March 8 or May 14

[Son of Clyde]

Do RW honor mother's day or is March 8 (women's day) the official holiday?

We celebrated both holidays although my stepson was adamant, saying that March 8th was the holiday. I ended up buying a greeting card and gift from both of us.

[catzenmouse]

I got Sergei to make Elena a card and I cooked her dinner and made a cake but we did not specifically call her mom as they don't celebrate this holiday. The did talk and I asked Elena to wish her mom and baba a "Happy Mother's Day" anyway.

Ken

[Sohkay]

Ken,
Let me ask you a hypothetical question.

If it was you who moved to Elena's country, would you then celebrate that country's holidays?

[catzenmouse]

Sohkay,

 Yes, I would. In fact we already do celebrate many of those days now. Womens Day, Christmas (January 7th), Mens Day are the ones that come to mind. I generally let Elena take the lead on which she wants to participate in and which to let slide. So we don't (or at least have not to date) hunt Easter Eggs or make a big deal about Thanksgiving but we did get dressed up and go out with Sergei on Halloween.

Ken

[Sohkay]

So, it is not important to you that Elena and Sergei learn American customs and traditions? It seems that this is part of the cultural assimilation process. It is something that YOU would do if you were in her country of origin. Why is it that she does not do this here in the U.S., as an effort on her part to understand your culture?

[jb]

Sohkay,

I learned several years ago to appreciate Christmas on Jan 7th.  You get to do your Christmas shopping without the crowds, and even better, everything is generally on sale~! 

[catzenmouse]

Sohkay,

 That is how "I" would do it if I was there. But I also relish the customs and culture there. Some people do not integrate well or they consider their way the only way. Elena would not try to shove her holidays down my throat any more than I will try to do the same to her. I don't bother much with a LOT of the so called holidays here as they are not what I would call a real holiday. One that is marked by a celebration of the event or events that marked the day. We both agree that most holidays here are just another excuse for corporate America to get people to buy more useless stuff that they don't need.

 They both learn about the customs here but we, as a family, choose which ones mean something to us and which are better ignored.

Ken

jb, Amen on missing out on the crowds! 

[Jumper]

Ukrainians take every holiday possibly from every country,,
they dont need to move to a new one to do so.LOL!
any excuse for a holiday , is fine, wether it is legitimate has little
bearing on the level of celebration

so yea , we celebrate both mothers day and womans day

[Admin]

Ukrainians take every holiday possibly from every country,,
they dont need to move to a new one to do so.LOL!
any excuse for a holiday , is fine, wether it is legitimate has little
bearing on the level of celebration

so yea , we celebrate both mothers day and womans day

Exactly!

Another way to look at it is - these small holidays are merely ways to celebrate your relationship. With the press of day-to-day living affecting most of us, there are precious few opportunities to celebrate the relationship - or in this case, the woman you are now married to - so why not take EVERU opportunity to express some appreciation for your wife. Not so say you MUST wait for these events - but when they come along - take them - and in between, you make your own small celebrations.

Just my take on things.

- Dan

[Charles]

Good point, Dan.  But in our case we have so many "events" that I have a hard time keeping up with them - first letter, first day of arrival, first meeting....The floral industry has done well due to our marriage!!

[PeeWee]

Ken,
Let me ask you a hypothetical question.

If it was you who moved to Elena's country, would you then celebrate that country's holidays?

That was my question too? When we relocate to our new country do we ignore the customs and holidays of your new host home? Or do we still dwell in the past by celebrating holidays that no longer exist for us?

Peewee

[Jumper]

peewee -
If she is Russian, i can almost guarantee you will celebrate March 8th or be in the dog house.It wont be in her "past" just because she recently relocated.

she is on different soil so should instantly adopt all new ways, foods,  customs and holidays  right?
 instantly lose the accent, femininity , and mentality that made RW appealing to you as well?
you would priobably want her to remain a bvit "russian"
So you cant have the good without some compromise most likely?

if celebrating an extra holiday is viewed as some  hardship,.
 or like she isnt trying to assimilate..to a new culture -
 i think youll have a rough go of it.You *seem* to have some strange expectations of a person relocating to a completely new culture.
 
now given some time,
 that stuff may change, but most likely not the moment she lands..

hey there are exceptions,
but  i wouldnt count on a woman from another culture, not being and acting like ,
 she was from another culture! LOL

That would include how, and when ,
things are celebrated in your Cross cultural home!

She will probably have her OWN expectations of how her new home will be as well you know?


 

[jb]

Asking a Russian woman to give up Woman's Day would be akin to asking a Mexican to not observe Cinco de Mayo,,,You'd have two chances of that happening,,, slim and none.

