I'm new and in need of some direction...

[brian_bss]

Hi!  I'm new here, but have been considering finding wife from Ukraine or Russia the past several years.  I have been trying to find a wife since I was 21 but NEVER had anything good happen despite being not bad-looking, highly moral, and generally youthful for my age.  Problem is, I'm now in my early 50's (fortunately still look young--have all my hair, etc.) and want to make something happen SOON!  I have spent the past few years on numerous websites, but haven't found one I really trust.  I am unusually inexperienced for my age (had depression and shyness all through my 20's) and still want to create family, so really need to find someone of childbearing age yet.  I am so lonely and disappointed that I feel sick--can anyone get me pointed in a new direction and recommend LEGITIMATE agencies?  Thanks!

[lordtiberius]

Once you get passed a certain age, isn't it impossible to change? Quite frankly I think you are better off finding a local girl - a local woman.

[brian_bss]

That's more of an insult than of any help, but you are entitled to your opinion.

[lordtiberius]

For 30 years you said you have this problem with shyness.  You need to address that problem before you can go any further in this.

[brian_bss]

That was just in my 20's I had the shyness problem, and there were no personals ads back then.  If there had been, I most likely would have found someone and been married long ago.  But the point is--which I wish you would try to understand--we all mature at different ages and so numerical age doesn't always match with experience or station in life.  That is why I think there is so much divorce in this country; people are too hung up with age differences, and should instead focus on someone who is at the same point on the timeline of life's experiences.

I really like having your input, but I wish you would quit questioning what I want and need, and help me out with suggestions with my trip to Ukraine.  Thanks again...

[lordtiberius]

When are you leaving?

[calmissile]

You might have a problem meeting women you are compatible with until you overcome your shyness.  I say this because if you have overcome it, it is likely you would have met someone is the past 20 years that you are compatible with.  Shyness personalities are present in both men and women.  The solution is to get help and overcome it.  I have a step-brother that fits the same description.  He is now in his mid 50's and does not even date.  He is happy in his personal little world and is also a concert pianist.

Try finding some programs that encourage group and personal social settings and then get brave and try to socialize and become more open to discussions, etc.

Once you accomplish this, you will be much better received by any women.

Good luck.

[lordtiberius]

For this to work, you have to date  locally and internationally.  Deal with your own problems and stop criticizing people that are trying to help you.

[brian_bss]

I don't have exact dates yet, but will be end of April or early May.  I was just going to buy plane ticket, but suddenly found that I couldn't verify some of the women I planned to meet!  That is why, I don't know which sites to trust and cannot seem to find any answers--as one scam site will list a site as good or bad, then another will be just the opposite!  I was really wondering if I could go someplace (besides a disco where I wouldn't meet the right kind of woman), where I could just meet women casually in person.  Or, if there are any known good agencies.  Again, some places work for some men, and others say they are a scam--so it is so confusing, and I really try to read everything on this site.

i would just FEEL so much better, to just have even one successful meeting, and then I would be happy again and the whole process would be easier for me.  Ultimately, I might utilize some matchmaking service, since I do feel that I have unique needs...

As to the other suggestions for dealing with shyness, Thanks.  It always amazed me how some people don't seem to care whether they have love in their life or not, while others like me do not function well without it...

[brian_bss]

I have already been following your suggestions!

[lordtiberius]

You verify them by skyping with them.  You treat them all like scammers and undesirables until you skype with them.

An agency is a crutch you use at a last resort.  There are some people here who have used them and they can recommend them.  I can't help you there.  Use a free dating site and skype - use vk.

Save your money.  Buy your ticket.  Date women in the US as well. 

[brian_bss]

Thanks, will do... Have you personally been to either Russia or Ukraine yet?

[calmissile]

Brian,

You will find a wealth of information by digging into this web site.  There are many stories how men have met their wives.  Some are more detailed than others.

One of the things I learned is to try and make it a natural experience rather than picking a doll off a website and assuming that this is the one.

