My Russian girl

[santo]

So...for you that have not been keeping up with my story, here's the skinny:

I met a Russian girl on EM last September. She is living in Mexico with a temporary resident permit.  We skyped daily until January, when we met in Mexico.  I spent a week there with her.  The trip was awesome, and we got a long great ( at least it seemed so to me).  Now she is back there and I am here.  She writes me every day to say that she is in love and we should be together.  I am planning on taking another trip to see her in three weeks.

Problem:  I met with friends of mine from Russia.  They told me that girls can not leave Russia unless they get married, have good jobs and money, or are prostitutes working for organized crime under the guise of being models, etc.  they said that this surely is the case for her, as girls often are sent to places like Mexico or India, then have to work as hookers till they can pay their debt.  Once they are in those countries, the girls desperately scour dating sites to trick American guys to marry them or give them money. Another popular scam is to work with the local corrupt cops, slip some drugs into my bags, then have me arrested and make me pay a lot of money.  My friends are concerned for me and are convinced she is the latter type of girl.  They say there is no other way she could have got to Mexico.

What do you guys think?

[calmissile]

I suppose the scenario your friends told you about might be true, however I would do a lot more research before drawing that conclusion.  You need to find out why she selected Mexico for a destination.  Does she have a legitimate job?  This might tell you more than anything else.  Finding out might not be easy, but since she is in love with you, she should be forthcoming about where she is during the day and where she works.   

[Belvis]

She writes me every day to say that she is in love and we should be together.  I am planning on taking another trip to see her in three weeks.

It sounds as a red flag. Decent FSUW would  refrain from using the word of "love" after a single trip together, and refrain from  obvious pushing "we should be together".
Nevertheless you can have a good time with her, why not?
Caveat emptor.

[Gator]

What do you guys think?

Belvis's red flag about falling in love is a good point.   When and how did she tell you?  I ask because the situation carries much weight.  For example, it does not count if a man says he loves a woman while his penis is inside her.   

Are you in love?  Did you feel that she had emotional feelings for you before she said she loves you?   You did voice a little doubt when posting "we got a long great ( at least it seemed so to me)."

Up until a few years ago, it was difficult for RW to get even a tourist visa to visit Mexico, much less a work visa.  Mexico has reduced its tourist visa requirements, so maybe the same is now true for work visas.  What is her job?  Why can it not be filled by Mexican citizens?  I understand that Russian tourism to Mexico has increased substantially so maybe she is needed by travel agents for tours, etc.

You like the woman, yes?  You had a good time together, yes?  Her behavior has not raised your suspicions, yes?  The doubts about her come from your friends who have not met her but know a few things about corruption in Mexico, and want to protect you, yes?



This suggests that you should meet her again.    Do more research, such as ask to see her passport, her place of employment, etc. 

Your friends' doubts have some merit.  However, I do not believe organized crime would allow her to have a social life.  As far as drugs, examine your baggage.  And if drugs were an objective, she seemingly would have tried this already.

If your second meeting is good, then meet her a third time.  A scammer will start to lose interest if you keep meeting but do not discuss marriage seriously.   

You could hire a private Mexican detective to follow her for a day or so and check around.  However, if she is connected with the mob, the detective will probably not tell you. 

After the third trip, suggest that you fly together from Mexico to somewhere different such as Peru or Costa Rica? Or maybe even meet her family in Russia (which I would advise if you are serious about marriage)?  Ability to leave the country is a good sign.  Wanting to go to Russia this summer is an even better sign.

In summary, congratulations!  Enjoy your new girlfriend.  Keep your eyes open, however.

 

[santo]

Ok let me clarify some things.  She did not use the word love.  A lot of our conversations are in Spanish and she uses phrases that say I love you but are not as strong as the English I love you.  She says she can't be without me since we met and doesn't want to live alone anymore. 

Our trip lasted for a week and involved her traveling from where she lives to another city on the other side of Mexico.  I saw her passport and work visa and have a copy of the passport that she sent me for hotel registration purposes.