[Michelangelo]

The bottom line is that you do them all....Woman's Day, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, and all your anniversaries.     And sometimes you give her roses for no reason at all 

[RacerX]

It's similar to being like a "foreign embassy" - it is the custom of all embassies to celebrate their own holidays in addition to the ones of the host country.  Just a nice fringe benefit   

[PeeWee]

peewee -
If she is Russian, i can almost guarantee you will celebrate March 8th or be in the dog house.It wont be in her "past" just because she recently relocated.

she is on different soil so should instantly adopt all new ways, foods,  customs and holidays  right?
 instantly lose the accent, femininity , and mentality that made RW appealing to you as well?
you would priobably want her to remain a bvit "russian"
So you cant have the good without some compromise most likely?

if celebrating an extra holiday is viewed as some  hardship,.
 or like she isnt trying to assimilate..to a new culture -
 i think youll have a rough go of it.You *seem* to have some strange expectations of a person relocating to a completely new culture.
 
now given some time,
 that stuff may change, but most likely not the moment she lands..

hey there are exceptions,
but  i wouldnt count on a woman from another culture, not being and acting like ,
 she was from another culture! LOL

That would include how, and when ,
things are celebrated in your Cross cultural home!

She will probably have her OWN expectations of how her new home will be as well you know?


 

True. How do you sort out which holidays to leave behind and which ones do you carry with you? If she brings them all then what you might find is that you are celebrating 2 Christmas, Women's Day, Mother's DAy, Memorial Day, two Independence days, what was the last holiday they had over there last week? So where do you end it? Or where do you draw the line? Do you ignore our 4th in favor of the Russian counterpart? Do you now have Christmas in January instead of December? It seems to me that you, as the familyhead, has to make a choice. Either you live here or you live there, but not both. In the meantime of course you need to be sensative to what is important to her while at the sametime what is important to you. We call all agree that birthdates and New Year are unilateral. Everything else, not an American tradition, is open for both discussion and negotiation.

Peewee

[Jumper]

well in our case peewee-
it really isnt very complicated, or much of an issue--
 we dont do both christmas', we celebrate Dec 25th, as of course all our mutual  friends and my  family , and we are living here afterall as you mentioned !
along that note-  of course the days off work, or regular holidays here ,
would help dictate what we observe or celebrate?

for example:
 july 4th , rather than ukranian independence day
or our memorial day, rather than thiers..

As far as things like mothers day and womens day,, why not both?
She's a dedicated mother, and an amazing woman,,
it really isnt much of a stretch for me to adopt a few of her custioms and holidays into out lives....
as Dan mentioned, its  just another good excuse to treat my wife to a nice night out on the city?? For all she does , she deserves far more than a few extra "special days" in our lives.

Honestly as family head -
if she really felt strongly about another one thier holidays ,,
i'm sure we would observe it..it just  doesnt seem like that big of deal to me?
why would i put my proverbial foot down,on something as silly as that?
pick your battles man! LOL
that seems a battle , that if you won,  you'd still lose!
 Anyway how would it ever be a real problem ?
unless you extrapalate it to every single holiday for both cultures,
which is doubtful anyone would? Certainly not my wife,
she is kind of  amused at the amount of holidays Ukrainians have, and the fact they adopt any that they can.,..

I have to admit it just wasnt something I sweated much about ..
larger issues in most cross cultural marriages than which holidays to observe..
 Heck i wish we had more holidays in our calender!!
Ukraine has had like 7 in the last month or so! LOL



 

[PeeWee]

well in our case peewee-
it really isnt very complicated, or much of an issue--
 we dont do both christmas', we celebrate Dec 25th, as of course all our mutual  friends and my  family , and we are living here afterall as you mentioned !
along that note-  of course the days off work, or regular holidays here ,
would help dictate what we observe or celebrate?

for example:
 july 4th , rather than ukranian independence day
or our memorial day, rather than thiers..

As far as things like mothers day and womens day,, why not both?
She's a dedicated mother, and an amazing woman,,
it really isnt much of a stretch for me to adopt a few of her custioms and holidays into out lives....
as Dan mentioned, its  just another good excuse to treat my wife to a nice night out on the city?? For all she does , she deserves far more than a few extra "special days" in our lives.

Honestly as family head -
if she really felt strongly about another one thier holidays ,,
i'm sure we would observe it..it just  doesnt seem like that big of deal to me?
why would i put my proverbial foot down,on something as silly as that?
pick your battles man! LOL
that seems a battle , that if you won,  you'd still lose!
 Anyway how would it ever be a real problem ?
unless you extrapalate it to every single holiday for both cultures,
which is doubtful anyone would? Certainly not my wife,
she is kind of  amused at the amount of holidays Ukrainians have, and the fact they adopt any that they can.,..