Go to the trip reports and read many of them.  There are many approaches that have been successful.  I have always felt that going to Ukraine and finding at least one casual friend is a good place to start.  Networking with people there to meet their friends, etc. will allow you to meet a lot of people.  Get it out of your mind that you are on a wife hunting mission.  Enjoy the people and culture.  You will no doubt be introduced to someone you have and interest in.

By reading the trip reports and  the free e-book "Men of the West - Women From the East" from this web site, you will also learn so do's and don'ts so that you don't scare someone off.  Don't be in a rush!  Let it happen.   

If you have time, you can read my lengthy trip report at:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15123.0

I encourage you to read many others as well.

If you keep your wallet in your pocket and understand that sincere women will not ask you for money or gifts, you can eliminate most of the scams.  Don't be paranoid about scams.

[calmissile]

Thanks, will do... Have you personally been to either Russia or Ukraine yet?

Yes, 7 or 8 times to Ukraine.  My wife and I met over 2 years ago and we have been married 1 1/2 years.

Most recent:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=18377.0

[lordtiberius]

Thanks, will do... Have you personally been to either Russia or Ukraine yet?

I am going on my 5th trip on Saturday

[Patagonie]

I don't have exact dates yet, but will be end of April or early May.  I was just going to buy plane ticket, but suddenly found that I couldn't verify some of the women I planned to meet!  That is why, I don't know which sites to trust and cannot seem to find any answers--as one scam site will list a site as good or bad, then another will be just the opposite!  I was really wondering if I could go someplace (besides a disco where I wouldn't meet the right kind of woman), where I could just meet women casually in person.  Or, if there are any known good agencies.  Again, some places work for some men, and others say they are a scam--so it is so confusing, and I really try to read everything on this site.

i would just FEEL so much better, to just have even one successful meeting, and then I would be happy again and the whole process would be easier for me.  Ultimately, I might utilize some matchmaking service, since I do feel that I have unique needs...

As to the other suggestions for dealing with shyness, Thanks.  It always amazed me how some people don't seem to care whether they have love in their life or not, while others like me do not function well without it...

Welcome

There are no numeral for maturity, it is only personal, question of personal journey.
What are those unique needs you have ?
And may you tell us which sites do you use ?

[Gator]

Brian,

     Good luck with your search.

People are trying to help by first helping you decide if you have what it takes to succeed in the FSU.   You have some difficult obstacles to overcome:

First, FSUW tend to believe something is wrong with a man 40-years old and never married.  And you are 50!

Second, shy people usually find someone in the West but it takes time because the frequency of encounters with possible matches is low.  That is not the problem in the FSU because by using agencies and dating sites you can initiate contact with hundreds of women who seem to meet your basic criteria.  The problem is what it takes to get to the next stage - a real meeting.   


Let us say a FSUW likes your photo and finds you interesting based on the few words in your "wink" (expression of interest).   You exchange a couple of well developed emails revealing your goals, your life, etc.  If the FSUW is still interested,  now comes a long period of talking to decide whether to go on a date  (Skype, Skype, Skype).  Conversing  with FSUW means a language barrier.  Shy people and a language barrier, not a good combination.     But maybe there is a shy FSUW who wants to go slow.  There are shy FSUW so this is not hopeless, albeit very difficult.


Let us assume you eventually decide to travel to the FSU to meet her.   I will keep this simple by not discussing travel and logistics.  Once you arrive now comes a huge difference from dating AW.   Dating a FSUW requires a compression of time (acceleration of the clock to get as much out of a date as possible).  In just a few days you need to decide not just about chemistry and compatibility but whether you want to meet again.  If you do not date on a fast track, you will be 60 and still looking.   Can shy people fast track dating yet still have enough fun to like each other, within the context of language difficulties?

BTW, a couple of general questions:

-  What is the longest period that you have cohabitated with a woman? 

-  How much experience do you have with Match.com or something similar? 

A word of advice:

-  Do not ever think about meeting a FSUW in a disco.  You probably have too little experience to find the few sincere women among the many sharks. 

