Which one ?

[docetae]

Hello,

Imagine the following situation .. You have met two girls.

The first one is really very pretty, almost your ideal and fantasm from a physical point of view and you get a very good complicity with her... But she is coming from a rural zone, has no experience from traveling and has very limited revenues and bad english knowledge.

The second one is mad about you, not the same perfection as the first one but it seems you are sharing the same brain. She has an excellent job, good revenues, she is travelling abroad one time per month at least and has family in US.

It seems that the time to choose is coming and I don't know which one ...

If you were in my position, what will be your criterion of selection ?

Doc

[catzenmouse]

Doc,

 As has been stated here a few dozen times: Language can be a big issue. If she is willing and able to learn while you are courting then it will help ease any transition in that area. Having lived a rather isolated life the home sickness will probably be a big issue. You'll have to talk to her about this. Personally I would not be concerned about how much money she makes or how much her family has. That is not what makes a good relationship. It may have limited her in her travel and education but these can be overcome if you both want it.

 Second one sounds like she would have less trouble with the changes and having family here is a plus as is the language skills but in the end you will have to dig deep and do what you feel is going to be the best fit for you. The amount of work involved will be mostly the same but with different priorities. I know this is not much help but just a thought or two to ponder.

Ken

P. S. You could always go Mormon and have two wives...

[bgreed]

My question to you.  Have you spoken on the phone with either of these girls? Have you personally met either of these girls?  If not then get your butt on a plane and meet them personally this usually solves all mysteries.

[jb]

(jb is joining the rah-rah gang)

Doc,

The only sensible course of action is for you to move to Utah, join the Mormon Church, and marry them both.   

[catzenmouse]

(jb is joining the rah-rah gang)

 I can just see you now... flashy uniform and pom-poms high kicking and somersaulting down the sidelines...

Ken

[PeeWee]

(jb is joining the rah-rah gang)

Doc,

The only sensible course of action is for you to move to Utah, join the Mormon Church, and marry them both.   

I'll be the third to join the LDS camp. Why decide now? Let it run for another year and see who eliminates themself. I'd tend to prefer the one who speaks the better English and has traveled, especially of she has traveled to the US. She has seen the Promised Land.

Peewee

[docetae]

The issue is that I need to decide with wich one I spend my next vacation now ... they are opposite regarding their feeling approach ... n1 has a realistic approach, n2 lives more passion and is more open about her desires . One is brunette, the other one is blond. I have met n2 in US ... n1 in Ukraine.

n2 was dating before "high profiles" (professional hockey player, famous composer..) , n1, not.

(and I have a n3 I have not met yet as backup ...)

I will try to avoid lsd, I do not like their underwears...

[Bruce]

N1 - From what you presented seems like no ulterior motives.  I am not sure she has met WM or many WM before.  However, N1 will take alot of work on both of your parts before you will adequately communicate and she will be functional here.  "N1 has a realistic approch."  I'd stick with reality if I were you.

N2 - May have an agenda.  If she is honestly into you she is the better choice on face value.  However, I believe she has alot more baggage, which will play into your relationship over time.  "Passion and open about her desires, ie. perhaps I am reading into it, but she sounds like there is too much me in her vocabulary to share a normal relationship with anyone. 

If I were you I'd visit N1 with N3 as well as other potential backup plans should things go south.  Let N2 pursue you.  I have a feeling she is a flake.

[PeeWee]

The issue is that I need to decide with wich one I spend my next vacation now ... they are opposite regarding their feeling approach ... n1 has a realistic approach, n2 lives more passion and is more open about her desires . One is brunette, the other one is blond. I have met n2 in US ... n1 in Ukraine.

n2 was dating before "high profiles" (professional hockey player, famous composer..) , n1, not.

(and I have a n3 I have not met yet as backup ...)

I will try to avoid lsd, I do not like their underwears...

I suspect that there could be some high maintainance that goes with the second one. Because of her status her level of expectation could be high than number one. I had that with my first wife and my second RW. Both were former beauty queens and the RW was somewhat wealthy, a world traveler as well. Both had lived in a high life style and it was easy for them to gain the attention they needed, or maybe demanded, from men. There was an attitude and an arrogance that both of those women possessed that I did not see in other women. Now I would tend to favor the simpler woman. We are not  you. Make a choice and run with it. (does the hockey player have all of her teeth?)

Peewee

[Bruno]

I'd tend to prefer the one who speaks the better English and has traveled, especially of she has traveled to the US. She has seen the Promised Land.

Maybe... but if she know the "Promised Land" and have already family in the USA, the question is why she will marry a American man : because she love the man or because she will use him for reach these "Promised Land" where she have already family... Do she seek a husband or a help for immigration ( GCG ) ?

And the first one... what have see so special... Docetae describe only the physical side being a positive thing... pretty babe are good for one night but a wife is more that a pretty body... in the best case, you stay with her for a full life... mind ( brain ) change very little with time... physical cannot resist the effect of the time... what in 10 year when the beautiful one will not be so much beautiful ?...

