Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[jmana]

So Alina has no job to go back to and no place to live, plus no one to watch the child so she can work. How can you just send her back?
 
Perhaps you should call her father?

She could live with her parents, or go back to her roommate now that they are back from the hospital. 

[pokerintherear]

Jmana this a real life problem? I have seen many forums make up "life problems" to increase activity.

[jmana]

Jmana this a real life problem? I have seen many forums make up "life problems" to increase activity.

??

[pokerintherear]

??

Wait for it

[Faux Pas]

Did I say that was the "main" mistake?  No.  What I was saying is if she would have had to invest something into this also, maybe she would have thought more about it before coming here.  But I think she was of the opinion "why not go and see what happens, I'm not losing anything on the deal".  And I think she's still thinking that she's waiting to see what happens, but I don't see how anything is to develop when she is putting zero effort into it.  It's not just going to happen on it's own, and even though I'm trying to win her over, it's not a one way street.  All she wants to do is to keep doing what she apparently has always been doing, and that's been to be a lazy bum who sits and writes pointless stories all day, which explains why her daughter took so long to speak, she probably was never spoken to by her mom.  I imagine it was even worse when she was working full time, I bet her daughter was really ignored.  It also explains why Alina would sleep all day on her days off, she was probably up all night online while her kid wasn't trying to get her attention.   Maybe it's a good idea to have a person investigated before applying for a K1, I know in my case it would have been, if I would have known the extent to her involvement in this fantasy world I would have never pursued this further.

No, that's not a good idea to investigate someone you "supposedly" have a romantic relationship with. What you did wrong in this relationship is water under the bridge. You can't turn that back and start all over again.

Those condemning you and insisting you never go back have a very valid point. It's not about the money dude. You are suppose to  pay all of the costs. It's not about return on investment. Any money spent in this pursuit is ALL pissed away and immaterial. It's not an investment at all, it's merely a tool  when used wisely. That's what you don't get and why they are condemning you so harshly.

There are no short cuts in this endeavor. Your ability to buy a plane ticket and file a K-1 does not give you the right  to a relationship. You still have to develop, nurture and build them. If you want to buy a woman as an investment, think about spending it on prostitutes, at least you'd be paying them to go away

[Faux Pas]

Jmana this a real life problem? I have seen many forums make up "life problems" to increase activity.

Truth is stranger than fiction

[Shadow]

Oh I think I'm done with the FSU thing if this ship can't be turned around (which I think it's about 2 inches from hitting an iceberg at this point).  If what you people say is true, and I have to spend thousands of dollars and actually live there (which is impossible because I have a real JOB and a SON) to break through the facade and see what these women are really like, then it's not worth it, I'd rather be alone.  I'll just assume that most of them are putting on a front and that maybe there are a few needles in the haystack, but it's not worth the effort to find them.  And yeah, I don't see a problem with paying for the travel costs, but I think if a woman is serious it's not unreasonable to ask her to cover some of the costs such as the visa fees, or at least the medical exam fees.  Even if it's a token thing just to show she's willing to put something into this future she claims to want so badly.

No need to live there, but making a visit that is not a holiday for you would help. Asfar as how women are, there is no difference between the women in the USA and in the FSU, except that women over there are less happy to stay alone and there for more willing to explore options. A woman from the FSU who is serious about YOU will not require anything, yet expect you to show you are a good provider. What I have seen you can be, but are on the verge of being too stingy.

[jmana]

No need to live there, but making a visit that is not a holiday for you would help. Asfar as how women are, there is no difference between the women in the USA and in the FSU, except that women over there are less happy to stay alone and there for more willing to explore options. A woman from the FSU who is serious about YOU will not require anything, yet expect you to show you are a good provider. What I have seen you can be, but are on the verge of being too stingy.

I'm not stingy, I've just been brought up to respect money and not spend on things that aren't necessary because you never know what is coming around the corner that you might NEED that money for.  I've seen too many people spend like there's no tomorrow and then get hit with a job loss, or even something as simple as a broken car, and it really disrupts their lives because they never planned for it.  I probably buy more expensive things than a lot of you, but I do that not to impress anyone, but because I research things before I buy and find out what will last the longest even if it costs more.  I don't consider that being stingy, I consider it being smart.

[Gator]

Jmana is one of them. He should stay where he is.

This works both ways.





Is jmana clueless?  Yes, in believing he knew enough about a woman to ask her to marry him after spending one week together with no sexual intimacy (the epitome of a MOBer IMO).  However, Alina made the same decision.  Unless she has a hidden agenda, she is equally clueless.


Upon her arrival, jmana did not seem so clueless other than he may have catered to her too much.  In less than two weeks he realized something was wrong.  Many a clueless MOBer would have dismissed her behavior as adjustment problems and kept proceeding towards wish fulfillment (marriage to a hot wife). 


