false impressions

[jb]

exactly my experience jb.

jb,
Good point. Lena would die before she let anyone else know she was struggling with anything.
KenC

Da, Tozsha Zdis.

I find it humorous to see so many of the "Old Married Geezers" agreeing on so many points of RW character.  I'm just waiting to see if the single guys get in line after a few months or years of actual experience with a RW wife.  You single guys need to understand something,,,, Russian girlfriends are nothing like Russian wives.

I had this conversation with CaptB the other day, he agreed that there isn't an AW in the country with the inbred ability to nag a husband quite the way a RW can.  With RWs it's an art form.  You can never leave a project half finished today and not be questioned about it tomorrow.  RWs hate to see a husband with nothing to do, if you have free time on your hands, she will find something for you to do.  Much of it will be "busy work" around the house, but the home always needs constant tending, cleaning, and improving.  The only absolute way to avoid this is to take her somewhere away from the house.  But you must make sure you do not pass a Lowe's or Home Depot on the way, otherwise you'll get introduced to your next home project.

Gawd help us.   

[BC]

Anything I could post on this subject would be totally redundant.

[ConnerVT]

RWs hate to see a husband with nothing to do, if you have free time on your hands, she will find something for you to do.  Much of it will be "busy work" around the house, but the home always needs constant tending, cleaning, and improving.  The only absolute way to avoid this is to take her somewhere away from the house.  But you must make sure you do not pass a Lowe's or Home Depot on the way, otherwise you'll get introduced to your next home project.

You mean, as I am doing right now?  My wife is at work, and I am home supervising the men installing the new carpeting.

(By the way, it's the one she picked out.  I hate Berber...)

[Michelangelo]

  You single guys need to understand something,,,, Russian girlfriends are nothing like Russian wives.

Oh,my God....   Maybe we should run while we still can!!! 

[catzenmouse]

Oh,my God....   Maybe we should run while we still can!!! 

 You go ahead and try if you want.... she'll hunt you down and pummel you into a little stain...

Ken

[Son of Clyde]

Apparently I am not the only one experiencing this RW phenomena of not wanting to discuss personal problems with others.

My logic is, how do you resolve a problem that keeps recurring unless you discuss it with someone who is not directly involved? What are close friends, family and therapists for?

Unless both parties can agree on a solution, the issue will never be resolved. Her logic, it is our problem not to leave our house.

I have managed to get through a few times and failed a few times.

I am happy to find out it is a trait of a RW. It seems that AW love to discuss things.

[Jumper]

LOL @ jb!

 She can see i visibly tense up ,if certain subjects are broached..
simply because we have been over them a jillion times..
and gets offended..
her - "fine! i wont ask you about it ever again!"
me - "Really?! thats wonderful!  can i get that in writing, and notorized?"

it doesnt pay to be a smartass ,she just doesnt appreciate my sarcasm  

Honestly i have to admit, my wife is very good sport about any nagging , as generally it is in a teasing,very  joking way..  
like whatever would i do with my time if she dint find something for me to do?

and she learned long ago making any " written lists" assured that she would be doing items on them.
I'm pretty compliant to requests ..
but for some reason i simply cant handle it written on paper,
i told her its a *guy thing* she wouldnt understand...lol

Now watch, she'll log in and finally write something LMFAO!

but i never really thought of any of that being a RW thing..
but now that jb mentions it,,
 home depot and lowes are certainly favorite stores!
(i'm just glad she enjoys painting..and jumps right in to doing that kind of home improvments)
 

[Jumper]

Apparently I am not the only one experiencing this RW phenomena of not wanting to discuss personal problems with others.

in my experience,there is noway anything personal will be discussed with a third party, no matter how trusted.

and often i agree ,that it is indeed between us ,
and should be worked out that way.

My logic is, how do you resolve a problem that keeps recurring unless you discuss it with someone who is not directly involved? What are close friends, family and therapists for?

Unless both parties can agree on a solution, the issue will never be resolved.

In some cases where you cant even agree to disaggree,
 or come to a solution ,,
it certainly would be good to get another persons perspective..
and LOL been there , tried that logic.

 i wish you luck! 

