Dating social ethics of FSU women

[mroz87]

Hello gentlemen. This question is only applicable to you if you met a FSU lady through a free site or family / friends introduction (or any other venues as long as there is no agency / payment involved).

Let say you met her many times during your trip. She reiterated that she is interested in you and of course want you to visit second time. She is also open to the idea of visiting you in your country. She always make time to meet you during your short stay. No bs excuses about work, someone got sick etc. She even readjusted her own work routine and schedule just to make way to meet you.

After that you are back to your own country. What's next? Did she really mean what she said and wait for your next trip? On the contrary, would she simply disappear a short time later? Maybe because she got a local boyfriend, or she kept meeting foreign men and had been telling every foreign man she met the same thing?

What were your experiences, guys? I guess I am trying to understand social ethics of FSU women. If I date locally, when a woman says that she likes me, then she likes me only and will wait even if we might be physically separated for some time. How about FSU women? What if the FSU lady already know you have visited her country more than once (the chance of you visiting again is higher).

Please feel free to share your experiences.

Ps. When you reply, please include the age of the ladies you will be describing.

[Faux Pas]

In this instance, you should apply your knowledge of local women to the FSUW you know or the one in question. You can't stereo type decisions women make so much by nationality.

What is wait for you mean anyway? Not date or bed another man while you've gone back to your country? Should she quit living until your return? What I would do is to ask her, then, it's a matter if you trust her or not. If you don't trust her, forget about her. Trust her until you have a reason not to but, don't be unreasonable in your expectations. Just like local women, you have no expectations until you have commitment. That works both ways and is seldom implied

[BillyB]

After that you are back to your own country. What's next? Did she really mean what she said and wait for your next trip? On the contrary, would she simply disappear a short time later? Maybe because she got a local boyfriend, or she kept meeting foreign men and had been telling every foreign man she met the same thing?

What were your experiences, guys?

Ps. When you reply, please include the age of the ladies you will be describing.

I've dated lots of FSU women in America and in the FSU. I've only been seriously involved with two women in the FSU. One was my fiancée and the other was my now wife. They were aged 23 and 18 when I met them and NO, I'm not a grumpy old grandpa like Muzh.


Both ladies were outstanding women. Age doesn't define a person's character. When I got back home after our first meetings, they both engaged in constant communication with me. They would answer the phone anytime I called.


You ask if the women disappear a short time between trips? Never happened to me but if it did, I would disappear. If a woman loves a guy, she wouldn't worry him by disappearing for a short time. She would notify him in some manner if she's going to be away from all forms of communication for any length of time. She'd tell a friend or family member report to him if she's unable to while laying in a hospital. If two people enter into an exclusive relationship during the first visit, they should continue to strengthen the relationship before the second visit. That's what two people interested in each other does.


The bottom line is if a woman can disappear on her man for a short time when she's in a relationship with him, she's capable of disappearing on her man for a short time when she's married to him. This behavior isn't normal in any culture.

[calmissile]

I am sure experiences vary widely among our members.
The women I dated were 30-45.  They had children at home and it was obvious they were mature, unlike many women in their 20's especially those without children.

There is a generalization that I found very true and worth remembering.  When a Ukraine woman is interested in you, there will be no question in your mind about it.  Using my own wording, they seem to go 'all in' or are not seriously interested.

You have already figured out a lot of the clues such as whether they take time off work to see you, etc.  Here is another tip you might consider to find out how interested they are.  Ask her to do something for you that will take a little effort but not cost her any money out of pocket (that is not reimbursed).  Women that are interested in you will go to some effort for you as a gesture.

You asked about what happens after you get home.  The same thing applies.  If she expects you to do everything and does not put anything into relationship itself, she may just be a hanger on and not worth much of your time or effort.

As far a her knowing you have visited her country previously, it has never been a problem.  However, I did state that I have visited Ukraine many times and enjoy the vacation.  I never offered or denied that I had sought out a wife before and they were polite enough to not press the issue.   I have found Ukraine women extremely jealous.  My wife even admits it.  So as far as their curiosity about who you will see while you are in-country...... well, expect to get quizzed about it.

This is the most difficult question to answer and I won't give you advice on a universal response for it.  The response that seems to generate the most negative response it to tell them you are seeing other women.  In some of the discussion that ensued the women have a response "You are here looking for a wife and here we are getting acquainted.  Why do you need to run off and try to find someone better, when we have not given it a chance?"  ..... or words to that affect.