Not one should expect that a woman will be in love after just one week together.  The question is whether she enters the relationship in good faith, committed to building a relationship with jmana.   Upon arrival what did Alina do to build the relationship?  The snippets jmana gives suggest not much.  Where are the deep conversations?  This suggests she was not committed, and if not committed why bring the daughter? There are two possible answers:  she is clueless or she has a hidden agenda.


And her fixation on the Japanese internet fantasy suggests she is so different from other RW single mothers to be wacky.






Back to jmanma.  You surely must give some credit to jmana for quickly determining the folly of his ways and deciding (almost) to pull the plug.


So I give jmana an F for fiancee selection, C for adjustment period, and A for determining quickly it would not work.   His grade for implementation of the important exit plan is INC, of course.

[Gator]

Jmana this a real life problem? I have seen many forums make up "life problems" to increase activity.

Such has happened before but not by RWD management.  I recall a Socal attorney who would piece together some weird stories for his amusement).  However, there seems to be too many consistent facts (e. g., Alina's internet video of jmana's place, jmana's description of the RDU area although when going to school there I do not recallan Orthodox church) to suggest this story is fabricated.

[pitbull]

No, that's not a good idea to investigate someone you "supposedly" have a romantic relationship with. What you did wrong in this relationship is water under the bridge. You can't turn that back and start all over again.

Those condemning you and insisting you never go back have a very valid point. It's not about the money dude. You are suppose to  pay all of the costs. It's not about return on investment. Any money spent in this pursuit is ALL pissed away and immaterial. It's not an investment at all, it's merely a tool  when used wisely. That's what you don't get and why they are condemning you so harshly.

There are no short cuts in this endeavor. Your ability to buy a plane ticket and file a K-1 does not give you the right  to a relationship. You still have to develop, nurture and build them. If you want to buy a woman as an investment, think about spending it on prostitutes, at least you'd be paying them to go away

Right on the money! You are my favorite Republican man, Faux Pas! 

[Muzh]

Right on the money! You are my favorite Republican man, Faux Pas! 

I'm pretty sure he was a Democrat in one of his past lives. 
 
But definitely FP, right on the money.

[jmana]

Such has happened before but not by RWD management.  I recall a Socal attorney who would piece together some weird stories for his amusement).  However, there seems to be too many consistent facts (e. g., Alina's internet video of jmana's place, jmana's description of the RDU area although when going to school there I do not recallan Orthodox church) to suggest this story is fabricated.

It's on Buck Jones road.  So she really has a video up?  Even I didn't know about that one    
edit:  I just found it.  So what is she saying in that video for 10 minutes??

[Faux Pas]

Right on the money! You are my favorite Republican man, Faux Pas! 

 

I'm pretty sure he was a Democrat in one of his past lives. 
 
But definitely FP, right on the money.

That's closer to the truth than you know.  I was raised a Yellow Dog democrat. Spent most of my adult life as a card carrying republican and since Dubya have aligned myself more with the Libertarians. But, not completely. I am the party of FP

[Gator]

So what is she saying in that video for 10 minutes??

Post a link and someone will surely give a summary.

[jmana]

Post a link and someone will surely give a summary.

I'm a little afraid to do that, my luck people would write to her, and I really don't want that to happen.  I'd rather keep this between her and I.

[dogspot]

I'm a little afraid to do that, my luck people would write to her, and I really don't want that to happen.  I'd rather keep this between her and I.

Smart move. Maybe request help from one of the RW members via PM. Don't post any more info about her than you already have.

[Gator]

I was raised a Yellow Dog democrat.

To others, keep in mind that in the old days Southern Democrats were more conservative than Northern Republicans, especially in supporting the military.  Southern democrats started to migrate to the Republican party after the Great Society initiative, even though many became solidified democrats after the New Deal.


Pitbull, I guess you knew Lincoln was the first Republican president.


Things change.

[jmana]

To others, keep in mind that in the old days Southern Democrats were more conservative than Northern Republicans, especially in supporting the military.  Southern democrats started to migrate to the Republican party after the Great Society initiative, even though many became solidified democrats after the New Deal.


Pitbull, I guess you knew Lincoln was the first Republican president.


Things change.

Yeah they do, now the only way you can tell a Republican is by asking someone if they are for or against abortion.  That seems to be the only thing that truly divides the 2 parties.  Why Republicans stick to that issue I'll never know.

[Wayne]

Jmana, in your case you might just want Alina to try to find another AM. In fact, you might want to talk to her about it. You said she has good English. It might be the best solution for both of you if she moves in with another man. How do you rate her looks?
 