Her logic, it is our problem not to leave our house.

as stated above, certainly not if its something she viewed as personal.

but her view of what she considers "private/personal" has broadened with time, considerably.
inituially it could be the most mundane things of daily life..
Where you are having dinner for example ..
LOL

now our "limits" on what is viewed as personal, are much closer to the same.

[KenC]

Apparently I am not the only one experiencing this RW phenomena of not wanting to discuss personal problems with others.

My logic is, how do you resolve a problem that keeps recurring unless you discuss it with someone who is not directly involved? What are close friends, family and therapists for?

Unless both parties can agree on a solution, the issue will never be resolved. Her logic, it is our problem not to leave our house.

I have managed to get through a few times and failed a few times.

I am happy to find out it is a trait of a RW. It seems that AW love to discuss things.

Clydester,
IMO you don't "fix" this problem, it is one that will fix itself over time. We men try to fix everything, but can't always do it. My best advice is to shut up about it as the more you focus on it, the more she will deny that there is a problem. The subtle things you can do to help are to continue to incourage her to improve her language and maybe a part time job would help. In time, the trips home will certainly help putting things into perspective too.
KenC

[KenC]

I find it humorous to see so many of the "Old Married Geezers" agreeing on so many points of RW character.  I'm just waiting to see if the single guys get in line after a few months or years of actual experience with a RW wife.  You single guys need to understand something,,,, Russian girlfriends are nothing like Russian wives.

I had this conversation with CaptB the other day, he agreed that there isn't an AW in the country with the inbred ability to nag a husband quite the way a RW can.  With RWs it's an art form.  You can never leave a project half finished today and not be questioned about it tomorrow.  RWs hate to see a husband with nothing to do, if you have free time on your hands, she will find something for you to do.  Much of it will be "busy work" around the house, but the home always needs constant tending, cleaning, and improving.  The only absolute way to avoid this is to take her somewhere away from the house.  But you must make sure you do not pass a Lowe's or Home Depot on the way, otherwise you'll get introduced to your next home project.

Gawd help us.   

jb,
OK, now you opened a can of worms. LOL. How about when your sweet Russian wife gets her mind set that you should or should not do something? Or heaven forbid, you really f**ked up? I have this mental image of a pit bull chomping on my ass! :hairraising:
KenC

[BC]

My logic is, how do you resolve a problem that keeps recurring unless you discuss it with someone who is not directly involved? What are close friends, family and therapists for?

Unless both parties can agree on a solution, the issue will never be resolved. Her logic, it is our problem not to leave our house.

Clyde,

Welcome to marriage.

It's either compromise or give in and move on.

It takes a while to get used to it but I've found that being forced to work things out between ourselves without outside influence/interference from other close family, friends is definitely the way to go. 

My ex used to 'tattle' our tales around the neighborhood, even trying to influence my buddies and family members one way or another.  I cherish the 'fresh air' nowdays.  Outside our front door she stands behind me 100%.  I reciprocate.

Deciding to go to others to resolve problems if all fails is also a mutual decision to be made.

Work, work, work on it and try to look at things through her eyes. You will in the end find that the RW way of doing things often makes soo much sense that we WM have a hard time recognizing the good of their ways..

[Daknack]

It also occurs to me that the face my wife puts on for a guest or visitor in our house often does not resemble the face I see everyday living with the woman.  Clyde's visitors may be experiencing some of the famose traditional privacy that RW hold so dear.  My wife would die before she would let it be known that she has a problem of any kind.  Could it be that in her heart and mind, Clyde's Irina is struggling, yet still has the presence of mind to put on a "happy face" for guests?  That sounds very RW'ish to me.

Clyde is the one who lives there every day, he should know how well she is adapting to life in the USA better than anyone.

I believe that I said that she was resisting assimilation and from her veiwpoint America is more difficult that Ukraine fro reasons both real and imagined.  Clydes wife has no issue letting anyone know if she doesnt like something no matter who is around.  I only said that she really has no trouble expressing herself to other people, it just takes more time depending on the complexity of the subject.  When I first met her she perhaps know 10 words.  her English skills are quite good not ) although the son has picked it up much much faster and I would say he is fully capable with the language (but then again he knew more initally too).