For me, I just bit the bullet and anyone I met that did not feel like the "One and only", I just told them honestly that I did not think we were a good fit.  Of course you have burned your bridges, but it's easier to not think about it while moving on with a clear mind.

As I indicated in the beginning, you will have many responses from members and remember there are many ways of handling these things depending on each persons personality, etc.

[mroz87]

In this instance, you should apply your knowledge of local women to the FSUW you know or the one in question. You can't stereo type decisions women make so much by nationality.

What is wait for you mean anyway? Not date or bed another man while you've gone back to your country? Should she quit living until your return? What I would do is to ask her, then, it's a matter if you trust her or not. If you don't trust her, forget about her. Trust her until you have a reason not to but, don't be unreasonable in your expectations. Just like local women, you have no expectations until you have commitment. That works both ways and is seldom implied

It should be based on reasonable expectation. If I said I will come in 5 months time, then she should wait 5 months not aggresively meeting other potential men. Of course she can have the freedom to meet other men, but she has to clarify that in advanced, so I can aggresively meet other women too. Just saying. If I keep claiming I will make another trip but never do, then of course she can drop me out and go for other options.

It is a question about ethics. Will a FSU woman more readily lie so that everything is in her favour? She might eventually meet her prince charming, but maybe at the expense of heavy collateral damage on another 10 men who had been fed false hopes. Western women might not have the best behaviour, but so far I don't see this tendency. They just couldn't settle down or have really high standards, but these are all very upfront.

[BillyB]

It should be based on reasonable expectation. If I said I will come in 5 months time, then she should wait 5 months not aggresively meeting other potential men.

Is this assuming you two are in an exclusive relationship or still at the dating stage of things? If you're exclusive with each other, she shouldn't be dating others or disappearing on you. If you're not exclusive with each other, she's not doing anything unethical if she's dating other men. Everybody has their own rules in dating whether it's dating one person at a time or multiple people at a time but if there's no promises made, there can be no promises broken.

[AC]

Is this assuming you two are in an exclusive relationship or still at the dating stage of things? If you're exclusive with each other, she shouldn't be dating others or disappearing on you. If you're not exclusive with each other, she's not doing anything unethical if she's dating other men. Everybody has their own rules in dating whether it's dating one person at a time or multiple people at a time but if there's no promises made, there can be no promises broken.

If he must ask here then it doesn't seem that he is "exclusive" and as FP stated she is no different then any woman anywhere.

[BillyB]

If he must ask here then it doesn't seem that he is "exclusive"

mroz87 seems to think she should only be focusing on him and he on her and nobody should be disappearing on each other. Maybe he can clarify exactly what type of relationship he's in with this particular lady?

[Faux Pas]

It should be based on reasonable expectation. If I said I will come in 5 months time, then she should wait 5 months not aggresively meeting other potential men. Of course she can have the freedom to meet other men, but she has to clarify that in advanced, so I can aggresively meet other women too. Just saying. If I keep claiming I will make another trip but never do, then of course she can drop me out and go for other options.

It is a question about ethics. Will a FSU woman more readily lie so that everything is in her favour? She might eventually meet her prince charming, but maybe at the expense of heavy collateral damage on another 10 men who had been fed false hopes. Western women might not have the best behaviour, but so far I don't see this tendency. They just couldn't settle down or have really high standards, but these are all very upfront.

That's what I was eluding to earlier. It's not a stereo-typing question of "FSUW" women. It's an individual question of any women. Any woman that will lie to you is an unethical woman. Will some FSUW readily lie so that everything is in her favor?. Certainly, many will. Will some AW lie to you so that everything is in her favor? Absolutely, many will. It's a question of individual ethics and many FSUW are ethical and many AW are ethical too. It works the same way for men.

Bottom line here is, FSUW are no more unethical than AW. The percentages are probably exactly the same. Thus, apply your knowledge of local women

[Muzh]

It should be based on reasonable expectation. If I said I will come in 5 months time, then she should wait 5 months not aggresively meeting other potential men. Of course she can have the freedom to meet other men, but she has to clarify that in advanced, so I can aggresively meet other women too. Just saying. If I keep claiming I will make another trip but never do, then of course she can drop me out and go for other options.

It is a question about ethics. Will a FSU woman more readily lie so that everything is in her favour? She might eventually meet her prince charming, but maybe at the expense of heavy collateral damage on another 10 men who had been fed false hopes. Western women might not have the best behaviour, but so far I don't see this tendency. They just couldn't settle down or have really high standards, but these are all very upfront.