Seeking a wife mean seeking your mind and heart partner... the physical side is a bonus ( of course, everybody have some lower limit : 1 meter high on 1 meter wide for 100 kilo is not in my taste )... choosing these who share the "same brain" is not a bad choice, specialy when you write that she is mad about you ( she will try to keep her actual appearance for please you )...

And if you cannot choice, take a coin, assign a woman for each side, lauch the coin and allow destiny to choice for you  for people with 6 women, they can use a dice 

[Shadow]

doc, I will try to make your mind work, as I think it is foolish to rely on the opinion of others. Perhaps you are after a 'shared failure' to comfort that you were not the only one if you find out the choice was wrong.

Woman nr 1:
- does she complain about her current situation and life ? (character trait)
- can you communicate enough to know her feelings ?
- Have you seen her family to check on how she might age

Woman nr 2:
- can you imagine looking at her for breakfast the next 50 years ?
- can you keep her busy enough compared to her current life ?
- can you provide her with equal circumstances as she is used to ?

You seem to find travelling important. A question about that. Will you be able to continue travelling once it involves family logistics ?

PS: Go for N3 

[jb]

The woman who has traveled would be of interest only in that I would question why she traveled.

My wife, for example,  had traveled twice to the USA before we married to be a guest Physics lecturer at two separate northeastern universities.  Not to date a hockey player.

My wife also had family already in the USA, (a son in college at the University of Utah), keeping the family intact was, and is, very important to her.  I would not view a woman having immediate family in the States as a big red flag in itself, however a distant relative, say,,, an aunt or uncle, or a sister-cousin to party with, would have been a different thing.   Although my wife did have other family already in the USA, her brother-cousin is a high ranking officer in the FSS and was serving as the Consul General at the Russian Consulate in San Francisco, CA at the time, and later served in some senior capacity at the Russian Embassy in Washington, DC.  We never discussed him at all.  His being in the States was completely incidental to our relationship.  They are not close.  I met him, we like him, but we don't depend on him for anything.   I never even used him to get a quick visa when I needed one.  So,, what is the relationship to family already here?  Possible yellow flag, IMHO.

The beauty in Ukraine of course, has possibilities, but as we have discussed to death, communication is vital, not just nice, or even kinda important, but vital,,, unless you want to gamble with your future based on a pretty face.  Not a smart way to go, YMMV.

You have not amplified the qualities of girl #3, but this is not a game show where you take a chance on Door #3 and win a great prize.  Pick your poison carefully.

I guess that ends my rah-rah session.

P.S.  Sister-cousin and brother-cousin are Russian terms to indicate 1st cousins, not incestious relationships. 

[docetae]

Shadow : I'm sharing custody of my 3 children and each one (n1 and n2) have one. So logistic is not an issue

n1 is really realistic and I like that. n2 told me that she was not expecting our story in her life (same on my side) and her decision is more about moving from a successful position to one where she does not know where to go.... She is working for a western company , she has diplomas, so I guess this will be easy for her to move to Canada by herself without sponsorship and she told me that the time she gets all paperwork done, she will not ask money from me, both are not arrogant but are very proud...

I was the first man from the west that n1 has met...

I feel n2 a lot closer to me than n1 but this is the first time that I get such demonstration from a woman and I don't know what to think about it ... seems to good to be true. This is my main reason why I ask myself which one to choose ... n2 travels for work (she is working to deal contract about electronics parts), her dating "exploit"were 5 years ago at least and in Ukraine. She has two cousin living in US, both have moved there with the whole family , not after weddings...They live in SF and Boston.

I have not met n3 but she seems to be between both n1 and n2, not a lot of experience from the west but good understanding of english,very pretty,  good personality, but no children (and as I have 3 children, I prefer to meet someone who know the time they require ...)

I'm not looking for a direct answer, but for elements that could help me in my decision based on your experience ...

[catzenmouse]

Doc,

 Is there a big reason why you don't want to see each of them again? A week with one then a week with the other? Just a thought.

Ken

[Shadow]

Doc,

What was so realistic about n1 that you keep repeating the word ?

What is too good to be true about n2

[docetae]

- What is too good about n2 ? the fact that she is very demonstrative about her love. Something new for me. Seems that we don't need to talk to understand each one and we get almost the same point of view on everything.

- Realistic about n1 ? we share almost the same experience from our previous relationship and we want to build the same thing.

There are more passion with n2 but n1 seems more solid on the long term ... 

[KenC]

- What is too good about n2 ? the fact that she is very demonstrative about her love. Something new for me. Seems that we don't need to talk to understand each one and we get almost the same point of view on everything.

- Realistic about n1 ? we share almost the same experience from our previous relationship and we want to build the same thing.

There are more passion with n2 but n1 seems more solid on the long term ... 

