have to agree with it.

[BC]

Marrying a FSU woman with child(ren) is a daunting task even in the best of circumstances.

AM(WM) meet RW(FSUW) - one would think 1+1=2 right?

Wrong... think 2²

With children add exponentially, like 2³ and keep adding  ^x+1 for each child from either side.

If you don't have prior experience with kids, think thrice if not more. If in addition you are applying for your first passport embarking on this venture just forget it.

Above all else, remember that it is the kids that bear most from the demise of relationships..  best to avoid rather than add to that burden.

JIMHO

[Faux Pas]

Let's interrupt the ego boosting about who is better qualified to give advise and go back the the point of kicking some sense in to jmana, not meant in a bad way.

I have asked MrsShadow about shining some light on your case, and her opinions is pretty clear. Book a flight home for her.
As she delacred (with full self-knowledge) if women change after marriage it is fir the worse, not for better. If this is how she is on her "best"behaviour towards you, how do you think you would like her 'standard'behaviour?
Right now she is queen, as she sits in America in a house doing whatever she wants, with a man running afrer her like a sick puppy. If he gets suspicious she may have to f*** him a few times, but once the wedding is passed she can always call some kind of abuse, and marry a Japanede boy band.

This is the opinion of a RW, but I have to agree with it.

+1

[Jumper]

O boy. When did I said I was identifying with Alina? You ARE the one who is identifying with her. I've been advising Jmana to open his eyes and notice that he is swimming in that river in Egypt.

 You usually do,you usually  chastise the men who arnt considering  the women's position at all.That was my point.I dint think anyone could miss it.

but since you bring it up- there were  some identifying bits, regardless your take now.I agreed with them, shame on me huh?

Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she is stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, whatever. Before you fine any counselor, you have to earn her trust big time. Spend as much time as you can with her. Disable the computer. Actually, disable the modem and go without connection until you both have settled as husband an wife

of note: I was stating that i dint understand how you could attempt to build trust by unplugging her connection to the outside world..which includes animie, but quite likely includes Russian friends and family.

Dude. The above rant just shows to me that your are really angry at me. Seething would be more appropriate because all I said to him was to try to figure out why the obsession with the computer. Another RW also agreed with my suggestion. Everything else you are claiming above is an optical illusion of your skin.

Angry with you? why on earth would i be? Certainly not seething at all?  Talk about figments of imagination?
and no , actually you are side stepping.
You told him to unplug the modem.
That is not just advising him to figure out her obsession with the computer.

Disable the computer. Actually, disable the modem and go without connection until you both have settled as husband an wife.

Are you sure that Alina is not using her computer to communicate with other men?

your reply

Disable the modem and you will quickly find out

Seems Jmana is:
a) thinking with his little head,
b) swimming in that river in Egypt,
c) totally oblivious
d) all of the above.
THAT is my opinion. Let me know if I have to type it again so there is no misunderstanding.

Since I already agreed with the general take prior,(see initial exchange between us) just not the exact actions you advised, I'd suggest rolling your eyes again ,unplugging my modem, or yours, your choice.

If her intentions are not good, what ultimate difference will it make?He could just rationalize her into returning home if her real intentions were to mule him?Please let us know?

Again, these are optical illusions of your skin. I never said this.

You did not? maybe translate it into English then?

I have this nasty suspicicion that you are nothing but a
 inserted photo of pack mule

However, are you willing to risk Jmana's DV stay in county jail just because you are 'identifying' with some girl?
 Hey, your call. I already told him what I think.

Identifying? I have several different ideas on what she might be thinking, between good ,bad ,and pure evil. Unplugging the modem ,per your advise, solves none of them! That was my only point, it certainly wont help him avoid a DV charge, if one is in the works,, and in fact it is more than likely a good way to help one occur..but yes he is welcome to try it out and see how it works out.I already stated I agreed with your take, in the very first of this exchange, other than the point about the modem.In case you've forgotten-

Muzh.. while i agree overall-that the entire issue is jmana's and Alina's.The two have to sit down, pay attention to each other and have solid communication to work through such issues.but I'm trying to get from the *have a husband /wife relationship*, to your  advise of disabling the wife's modem or computer.That advice sounds controlling, and like a parent with a child , not husband /wife.  Generally a  guy coming here saying he was disconnecting his newly arrived fiancee's modem (which she may be using to contact family and friends) would be strung up by you or and most everyone else, so this seems odd advice.

At the moment with intents unproven-
I have empathy for them both, and particularly for the child whose parent, and jmana has put through the wringer.

[Muzh]

Whatever. 

[Muzh]

Let's interrupt the ego boosting about who is better qualified to give advise and go back the the point of kicking some sense in to jmana, not meant in a bad way.

I have asked MrsShadow about shining some light on your case, and her opinions is pretty clear. Book a flight home for her.
As she delacred (with full self-knowledge) if women change after marriage it is fir the worse, not for better. If this is how she is on her "best"behaviour towards you, how do you think you would like her 'standard'behaviour?
Right now she is queen, as she sits in America in a house doing whatever she wants, with a man running afrer her like a sick puppy. If he gets suspicious she may have to f*** him a few times, but once the wedding is passed she can always call some kind of abuse, and marry a Japanede boy band.

This is the opinion of a RW, but I have to agree with it.

+1

One more +1

[die_cast]

She seems a lot more laid back the most women.  I went out with my friends last weekend and she didn't ask me a million questions, it's like she trusts me, which I guess is rare these days.

Sorry, but it seems she just doesn't care where are you and what you are doing. Which is really rare for a woman who cares about her man.
Or probably she is too shy not only to talk about kisses, but about everything else. 

[die_cast]

A suppose a few men might need to unplug the modem for confirmation.
Again it wouldn't confirm anything they don't already know, and only piss her off, but that's the point of a controlling action- isn't it?

We are discussing  the woman who doesn't want talking, but want to watch anime.
If she is sane and not addicted to internet and her Japanese boys, accidental unpluging the modem wouldn't piss her off, just because nobody is guilty that was happen. Stuff happens, you know.  She lived her life in the country where they can accidentally turn off a hot water/cold water/ heat/ internet/ light in your house. "No internet" is not a disaster.
I don't see it as a controlling action, AJ, but I see that she acts like a teenager girl whos father doesn't understand her and her interests.