[jb]

Or heaven forbid, you really f**ked up? I have this mental image of a pit bull chomping on my ass! Hair-Raising
KenC

LOL, ROFMMAO ~!!!

Ok, guys,,, I'll tell you all something that happened here this spring that I have yet to live down.  It was a MAJOR F'up.

We were working on the beautifing the lawn, my part was getting the grass all green and nice, her part was planting flower beds.  She spent large amounts of money, made many trips to the lawn and garden shop, and an untold number of hours working to get some flower beds just right.

They were pretty.

Meanwhile I noticed we had a weed problem in my part of the deal.  I figured that somewhere someone sells a product for this problem, and off I go to the lawn and garden store myself.  I brought home a large bag of "Scotts Weed N Feed" and a rotary spreader made by the same company.  Over the next week or so we noticed the grass got visibly greener and the flowers started to get sick.  They need to rename that stuff to "Scotts Weed and Flower Killer N Feed".  Well, you've prolly guessed it, I killed all her flowers. I am officially a "Flower Murdering Husband", which may be the worst thing a man can be.

That Pit Bull has been chomping on my ass ever since and I expect this "Flower Murderer" information may be the what's ultimately engraved on my tombstone.   This is something that we may actually someday be able to laugh about, but for now I have to wait for her to make an equally bad mistake before I'll ever get out of the doghouse.

Dang, those pit bulls have sharp teeth.   

[KenC]

jb,
That is exactly what I was talking about! Ever think to pay a gardener to replace the dead flowers? That might just reduce her grip a little bit. 

The opposite of this is also true (when they do something you can't). Maybe 4 years ago I had a very difficult customer. It was a single woman that happened to be Chinese. The job was very elaborate and complicated. Well, things went sideways between me and her to the point where she was holding back a very significant payment. There are a lot of remedies that I could take (a lien on her house etc) but nothing that would solve the immediate problem. So I asked Lena to speak with my customer. Well they must have had a former communist bonding moment, because everything was hunky dory after Lena's visit to the customer. Well, I have been hearing about Lena's superior customer relations for about 4 years now. If I even mention a difficult customer, I am told that I don't know how to handle them, especially if they are Asian.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I signed a very goofy Korean couple. After more than a few meetings, I threw my hands up and called in the "Super Asian Negotiator." After a few hours with them, Lena agreed that they were nuts. So maybe now, I won't have to hear about her superior negotiating skills!
KenC

[jb]

Ever think to pay a gardener to replace the dead flowers?

After careful research I've learned the herbicide will stay in the soil for about 6 months, after that we can re-plant and maybe, just maybe, I'll get out of the doghouse.

[Michelangelo]

Hmmm...you may have just saved me! 
I am getting a house ready to sale, and was thinking of grabbing some fertilizer and weed killer combo. 
I do have lovely flowers....
So I think i will just use fertilizer on the lawn and pull the weeds, the old fashioned way!
But killing flowers would have just meant the loss of the flowers and the contamination of the soil.
I have no Russian girl to scream at me....  yet :-)

[PeeWee]

jb,
That is exactly what I was talking about! Ever think to pay a gardener to replace the dead flowers? That might just reduce her grip a little bit. 

The opposite of this is also true (when they do something you can't). Maybe 4 years ago I had a very difficult customer. It was a single woman that happened to be Chinese. The job was very elaborate and complicated. Well, things went sideways between me and her to the point where she was holding back a very significant payment. There are a lot of remedies that I could take (a lien on her house etc) but nothing that would solve the immediate problem. So I asked Lena to speak with my customer. Well they must have had a former communist bonding moment, because everything was hunky dory after Lena's visit to the customer. Well, I have been hearing about Lena's superior customer relations for about 4 years now. If I even mention a difficult customer, I am told that I don't know how to handle them, especially if they are Asian.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I signed a very goofy Korean couple. After more than a few meetings, I threw my hands up and called in the "Super Asian Negotiator." After a few hours with them, Lena agreed that they were nuts. So maybe now, I won't have to hear about her superior negotiating skills!
KenC

I hear you, Ken. A good portion of my customers are Asian. After a while one learns how to anticipate their somewhat different than our American business practices.