I did feel that we connected and got along great.  I did not see anything suspicious, although my judgement could be clouded because I was with a hot girl on the beach every day.

Her job is working in a spa that sells medical equipment and does skin treatments.  I looked up the spa online and saw that it exists.  I also skyped with her a few times while she was at work.

I've got to say that I am not looking for my soul mate here.  At almost fourty, I just want a nice attractive girl to spend my time with.  She fits the bill, and as long as there is no danger for me I  don't even mind what her past might be.  The way I see it, even if she does lie about wanting to be with me, lives with me for a few years, then leaves me, I get a hot girl for a few years then have the opportunity to change her out for a new one. Bingo. I can't loose. And I did have an awesome time when we were together.  If she is up to something hinky, she did not do anything for the week we were together, and if she is some kind of call girl, then I had an awesome week of girlfriend treatment for free.  How could this go wrong?

I googled her name and found some posts from a Mexican guy on a forum similar to this one.  He used her full name and had a picture with her.  He was talking about how he met her on a dating site before she came to Mexico, and that they made plans to be together in Mexico.  In later posts he says they lived together, then about a year later no posts.

She told me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend when we started taking so this info matches up.  She did not say anything about meeting him online.  She told me that she saved up money in her country and went to study Spanish in Mexico because it was too cold in Siberia.  I can understand how she would be embarrassed to tell me she met some other guy online and travelled to be with them then broke up because things didn't work out. She says that the spa she works at belongs to his sister, and that he helped her get the job.

She says that she has Russian friends in the city where she lives and meets with them often to discuss issues living in Mexico and other things like getting visas for the us.

I have never traveled to her city, and this sounds like a good idea, although it also sounds dangerous if she is connected with organized crime.  It is for that reason that I suggested the first destination we meet was hours away by plane from her city.   We are scheduled to meet in a big tourist city still pretty far from where she lives. We are going for three weeks.  She says business is slow in her spa and she made arrangements with her boss, who is also her friend, to not have to work for three weeks.

I think the idea of hiring a Mexican private detective is a great idea.  I am going to research it.

[Muzh]

Ok let me clarify some things.  She did not use the word love.  A lot of our conversations are in Spanish and she uses phrases that say I love you but are not as strong as the English I love you.  She says she can't be without me since we met and doesn't want to live alone anymore. 

Shostakovich, that's Bullshevik!!!

[jmana]

So she has a legit job, you confirmed that.  If she was a prostitute, she wouldn't be working at a legit spa.  And the only thing you found about her online is regarding the ex boyfriend, which matches what she told you.  And you saw her paperwork, so she's not there illegally.  And instead of travelling across the ocean to cold Russia to visit, you can make a short trip to spend time with her at a beach in Mexico!  It sounds to me like you found a winner!  Your friends are just freaking jealous

[Willowtree]

A lot of our conversations are in Spanish and she uses phrases that say I love you but are not as strong as the English I love you

@ Muzh: Bullshevik -    ))) LOLLL

It must be te quero vs te amo vs te deseo etc. thing in Spanish. Plus Mexican usage as well...
I was very intrigued when I first heard about L-word usage this varying.

As for the spa...Who knows. Maybe it is really a spa. Time will tell, IMHO.

@ santo: I must admit I like your sound outlook on possible "ifs" (re girlfriend treatment.) There is hardly anything that can wreck you with this perspective. (no kidding or sarcasm, serious as can be)

Kudos for that.

[lonedrake]

Santo,

 I don't understand what you are concerned about? 

The way I see it, even if she does lie about wanting to be with me, lives with me for a few years, then leaves me, I get a hot girl for a few years then have the opportunity to change her out for a new one. Bingo. I can't loose.

How can she scam a man with less than honorable intentions?

[jmana]

The way I see it, even if she does lie about wanting to be with me, lives with me for a few years, then leaves me, I get a hot girl for a few years then have the opportunity to change her out for a new one. Bingo. I can't loose.