Let's mess with your head. 


You met this babe in the former Soyuz. You came back. You promise to go see her in 5 months.
Now, some friends have a party and you hit it off with this babe. You fill her every hole and can't have enough of her. She feels the same.
You call babe in the former Soyuz and tell her, "Sorry babe, I have this squeeze here and can't part with her." Right?


Nah!

I've dated lots of FSU women in America and in the FSU. I've only been seriously involved with two women in the FSU. One was my fiancée and the other was my now wife. They were aged 23 and 18 when I met them and NO, I'm not a grumpy old grandpa like Muzh.

Yes sweetheart, that's why you need to hold to that phallic symbol to show you are virile.
What a peach.

[Gator]

mroz87,

It seems that the two of you liked each other yet did not commit, or otherwise you would not ask such a question. 

What do you feel?  Do you feel committed to meet her again as quickly as you can arrange it?

If you were committed you would be Skyping with her every 1-2 days.  The conversations would be easy and fun, and you would learn even more about each other.   You can sense that she is happy when you call even though she is busy or you just called the day before.  If you are feeling such, so is she.

The only sweeping statement one can make about RW is that they differ.  I will go out on a limb and say that I found them (age 28-45) wanting to stay with just one man and see how far the relationship can go.  If the relationship is progressing, they will not want to meet other men.   Screw up one time, they vaporize without a word of farewell. 

Progressing means exactly that.   If you delay meeting her again, that is not progress. 

OTOH, let us say your next trip is to meet her in a holiday area.  Such takes planning and it will keep both of you occupied.  That is progress. 

[AC]

You met this babe in the former Soyuz. You came back. You promise to go see her in 5 months.
Now, some friends have a party and you hit it off with this babe. You fill her every hole and can't have enough of her. She feels the same.
You call babe in the former Soyuz and tell her, "Sorry babe, I have this squeeze here and can't part with her." Right?


Nah!

Not every guy has low morals like you apparently do. 

[Patagonie]

The problem, as usual, is that you don't tell nothing of your level of engagment with her.
We don't know if you only date her or more.
So that is the first question i have, before coming to the next level, the answer.

[Jumper]

 I'm not sure why you defined *how* a couple  met.

My wife (28 then) was at an agency..could have been off a free site ,
as well,as we did communicate through one of those too.(my world, mail.ru version of myspace etc)  so makes no real difference.
   Certainly after we met, and i went to just meet her , and we spent a few weeks together.. had mutually agreed it was a relationship and to see where it was headed I trusted her, and she trusted me.
If we had not moved to an exclusive relationship immediately, that would have been fine as well,like you  mentioned it depends on what the couple discusses?
 
In this case you were dating a few, but seemed to connect with this one, so things arn't really *established * as exclusive?

As many have said, you can't stereotype nationalities, so simply discuss things with her of where you feel its headed or is at..and how she feels about it?

You'll have to base things off how you feel about HER,her morals, her ethics, her level of commitment to a barely begun relationship? 
Not on how you think , or internet speculation, on  FSU women might be?
It's part of the normal trials of a long distance relationship
You'll both have to be  fairly confident and trusting individuals,
suspicions or jealously well ruin any long distance deal.

Like any nationality, you will find the entire range of ethics within the FSU.

 If stereotyping, I'd say a sincere RW, who is truly into a man and considers him *her man* is quite as loyal as any other nationality.
 
You have heard of the Decembrists' wives?
There is a poem by Nekrasov titled Russian Women, about them,
as well as work by Pushkin.

[Shadow]

If it has anything to do with ethics, it is the ethic of FSU women not to use a sledge hammer to make clear they see no future in a relationship. In general during or after the meeting they will try to give hints about not being interested, and if that fails rather disappear then tell you to your face they are no longer interested. Only when you keep stalking they will become extremely clear.

In general what happens during the trip is less important as what happens after. In general after a trip that starts a relationship, contact should be intensified and plans to move forward to the goal of living together be made. If you give the impression you will stop by in a couple of months to repeat the same, she might think you are not serious in planning for the future and move on. While women (FSU and other) will follow their husband to the end of the earth, especially FSU women will not sit around and wait for someone to make a commitment.

[Gator]

In general what happens during the trip is less important as what happens after.

Words from the wise!