Peewee

[Markus]

Clyde,

I believe there's not any man who takes this route that does experience problems. You are only asking a question about an experience and want to run it by folks on this board. I like your honesty in your questions. Your wife has been in the U.S. just a little longer than mine and I can tell you I have had to exercise emotions that were dormant while I was single. Just the other day a man said to me he would rather deal with the problems of having a wife versus being single. Oh how correct that man is in what he stated.

You stated that, "I was told by more than one person that my wife would arrive in the US and become Americanized in a short time."  I need to ask if these friends married an FSU woman or is their opinion just opinion? 

I know about the "culture shock" that is a "warning" to men bringing over ladies from the FSU. I can honestly tell you that my wife has not experienced a vast amount of culture shock. I was able to grab an opportunity and fly 1st class with my wife from Germany to Dallas. Did that impress her? No. I drove and walked through Fort Worth and Dallas and I even showed her where JFK was shot. Was she impressed? No. Knowing the little compacted grocery stores they have over there, I took her to a store that had about 30 check out lines. Was she impressed? No. I drove her through a mix-master that looks like something out of a Jetson's cartoon and I can tell that I was impressed the 1st time I saw it, but not my wife. There's nothing in the U.S. that would make my wife say "wow." We have been to Hawaii, San Francisco, and St. Louis. Now, she was impressed with Hawaii.

Different women are going to react differently to their new surroundings. But, what exacerbates the problem more is if the lady doesn't speak English well; That's my opinion because I can't compare my experience to being married to an FSUW who spoke good English. Of course, my wife was enrolled in ESL classes in a college, not the free ones, with students who wanted to learn English. She had a lot of Mexican guys in her class who didn't study. I understand from Turboyguy that your wife's English is coming along. Pardon my ignorance, but I do hope you are putting your wife in ESL classes. My wife was able to meet new people and one lady in her class was from Moscow.

Kenc stated that, "Unfortunately, it isn't just how your wife communicates with you that matters, but how she communicates with the rest of America that does. You cannot always be by her side and act as a semi-translator for her. As long as she is dependent upon you to be her bridge in communicating with the rest of America, her assimilation will be stunted."  His words convey wisdom that I'm experiencing. I intentionally, slowly at first, put my wife into situations where she had to communicate in English. Tomorrow, my wife will go shopping for the 1st time without me. A friends' wife I know well will take her shopping. We have been to this couple's house twice for dinner so Oksana does know her. What I have experienced is that my wife doesn't feel comfortable when I'm not with her in public. That statement is what I have realized in the past and now I'm slowly seeing her comfort level increase when I'm not by her side. But, the man must be willing to adjust to where his lady is now, understand where she is, and put forth the patience to work through the situation.

Clyde, you did ask the question about your wife becoming Americanized. IMO, I think a younger lady would be more apt to take on the American way in time, but, although I can't answer your question, I can say that my friend who has been married for about 13 years to an FSUW shared with me his thoughts on AW just last week when we were having dinner together. His wife is still an FSUW and she's about 45-50 years old.  Consider this: If a Yankee from the Northeast moves to Texas and lives in Texas 20+ years, does that Yankee now speak like a Texan or a Yankee. The answer is that person still sounds like a Yankee.  A Yankee might lose their northern accent, but, they still give away where they were raised from their accent. Similarly, does a woman who was raised with certain habits become Americanized?  I think the answer is no and is something a man should want who takes this route.

Mark

[Bruno]

jb,
That is exactly what I was talking about! Ever think to pay a gardener to replace the dead flowers?

I am gardener and i will give a few good advice...

For weed in grass, use the folowing mix : 200 g/l MCPA (18,3%)+ 40 g/l fluroxypyr (3,7%)+ 20 g/l clopyralid (1,8%). 60 ml by 10 liter water is enough for kill all and keep the grass good... These mix kill only dicothyl plant and only by contact... It is not working via the ground.

If the weed in grass is moss, use iron sulphat.

Now, if the JB grass begin to "invade" the flower place, use the following mix 108 g/l haloxyfop-R-methyl (10 %)... It kill only monocothyl ( grass & bamboo familly )... The following dicothyl can be sensible and die :  Euonymus nana turkestania, Fagus sylvatica, Juniperus spp., Koeleria glauca, Pelargonium spp. (= geraniums), Potentilla fructicosus, Prunus spp., Rosa canina, Taxus baccata.