Oh wow, I didn't see this the first time, not cool.  She's a person, not a new car.  If you go into it with that attitude, then she will for sure leave you in a few years because it sounds to me like you are just looking for a piece of arm candy.  Oh, and it's lose, not loose.  I hate when people don't know the difference

[Gator]

I can understand how she would be embarrassed to tell me she met some other guy online and travelled to be with them then broke up because things didn't work out. She says that the spa she works at belongs to his sister, and that he helped her get the job.

Do I understand correctly?   In the past she met a Mexican guy online and lived with him for a year.  His sister has a spa where she started to work.  Even though they broke up, she still works at the spa for his sister.  Still working there is questionable.

We are scheduled to meet in a big tourist city still pretty far from where she lives. We are going for three weeks. 

Going on a series of resort vacations with a RW is not the best way to get to know them.  Live together, cook together, etc.   

I think the idea of hiring a Mexican private detective is a great idea.  I am going to research it.

Start your own research now.  You have her passport.  What type of visa did Mexico give her?

   The way I see it, even if she does lie about wanting to be with me, lives with me for a few years, then leaves me, I get a hot girl for a few years then have the opportunity to change her out for a new one.   

One of the more classless statements made in the history of RWD.   I am willing to make a sizable wager that she knows how to use you better than you know how to use her.    A few years!!!!   Try a few days unless you got money and spend it on her. 

[jone]

Loose and Lose,  Then and Than, Your and You're.  You get youst to it. 

[TomT]

I've got to say that I am not looking for my soul mate here.  At almost fourty, I just want a nice attractive girl to spend my time with.  She fits the bill, and as long as there is no danger for me I  don't even mind what her past might be.  The way I see it, even if she does lie about wanting to be with me, lives with me for a few years, then leaves me, I get a hot girl for a few years then have the opportunity to change her out for a new one. Bingo. I can't loose. And I did have an awesome time when we were together.  If she is up to something hinky, she did not do anything for the week we were together, and if she is some kind of call girl, then I had an awesome week of girlfriend treatment for free.  How could this go wrong?

OK, your attitude is abundantly clear.

[santo]

For you guys that got put off by my statements about our relationship potential, I am just being realistic.  A lot of girls, Russian or not, don't go into relationships with the best intentions.  I would prefer to have an honest loving relationship with a great girl but that is increasingly hard to find.  If I had this with her for a few years then she left, I would be hurt then move on.  That's what I meant.  But this is a topic for a different discussion.

I would like advice and opinions about how to verify that she is not a scammer, prostitute, etc.  I think the best option so far is to hire an investigator.  I've been shopping around and it's looking like upwards of $1500 to do a background check/surveillance on her. The other option is going to live with her for a while but that puts me in danger if she is involved in something hinkey.

[santo]

BTw we spent a week together on vacation.  Besides me paying for her ticket, she only asked for two shirts while we were out shopping one day, which cost a total of $50.  She even offered to pay for them herself. One would think that a scammer would ask for a lot more.

[lonedrake]

The other option is going to live with her for a while but that puts me in danger if she is involved in something hinkey.

 If you have the time and money...this would be your best option.  You can speculate all day.....why not just go there and see for yourself.

[jone]

If you hire an investigator, you have already started down the slippery slope.  $1500 in Mexico makes for a nice couple of days of vacation.  Spend the time with the woman.  Skip the investigator.  You don't have to look under all of the mattresses!

The greatest threat to many relationships is self doubt.  The second greatest threat to many relationships is doubting your partner.

[jmana]

Could you really trust that money spent on an investigator in another country would be spent wisely?  I'd say to use that money to spend more time with her, that's the obvious choice.  Doesn't sound to me like she is a scammer.  And your fear of being sent to jail and forced to pay someone to get out sounds more like a movie plot to me than a legitimate worry.  Unless you are a millionaire or something, and she is aware of this?  Then perhaps there would be more reason to worry.  But if you told her you were rich from the beginning, well then you already made a fatal mistake.