In fact, you can follow the example of another member here.
 
Also, you should PM turboguy on this forum.  His first fiancee left of the 89th day and I am sure he could give you some good advice.
 
 

[Gator]

Yeah they do, now the only way you can tell a Republican is by asking someone if they are for or against abortion.  That seems to be the only thing that truly divides the 2 parties.  Why Republicans stick to that issue I'll never know.

In NC there are more issues:  immigration, voter ID, gay rights, etc.  I recall going to a technology fair in Raleigh this past fall.  I stopped at this one odd booth, manned by a lesbian in Orwellian garb.    She asked me questions about various legislative issues, and upon hearing my answers gave me a sticker that "verified" I was a citizen.  My frat brother, a strong conservative, also talked to her.  After one minute she started typing a letter on a manual typewriter that he is abusive.  I had a chuckle, he was annoyed.

[jmana]

In NC there are more issues:  immigration, voter ID, gay rights, etc.  I recall going to a technology fair in Raleigh this past fall.  I stopped at this one odd booth, manned by a lesbian in Orwellian garb.    She asked me questions about various legislative issues, and upon hearing my answers gave me a sticker that "verified" I was a citizen.  My frat brother, a strong conservative, also talked to her.  After one minute she started typing a letter on a manual typewriter that he is abusive.  I had a chuckle, he was annoyed.

Haha, that sounds like something I'd like to go to! 

[BillyB]

jmana, You've taken a beating and you will continue to take a beating every step of the way until this is over. I hope you finish this saga till the end, not so you can endure more ridicule, but to help newbies understand they need to get a better understanding of the person they want to marry before bringing them over and that they'll need reserve cash to return the lady if things don't work out.


You're not alone. All of us, men and women, in this endeavor would be classified by most of the population as being crazy. We just don't have enough time to know each other in normal settings unless we live together before marriage. Some things are beyond our control. Two people may be perfect for each other but the lady may go into culture shock. We all take chances but I feel the reward is greater than the risks marrying an FSU woman. The important thing is both men and women in this endeavor should reduce the risks and dependence on luck whenever possible. Lots of communication and figuring out what's in the other person's head can help.


Some people imply you should have visited the woman more than once before deciding to marry her and things would be different. I disagree. You would be as blind on your second visit as you were on your first visit. She was cold to you physically on your first visit yet you continued with the k-1. I wouldn't even have scheduled a second visit with the woman. Also, you never talked to her about the issues that are important in marriage. I won't marry anyone before understanding their stance on religion, politics, abortion, sex, family, and other important issues. I actually discuss most and sometimes all of these issues before meeting a woman overseas otherwise I'll probably be wasting my time. Before having sex with my wife, I knew her stance on that. She believes in taking care of her man.


Some months ago you implied my wife was a gold digger. I wasn't threatened by your comments and not even angry. I thought here is a guy who may not understand women well. Any guy that criticizes a woman like my wife will probably never catch a woman like her so why get angry? It's not my problem. I hold no animosity and I actually wished things would've turned out well for you. With that said, change some of your views about women and evaluate them better whether you pursue one at home or overseas. Don't be afraid to discuss hot or sensitive topics BEFORE talking marriage. Don't be afraid to tell a woman sex is an important part of your life. Many women will be happy you're discussing it and relieved you're attracted to their body and that you're not a sexual dud. They too don't want to experience what you're going through.

Jmana, in your case you might just want Alina to try to find another AM.

If we give suggestions to jmana to skirt around the rules, we are more likely to do more harm than good. The k-1 is for Alina to marry jmana, not some other guy. She has to go home or after 90 days and being unmarried or married to another guy, she's in this country illegally, could get deported, and hurt any chance of her coming back.

[jmana]

jmana, You've taken a beating and you will continue to take a beating every step of the way until this is over. I hope you finish this saga till the end, not so you can endure more ridicule, but to help newbies understand they need to get a better understanding of the person they want to marry before bringing them over and that they'll need reserve cash to return the lady if things don't work out.

Well I'd hope anyone who brings someone here has the money to send them back, considering the AOS costs $1,000 ($1,700 in my case), so you'd have to have at least that amount in reserve.

[Hammer2722]

Jmana, in your case you might just want Alina to try to find another AM. In fact, you might want to talk to her about it. You said she has good English. It might be the best solution for both of you if she moves in with another man. How do you rate her looks?
 
In fact, you can follow the example of another member here.
 
Also, you should PM turboguy on this forum.  His first fiancee left of the 89th day and I am sure he could give you some good advice.

That is not an option legally. He is still responsible for bringing her in the country. If he does not marry her, then she must go back to Russia as the visa is a K1. If he hooks her up with another guy, this could be seen as visa fraud....