If the flower place is make from rose, little tree,... plant with wood constitution... a mix of 3 % diuron + 4 % methabenzthiazuron will kill all but keep these woody... never use the first year that you plant... it is a product who work around 6 month.

But since i am on the ignore list from JB, he will miss these advices... 

[BillyB]

You're exactly right Bruno. Wait a minute! Do you think we're scientists here? Here's my simple solution to kill weeds: A gallon of gas and a match.

[BC]

Billy,

I take it you have never poured a gallon of gas over a wide area and set it off.

You and your neighbors will be quite surprised at the results.

Use diesel instead.

[Bruno]

You're exactly right Bruno. Wait a minute! Do you think we're scientists here? Here's my simple solution to kill weeds: A gallon of gas and a match.

  The goal is not to kill everything... weeds, yes... grass, no... yourself, it is your choice...

And really, it is not a scientists problem... everyone is expert in his own domain... If you good remember, you work in the construction sector... a lot of outside will think that it is easy to build something, simply a manual work... they will never realise the complex equation related to strength of material...

Since JB expertise is oil, he can maybe inform you perfectly over the result of gas and a match 

[Turboguy]

Clyde,

I intentionally, slowly at first, put my wife into situations where she had to communicate in English. Tomorrow, my wife will go shopping for the 1st time without me. A friends' wife I know well will take her shopping.
Mark

I am just wondering if it is common for us to be a little over protective?  Mark, you are letting your wife go shopping for the first time without you.  She is going with friends.  Ok,  When my best gal was here visiting me a month ago.  I dropped her off at the Beaver Valley mall and told her I would pick her up at 3  (it was 11).  I gave her a cell phone and told her to call me if she had any problems.  She called me at 2 and asked if I would wait to pick her up until 5.  When I picked her up, she wanted to know if she could go back the next day.  This gals English is not more than a 5.   When Luda was here she often went walking to the stores that were within walking distance alone while I worked. 

I guess my question is when you get a gal here, how soon do you feel safe letting her out on her own?

[KenC]

I am just wondering if it is common for us to be a little over protective?  Mark, you are letting your wife go shopping for the first time without you.  She is going with friends.  Ok,  When my best gal was here visiting me a month ago.  I dropped her off at the Beaver Valley mall and told her I would pick her up at 3  (it was 11).  I gave her a cell phone and told her to call me if she had any problems.  She called me at 2 and asked if I would wait to pick her up until 5.  When I picked her up, she wanted to know if she could go back the next day.  This gals English is not more than a 5.   When Luda was here she often went walking to the stores that were within walking distance alone while I worked. 

I guess my question is when you get a gal here, how soon do you feel safe letting her out on her own?

Turbo,
I too thought that it was odd that OWW's wife has not ventured out without him yet. I don't know the timeline of when she arrived though.

My wife, Lena, went shopping with my daughter the first week she arrived. I asked my daughter to take Lena to the drug store to make sure she had any feminine products she might need.

Lena also arrived with a Russian driver's license, so I let her drive (with me) within the first month of her arrival. By the middle of her second month here, she was mobile on her own. At first she didn't venture too far as she didn't know the roads, but in a very short time she was jetting down the freeway to the mall on her own.
KenC

[PeeWee]

Turbo,
I too thought that it was odd that OWW's wife has not ventured out without him yet. I don't know the timeline of when she arrived though.

My wife, Lena, went shopping with my daughter the first week she arrived. I asked my daughter to take Lena to the drug store to make sure she had any feminine products she might need.

Lena also arrived with a Russian driver's license, so I let her drive (with me) within the first month of her arrival. By the middle of her second month here, she was mobile on her own. At first she didn't venture too far as she didn't know the roads, but in a very short time she was jetting down the freeway to the mall on her own.
KenC

if the family car has a GPS then even better. As long as she can set the program and then understand the words of the direction that the OC is giving her and if she can follow those insturctions then she should never get lost. A GPS is a must, I think.

Peewee