[Misha]

I would take everything you heard with a big chunk of salt. Russians want to believe that every woman who goes overseas is at risk of being a sex slave. Get to know her, just don't ignore the little voices inside you.

[Muzh]

For you guys that got put off by my statements about our relationship potential, I am just being realistic.  A lot of girls, Russian or not, don't go into relationships with the best intentions.  I would prefer to have an honest loving relationship with a great girl but that is increasingly hard to find. 

But then, that would have to start with you looking for an honest relationship. So I guess that you are not the type to be honest to begin with. You are just scared of being hurt by those evil broads, arent you?

[Jumper]

So...for you that have not been keeping up with my story, here's the skinny:

I met a Russian girl on EM last September. She is living in Mexico with a temporary resident permit.  We skyped daily until January, when we met in Mexico.  I spent a week there with her.  The trip was awesome, and we got a long great ( at least it seemed so to me).  Now she is back there and I am here.  She writes me every day to say that she is in love and we should be together.  I am planning on taking another trip to see her in three weeks.

Problem:  I met with friends of mine from Russia.  They told me that girls can not leave Russia unless they get married, have good jobs and money, or are prostitutes working for organized crime under the guise of being models, etc.  they said that this surely is the case for her, as girls often are sent to places like Mexico or India, then have to work as hookers till they can pay their debt.  Once they are in those countries, the girls desperately scour dating sites to trick American guys to marry them or give them money. Another popular scam is to work with the local corrupt cops, slip some drugs into my bags, then have me arrested and make me pay a lot of money.  My friends are concerned for me and are convinced she is the latter type of girl.  They say there is no other way she could have got to Mexico.

What do you guys think?

Anything is possible?


I was just ion mexico on vacation, typical resort.

at least 30 to 40% of the hotel guests wee Russian.
(I've been there many times and this was the first time i had seen so many Russian there)

Since they were made up of a very wide demographic of male /female ./children, age group, single, or married etc,
I'm beyond  certain they were  not prostitutes or there for any nefarious reasons.

While they were not there working , or resident visas , it shows the ease of Russians to travel to Mexico.

While young russian women have certainly been prostitutes in the DR/ Mexico, caribee resort region as your friends suggest.
I find it hard to believe you could label every single white eastern european female working at a resort or local business there, as having used that means to relocate.

A lot of young single russian women work in  Chicago.
Many at hotels ,restaurants, six flags, or similar summer /touristy employment places.Many go to university here.
A certain percent do work as strippers.. etc,to label them all as exotic dancers or prostitutes would be odd.

You have time to find out more about her naturally.
Why jump to conclusions?

[Patagonie]

She seems to be an honorable girl.
If you want to investigate something, just focus on the spa where she is working. It this place is absolutely not ambiguous i would advice you to close the door to all gossipings around you and stop to talk with people about your story.
Happiness, beauty and success are for some too much frightening.

[Jumper]

But then, that would have to start with you looking for an honest relationship. So I guess that you are not the type to be honest to begin with. You are just scared of being hurt by those evil broads, arent you?

exactly,

and if its a reasonably safe part of Mexico,
(I've been all over the country)
why wouldn't you just go see her in her city?
 If shes open to that and looks forward to your visit. then go.

My guess is you'll learn precious little from us, your friends, or some foreign PI,  about this lady.
Go find out yourself.

If it frightens you to do so,  then tell her you arn't really ready for a relationship with a girl living in Mexico, because its as simple as that to me.

You either are fine with going and seeing her,
or you are not.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[jone]

A certain percent do work as strippers..

Could you get me their full names and phone numbers?

[GregfromGa]

Oh wow, I didn't see this the first time, not cool.  She's a person, not a new car.  If you go into it with that attitude, then she will for sure leave you in a few years because it sounds to me like you are just looking for a piece of arm candy.  Oh, and it's lose, not loose.  I hate when people don't know the difference

+1