Doc,
Many before you have misread a language deficient RW's silence in a more positive tone than they should have. Don't be misled by your own interpretation of her inability to say the words.

From what you have posted, I see pluses and minuses for both. N1 is the easiest course of action for sure. She is from a city, speaks English and has been to America which will ease her transition. But she may be high maintenance with very high expectations. N2 seems more sincere, but how can you really know for sure? She will have a much more difficult time transitioning to America. But she may be well worth the additional effort necessary.

The truth in this matter (IMO) is that you are not prepared to make a choice right now. If you cannot make a decisive choice, then don't. Get to know each of them better and let destiny choose for you. One will either rise to the top or not. Your "right" choice may be "none of the above."
KenC

[PeeWee]

The woman who has traveled would be of interest only in that I would question why she traveled.

My wife, for example,  had traveled twice to the USA before we married to be a guest Physics lecturer at two separate northeastern universities.  Not to date a hockey player.

My wife also had family already in the USA, (a son in college at the University of Utah), keeping the family intact was, and is, very important to her.  I would not view a woman having immediate family in the States as a big red flag in itself, however a distant relative, say,,, an aunt or uncle, or a sister-cousin to party with, would have been a different thing.   Although my wife did have other family already in the USA, her brother-cousin is a high ranking officer in the FSS and was serving as the Consul General at the Russian Consulate in San Francisco, CA at the time, and later served in some senior capacity at the Russian Embassy in Washington, DC.  We never discussed him at all.  His being in the States was completely incidental to our relationship.  They are not close.  I met him, we like him, but we don't depend on him for anything.   I never even used him to get a quick visa when I needed one.  So,, what is the relationship to family already here?  Possible yellow flag, IMHO.

The beauty in Ukraine of course, has possibilities, but as we have discussed to death, communication is vital, not just nice, or even kinda important, but vital,,, unless you want to gamble with your future based on a pretty face.  Not a smart way to go, YMMV.

You have not amplified the qualities of girl #3, but this is not a game show where you take a chance on Door #3 and win a great prize.  Pick your poison carefully.

I guess that ends my rah-rah session.

P.S.  Sister-cousin and brother-cousin are Russian terms to indicate 1st cousins, not incestious relationships. 

jb said it..."communication is vital." Speaking of game shows, what's that one that I see just prior to Donald's show. "Deal or no Deal." No guessing to get lucky as jb suggests. Your choice seems easy. Go see the one who can talk back to you and who can tell you what is on  her mind. I'll wager that you will return home knowing more about her than you would have known about the other.

Peewee

Peewee

[Shadow]

Doc,

As you see most are happy to give their opinion, but your question was clear that you want the criteria to make your decision. This is what I am trying to give you, and I am trying to avoid any opinion on either one.

You have met both, and in both found good women who seem sincere and interested. I presume you are not playing games and are preparing a decision for the future.
First of all there is the old saying. If an RW likes you, you will know it. Believe it.

Now think about the purpose of the trip. It is to determine if n1 or n2 are marriage material. From both sides that is what is to be expected. Think of what you know about the background of both, how many friends and family you know or might have met.
As you will bring together two families, children are also a key factor. As are the ex-husbands who will have to give permission in the future.
Set the criteria based on what you know now, and what you need to find out to make a long-distance relationship in to a couple.
Then plan a trip not to see the sights or have a good time, but to explore the woman and her daily surroundings. Get to know her children and their attitude to you. Get to know her friends and family. And don't call off the other yet. Second meering can confirm or break the relationship.

[BC]

Doc,

In the end, probably the one you will have spent the most time with will have the upper hand.

Just don't let your 'lower brain' act as compass..

[docetae]

Thanks to everybody for advises ..Finally my decision is that I postpone my decision ... I will spend one week with n2 first and depending of this week, will take my decision at this time. I don't want to play game at all and will not

I know already both childs and everything is fine with them. Their father is not present at all so this should not be difficult. There was someone telling "when a russian woman loves you, you will know", seems to be what it happening with n2 ...

[David1963]

Thanks to everybody for advises ..Finally my decision is that I postpone my decision ... I will spend one week with n2 first and depending of this week, will take my decision at this time. I don't want to play game at all and will not

I think you're about 1/2 right.  If you have to come to this board and ask others who you should be with you are not ready for that decision.  You should also spend a week with n1, fair chance.

[jb]

David,

He isn't really interested in our opinions, he just needed to brag a little.  Take the thread for what it is intended for.

[Admin]

David,

He isn't really interested in our opinions, he just needed to brag a little.  Take the thread for what it is intended for.

LOL - jb, you are a real cynic. I don't imagine you meant your post to be humorous, but it sure gave me a chuckle.

- Dan

[docetae]

David,

He isn't really interested in our opinions, he just needed to brag a little.  Take the thread for what it is intended for.

Yep , this is why I do not posted photo ... I just wanted to try to get an ego as big as your but failed...