Another word of advice:

-  Retain a personal service.  These are essentially wing men who will find women for you to meet, arrange your travel, and  monitor the action to guide you towards Miss Right.  One such service is operated by a past member named Eduard. 

[jone]

Brian,

I, too, would recommend that you have a professional introduce you.  On this site is a lady by the name of Mila.  If she understands your shyness (and she has probably already read this thread) she can be very proactive.  She lives in Kharkiv and people have had some success with her.

As for online dating sites, I think you would have a tough time navigating them with success.  You really need someone to put you in a room with a woman and help you through the conversation.

I don't know how socially adept you are, but, I would recommend that you go out and 'get some' before your trip overseas.  If you are a neophyte sexually, it will quickly be discerned by a woman. 

You will find FSU women to be strong in their opinions on relationships.  I always state that a man may court a woman, but it is the woman who decides she wants to marry the man. 

Life is too short to go through it alone.  If you are in a good financial position, get on a plane, get over there and get it done.

[Faux Pas]

Brian
There aren't any agencies or intro sites that are full proof 100% honest women. There is some with good reputations and some with horrendous ones. The onus of finding the sincere women is on you, not any agency.

Look around and read, you'll find a few lists of what some recommend to try and to stay away from. The geography has changed considerably since I met my wife but I met her at www.elenasmodels.com. That site use to enjoy one of the best reputations for sincere women.

You claim your extreme shyness was during your twenty's, you're now in your 50's so that's close to 30 years where you should have gotten past it yet, you mention it now. The reason these guys are hammering you on it is because from your own self description, you don't appear to have gotten over it. You seek advice, for that advice to be as useful as possible, the answers to questions asked need to be as straight forward as possible. When questioned about general experience with women and if you are really over the shyness and when, you come off as sketchy.

You are in your 50's and you're seeking a child bearing age woman. If you're like many who pass through this forum, you'll want her as hot as possible and as young as possible, is this a good assumption? What is your experience with women? Are you dating locally? What age range and type of women are you dating? The answers to these questions do matter.

Are your expectations realistic?

[JohnDearGreen]

You have spent a few years on web sites?  And do not trust anyone you met?  Very paranoid, I would say.  Maybe try using the free sites, and accumulate emails and phone numbers of a good number of ladies.  Then just go there.  Even if they don't sound too interested by email, there is a higher chance of interest if you call them when you are right there in their city, or at least in Ukraine.   Get some dating experience from each trip you make.  Your confidence will improve and you will get some idea of your chances with the ladies there.  Right now half the single men in the country are probably in war duty, so your competition is less. Here's a free site and a lady from war torn Slavyansk:
http://love.0629.com.ua/en/mb1234116105?hit=10&fromsearch&sp=11
http://love.0629.com.ua/en/mb1198912210?hit=10&fromsearch&sp=13

[jone]

Yes, 7 or 8 times to Ukraine.  My wife and I met over 2 years ago and we have been married 1 1/2 years.

Most recent:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=18377.0

Hey, if Calmissile can find someone who will put up with him, it bodes well for all others looking. 

[calmissile]

 

Hey, if Calmissile can find someone who will put up with him, it bodes well for all others looking.

   How True   

[AC]

A website which is almost free (small monthly fee) is www.russiancupid.com/

A lady poster here said she was on lava life, however I have never used that one.

It might be helpful for you to take a college class (or adult education) on public speaking.

When you have to get up in front of an audience of your peers it helps a person overcome shyness.

Good luck and welcome to the forum.

[jone]

A website which is almost free (small monthly fee) is www.russiancupid.com/

A lady poster here said she was on lava life, however I have never used that one.

It might be helpful for you to take a college class (or adult education) on public speaking.

When you have to get up in front of an audience of your peers it helps a person overcome shyness.

Good luck and welcome to the forum.

I always tell a new woman that I'm meeting for the first time that I can part my hair with my tongue.  It is usually a good starting point.

[Gator]

I always tell a new woman that I'm meeting for the first time that I can part my hair with my tongue.  It is usually a good starting point.

 

You could have been in a scene in Scarface with Al Pacino.