I have to admit it just wasnt something I sweated much about ..
larger issues in most cross cultural marriages than which holidays to observe..
 Heck i wish we had more holidays in our calender!!
Ukraine has had like 7 in the last month or so! LOL



 

This is how I saw it, AJ. Yet when the subject was broached I then wondered more about it. I am all for holidays and I agree the Woman's Day and the Mother's Day seem most appropriate. I do believe that I am happy that there is not such a day as "Borcht Day". In my mind that stuff is down right nasty. Even as a kid I was not a fan of vegatable soup. The other day I was telling Lena that I did not prefer cooked veggies. With the exception of spinich and smashed potatoes. I

t was comment in passing to her but I don't like cabbage either. She had made some kind of meat pie. But her comment to me by email was, "I made pie today but I remembered that you don't like cabbage so I did not put cabbage. You  are welcome."  She is learning fast. I am not even there to eat the pie and she is already not putting the cabbage in the food. This is a very good woman I think.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

The bottom line is that you do them all....Woman's Day, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, and all your anniversaries.     And sometimes you give her roses for no reason at all 

I was kind of hoping that she would not find out about Valentine's Day. But I guess that is inevitable. As far as I am concerned there are too many holidays already without adding a a few more. I did get a note of suprise the other day when I was telling Lena about Mother's Day. I also mentioned Father's Day. "Father's DAy!?, she said. "You celebrate fathers too?" I then proceeded to tell her about "Cleaning Day" The day where, once a month, all women celebrate by first cleaning the home, then cook her husband's favorite dinner, and then give him the good sex at night. She called it on me, however. I really thought that I could get that one by her.

Peewee

[Jumper]

eh. I know your interest is Russkaya-
but FWIW -
Ukraine has a *Mans day*
it is intended for those the served in the miltary (but all men celebrate it!)
 
 so along with adopting Womans day, i told her I was certainly adopted Mans Day! and retain fathers day! She doesnt mind.

[PeeWee]

eh. I know your interest is Russkaya-
but FWIW -
Ukraine has a *Mans day*
it is intended for those the served in the miltary (but all men celebrate it!)
 
 so along with adopting Womans day, i told her I was certainly adopted Mans Day! and fathers day! She doesnt mind.

AJ, you seem to be on a roll with regard to adding new holidays. I was not successful with in my attempt but you might try the Cleaning Day idea. Who knows you might just get it by her. The results would be much to your liking.

Peewee

[Jumper]

Peewee - by your very definition , 99% of every day here is *Cleaning day*,
 so I  wouldnt want to upset the apple cart.

YMMV.

[PeeWee]

Peewee - by your very definition , 99% of every day here is *Cleaning day*,
 so I  wouldnt want to upset the apple cart.

YMMV.

You da man, AJ! Silly me. I must have been thinking that I was going to marry another AW. I now realize that I may have over anticipated a problem that may not even be there.

Peewee

[Jumper]

You da man, AJ!

Naw, and well I dint intend it in that light *shrugs*
or to be taken as bragging, just the reality our marriage.
 She loves to cook,is a perfectionist , and actually truly enjoys making dishes like in a 5 star restaurant.. so every day
(with few exceptions, as i cook, or we go out) there is a 5 course dinner waiting for me, that is not only extreemly well prepared , but has all the trimmings ,garnishes ,and presentation of a fine dining establishment (i'm not joking at all ) She takes great pride in doing it, and i truly appreciate all the effort!!
 This always includes the dessert of your choice, as you alluded to.
On the cleaning-like many RW she is a neat freak,
 so the house is pretty much spotless-  no real need for that to be a daily thing, because it would be hard to find anywhere to clean!
(seriuosly  i wasnt looking , or hoping for someone so domestic minded!!  and she wasnt that way at all prior to marriage!! really! she found out she enjoyed the cooking thing , after we were married )

Those of course are a few of the positive parts of our relationship,
are there negatives ones? sure! but perhaps you can see why i might not really worry too much about celebrating every holiday.. valentines, mothers, womans day, sweetest day , whatever halmark and both cultures can come up with is quite ok by me..

by the way, borscht is deliciuos!
different tastes i suppose!

[PeeWee]

Naw, and well I dint intend it in that light *shrugs*
or to be taken as bragging, just the reality our marriage.
 She loves to cook,is a perfectionist , and actually truly enjoys making dishes like in a 5 star restaurant.. so every day
(with few exceptions, as i cook, or we go out) there is a 5 course dinner waiting for me, that is not only extreemly well prepared , but has all the trimmings ,garnishes ,and presentation of a fine dining establishment (i'm not joking at all ) She takes great pride in doing it, and i truly appreciate all the effort!!
 This always includes the dessert of your choice, as you alluded to.
On the cleaning-like many RW she is a neat freak,
 so the house is pretty much spotless-  no real need for that to be a daily thing, because it would be hard to find anywhere to clean!
(seriuosly  i wasnt looking , or hoping for someone so domestic minded!!  and she wasnt that way at all prior to marriage!! really! she found out she enjoyed the cooking thing , after we were married )

Those of course are a few of the positive parts of our relationship,
are there negatives ones? sure! but perhaps you can see why i might not really worry too much about celebrating every holiday.. valentines, mothers, womans day, sweetest day , whatever halmark and both cultures can come up with is quite ok by me..

by the way, borscht is deliciuos!
different tastes i suppose!

If I can get the veggies out of the soup then it is just fine. The only soup that I eat is chicken noodle and clam chowder and tomato. Lately I have eaten veg. soup but only the kind with potatoes, corn, and beans in it.

Peewee